--"Gekiganwing" <gekiganwing@lycos.com> OR <jalanriggs@ignmail.com>--

After two deadly-dull chapters of Unlucky Sailor 13, I had to take 
a break. On to something different. Rather different. WAFFY, really.
If you have a low tolerance for fluff or self-insertion, stay away!

###############################################################
Journey to the Darkside Layer--the Nega-Hell OAV Series
OAV 2: The War of the Sailor Senshi and the Gundams
Original by Tierian  
Treatment by Alan
Loosely based on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Sailor Moon TV
###############################################################

--
The Campaign in Favor of Bad Anime door sequence:
#6: A glowing green square.
#5: A heavy, clanging prison door.
#4: A stone door monitored by an inert elf.
#3: A computer screen, reaching out with a clawed hand.
#2: A paper screen, able to be destroyed by a single touch.
#1: A Harrison Ford door, closing at the last second.

--
[The four enter the small theater. The seating 
order is mas o menos el mismo. From left to right: 
Jadeite, Layer, Nephlite, and Miniqueen.]
 
Miniqueen: Let slip the dogs of war, and cry havoc.

> Browse Adv. Search     

Jadeite: That stands for "advanced," right?

Layer: No, it stands for ADV. We're gonna search the company's 
archives for the last remaining copy of Sukeban Deka.

Miniqueen: Anyway...

>AuthorTitleSummaryfull-text        FlavorTangerineKiwiBlueberryGrape
>BlackberryMint  

Nephlite: What's with the flavors? It didn't make sense way back during 
Continuations, and now... I still don't get it.
 
>
>
>Just In   |  Discussion Forums   |  Authors Directory   |  Links   |  
>Help Desk   |  Black List  « ? Help »    

Layer: Help, I need somebody! Not just anybody!

Nephlite: Especially since you developed an interest in dresses. Weirdo.
 
>   
> 
> 
>The war of the Sailor Senshi and the Gundams 

Layer: You see a twenty-meter-high robot in front of you. You have 
the initiative. What do you do?

>Category: Anime » Gundam  Censor:  PG13  

Miniqueen: I'm censoring your truth! Censor, censor!

>Reviews:  2  Download/Print:  38KB 
>Author: Tierian  

Jadeite: "Tee-ran"? Sounds like an acronym gone bad.

Nephlite: I think it's pronounced "Tee-ree-un." Big difference.
 
>
>
>Here's a poem I got from a great poet named Amanda Johnson 
>cheerpower16@yahoo.com 

Jadeite: We need cheer power now!

>I hope you don't mind me using it, Amanda!!!

Miniqueen: Extra exclamation points brought to you by the Dilandau school 
of acting.

>
>
>Last night I dreamed that you held me in your arms,
>And drowned me in your eyes of 

Layer: I've heard of watery eyes, but this is too much.

>blue.
>I dreamed of your kisses, so soft and sweet,
>Together at last, forever as two.

Nephlite: Two become one. One becomes three. And so on.

Miniqueen: Oh, stop trying for obscure analogies.

>
>I dreamt of your love, endless and deep
>Of two hearts entwined in perfect romance.

Jadeite: I've seen better.

>As I looked into your eyes and whispered of love,
>Our two souls engaged in eternity's trance

Layer: I guess when eyes meet eyes, the soul really does meet 
the soul.

Jadeite: [giggling] I know it's best to keep these things secret, 
but do you really belong to the cooking club?

>
>I dreamed that you kept me safe and warm,

Nephlite: Except for a brief trip to the refrigerator.

>And held me close throughout the night.
>Within your arms I danced and sang,

Layer: I sing my sing my sing my song...

>Withint your arms my heart took flight.
>
>The morning's light broke presence of my dreams,

Miniqueen: Good morning, Chief.

Jadeite: Good morning, McCloud.

>But the image of your face is still vivid on my mind.

Nephlite: Someone left the face in the rain! And I'll never have that 
recipe again. Oh nooooooo...

>The fragrance of your skin is still captivated in my memory.
>The taste of your kiss, still sweet as wine.

Jadeite: Who bought that extra-sweet wine?

Layer: That was me. But I still think it was rather dry.

>
>Some day all my dreams will come true,
>Beneath the stars and bright moon beams.

Miniqueen: [eery] Do you see the stars, Mewtwo?

>But until my day of perfection comes,
>I'll hold you close in all my dreams.

Nephlite: Until then, at least I have Sakura Wars.

Jadeite: So it was *you* who actually bought a Dreamcast! Ha ha ha...

Nephlite: ...

>
>
>

Miniqueen: Insert spoiler space here. Spoil, spoil.

>THE WAR OF THE SAILOR SENSHI 
>AND THE GUNDAMS.

Nephlite: Which Gundams? For all I know, this could be G Gundam. Or 
maybe even SD Gundam.

Miniqueen: I want to see G Gundam, if only to understand all the 
Allenby and Rain jokes.

>
>Her dark form twisted and turned in the water's reflection. 

Jadeite: Dammit, the water's wet again. Someone fix it.

>The moon had an orange hue to its milky white color; it too hung over 
>the surface, gazing over the stars as a superior would his servant.

Layer: The moon has apparently turned evil.

Miniqueen: Nothing unusual there. I always knew Serena Tsukino would 
cause it to become that way.

>The perfect night to be on the ocean. She sighed and moved back from 
>the frothy seawater, taking a seat on the pre-sun-warmed powdery 
>sand out of the tide's reach. 

Jadeite: This woman is so powerful, she can customize the sand 
temperature to her liking.

>She'd had a rough day, 

Nephlite: --what with the trip to the dentist's office, the usual 
CTA delays, the argument with Tony Isabella...

>and now all she wanted was to listen to the waves crashing on the 
>shore.
>
>"Kinda cold out here tonight," remarked someone from behind her. 

Jadeite: [woman] No, it isn't cold! I *made* it warm!

>She turned around and sighed. He moved out onto the sand and took a 
>seat down beside her. He automatically flipped the long dark braid 

Layer: So she's hanging out with Jar Jar Binks?

Nephlite: I won't comment on that.

>of his around his fingers as they gazed at the stars silently.
>
>"You've been awfully quiet all day, Tierian." 

Miniqueen: Hello again, Tierian.

Layer: [man] So you wrote yourself into the story? Could've told 
me first.

>Duo sighed and turned to gaze at her silhouette. 

Miniqueen: What's Duo doing with--wait, maybe I shouldn't ask.

>He raised an eyebrow at the ghost of a grin she flashed before 
>standing up and walking down ankle-deep into the cool water. Duo 
>followed cautiously; 

Layer: You're treading on holy ground, kid. Watch your back.

Jadeite: [Duo] The last thing I remember, I was sucked into another 
dimension by forces beyond human comprehension. Is your name Chichi?

>when she was antisocial, she acted exactly like Heero, 

Miniqueen: Gaaaah. How horrible!

>and with one glance she could send a stalker slinking away meekly.

Miniqueen: Well, at least she has a spine.

Jadeite: I wonder if Heero has any relatives. It's theoretically 
possible...

>
>"Do you not want to talk to me?" He cocked his head to the side 
>as he tried to keep pace with her.

Layer: [Duo] Wait up, lady! Jeez, how long are you gonna make 
you follow your every step?

>
>"I have a lot on my mind right now, Duo." She replied softly, 
>looking away.

Miniqueen: World monopolies, world conquest, world destruction...

>
>"Sometimes telling a close friend could help relieve some of 
>the pressure." He chirped. 

All: Woah!

Jadeite: [Duo] I take it that we have met before. I wasn't sure.

Nephlite: I guess this is gonna be about the two of them...

>
>Before she could stop herself, Tierian let out a small chuckle.

Jadeite: Pardon me, but was that an evil laugh?

>
>"I never said I was under pressure. I just have...stuff...to 
>think about." 

Layer: [Duo] My past, my psychological problems, my 
relationships, my alleged relationships, my...

>Duo stepped in front of her and glared at his friend menacingly. 
>She stepped to her left, and he stepped along with her.

Miniqueen: I think they're trying to do a line dance.

>
>"Duo, don't push me." She hissed, putting on her Heero glare. 

Layer: She's evil!

Nephlite: Amusingly enough, this turned Duo on.

>Duo almost let an 'eep!' escape his mouth, 

Miniqueen: So she's turned him into Kenshin?

>but refused to let her intimidate him this time.
>
>"Tell me" He growled, 

Jadeite: Tell him what? The fact that he's a fictional character? 
The thing about birds and bees? The reason why he gets all 
that fan mail?

>putting all his effort into those two words.
>He knew it wasn't enough.
>
>"You understand that if it wasn't you giving me this crap right now, 

Layer: It would probably be Heero... or maybe Hilde... or 
perhaps Quatre...

Miniqueen: Maybe Duo should hit her with a *2x4.*

>I'd hang you by your intestines and rip your tongue out with my 
>bare hands, don't you?"

Jadeite: Then she'll lop off his head, hang him in public display, 
and make him subside on bread and water.

>
>This time, he couldn't hold back his, "Eep!"

Nephlite: [Duo] Large amount of pain imminent. Someone please
call an ambulance.

>
>She smiled softly and put a hand on his shoulder, 

Miniqueen: Oh, that was my favorite Sandi Patty song.

>pulling him a step closer. "Don't be afraid of me, Duo." 

Nephlite: Despite her massive evil aura.

>She whispered before turning and walking away. He watched her 
>go with a slightly glazed expression.

Layer: Oh, I guess we've re-written him as a donut.

>
>"For someone two years younger than I am, she sure does scare 
>the livin' hell outta me." 

Miniqueen: Since he's supposed to be the God of Death, he should 
know how that feels.

>Duo proclaimed as he entered the large house that they all 
>shared for the moment. The four other Gundam pilots glanced up 

[All glance back at the pilots.]

Nephlite: Why are the pilots sharing a--wait, I shouldn't ask.

>from their work to greet him with a small smile, or in Heero's 
>case, a simple glare.

Layer: Because we know how much Trowa and Wufei smile.

Jadeite: [Heero] Remind me again how much I hate you.

>
>"And she doesn't even try," Trowa smirked in Duo's direction. 
>Duo casually shoved his friend out of his path as he walked 
>into the kitchen.

Nephlite: [Duo] The God of Death has entered the kitchen!

Miniqueen: This is better than his extracurricular pursuits in 
various dojinshi. Um, not that I read certain types of dojinshi.

>
>"DUO!!!!!" Ketien squealed as Duo entered her line of vision. 

Jadeite: Pardon me asking, but should that be pronounced "Keh-
teen," "Keht-een," "Keh-tein," or "Kitten"?

