*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "CARD CAPTOR SCIENCE THEATER 3000" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 13: THE SHADOW LEADERS (A Sailor Moon MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Card Captor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun) This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. "Card Captor Sakura" is a trademark of CLAMP and those who distribute it. "Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and her many associates. "The Shadow Leaders" is the property of Dr. Thinker and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him by making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) (Cue "Card Captor Science Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....) It's the not-too-distant future, Last Sunday BC There was this girl named Sakura Quite different from you or me She captured Clow Cards with her friends All seen through Tomoyo's camera lens They tried to save the human race, But Eriol lost his patience So he shot them into space!!!! Sakura: (Hoeeee……) Syaoran and Tomoyo: (Now what?) We'll send them crappy fanfics The worst we can find (lalala) They'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor their minds (lalala) Now keep in mind they can't control When the fanfics begin or end (lalala) Because, let's face it, after all Eriol's not really their friend; CARD CAPTOR ROLL CALL: Meiling: 'Who asked you?!' Tomoyo: 'Plushies!!' Syaoran: 'Where's my sword?' KEROOOOOOO!!! 'I love pudding!' If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science facts (lalala) Then repeat to yourself *It's just a MiST* You should really just relax For Card Captor Science Theater 3000!!! ** THE HOLOCABANA 15:45 Hours The James Bond theme starts playing. A small white circle moves from left to right across a black background. As it pans back the other way it has taken on the appearance of the inside of a gunbarrel focused on the walking figure of a tuxedo-clad Syaoran Li who suddenly turns and fires a shot. Blood runs down the screen and the circle wavers and arcs down to the lower right corner before expanding to reveal… ** The airplane cruised at seven hundred feet above a small island. Syaoran Li and several other MI6 agents were dressed in paratrooper gear. M, played by Syaoran's mother, Yelan Li, sat behind her desk. "I consider it quite a privilege for the double-0 section to have been chosen for this training assignment," she said, "The target is a fortress at the highest point on the island. You've all read the briefings." The camera cut to a shot from the island as a bunch of nameless armed guards patrol the area. The camera pans up to show the MI6 agents jumping from the plane. Their parachutes open and the camera follows them as they descend to the ground. The first agent turns out to be Yamazaki, who has landed in a tree. As he struggled to free himself, a guard noticed him and started to creep up behind him. Just as Yamazaki got down, the guard shot him in the back with his paintball rifle. "Sorry, buddy. You're dead," said the guard. Yamazaki turned and began to speak. "Did you know that paintball was first used by Napoleon to train his soldiers?" The guard fired another shot that hit Yamazaki between the eyes. "Don't start," he said. The camera cuts to a second agent, played by Touya, who is scaling to the top of a ledge using a grapping hook and rope. The camera pans up to reveal another agent, played by Eriol with his patented "I'm really evil" grin. Just then, he was shot by another paintball gun-toting guard. "Sorry, mate. You're out of it," said the guard. "Sorry this, you moron!" Eriol turned and shot the guard dead with a real gun. "Honestly, sabotage isn't nearly as easy as it used to be." Eriol took a survival knife and hacked through Touya's rope. Meanwhile, Syaoran was busy trying to figure out his own way to the top of the island. Or, at least, he was until he heard a very loud scream followed by a loud thump. Syaoran ran over to see what had happened and came across the lifeless form of Touya. "Wish I'd thought of that…" he mumbled to himself. Suddenly, there was the sound of tires squealing as a convoy truck screamed down the road with Eriol at the controls. The James Bond theme blared on the soundtrack as Syaoran gave chase and grabbed hold of the back bumper of the truck. As he climbed into the back of the truck he noticed all of the crates marked 'explosives'. 