>Laughing, she ran into his arms and yelped as he threw her up 
>into the air. She scrambled back to her seat at the kitchen table 

Layer: [Ketien] I'm hungry, dammit! Feed me.

Miniqueen: I'm seriously hoping she isn't related to Duo in 
any way, shape, or form.

>and pointed out a drawing she had made with her crayons.

Jadeite: [Ketien] I call it "Braided Wonder and Big Scythe"!

Layer: Today, this person named Ketien will be playing 
the role of Yanagi.

>
>Duo blushed furiously as Tierian's four-year-old cousin 

All: Oh.

>explained the drawing of Tierian and himself holding hands and 
>walking down along the beach. She was proud of her drawing, 

Jadeite: [Duo] Is that supposed to be me and Heero in the picture?

Nephlite: [Ketien] No, that's a llama.

>and Duo was thoroughly flattered. He asked for the picture and 
>took it up to his room immediately. 

Layer: Duo, you have a very dirty mind.

>After avoiding any questions from his friends over why his face 
>was several shades of crimson, 

Miniqueen: Y'see, he really liked the opening theme to Ayashi no Ceres.

>Duo managed to return to the kitchen to find Tierian talking 
>to Ketien softly.

Jadeite: [Tierian] Young lady, you have got to learn to stay 
away from gods of death.

>He couldn't look away as he saw the tender expression on 
>Tierian's face as she conversed with the young girl. He had 
>never seen such love in her eyes.

Miniqueen: Except for the last time she went to an O-Town concert.

>
>Ketien had been entrusted to Tierian after her mother, and 
>her father, were killed during a battle in one of the Colonies. 

Layer: Not to mention that it leaves them conveniently 
independent.

Nephlite: Even if her parents were alive, they wouldn't do 
much of anything. Think about what happened in Mysterious Play.

>Tierian was Ketien's "sister" until she was old enough to become 
>the girl's legal guardian. 

Jadeite: Their similar names also cover up legal problems.

>The five other...male...pilots knew how Tierian lived in constant 
>fears that her, being a Gundam 

All: Whoa!!

Nephlite: It isn't possible for a person to *be* a Gundam. Ask 
Wufei about it.

>might endanger Ketien's live immensely.

Jadeite: All that metal, all those bullets...

>
>"It's beautiful, Kia. You're taking after grandmother." 

Layer: [Ketien] My grandmother was a saint!

>Tierian mused as she observed Ketien's crayon drawings. Duo 
>could do nothing but stare.

Miniqueen: That's his life in a nutshell.

Layer: [Duo] Uh, what's a drawing? It's purdy.

>
>"Yes?" Tierian asked irritably, glaring at Duo. He snapped out 
>of his reverie and grinned sheepishly, 

Layer: He's a sheep?

Jadeite: There's just one problem... Duo tips over.

>taking a seat across from her. Slowly, Duo dared to glance at 
>the new picture Ketien was coloring. It was another picture of 
>him, this time he was throwing Tierian into the backyard pool. 

Nephlite: Since when did they have a pool--oh, forget it.

>Duo blushed and looked away.
>
>Ketien grabbed another piece of paper suddenly, 

Jadeite: [Ketien] It's all mine now, sucker!

>abandoning her last one, and began drawing the ocean. Tierian 
>watched calmly as her cousin drew two dark figures sitting on 
>that beach, a full moon glowing over them. 

Layer: This is so damn fascinating.

Miniqueen: [singing] The stars we could reach were only starfish 
on the beach...

>She sighed and kissed Ketien's forehead, walking out of the kitchen.
>Duo followed curiously.

Layer: That proves it. Duo has officially been struck with a 
massive dose of stupidity.

Jadeite: [Duo] I... follow her! [various explosions]

Layer: You people are weird.

>
>"How did she see that?" he inquired. Tierian stopped and turned 
>to face Duo.

Nephlite: Ketien sees all and knows all. She'll be on the psychic 
friends network in a few years.

>
>"She is a very special girl. She sees things that she wouldn't 
>usualy know about."

Miniqueen: I heard some scientist named Xavier has been looking for her.

Jadeite: Like Santa Claus, she sees you when you're sleeping.

>
>"Did you-"
>
>"Yes. When I was a child, I too had similar talents." 

Nephlite: Yeah, they're both related to Maduin. 

Miniqueen: This is just too goofy.

>In a sudden outburst, Duo stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders.
>
>"Why are you so snappish?! 

Jadeite: Because someone hasn't had enough Snapple today?

>Do you not understand that I'm trying to be your friend?" 

Layer: No. Mr. Maxwell, you are not Quatre.

Nephlite: [Tierian] Who do you think you are, Ai Orikasa?

>He hissed. He realized what he was doing and let go so suddenly, 
>she took a step back.
>
>"Yes, I understand that along with many other things. 

Jadeite: [Tierian] I understand mathematics, or at least enough 
to get by at Wal-Mart.

Miniqueen: [same] I can understand what happened to Duran Duran's career.

Nephlite: [same] I can understand aeronautical engineering.

>I have feelings too, Duo. I just have different ways of 
>expressing them." She wavered, uncertain.

Miniqueen: She has a bad habit of destroying furniture any time 
someone disagrees with her. Nothing wrong with that.

>
>"It would help a little to loosen up a bit." He muttered, 
>staring at her. A strange expression crossed her face. 

Nephlite: An artistic expression!

>It looked like pleading guilt.
>
>"Teach me." She whispered, 

Jadeite: It'll be five years before Duo can get his teacher's 
degree. You sure you want to wait?

>suddenly acting like the young 
>teenager she really was. Duo smiled and approached her again.

Nephlite: You're walking right into enemy territory, kid.

Miniqueen: I assume this is the happy, superficial Duo; not the 
one with a massive burden on his conscience.

>
>"First of all, do you know how to laugh?" He leaned forward 
>and inspected her straight face.

Layer: I'm an underpants inspector! Drop those shorts now.

Nephlite: What, is that Victor Ireland's new pickup line?

>
>"I have no clue. Haven't done it for years." 

Miniqueen: All those sabotage and assassination missions kept 
her much too busy. Kinda like graduate school.

>She replied sarcastically. Duo lighted up and clapped his hands.

Layer: [haughty Duo] Bravissimo! What a tribute to the genius 
of the venerable Youngman.

>
>"Sarcasm! Beautiful! Now...the laughing thing...you wouldn't 
>happen to be ticklish would you?" 

Nephlite: No, feeble human, I have built up an immunity to such 
assaults. Your tickling technology is too primitive.

>She withdrew as far as possible, backing up against the wall 
>nodding. A sly grin slithered across his face. 

Miniqueen: So he's turned into Sylvester Stallone?

Jadeite: Well, at least that gives him a good excuse to scream 
"Cobra!!"

>She stood up straight and eyed him warily.
>
>"Don't you dare, Maxwell-" She started, before darting down the 
>hall into the den, where the other pilot's were relaxing. 

Layer: You have now entered the pilots' room. There are bean 
bags scattered around. Lava lamps give it a curiously retro feel. 
On chair number one is your hated enemy, Heero Yuy...

Miniqueen: [Tierian] I knew this wasn't the teachers' lounge.

>He followed almost instinctively, chasing her around the coffee 
>table and behind the recliners, all the while being gazed upon by 
>their friends. 

Nephlite: [Quatre] If they upset my tea, I might have to get angry...

All: We'll behave!

>Wufei took one look at them and tsked.

Layer: [Wufei] The woman should know there's no justice in 
this. She's a bastard. I'd rather have Nataku.

>
>"Duo, I swear, if you-" She jumped behind Heero's chair and 
>peeked over intensely. Heero turned around and looked straight 
>at Tierian. A small grin made it's way to his mouth.

[Laughter all around.]

Jadeite: [Heero] I wouldn't talk. You're already dead.

>
>"If he doesn't, Tierian...I will." Heero whispered. Tierian's 
>eyes went wide as she jumped away from the chair like it was 
>a contagious disease. Duo himself looked somewhat shocked.

Nephlite: [Duo] It's disturbing... though it's not like this is 
the first time we've done this skit.

>
>Tierian bit her lip and glared at the two boys. She edged away 
>from them, and bumped right into Quatre. 

Jadeite: Any port in a storm, right?

Miniqueen: [Quatre] Please tell me you're fighting for peace.

>Quatre and Trowa tackled her and pinned her to the ground. 

Miniqueen: They make a good tag team. They have the wild beat 
communication down real well.

>She glared at them, then at the approaching three other teenagers.
>
>"Traitors!" She hissed to Quatre and Trowa, whose sly grins grew 
>into full-blown smiles as she struggled to get up.

Jadeite: For once, I have absolutely nothing to say.

Layer: I feel stunned and incoherent.

Nephlite: I'm busy psychoanalyzing this scene.

Miniqueen: I like this a lot!

>
>Duo was the first one to attack, diving down to the ground and 
>tickling his friend mercilessly. 

Nephlite: Which friend? There's five or six here.

>She shrieked threats at them for several minutes, before laughter 
>overtook all of her breathing space. 

Jadeite: [Tierian] You seem have forgotten my capacity for evil. If 
I wanted to, I could have you all dead in an instant. Just give 
me two minutes...

>Heero bent down and picked her up, 

Miniqueen: Heero picking up women is awfully strange. Especially if 
they aren't named Relena.

Layer: [Heero] What am I gonna do with this thing?

>carrying her out to the pool. He turned to Duo.
>
>"Will you do the honors?" 

Nephlite: [Heero] Allow me to give *you* a mission.

>He smirked and handed a frozen Tierian into Duo's arms. 

Jadeite: Frozen Tierian. Now available at your local grocery.

>Without hesitation, he dumped her into the pool and skidded 
>back several feet. Laughter engulfed all of them 

Layer: Where are they now, the Gulf of Mexico?

Nephlite: Gundam pilots on spring break! They attack and 
subdue San Padre Island.

>as she surfaced and climbed out of the pool. Her khaki flares 
>and black T-shirt were soaked. 

Nephlite: Thus revealing some things Keitaro didn't know she wore.

Miniqueen: Why does Naru wear such elaborate undergarments?

>She stood, silently wringing out her hair calmly.
>
>"I'm going to get every last one of you back for that." 

Layer: I wanna see her go Battousai!

Jadeite: Tierian hasn't shown any combat skills yet, but I bet 
she can get Worms-style revenge.

>She said quietly, and she began running towards Duo. Before he 
>knew what was happening, Duo was shoved into the cold water 

Nephlite: Let me guess... he has a cursed form.

Miniqueen: What would that be, spring of drowned god?