'Lovely,' he thought to himself. But then a plan formed in his little bishonen head. He searched his gear and finally discovered what he was looking for: an ofuda! He slapped it on the side of one of the crates and jumped out of the truck. After a brief, but somewhat painful landing on the pavement, Syaoran got to his feet and recited an incantation. Eriol and truck and all were blown to smithereens. Syaoran realized that this wasn't the way the scene was supposed to play out, but he didn't really care. "Nice work, 007," came the voice of Sakura as she wandered into the holocabana. "Ah," said Syaoran. "Moneypenny!" Sakura giggled. "C'mon, James. We've got to go. Ernst Stavro Blofeld is calling." ** DEEP 13 The evil Dr. Eriol Hiiragazawa posed for the camera. His assistant, TV's Ruby Moon was sick of hauling the damn thing around. "Are we interrupting something, sirs?" asked Sakura. "Not at all," Eriol replied. "As you are no doubt aware, that weenie little Harry Potter twerp has his own movie now. To retaliate, I'm having Ruby Moon film a movie about me." "It's not all it's cracked up to be," Ruby Moon grumbled. "Anyway, my Clow card this week has been around for awhile and it's been responsible for a great many Hollywood disasters," Eriol explained. "It's responsible for all those movies based on old TV shows, plus movies starring Tom Green, heck, I even got Drew Barrymore to marry that freak. I call it 'The Illogic'. Chew on that for awhile." ** THE SATELLITE OF LOVE "That's pretty evil, Hiirigazawa," said Tomoyo. "Anyway," said Meiling. "My brilliant cousin has once again created a magnificent card!" Sakura, Tomoyo and Kero sweatdropped. "Laying it on a tad think, aren't we?" said Kero. Syaoran rolled his eyes and continued. "My Clow card this week is based on the whole James Bond 007 series. Now you can have all those cool gadgets for yourself with 'The Q', named for the character who was played by the late Desmond Llewelyn and made all those cool gadgets. Make your own pen grenades and laser watches. Or, use it on your car and install some features that will blow everyone else off the road. Perhaps literally." ** DEEP 13 "Quite impressive, Syaoran," said Eriol "But it's that time again. This week's feature comes to us from the works of Dr. Thinker. It's his sequel to 'Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?' and it's called 'The Shadow Leaders'. Enjoy!" "Cut!!" MAKE-UP!!!" shouted Ruby Moon. "I'm coming…" grumbled TV's Spinel Sun as he hauled in Ruby Moon's make-up kit. ** THE SATELLITE OF LOVE "So, Moneypenny, are you doing anything tonight?" asked Syaoran. "Now, James…" replied Sakura. "Grow up, 007," said Kero. Suddenly alarms and sirens rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Sakura cried out. (Door 6: It melts away to nothing.) (Door 5: It swirls open from the center.) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It splits into six long strips that retract into the doorframe.) (Door 2: It's made of small wooden blocks. The CCS plushies come in and haul them away, one at a time.) (Door 1: It's a set of theater curtains. They are pulled back and you move on.) (Door .7: The camera pans downward where a small hatch pops open.) Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Kero-Chan enter the theater. The three take their seats in the theater while Kero-Chan floats overhead. >"The Shadow Leaders" >by Dr. Thinker Kero: He's not a real doctor but he plays one on TV. >Note 1: Sailor Moon and related character, expect Ellis/Sailor Earth, is owned by DiC/CWI. >Note 2: This takes place after "Is It Reality Or Just A Trrick?" Syaoran: But, if you haven't read it, don't worry, nothing that follows will make sense anyway. >################################# > >"EARTH LEAF RAZIORED!" Ellis shouted. Sakura: She is the one named Sailor Earth. >The last creature looked like something out a zombie flick. Tomoyo: George Romero strikes again! Kero: This 'Resident Evil' craze is getting to be too much. >Just then, Sailor Moon appeared. Sakura: Here I come to save the day! >"MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!" shouted Moon, and it hit the monster, and it falled down with >crystal. Tomoyo:Gaahhh!!! Someone get this dead zombie offa me!!!! >"Who every maked that zombie creature had been watching two many horror flick" stated Ellis. Syaoran: Kevin Williamson? >"I argeed with you there, Ellis. Those ground based creatures are getting on my nerves, I wish I >could change." Kero: I'm all sweaty and sticky… Sakura: Kero… >####################################### Kero: And now, the sailors will re-enact volume one of "Love Hina". Syaoran: Well, "Sailor Moon" does have a character named Naru. >Unknown to Moon, a small Spectron, who was a helping hand to Zoyitice, was planning on >revenging Moon, for