>and dunked farther under the surface. He looked up at Tierian, 
>who was already proceeding to throw Wufei into the pool as well. 

Layer: [Wufei] There's no justice in-- splash.

Nephlite: [same] As if I wasn't miserable enough at the end of 
the television series.

>Quatre came next, then Trowa, and finally the wet pilots treaded 
>water as they watched Heero 

Layer: --pull the trigger?

>dodge Tierian around the entire backyard.

Layer: Darn.

Jadeite: [Heero] I'll get you, Tierian! And your little Gundam too!

>
>"I'm gonna get you, Heero!" Tierian hissed. She grabbed his 
>wrist and dragged him to the edge of the pool.

Miniqueen: No, not the radioactive pool! That's too harsh.

>
>"If I go in, you're going in with me!" He proclaimed, grabbed 
>her around the waist as he slipped in. 

Jadeite: And now they know each others' pain.

Nephlite: Oh, stop trying to add symbolism. That's my job anyhow.

>
>When they surfaced, she yelled a threat in Greek 

Miniqueen: How does she know--oh, forget it. If nothing else, her 
ancestry should explain the names.

>and dunked Heero back underwater, then she swam to Duo and 
>dunked him as well. Wufei dove under and grabbed Tierian's ankles, 

Layer: [Wufei] Woman, I have your ANKLES!

Nephlite: Stop bashing Wufei. Most of us like him here.

>pulling her below the surface as well. Duo dunked Quatre, and 
>Quatre attacked Trowa.
>
>Finally, they climbed, gasping, out onto the concrete walkway. 

Miniqueen: Must... have... more commas...

>Tierian was still dodging attacks from her friends, 

Nephlite: What, you mean she has an 18 Dexterity?

Jadeite: That's one thing that Miniqueen doesn't have.

>but other then that it was out of their systems.
>
>Tierian went upstairs and dressed into a dry T-shirt and 
>some flannel shorts. 

Miniqueen: So she wants to be Weasel Girl Misao now?

Nephlite: No, she's more like Miaka on a bad day.

>The rest of the Gundams put on similar outfits.

Layer: [Heero] This time, Wufei, you'd make us more at 
ease if you wear a shirt. We're not a boy band or anything.

>
>"C'mon little one, time for bed." Tierian picked up a fidgeting 

[Nervous laughter all around.]

Jadeite: Duo is quite amused!

>Ketien and walked her upstairs to her bedroom. Apparently, 
>Ketien wasn't ready for bed, so Tierian sang songs to lull the 
>child to sleep.

Miniqueen: And now she's imitating Lucia.

Jadeite: [aside] Our author liked that character, but his sister 
kept cheering for her death.

Miniqueen: Jadeite, can it.

>
>Her sweet voice made its way to the five boys downstairs. 

Layer: [Duo] Who left their stereo on?

Nephlite: [Quatre] She's got soul... that is, the soul of space.

>Duo grinned lazily and closed his eyes, sighing. Wufei and 
>Heero looked at Duo, then at each other, and shook their 
>heads pitifully.

Nephlite: [Wufei] The weak should only fight!

Miniqueen: [Heero] Duo, you should kill her. Or at least try to.

Nephlite: Speaking of which, where did Relena go?

>
>"Love struck teenager." Wufei muttered, hearing Quatre snicker 
>from behind him. Duo looked at them all scornfully. 

Jadeite: [Duo] I've got a babe and you don't. Suckers.

>He rolled his eyes and ignored their remarks.
>
>"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me-"

Layer: You mean Mark Grace? He left the Cubs. I no longer 
care what happens to him.

>
>"But you're not a wretch, Tierian!"

Jadeite: And you've been hit with the stupid stick, Duo. Shut up.

>
>"I know, Kia, it's just a song."

Miniqueen: Surprise, surpise. The little kid is selling import 
cars at the age of four.

Nephlite: Give her a couple years and she'll be able to write 
something better than Steam Detectives.

>
>"Oh, okay."
>
>"I once was lost, but now I'm found. 'Twas blind but now, I see."

Layer: And now, I will insert an, unneccesary comma.

>
>"You're gonna get lost again, Tierian."
>
>"Wha-what?"

Miniqueen: [Ketien] Are you trying to be funny or philosophical 
or just plain weird?

>
>"I drew it. You're gonna get lost in the woods with Duo, and 
>you're gonna like each other even more then you do now." 

Layer: And she'll enjoy every second of it.

Miniqueen: It's only now I realize how depressing this is...

>The conversation was muffled slightly, and they weren't even 
>sure they heard correctly. Duo's head snapped up, 

Jadeite: Ouch! Anyone got a can opener?

>and he carefully composed his expression to a blank one.
>
>"Really...? Okay, enough songs for one night, then. 

Layer: [singing] AAND listen to the MUSIC of the NIGHT...

Nephlite: Fortunately, PDQ Bach was there to perform a 
little nightmare music.

>Sweet dreams, Kia."
>
>"You'll have sweeter ones, Ria!" 

Layer: [Ketien] ...Especially when I figure out how I got 
from "Tierian" to "Ria." 

>The little girl laughed delightfully and drifted silent. Tierian 
>closed the door softly and walked down the steps. 

Jadeite: [Tierian] Trumpy, you'd better stay in your room...

>She looked somewhat pale as her attention went to her five friends.
>
>"Don't say a word, any of you." She hissed, 

Miniqueen: A word.

Nephlite: [Tierian] I H8 A11 OF U!!!

>glaring at Heero and pointedly refusing to look at Duo. She 
>turned and walked down the hall to the kitchen.

Jadeite: Duo forgot to clean the place up, didn't he?

Layer: [Tierian] Dammit, it happened again. Who blew up the kitchen?

>
>"Aww, how sweeet!" Wufei muttered, smirking at a frozen Duo.

Layer: Stop being stupid, Wufei. You were married once.

Nephlite: [dumb Wufei] Duh, I kinda forgot.

>
>"Shut up, Wufei!" Tierian called softly from the table. 

Jadeite: [Tierian] Shut up, Iris. I tell ya, shut up.

>Trowa and Quatre chuckled.
>
>"I'm going to bed," Heero announced, standing.

Miniqueen: Shouldn't he be trying to contact all the people he met 
during the war?

Jadeite: All they have here is a prop phone. 

>
>"If you wake that child up I'll gorge your heart out with 
>a spoon!!!" Tierian yelped, slightly hysterical.

Jadeite: [Heero] Why a spoon?

Layer: 'Cause it'll hurt more, you twit.

>
>"I'll be quiet, Ria." Heero sneered. Tierian appeared at the 
>end of the hall, an evil look on her face. Heero held his hands 
>up in mock surrender and climbed the stairs silently. 

Nephlite: [Heero] Yes, Lina. Whatever you say, Lina. 

>Tierian returned to the table and resumed whatever she was 
>working on.

Layer: Whatever. We don't care.

>
>"Tierian?" Duo asked softly, peeking around the doorframe. He 
>saw her tense up slightly before regaining control and turning 
>to look at him. Duo smirked, "Wanna go for a walk?" 

Jadeite: Want a biscuit? Want me to fill up your water dish?

>He half expected her to strangle him on the spot, but to his 
>surprise, she grinned. Both of them relaxed immensely.

Nephlite: [Duo] Cool. You have a homicide fetish or something?

>
>"Whatcha doin'?" He walked forward and took a seat beside her.

Layer: I'm planning to incite a revolution and spread 
glorious communism. Wanna join?

>
>"Looking over some...documents." She smirked and showed him the 
>array of crayon drawings scattered across the table. 

Nephlite: [Duo] You mean these are the data sheets for the Gundams?

Jadeite: WHACK!

>He leaned forward and examined the most recent one. It was a 
>picture of Tierian lying asleep in bed, with a bubble cloud 
>extending from her mind, and in the middle of it, was a large 
>picture of Duo. 

Jadeite: Young Duo, get out of my mind! Your love for me is 
way out of line...

>He blinked and looked at her, bewildered.
>
>She sighed, "Apparently, I'm gonna have sweet dreams tonight." 

All: Sweet dreams are made of these...

Layer: "I Dream of Duo." Today at 3 PM on TV Land.

>She dropped the picture on a stack to her left and set her 
>elbows on the table, rubbing her temples.

Miniqueen: Get your elbows off the table, young lady.

>
>"What's wrong?"

Jadeite: Two wrongs. I heard they don't make a right.

>
>"She grows more like me every day."
>
>"So?"

Layer: [Tierian] It's important. I said so!

>
>"That's not good."
>
>"Why not?"
>
>"Because, I don't want her to be like me. 

Nephlite: Because she'd start writing herself into stories and 
get a prepubescent boy as a potential lover.

Miniqueen: Someone's a little dark today...

>It's too dangerous a life to live. She deserves better. 

Nephlite: [Steve Taylor] I deserve better!!

Layer: Ketien, you ain't no cash cow.

>Better then I could ever give her."
>
>"What the hell are you saying?" Duo demanded.

All: [Duo] What you say?!

>
>"You know exactly what I'm saying."
>
>He didn't want to believe it. He wouldn't believe it.

Miniqueen: I don't get it. Are we thinking that Ketien might 
end up as a Gundam pilot someday?

Nephlite: Dunno. She could always take after Mariemaia...

>"You couldn't do it. She needs you!"
>
>"No, she needs parents that are good role models."

Jadeite: [Duo] And where are we gonna find people like that?

Miniqueen: WHACK!

>
>"Don't lie to yourself, you know you would regret it if you 
>gave her up for adoption! She does need you! She needs all of 
>us! Hell, we need her!"

Nephlite: She's only the most interesting character here.

>
>"Duo, it's not your decision! This could end up saving her 
>life one day." Tierian protested weakly.

Jadeite: What could end up saving her life?

Layer: [deep] Next time on... Rescue... 911.

>
>"Or it could end up destroying the life she was supposed 
>to live!"

Layer: [singing] For the world to know the truth there can 
be no greater proof...

Nephlite: Live the life before you're dead.

>
>"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION!!!" She shrieked, standing up and 
>pacing the kitchen floor.
>
>"I know it's not, Tierian," Duo said softly, 

Miniqueen: [Duo] Can I decide who lives and who dies today?

Nephlite: [Tierian] Not today, my little Deathscythe.

>stepping in front of her. She once again refused to make 
>eye contact, "Tierian," He took her face into his hands 
>and forced her to look at him, "It's not your decision either." 

Jadeite: Instead, it will be the legal system's decision. See 
you in court.

>He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against 
>him, refusing to let go.

Nephlite: We seem to be glued together. Someone call for help.

>
>"Duo, I don't want her to die." Tierian muttered, resting 
>her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes.

Layer: I want to die. Let me die.

Jadeite: Too late.

>
>"Then we will protect her." He replied, burying his face in 
>her hair and closing his eyes as well.

Miniqueen: What did she use for her shampoo?

Nephlite: [Tierian as an announcer] It'll get you a new boyfriend! 
Now available in stores everywhere.

>
>"Promise?" He grinned and swept her up, carrying her up the 
>stairs to her room and bidding her good night.

Jadeite: [Elizabeth Taylor] I like to be carried. Carry me.

>
>The sound of Ketien squealing her good mornings to Quatre 

Layer: Meanwhile, in the next scene...

>and Tierian, who were cooking, woke up the rest of the Gundams 

Nephlite: Good morning, Wing Zero! Nap time is over, Altron.

>and they all headed groggily downstairs to the kitchen table.
>Breakfast was silent. 

Layer: Now they're all trying to imitate Trowa. Don't they 
know silence is madness?

>Not even Duo tried to start a conversation. Tierian picked up 
>her plate and dropped it in the dishwasher, 

Jadeite: Cr-ash!

Miniqueen: She needs a little more coffee in the morning.

>then picked up Ketien and went upstairs to dress her.

Jadeite: So what was she wearing before?

Nephlite: Her "I'm with stupid" T-shirt.

>
>"Damn vent systems," She muttered to herself as she picked 
>out a pair of jeans and an orange T-shirt to wear. She knew 
>very well that all of her fellow pilot's had 

Layer: ...problems with single quotes and posessives.

>eavesdropped on her argument with Duo last night, and she 
>was thoroughly pissed at all of them. 

Miniqueen: A million mobile suits, a couple thousand mobile dolls, 
the Wing Zero experiences, emotional strain, and well-trained 
main characters couldn't stop them. The only thing that can 
defeat the Gundam pilots now is... Tierian.

Jadeite: That sucks.

>Ketien opened the door to her room and dragged her outside 
>into the sunlight.
>
>"I drew another picture this morning, Ria!" Ketien grinned 

Layer: [Tierian] Young lady, I don't think you're old 
enough to be drawing those sort of pictures of Duo.

Nephlite: But 3x4 dojinshi is just fine by her.

Miniqueen: [Ketien] I want to be a third-rate yaoi artist!

>and pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. Tierian 
>took it cautiously and looked at it, a mask of happiness 
>covering her gloomy face.

Nephlite: Dammit, everyone's ripping off Trowa these days.

Jadeite: Tierian is an empty vessel that can only be filled 
through conversation and imitations...

>
>"It's...beautiful, Ketien." She whispered. The little girl 
>jumped up and clapped her hands, stuffing it back into her 
>pocket 

Jadeite: [Ketien] And now I'm gonna use it as a projectile 
weapon.

>and running off screaming, "Catch me if you can!!!" Tierian 
>followed, running playfully after her cousin.

Miniqueen: This house must be absolutely huge.

Nephlite: [Kero] Keep it down. I'm trying to get my eighteen 
hours of beauty rest.

>
>Ketien ran around to the backyard, hiding behind a group of 
>bushes beyond the pool.

Layer: Did we mention this place is huge?

>
>"I'm gonna get you, Kia!" Tierian called. She stalked around 
>the fence, the pool, and the porch. Finally, she made her way 
>around the bushes, 

Jadeite: A couple hours of running later...

>where Ketien jumped out screaming, BOO!" To which Tierian 
>pretended to be surprised. She lifted up a giggling child 

Layer: Just any child?

Miniqueen: The Olsen Twins have invaded! Run for your lives!

>and tickled her into silent submission.
>
>"C'mon kiddo, we've got errands to run." 

Nephlite: They're actually leaving the house! Inconceivable!

Miniqueen: They own the whole continent. Where else do they 
have to go?

>She opened the back door and carried Ketien through to the 
>front door.
>
>"Can I stay here, Ria? PLEASE?!" Ketien put on her most 
>innocent expression. Tierian turned to look at Heero, Trowa, and 

Jadeite: Miles O'Keefe,

Nephlite: Akito Hayama,

Layer: Sonny Tufts,

Miniqueen: Scott Baio,

>Wufei; the only inhabitants of the den at the moment.
>
>"If you'll stay out of the way, then yes." 

Nephlite: Make way! Everyone step aside for Tierian.

>Ketien gave Tierian a quick hug and scampered off into the 
>kitchen to her box of crayons and her paper.
>
>Tierian sighed and grabbed her keys off the hook.

Jadeite: We're lost. How did Captain Hook get involved here?

>"See you guys this afternoon." 

Miniqueen: [Tierian] See you next Wednesday!

>She heard mandatory grunts as a reply, "And do not terrify 
>Ketien." Her glare was directed mainly at Heero, 

Nephlite: It's not like he actually cares.

Layer: [Heero] Just one little torture session... please?

>who rolled his eyes and waved her off. Tierian walked out to 
>her black sports car and pulled out of the huge driveway.

[Laughter all around.]

Miniqueen: [haughty] I'm so bloody rich! I own apartments, 
villas, and shopping centers. And I only know three chords! 
[normal] And I can't take much more of this...

>
>"Hello?" Tierian picked up her cell phone.

Jadeite: Young lady, just because you own a bitchin' car 
phone does not mean you own the road.

>
>"It's me." Came Duo's reply. He sounded agitated.

Layer: Please keep your Duo at room temperature and 
out of direct sunlight.

>
>"Where are you?" She asked immediately.
>
>"Uhh...Undisclosed location."

Miniqueen: He's hitting the porno shops again.

Layer: I'd say something, but it's not worth my time.

>
>"Son of a--! You're with my Gundam!" She hissed.
>
>"You're good." He sighed.

Nephlite: Did you remember where you parked your Gundam? 
Did you pay the fee at the meter?

>
>"What's wrong with it?" She stopped at a red light and pulled 
>a small object from her purse. It blinked a dark crimson, 

Jadeite: She can track her Gundam down at any distance... 
thanks to RADAR!

Nephlite: [Tierian] According to this, I still have five 
more dragon balls left to go, and a 800 power level enemy 
still to fight.

>"Ugh." She said before he could answer.
>
>"Are you sure?" He couldn't control the sarcasm.

Layer: That's what he provides for the group. Duo is not 
just the God of Death, he's the Lord of Sarcasm.

>
>"Someone's hacked into my Gundam's computer system! S**T!!!" 

Nephlite: Yeah, and they put big dumb "All your base" signs 
everywhere.

Miniqueen: I happen to like digital translation, thank you.

>She slammed the small object against the steering wheel and 
>it went shattering into pieces. The light turned green, 

Jadeite: Move it or lose it, Gundam girl.

>and her first thought was, Mr. Foot, meet Mr. Pedal. She smirked 
>and flashed down onto the highway, heading for Tokyo.

Miniqueen: [singing] Cruisin' down the highway, doin' 79, I'm 
a twin pike papa and I'm feelin' fine... hey man, dig that, 
was that a red stop sign?

All: Transfusion transfusion...

>
>"Only one person could do that."
>
>"Who?"

Jadeite: Connor Macleod?

Layer: Batman?

Nephlite: Lone Star?

Miniqueen: Heero?

>
>"Ami."

[Various oohs and aahs.]

Nephlite: We always believed she was evil.

>
>"Who?!"
>
>"I'll...explain...later. Let me call you back Duo,"

Jadeite: Let me call you after I'm out of range and my 
batteries have worn out.

>
>"Get over here by five,"
>
>"Yes, sir." She snapped her phone shut and turned abruptly 
>into an exit to suburban Tokyo.

Layer: Otherwise known as hell.

Jadeite: Beware of school girls, psychics, martial artists, 
small old men, evil women, doctors, desperate young men, 
and... am I missing anything?

>
>"Ami!" She screeched as the door flew open. 

Miniqueen: What, in the middle of traffic?

>A girl similar to Tierian in age, with short blue hair, 
>turned from her computer screen and flashed a grin at her 
>friend.

Nephlite: [Ami] Sorry about hacking into your Gundam's 
operating system. I was bored. Want me to work on your 
command.com file?

>
>"Good to see you too, sports kid! We've missed you." 

Jadeite: Sorry about that, sport!

All: And so we row on, oars beating back against the tide...

>She gestured to her seven friends sitting in the living room. 

Miniqueen: Y'know, a scene transition would've been nice.

Nephlite: [Ami] These are my friends. We're all quite evil. 
Are you evil too? If not, I'll use my friendship spell on you.

>Serena flew up at the sight of Tierian, 

All: Whoa!

Jadeite: Damn, she has a lot of hidden powers.

>gave her a quick and brutal bear hug, then returned to her 
>snack. Rini did similarly. 

Layer: Despite being noticably smaller?

Miniqueen: [Rini] Can't quite reach all the way around... 
can't even pick your pockets...

>Amara and Michelle stood and greeted her with formal but 
>friendly handshakes.

Nephlite: That's their way of telling her they just don't care.

Layer: [Haruka] At one time, I was one of the smartest ones.

>
>"It is indeed good to see you again, Sailor Galataia." 

[Total silence.]

>Michelle grinned.
>
>"Um, sorry to barge in here, but-" 

Miniqueen: [stunned] This is bad. Really bad.

>She turned to Ami and narrowed her eyes playfully.
>
>Ami blushed and shrugged, "We couldn't get a hold of you 
>any other way. 

Nephlite: [stammering] We'd better leave while we have a chance.

Jadeite: I ain't stopping you.

Miniqueen: I'll be the first one out, thank you.

Layer: The horror... the horror...

[They quickly leave.]

*

The generals gathered in the Darkside Layer cafe to discuss 
their resolutions. It would be a historical document to 
preserve their beliefs and feelings.

"From this day forth," Nephlite said, "I will no longer think 
of Akira Yuzuriha from 'Continuations' as the most powerful 
self-insert character. I will leave that position open, since 
you-know-who has made a strong bid for top place."

Meanwhile, Miniqueen looked at Jadeite, who stood off to the 
side. "Anything you'd like to say while you're still alive?" 
she asked.

"No. I will refuse to exercize 'free speech' on the account 
that it may get me into a vicious predicament." 

"And you can stop trying to be pretentious while you're 
at it," Miniqueen told him. "In any event... I will direct 
all my anger towards harrassing obnoxious and useless 
new characters. It may be a stupid and futile pursuit, but 
at least it will make me feel good. And that's my declaration."

Layer just shrugged. He said, "Most things are fine as 
long as I have my fun in life. So I'll just continue to 
fill in my counterpart's chair as the odd one out and the 
perverted one."

This, like just about everything, irritated Miniqueen to no 
end. "I'm so glad we got together to say such constructive 
things," she bitterly stated. 

*

[They return to their seats.]

Jadeite: Did anyone else notice that Michiru was making an 
advance on Ami?

Miniqueen: Only you would notice that.

>We need all of the Sailors for an upcoming battle. 

Layer: It had something to do with Coke and Pepsi.

>The Three Lights are to be here shortly, 

Layer: Despite the fact that about five people actually 
like them.

Nephlite: Nobody wants to translate that stinker.

>so make yourself at home until then.
>
>"Where's Pluto?" She began, 

Jadeite: Or Waldo?

>but stopped and closed her eyes.
>
>"She saved our lives, and in the process, it took hers." 
>Michelle stated softly. 

Nephlite: She seems to spend a lot of time dying.

Miniqueen: I suspect Setsuna would feel at home in the Dragon 
Ball universe.

>They all knew what a blow like this could do; Trista was 
>Tierian's older sister.

[Silence again.]

>
>"She'll be with us in this battle." Tierian stated firmly, 

[Miniqueen hits her head against the floor.]

>she looked up at Serena, "When is this battle?"
>
>"Next Saturday." Serena piped. Tierian froze.

Jadeite: [cheery] Well, so much for my shopping trip!

[Nephlite curses under his breath.]

>That can't be possible! I have a mission with my fellow 
>pilots next Saturday! She thought.

Layer: And now we see the down side of self-insertion. 
You can only do so much with the groups you join.

Miniqueen: I'm sure that she'll figure out how to get 
around this.

>
>"What is the battle?" She demanded softly.
>
>"We're going to fight a strange Mech. Unit that attacked 
>us earlier. All out powers might be a match for it..."

Layer: So this is gonna be a Battlemech crossover?

Nephlite: I'm trying to avoid slipping into evil, so I'm 
gonna restrain myself. Don't mind me.

>
>"What does it look like?" Ami pulled out her small laptop 
>computer and switched a hologram.

Jadeite: [Tierian] Cool, I have one just like it!

>
>A hologram of Gundam Wing Zero. Heero Yuy's Gundam.
>
>"Damn you Heero." 

Miniqueen: I bet he did that on purpose.

Nephlite: Heero Yuy, you're a dead man! You hear me? Dead!

>She muttered. Mina jumped up at Heero's name.
>
>"You know Heero, Ria?" Tierian looked up.

Jadeite: [Tierian] Yes, but I've never heard of a "Ria"...

>Of course! He enrolled in Juuban High! 

Layer: A school so easy that he wouldn't have to hack 
any computers to get good grades.

Nephlite: He still wishes that the self-destruct button worked.

>Damn you again Heero!! She cursed.
>
>"Yes, I know Heero. Horrible guy. Rude and pushy." 
>Lita jumped up happily.

Layer: [Lita] Just the way my old boyfriend was...

>
>"I totally agree!!" She proclaimed.
>
>"Why do you bring up this...Heero, 

Nephlite: Because he's one of the main characters, stupid.

>when Ami says something about the Mech. Unit?" Amara inquired. 

Miniqueen: Hate to bother you, Nephlite, but you should never 
say "stupid" when Haruka is involved.

Nephlite: Sorry. The story made me do it.

>
>Tierian sighed and shook her head.
>
>"He told me of something he saw downtown the other day," 

Jadeite: He saw buildings. And people. And high parking prices.

>She lied; easily because of her talents as a Gundam. 

Layer: She can also predict the outcome of a battle, override normal 
thought patterns, grow frilly wings, and never run out of bullets.

Jadeite: What can't Tierian do? 

>Amara nodded and sat down. Tierian leaned against the doorframe.

Layer: Help, I'm being sucked into the adjacent room!

>
>"I need to be going," She muttered to Ami. Ami nodded.
>
>"You know all you need to know, 

Miniqueen: The hell...?

Jadeite: I know you are, but what am I?

>just be sure to please show up next Saturday." Tierian sighed 
>and walked out the door.

Nephlite: [Ami] Good riddance.

Miniqueen: [Raye] Am I in this story or not? Help me out.

>
>An hour later, she was standing beside Duo, examining her Gundam. 
>She sighed and wiped the oil off her hands 

Jadeite: So does that happen often if you live in Texas?

Nephlite: *No.*

>as she closed the fuel tank and engine compartment.
>
>"I don't know what got into her, sabotaging my Gundam like that."

Layer: Could Ami sabotage it any other way?

>
>"She knows you're a Gundam?" Duo looked up, shocked.

Miniqueen: If that were true, it would be readily apparent.

Nephlite: [Tierian] Actually, I'm the seventeenth angel.

>
>"No, she thinks it's my car she's sabotaging." He half expected 
>her to grin, but then he realized she was serious.

Layer: She's serious. She's Sam.

>
>"I didn't know you could trick a computer brainiack, much less 
>and actual computer." He muttered. She nodded and dove 

Jadeite: And little doves fly across the screen to add frills.

Miniqueen: If there's a Cardcaptor Sakura episode *not* set 
in spring, let us know.

>back into her main reactor compartment.
>
>"OUCH!!" She shrieked as a shower of sparks erupted from the 
>open hatch. 

Layer: I swear... that hyperdrive never works.

>Duo jumped a foot before whirling around and pulling her out 
>of the compartment.

Jadeite: He pulled her out and they were safe... but then she 
went running back...

>
>"Geezus, damn hook latch." She muttered, glaring at a large 
>open cut on her arm. Duo sighed and jumped down into the body 
>suit control area, grabbing the First Aid kit 

Nephlite: ...which gets its own capitalization.

>and throwing it up to her. She pulled out a towel and cleaned 
>the area without so much as a flinch, 

Miniqueen: At least she isn't a complete wuss. 

Nephlite: That could be good or bad. I'd say bad.

>then pressed it together and wrapped several layers of gauze 
>strips around it.

Miniqueen: Unfortunately, they made a spelling error and got 
out a Gauss rifle.

>
>"Aren't you gonna get that looked at for infection?" He inquired.
>
>"Nope, I'll heal it tonight." 

[Nervous laughter.]

Layer: In addition to being a Gundam pilot, a Gundam, the post-
fifth season Sailor Galatia, and the sister of Pluto, she *also* 
gets a significant healing factor.

All: HELP!!

>She muttered before jumping right back down into the hatch. He 
>peeked down into it, 

Jadeite: Duo, you are a very dirty young man.

>bewildered at what he'd thought he'd just heard.
>
>"Tonight?" he mused, "What're you gonna do, wave your wand over 
>it and expect it to heal perfectly in twelve hours? 

Miniqueen: [Tierian] Actually, that was my plan.

Layer: [Duo] Great... my girlfriend's turned into Goldmoon.

>The dern thing's at least a inch deep!" She glanced up at him 
>with a strange smile on her face.

Jadeite: She's amused by Duo and his hick accent.

Layer: Dern blasted Gun-dam!

>
>"I swear, you and Heero." He muttered, grinning at the sound 
>of her laughing. She heaved herself up, with one arm, out of 
>the hatch, and then sealed it shut. 

Nephlite: Good. By now, she must be out of commas.

>She dropped down beside Duo and grabbed her leg.
>
>"You mean his bone?" She mocked, twisting her own leg crooked. 

Layer: [Duo] Every now and then, Heero gets a bone...

Nephlite: [Tierian] I *meant* his impression of Phoney Bone.

>She landed lightly and began walking down to where her car 
>was parked. He followed silently until they got to their cars. 

Jadeite: He isn't old enough to own a car. He isn't even 
responsible enough to own a Gundam.

>Duo had a bright red sports car, opposed to Tierian's black one.

Layer: So how'd he cough up the funds for that?

Jadeite: It's on his IRS form as "war booty."

>
>"Hey, Duo!" She called before opening her car door. He looked 
>up from his lock and grinned.
>
>"Yeah?"
>
>"Where're are we going on Saturday?" Duo walked around to her car.

Miniqueen: To the park. We're going to see the descendants of 
Chicago the band.

>
>"Are you suggesting a date?" he asked incredulously, 

[Immature laughter.]

Nephlite: Watch as we make Duo as inept as Mousse or Domon. 

>knowing perfectly well what she meant. Tierian...she promptly 
>shoved him back into his car.

Jadeite: That was cold.

Miniqueen: Seems Tierian's not interested... she'd rather have Duo
continue on with autoeroticism.

Layer: Stop that!

>
>"What's our mission smart a**?" She hissed playfully. 

Jadeite: [Duo] Your mission is to go clubbing with me.

>
>He grinned and threw her a diskette, which she slipped into 
>her laptop, which happened to be hooked up in her car. 

Nephlite: Whatever you say. We don't care.

Layer: It's just a computer. At least this time it isn't 
something stupid or delusional. 

>There was a picture of Tokyo. She zoomed in to the target, 
>and what she saw made her gasp in horror.

Nephlite: [Tierian] You want me to destroy Tokyo Tower? That's 
horrible! What will Clamp do for story ideas?

>
>"Our mission," Duo drawled, "Is to destroy the Sailor Senshi."

[Various gasps of horror.]

Jadeite: It should be easy. I emphasize "should."

>Tierian didn't wait for Duo; she jumped into her car and 
>sped home. 

Jadeite: Jet Gundam, let's go home!

Miniqueen: Where were they before?

Nephlite: In some sort of giant garage. But knowing the size of 
the group's home, the garage is probably twenty minutes' 
drive from the house...

>Bursting through the door, she walked swiftly over to Heero, 
>grabbed him by his throat, and shoved him up against the wall. 

Miniqueen: That's certainly a friendly gesture.

Layer: [Heero] This is what I get for doing the same thing 
to everyone else.

>Duo arrived in time to see the shoving. All the other Gundams 

Nephlite: I don't care if that's accurate or not. Stop using 
that word for the pilots!

>stood up and backed away instinctively, reaching for hidden weapons.
>
>"What the hell-" Duo began, before Heero silenced him 

Layer: [Heero] It doesn't matter what you think!

>with one glare, before turning his full attention of Tierian.
>
>"You knew!" She hissed, stepping forward. 

Jadeite: What? What does he know?

Nephlite: [Heero/Yoda] Knew your father, I did.

>Heero smirked and glared at her as well. She glared back, and 
>this time, Heero was the one that flinched.

Miniqueen: Wuss.

>"What did I know, Tierian?" He asked softly, the deadly assassin 
>hidden within him surfacing.

Jadeite: Heero's got the battle aura of an assassin?

Nephlite: I have the battle aura of moldy ramen.

>
>"You knew and you never told me! You never told any of us!"
>
>"That I enrolled in Juuban High School?"

Nephlite: That's no secret.

Layer: Yes, but where did he actually go during class time? 
That's a secret and a half.

Miniqueen: Whatever you say, Akira Ishida...

>
>"NO!"
>
>"That I attacked the Sailor Senshi before we grouped together?"

Jadeite: That's nice. Can't imagine why he'd do it...

Nephlite: Heero had a bet going. He figured he could win where 
everyone else failed.

>"NO!"
>
>"That I know you're a Sailor Senshi?!" He hissed, blue eyes 
>glittering with malice. She stood up straight and controlled 
>her breathing, still glaring at Heero with utmost disgust and hatred.

Miniqueen: [Tierian] Heero Yuy... you are... not very nice.

>
>"Ria?" Came a small voice from behind her. Tierian whirled around 
>to find Ketien's big green eyes gazing from Heero, to her cousin, 
>then back to Heero again.

Nephlite: If Ketien keeps this up any longer, she's going to 
get whiplash.

Jadeite: Big green eyes? Is she a cat or something?

>
>"Ketien, this isn't the time." Tierian growled, never taking her 
>eyes off Heero.

Layer: [strained] There's *always* time for lubricant!

Miniqueen: I don't want to know.

>
>"Ria, please don't fight." Ketien's voice seemed small and fearful. 
>Tierian couldn't help but lose all of her angst for several seconds. 

Miniqueen: That's gotta be a new record for her.

Nephlite: It hardly matters. Alena does angst much better.

>Heero visibly did similar. Their attention snapped 

Jadeite: Ow!

>back to each other suddenly.
>
>"For her sake," Tierian whispered, before disappearing completely. 

Layer: This is what happens when you don't draw Tierian 
with a permanent marker.

Miniqueen: For her sake *and* her beer.

Jadeite: Ninja Tierian... vanish!

>Heero glared at the spot where she was seconds ago, then slowly, 
>very slowly, he reached up to rub his neck gingerly.

Jadeite: [dumb Heero] I think she bit me.

Nephlite: So Tierian literally vanished? I don't want to know how.

>
>"You really shouldn't have done that," Duo said softly, walking 
>down beside her and sitting on the warm sand. 

Nephlite: I wish she had vanished permanently.

Miniqueen: I take it they're in a different scene, unless there's 
a beach inside the house.

>When Tierian didn't answer, he put a hand on her shoulder.

Jadeite: Yuck, it's slimy.

>
>"You wouldn't understand, Duo."
>
>"I understand what I heard."

Layer: I heard there was an eight thousand pound cat in Canada.

>
>"I'm a Sailor Senshi. Sailor Galataia, protector of worlds, powers 
>beyond that of Queen Serenity herself, 

Nephlite: I don't care how great you want to be. Being stronger 
than the main character is completely out of the question.

>bless her. But I am also Tierian Ulia, 

Jadeite: What sort of name is Ulia? 

Layer: Maybe it's just Greek to us.

>Gundam Pilot zero zero seven of colony L.7, 

Jadeite: Oh, let me guess... your mentor is named Doctor Q.

Layer: Do we know anything about L7?

Nephlite: Nope. For all I know, it could be a dumping ground.

>sister of Trista Ulia, famed warrior of Oz and 

Miniqueen: Uh-huh.

Nephlite: So we're to assume she managed to get herself 
employed in an elite, secretive military organization?

Miniqueen: Yeah, she ripped off Trowa's ploy. And since she's a 
woman, she seems to be imitating Hilde as well.

>also Sailor Pluto, guardian of the gate of time." 

Jadeite: What else do you want on your resume? 

>She whispered, that last phrase said with strange disbelief.

Layer: I don't believe a word of it.

>
>"Friend of the Colonies Gundams." Duo added, sighing.

Layer: As opposed to any other Gundams?

Nephlite: Well, she couldn't win Char to her side.

>
>"Do they hate me now?"

All: Yes!

>
>"No," Duo said truthfully.
>
>"And Heero?" Duo grinned and shook his head. 

Miniqueen: When he says "I'll kill you," interpret that as a 
good thing. It ensures that you will live.

Nephlite: [Duo] He's a good guy, even if obsessed with money.

>Tierian turned her head to face him.
>
>"He doesn't?"

Jadeite: Even if he doesn't, he should!

>
>"No, in fact, he was the one that sent me out here to talk 
>to you." Tierian's eyes went wide in shock.

Nephlite: [Duo] He sent me out here to deliver you a 
very personal message... Bang.

>
>"I have to admit, that's not what I had expected. 

Jadeite: What was she expecting? Candy? Money? Death?

Layer: [campy Heero] Nobody expects the Gundam Inquisition!

>Though if I go back, he'll just kick me out."
>
>"No, he won't." Duo growled. 

Nephlite: He'll give you a few months on parole and a slap 
on the wrist.

>Tierian looked up at the stars suddenly; 

Jadeite: It wasn't night time a few scenes ago. Who edited 
this, Coleman Francis?

>Duo followed just in time to see a shooting star streak across 
>the sky.

Miniqueen: [Tierian] What was that, another Gundam?

Jadeite: [Duo] No, that was our trash burning in the atmosphere.

>
>"How did you-" He started.
>
>"I know these stars...these worlds."

Miniqueen: [Tierian] You're very famous where I come from.

>
>"It must be confusing..."
>
>"What?"
>
>"The colonies. 

Nephlite: There's nothing confusing about the colonies. They're 
artificial, they exist in space, and they're easily blown up.

>They must wreak havoc on you're star system gravitational 
>pulls." Tierian grinned.
>
>"So you are smarter then you make people assume." 

Layer: Duo hides behind a veil of stupidity.

Miniqueen: He's nowhere near being Vash the Stampede.

>She laughed softly, "Americans," She muttered sardonically. 

Jadeite: [Tierian as Fievel] There are no Gundams in America!

>Duo shoved her over into the sand. She returned with a fistful 
>of dune grass. Before she knew it, Tierian found herself thrown 
>into the surf and shoved under water.

Layer: She should be used to it by now.

Nephlite: [Duo] What was that about "America"? I've never even 
seen the continents.

Jadeite: Yeah, and Duo's a horse with no name.

>
>She growled playfully and grabbed Duo's retreating braid. 

Miniqueen: Run away, Duo. It may not be too late.

>He yelped and fell backwards onto her, knocking both of them 
>under a crashing wave.

Jadeite: Okay, this time they get to recreate "From Here to 
Eternity."

Nephlite: I hope this scene fades to black... and quick...

>
>"Horrible little wretch!" He shrieked, grinning madly as he 
>tackled her under another wave.

Layer: She's wretched and she brings us horror... but she 
is not little.

>
>"I once was lost, but now I'm found,"

Nephlite: Just to add a little gratuitous symbolism.

>
>"'Twas blind but now, I see!" He finished, 

Miniqueen: I agree with you, Nephlite. And I think I should 
mention that I laughed through the "chorus" scene in Eva 
episode twenty-two.

>gurgling as she flipped him over her head and shoved him 
>beneath the salty surface. He dragged her out onto the flat sand 
>and collapsed, gasping for breath.

Jadeite: Some years later, he developed legs and went inland 
to hunt for game.

>
>"That ought to teach you to think before you become a smart a**." 

Miniqueen: If we were talking about Duo, I'd have to express 
admiration for his...

[Layer stares at Miniqueen.]

>He muttered.
>
>"Can't help it!" She grinned and attacked him; "It's in my 
>nature!" He chuckled and carried her on his back, 

Jadeite: The new portable Tierian. Folds easily and operates 
in all conditions.

>up to the dunes, where she jumped off and began wringing 
>out her hair.
>
>"That's two times this week that you've thrown me into a body 
>of water." She accused, 

Nephlite: [Duo/Genma] Oh, my son... my pitiful son...

Layer: Splash. That's three.

>walking back up to their backyard fence. Duo grinned wickedly 
>and absently shoved her over the side into the pool. 

Layer: Should I be surprised?

>She screeched as she landed in the cold water.
>
>"THREE!!!" He proclaimed, disappearing into the house.

Miniqueen: And now Duo's off to visit the real number three.

Jadeite: You're acting strange lately...

>
>"I'll get you back for that one, Duo." She muttered, 

Jadeite: If nothing else, at least you're willing to use 
yourself in inane comedy sketches.

>climbing out of the pool and wringing out her waterlogged T-shirt.
>
>"Don't say a word." 

Layer: We'll keep our naughty thoughts to ourselves this time.

Miniqueen: Good for you.

>She muttered as six pairs of eyes traveled to her as she opened 
>the door and began climbing the stairs. 

Nephlite: [Spike Spiegel] Keep walking... must climb the stairs...

Layer: Quick, someone give Tierian a few mushrooms.

>There was no mistaking the hidden grins on Duo and Heero's faces. 
>Wufei wore a distinct "I told you so" expression, 

Jadeite: Wufei knows everything and everyone. And he is not amused.

Miniqueen: Oh, just like John Constantine.

>Trowa had a carefully blanked expression on his face, and Quatre 
>was just smiling.

Layer: Quatre can be happy at times, but I think he's on some 
strong drugs today.

>
>"Ria," Tierian's head snapped around to face Ketien, who cowered 
>slightly, until her older cousin softened the sharp expression 
>on her face.

Jadeite: [singing] She's growing soft, happens to all...

Nephlite: Go on, Tierian, go on home! You're in the way.

>
>"Hnn?"
>
>"Apologize." She pleaded softly. Tierian froze and turned to 
>stare at Heero, whose grin was gone. 

Jadeite: Heero apologies to no one. He is never amused.

Miniqueen: And you're not all that funny.

>She hesitated, glancing down at the holster she knew he wore on 
>his shoulder, then at her arm. Everyone could see she was carefully 
>estimating weakness and escape, if it came down to that.

Nephlite: Estimated time of arrival--three minutes.

Layer: Estimated time of departure--thirty seconds.

>
>"Very well," She growled then in a forced formal voice, "Please 
>accept my apologies Heero, I didn't mean to strangle you." 

Miniqueen: I can't quite find that statement believable. Tierian 
just doesn't think that way. 

>She sneered, before continuing her trip up the stairs, followed 
>by complete silence, "I meant to kill you." She whispered.

[Boos all around.]

Miniqueen: Well, at least she hasn't disappointed me.

>
>"Ria!"
>
>"Alright, alright! I'm not gonna kill anyone." 

Nephlite: Remember what Heero said in the last scene of Endless 
Waltz? Well, he might just make an exception for you. 

>Her voice echoed down the hallway, before the sound of a door 
>slamming reached their ears.

Jadeite: Well, there she goes... anyone missing a gun?

>
>Heero woke suddenly, intensely aware of a figure standing at 
>the foot of his bed. Its eyes glowed an eerie green, 

Nephlite: Vivi's back, and he's pissed.

>and feathery wings emitted from its back.

Jadeite: Sephiroth?

Layer: Folken?

Miniqueen: Kamui?

Nephlite: Valgarv?

>
>In the end, it's your companions that turn their backs on you. 
>Someone whispered. Heero recognized the voice as Doctor J's. 

Layer: [eery] It's that voice again...

Miniqueen: Shut up. You're not Peter Gabriel.

>The strange creature vanished, and Heero really snapped awake.

Miniqueen: [Heero/Kuno] I am revived!!

>
>The sun shone weakly through draped windows, and birds 
>twittered softly.

Jadeite: Why do birds suddenly appear every time Heero is near?

>His alarm clock read three a.m.

Layer: The sun shouldn't even be up yet.

>It was a nightmare he'd had more then once, and he figured he 
>knew who was sending it to him.

Miniqueen: I'm afraid to ask who has the power of dream projection.

Nephlite: Freddy Kreuger's back, and he's pissed.

>
>"Tierian." He hissed, opening the door to her bedroom. 

Miniqueen: You might want to change out of your pajamas 
first... [guffaw]

>He switched on the light, to find the bed empty. He looked down 
>the hall both ways before he heard the faint sound of music 

Jadeite: [Ellen Degeneres] I don't trust anyone over twelve 
who listens to *this*...

>drifting from the never-used parlor.
>
>Heero followed the sound until he came across the white Grand 

Layer: Although we'd prefer a Great White.

Jadeite: Hey, there's an ensemble playing Cleavon Little's theme.

>Piano that sat in the corner of the large room. Sitting there, 
>playing the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard, was Tierian. 

All: Of course.

Nephlite: Fortunately, Heero already has his shining thing.

>He walked forward without realizing what he was doing, and before 
>he knew it, he was standing right behind her, watching as her 
>elegant fingers pressed chords that made incredible harmony.

Jadeite: Just chords. No tune whatsoever.

Miniqueen: [Heero] I could go for a finger of Scotch right now.

>
>Heero turned around to find Duo lounging on the parlor couch, 
>fast asleep. He smirked.

Layer: He's trying to imagine how Duo got into this position.

Miniqueen: [Heero] Maxwell, maybe you should have a little more 
of that coffee you make.

>She must have played him to sleep last night. So they do have 
>something for each other.

Jadeite: They hate each other, and each one wants to kill the 
other to pay off personal debts.

>He realized also that Duo was now standing right beside him, 
>watching Tierian fondly. She rested her hands for several seconds, 
>before beginning to play the most beautiful of all the songs 
>he had heard.

Nephlite: And from there, she segued right into "Pez."

Layer: [Tierian] Don't shoot me, I'm just the piano man.

>
>"Incredible isn't she?" Duo whispered, closing his eyes at the 
>first notes of the song.

Jadeite: It's incredible how she sucks him in... pulls him 
into her web of deceit...

>"Indeed," Heero looked at his friend closely, "you like this...song?"

Nephlite: [Duo] Actually, the Song is Over. So now I'm Gettin' in 
Tune for the straight and narrow.

Jadeite: Who's next?

>
>"It's my favorite. She says it's a song written hundreds of years 
>ago, and her grandmother taught her everything about it."

Miniqueen: She said it was a song. And that it was cool.

Jadeite: I think she's stealing from Alena's backstory.

>
>"You two seem to know each other very well." Heero smirked at 
>Duo's surprised reaction.

Nephlite: We don't know anything about them. For all we know, 
Tierian just bumped into Duo one day, and they hit off from there.

>
>"This," he sighed truthfully, "Is the only thing that can get 
>me to sleep.

Jadeite: It would be better if he used a hammer and just 
knocked himself out. Less painful!

>
>"Can she even hear us?" He leaned down beside her cautiously.

Nephlite: Let's see what happens if I tickle Tierian... and 
poke her with some sticks... and mess with her hair...

Miniqueen: Good idea, Presea.

>"Oh yes, she just doesn't pay any attention. The Libra could 
>fire on this exact spot and she would just keep playing. 

Layer: So what if it leaves a massive crater? She won't care!

>She loves the piano like nothing else."
>
>Heero just couldn't help himself, 

Jadeite: [Heero] I'm just a Gundam that can't say no.

Miniqueen: [singing] He loves you and there ain't nobody else.

>"So it seems you've got competition!" He was promptly shoved 
>back into a reclining chair. 

Nephlite: The chair promptly devoured him.

>They both yawned and Duo collapsed back onto his couch, crossing 
>his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. 

Layer: When the evil artifact starts emitting light, just 
close your eyes! Much safer that way.

Miniqueen: What the hell is happening here?

>Heero did similarly, until he felt himself drift off into 
>blissful unconsciousness.
>
>"Wake up Duo!" Ketien attacked 

Jadeite: Wake up little Duo, wake up!

Nephlite: For some reason, Ketien reminds me of Kaolla Su.

Layer: And the piano hypnosis scene is from Gatekeepers.

>a slumbering Duo and was rewarded with a vault up into the air.
>
>"What time is it?" He muttered, 

Layer: It is a time of galactic war. The GUNDAM PILOTS have 
won a battle, but forced to RETREAT to the ice planet HOTH....

>slapping Heero awake, knowing he would regret it later.

Miniqueen: Ah, but *we* regret nothing.

>
>"Seven."
>
>"Hnn?"
>
>"It's seven. Time to haul ass out of bed." 

[The group laughs.]

Jadeite: We didn't need that comment.

>Wufei grumbled as he walked past the open door, on his way 
>to the kitchen. He made sure Ketien didn't overhear his phrase, 

Layer: 'Cause he's being a potty-mouth.

Nephlite: I still think his characterization is way off here.

>seeing as she moved to tackle him as well.
>
>Ketien instinctively made everyone smile. 

Miniqueen: Oh, just like Sana Kurata.

Nephlite: With half the charm and character.

>Wufei couldn't even help himself.
>
>Duo grinned and followed his tormented Chinese friend to the 
>kitchen table, where the delicious smell of eggs and bacon 

Miniqueen: Eggs, bacon and spam... spam, bacon and spam...

>wafted through the open French doors leading to the back porch, 
>where a silent and antisocial Tierian sat, 

Jadeite: Does she have any other moods?

Layer: Tierian's in her heaven; all's well with the world.

>sketching vaguely, glancing up at the sun occasionally.
>
>"Uh-uh. Leave 'er alone, Duo." 

Jadeite: [Helen Reddy] Leave me alone, leave me alone!

>Trowa warned as he followed Duo's line of vision.
>
>"Yeah, she has a lot to think about." Quatre cut in, 

Nephlite: Such as...?

Layer: Such as where to buy Playstation games, where to 
drive her bicycle, where broken hearts go, where the next 
nuclear strike is expected...

>before shoving a plate full of ham, bacon, an omelet, and toast, 
>into Duo's stomach pointing to the table.

Miniqueen: Here you go, kid. Hope it makes you fat and ugly.

>
>"Did I miss something here?" Duo demanded, "What does she have 
>to think about?"

Layer: ...where to find a decent bottle of horseradish, 
where to go bowling alone, where the deer and the antelope play...

>
>"What side to fight on." Heero muttered, taking a seat at the 
>opposite end of the table, setting his gaze on Tierian's turned back.

Jadeite: She figured that the Sailors might be at a slight 
disadvantage this time. Maybe she could even out the odds.

>
>"Yeah, she has to decide whether she wants to be on our side, 
>and win, or be on the side of that sniveling female, 

[Boos all around.]

Miniqueen: Damn, he's annoying today.

>Sailor Moon, and lose." Wufei sneered. Quite unexpectedly, 
>Tierian stood up and walked through the kitchen, 

Miniqueen: [Tierian] One more word out of Wufei and you're all dead!

Nephlite: That'll get them to respect her.

>stopping at the door that led to the hallway.
>
>"I didn't know what to choose at first," She began, turning to 
>glare at Wufei, "But apparently, you have chosen for me." 

Layer: You're officially dead now. Coffee?

>She turned and walked up to her room.
>
>"What'd you do that for?" Duo hissed, 

Nephlite: [Duo as Ranma] Geez Akane, what'cha do that for?

>turning on Wufei, who turned his stern face on the American.
>
>"I voiced the opinion of all of us." 

Jadeite: He has spoken! There shall be no dissent.

Miniqueen: So what if he's thought this way all his life? We'll 
hate him for it anyway.

>He replied calmly, simply. Duo could feel the anger welling up 
>inside of him, but he knew it was true. 

Jadeite: Duo can sense your anger. He'll be on the psychic 
friends hotline in a few months.

>Odds were against the Sailor Senshi. Duo sighed deeply and sat 
>down, fiddling with his scrambled eggs, dazed.

Nephlite: [Duo] This leaves me emotionally drained. Oh well. 
Anyone want to see what's on TV?

>
>There was only the slightest noise in the silent den as Tierian 
>stepped down the stairs quickly. Heero and Wufei didn't bother to 
>look up, as Quatre and Duo did.

Miniqueen: Because they don't have a refined danger sense.

>
>"Where're ya goin'?" Duo drawled, cocking an eyebrow at her.
>
>"I am leaving, to where I belong."

Jadeite: She... is leaving home...

Nephlite: Go where you wanna go...

Layer: I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Miniqueen: Love lift us up where we belong...

>
>"The glamorous life of a prostitute, ahh, I see it now." 

All: ...

>Wufei snapped sharply. Tierian leveled her gaze steadily.

Jadeite: Alright, *now* she is pissed.

>
>"I'm leaving, Wufei, whether you like it or not. Nothing you 
>say can make me stay. 

Layer: [Wufei] How about I do the cooking?

Nephlite: That'll help a little...

>And I know perfectly well that your insults are dilusions of 
>what you mean to say to make me want to stay here." 

Jadeite: In a twisted way.

Nephlite: [Tierian] You're supposed to like me!

>Wufei looked shocked.
>
>"I miss her too, but sharp insults won't bring Mieren back. 

Layer: Who, the weird girl from Cardcaptor Sakura?

Miniqueen: No, this would be Wufei's wife. [pause] And I 
*don't* want to ask how Tierian personally met her.

>Act like so for the rest of your life, and you will regret it 
>on your deathbed." 

Jadeite: I always thought that he would regret nothing.

>She whispered, before turning and walking to the door.
>
>"TIERIAN!!!" Ketien screamed with anxiety. 

Miniqueen: Nuriko!!

Jadeite: Mendosa!!

Nephlite: Cabot!!

Layer: Sodina!!

>She ran in a swift blur into her cousin's arms. Her sobs 
>softened Tierian's sharp mask.

Nephlite: I knew someone had to dull her sharp edges. Or 
else I'd get cut on Tierian.

Miniqueen: What, did Zechs give her the mask?

Layer: Maybe she's been hanging out on the Spooner 
Continent a while...

>
>"Don't go! I need you! If you leave, I'll die! I know I will! 

Jadeite: I need you now... at six o'clock in the morning...

>Tierian, they need you!" She sobbed desperately. Tierian sighed 
>and looked at her small cousin.

Layer: Warning--impending pain. Duck and cover.

Miniqueen: The Gundam pilots should know by now to get out of the way.

>
>"Ketien," She began, sitting on the stairs, the girl in her lap, 
>"Something is coming up, and whether you're with me or not, you 
>will be in grave danger." 

Layer: [Tierian as Mercutio] Tomorrow you shall find me a grave man...

>She said softly, bowing her head, she pulled an intricately 
>carved key from her pocket and showed it to Ketien.

Miniqueen: You can do all sorts of cool stuff with this! You can 
break the rules of time and space and nobody will be there 
to stop you!

Jadeite: I am just stunned. 

>
>"This is the Silver Millenium Key Portal," She began, stringing 
>it on a pink ribbon and looping it over Ketien's neck, "I'm going 
>to send you to the future, with Queen Serenity and King Darien. 
>They will take care of you until I say you can return. 

Nephlite: [Tierian] ...because I'm just plain irresponsible.

Layer: Only Tierian has this power. Fear, mortals!

>You will be able to spend time with Rini again." 

Jadeite: Not like anyone actually cares about her.

>At this the sad eyes lit up slightly, "And Trista will guide 
>you home when everything is settled once and for all."

Miniqueen: But she's dead.

Nephlite: Did that ever get in anyone's way? I think not.

>
>"What if...What if you never send for me?" Ketien inquired in 
>a miniscule voice.

Jadeite: Then you can send yourself. Buy a bunch of stamps.

>
>Tierian swallowed hard and chanted the words to open the Key Portal.
>"I will try, Ketien. I promise." She whispered before the young 
>girl was swept up into the portal.

Layer: And all this happened in the house, within plain sight 
of the pilots?

>
>Without a coinsiding thought, Tierian walked towards the jarred 
>door. With one last look at Duo, 

Layer: I can't believe it... I was right.

>she shut it quietly behind her and sped off towards suburban Tokyo.

Nephlite: Through the portal, or in her super car?

Jadeite: Either will do just fine.

Nephlite: [sarcastic] Tierian, get in the glowing green square.

>
>"What do we do now?" Quatre asked softly amidst the silence.

Miniqueen: We do absolutely nothing. Any complaints?

>
>"Now we kill her." Heero stated firmly.

[Cheers and celebration!]

Nephlite: Heero rules! Heero rules!

>
>To anyone else, it would've seemed like a brutal thing to say, 
>but Duo knew his friend well, and he could clearly see the deep 
>sorrow in those dark blue eyes.

Miniqueen: He would regret killing her with a measly handgun.

Nephlite: He could stomp her flat... he could squish her with 
the Gundam's hands... 

Jadeite: He could also put her in a sealed chamber and wait 
for her impending death.

>
>"Why?"
>
>"She knows us, she knows our weaknesses."

Layer: [Heero as Phil Collins] Tierian, she knows me, and 
she knows I'm right...

>
>"With her on the Senshi's side, it greatly improves their odds, 

Miniqueen: That's putting it mildly.

>for she could use her Gundam in the fight." Trowa sighed softly.

Layer: He's the smart one on the team.

>
>"She won't use her Gundam. She'll use her Senshi powers, which 
>are twice as destructive." Wufei muttered.

All: ...

>
>"So we have nothing to worry about!"

Jadeite: --thanks to Radar!

>
>"We have plenty to worry about." Heero snapped.
>
>"Like what?" Duo inquired.

Nephlite: The stock market, the possibility of earthquakes, the 
odds of winning the lottery, the situation in Chiapas...

Miniqueen: The supply of toilet paper, the chance you might fall 
off a cliff, the existence of alternate universes, the evils 
of constipation...

>
>"Like our guilt after we destroy a fellow Gundam pilot." 
>Quatre whispered.

Nephlite: Think about it... would her death be such a bad thing?

>
>"We won't destroy her." Wufei proclaimed suddenly.
>
>"Why not?" Heero sneered.

Jadeite: Because this story wouldn't go on otherwise.

Miniqueen: Not likely. She could always resurrect herself.

>
>"Because. She's going to defeat us." Trowa snapped.

Layer: Oh. That would suck.

>"She's going to prove the weaker species, Human, or Mechanical." 
>Quatre realized.

Jadeite: But mechs don't constitute a species.

Nephlite: Well, now they do.

>
>"She's going to prove the weaker sex...Male, or female" Duo 
>and Wufei said together, gazing out at the rising buildings 
>of Tokyo.

Layer: Good. That way, we can do an entire "I can do anything 
better than you" skit.

>
>The blue sky reflected itself off of the black blur that 
>was Tierian's sports car.

Nephlite: Hey, is that Misato in the back seat?

>
>Now we will see Wufei. Now we will see which of us is the 
>weaker sex. 

Miniqueen: Now that she's humiliated him, all she needs to do 
is actually beat him in combat.

Jadeite: That's the easy part.

>
>On the passenger's seat, a folded up crayon drawing fluttered 
>open, a drawing from the day Tierian had learned of the 
>Sailor's mission.

Jadeite: To serve and protect... and provide fanservice...

Nephlite: To make everyone else look competent.

>
>The drawing...The colorful drawing of the Sailor Senshi's, 
>standing proud and victorious over a fallen Gundam Wing Zero.

All: ...

Layer: That was deep.

Miniqueen: And pretentious.

>
>
>
>SUPER!!! Alternate universe, Gundam and Sailor Moon crossover. 

Jadeite: ...For those who missed it the first time...

Layer: I think this is just the trailer.

Nephlite: Thanks a lot, Miss Rara!

>The Gundam's are being sent to destroy the Sailor Senshi, who 
>are sworn to protect Princess Serena ( Relina * gag * ) 

Miniqueen: Um... should I ask for an explanation?

Nephlite: Too late.

Jadeite: No, we're not biased. Don't mind us.

>who doesn't happen to be Sailor Moon this time AND WON'T GROW 
>UP TO BE SERENITY!! (thank god).

Nephlite: Though I can see a connection there.

Layer: Really? Serenity's an absolute monarch with a minimum 
of personality. And Relena's a former leader with plenty of 
flaws and a growing interest in politics.

>
>KETIEN: Tierian's four year old cousin.

Miniqueen: She'd be tolerable if Tierian wasn't there to act 
as a bad influence.

>
>TIERIAN: One and only female Gundam Pilot

Layer: And much, much more.

Jadeite: But that's her only pertinent title.

>
>THREE LIGHTS: Three guys who fight as Sailor's when they transform, 

Miniqueen: No, that's when people laugh at them.

Nephlite: You're one to talk about transformations...

Layer: I'm sort of transformed, but I'll allow myself to laugh.

>Sailor Star Maker, Sailor Star Fighter, and Sailor Star Healer.
>
>
>

Jadeite: Extra space for all that useful exposition.

>
>SUMMARY BACKGROUND!!! Basically, the Sailors work for Oz 

Nephlite: ...

Layer: I can see how the Organization of Zodiac would have 
a need for young, undisciplined schoolgirls.

>(GAG again) and the Gundams have to get rid of them. 

Jadeite: If the plot wasn't on the Sailors' side, we could 
chalk up one more easy win to the Gundams.

>***BUT*** TIERIAN IS ALSO A SAILOR SENSHI!!! THERE'S AN UPCOMING 
>BATTLE BETWEEN THE TWO, SO WHOSE SIDE DOES SHE CHOOSE?!?! 

Miniqueen: Dammit, turn down the volume. I can't hear all the 
essential exposition.

>All the while, a strange and close relationship bonds Duo and 
>Tierian closer and closer.

Jadeite: Yeah, they both go to Nine Inch Nails concerts.

Layer: The two of them in bondage? Heh...

>
>Review Story ( be a responsible reader and write a review) 

Miniqueen: Does this count as a review?

Nephlite: Not legally...

>
>Title:  The war of the Sailor Senshi and the Gundams 
>Name:  
>Email:  (optional) 
>Review:  
      
Layer: Tierian. Angst. Pain.

Nephlite: Even after Akira's intense self-insertion romance 
in Continuations, this one still overwhelmed me. I think 
this story should admit its purpose, and then move on. If 
it wants to be good, it should focus on the original pilots.
 
Jadeite: I wasn't completely lost, which is rare for me.
But it might help to know how Duo and Tierian met.

Miniqueen: I want to hurt someone.

Nephlite: You're slipping again...
 
>
>Home  |  About Us  |  Terms of Service 
>
>
>
>

Jadeite: Well, I'm leaving.

Miniqueen: No, I will be leaving first.

[They shuffle back to the main room.]

*

Layer gathered the three-and-one generals together. "Today we meet 
for a values clarification seminar," he said in an important 
voice, "I tell you what to believe, and you accept it."

"That's a little biased, isn't it?" Layer asked. 

The demonic hellbeast glared at the imported general. He told 
Layer, "You are the one who is biased! Surrender!"

Off to the side, Nephlite muttered something about Layer 
breaking character.

"As I was saying," Layer continued, "We are working our way 
up past the Darkside Layer. To actually accomplish this, we 
will act in a civilized, reasonable manner."

The other three just laughed.

Layer muttered, "This could take a while."

#

TO BE CONTINUED.

#

Finally finished by Alan "Gekiganwing" in October 2001! 
Thanks for waiting. Hope you liked it. I can be reached 
at gekiganwing@lycos.com as well as jalanriggs@yahoo.com.
 
Stinger:
>"I'm a Sailor Senshi. Sailor Galataia, protector of worlds, powers beyond 
>that of Queen Serenity herself, bless her. But I am also Tierian Ulia, 
>Gundam Pilot zero zero seven of colony L.7, sister of Trista Ulia, famed 
>warrior of Oz and also Sailor Pluto, guardian of the gate of time."