killing her boss. Sakura: Hey… Wasn't Zoycite killed by Beryl? Tomoyo: Actually, the only one who was killed by Sailor Moon was Kunzite. >This Spectron name was Cranuta, she looked a lot like a crane game's crane. Kero: Cranuta courtesy of the "Toy Story" prop department. All: Oooooooohhhhhh!!! >She had keep a sercet from Malachite and Zoyitice, they were two more Shadow Warriors, Syaoran: Shadow warriors? Sounds like a "Samurai Shodown" sequel. Tomoyo:Save the planet! Don't write bad fics! >more power then other two.....they names were Morbita and Nerdatron. All: Tomoyo: Nerdatron? Kero: Bet he gets wedgees from the other shadow warriors. Syaoran: When did Umino join the dark side? >Morbita and Nerdatron didn't combine with the other seven, they were just Shadow Warriors >bosses, just like the Nega-Force bossed Beryl arounded. Tomoyo: Oh, that wacky Dark Kingdom chain of command. >She know where to look. Morbita was kind of energy tosses, and her crystral should been >overloading wth more energy then a normal humans's heart crystral. All: Huh? >######################################## > > >For the first time in a few years, Serena was runned into by someesle. Sakura: By what? What's a someesle? Syaoran: Knowing Dr. T. it's probably a pokemon. >That someelse was Molly Baker. All: Oh! >"What's going on?" asked Serena. Tomoyo:And when did you become such a klutz? That's my shtick! >"I wish I know!" asked Molly. Sakura: But this script makes no sense… Do you know what the hell's going on? > "A crane from UFO mechine is after me." Molly run out. Kero: Molly's been in the "Stolen" tea, I see. Tomoyo: And there are giant red frogs hopping across the sky… hee, hee… >"Huh?" stated Serena, then she saw a floating crane with two blue eyes. Sakura:The hell? Is this a Cronenberg picture or something? >"That's CRANUTA! Silly! I get you and Morbita will be freed!" shouted the cane. Syaoran: A cane is shouting at her? Kero: Dumber than a stick. That's our Serena. >Serena open her wrist, and stated. Sakura:ARGHHHHHH!!!!! I'm bleeding!!! Tomoyo:I've had it with all this crappy fanfiction! Good-bye, cruel world!! >"NEGA-CRANUTA! After Molly!" stated Serena. "Need help!" Kero: Couldn't have said it better myself. Syaoran: You know, admitting you need help is the first step. >################################### > >Serena shouted "MOON CRISIS POWER!" Feathers, cresent moons, and >hearts merged to form the Sailor Scouts uniform. Kero: Hold it! How can she go to he second level powers if she hasn't used the first level ones yet? >"Let's get that virusized mechine!" Syaoran: Virusized? Sounds like a crossover between "Virus" and "Virtuosity". Kero: Oh, God! NO! Sakura: Jamie Lee Curtis is playing Sailor Moon? >#################################### > >At Melvin house, Molly leave out a sigh of breath. Melvin had come out, holding a digital sattitile cable book. Tomoyo: Wait a sec… Wasn't she being chased by an evil crane about four seconds ago? Sakura: RUN!!! Syaoran:WOW! Now I can get the Star Trek channel! >"How would I thought you of all people, whould look at something desides a computer books?" Kero:Hmph! If you could read you would know that this is a digital satellite book! It's for my new "Satellite Of Love" system! All MSTings, all the time! >"I was watching ZDTV." replied Melvin. Sakura: ZDTV? The hell…? >"What's the racket going outside? Sounds like those Nega-crumbs are trying to get our energies again." Tomoyo: Okay. I'll bite. How do they know about the nega-verse? Syaoran: When your leader is Serena how long do you think it'll stay a secret? >"Sounds about right!" Molly stated. Sakura: Why is it always 'stated'? Syaoran: Dr. T is feeling patriotic? Kero:Behold as I name all fifty states! Bear with me as I get most of them wrong! >"Wrong, Morbita and Nerdron." stated Cranutura. Kero: Wha--? Oh, sh- >"You got the wrong names, you rotton mechine! Sakura: Yeah! They're Naru and Umino! Tomoyo: Could we go for one experiment without a dub joke? >I'm the Champion of Justice and Love, Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!" Kero: Figures she wouldn't flub her tagline. >"As if! In the name of the Nega-Verse, I will punish you!" stated Crantuara Kero: See? I used your line and made it funny! Sakura: Crantuara's been taking dialogue lessons from Madison Taylor, I see. Tomoyo: Whatever. >Get real! And with out that stupid Cresent Moon Wand, you won't be able to heal the Shadow >Warriors's bosses." Tomoyo:Like, as if! You don't stand a chance, you miserable skank. Syaoran: Please stop that. >"Huh?" asked Sailor Moon. Kero: I'm with her. >"Wait and see, Sailor Trash!" Crantuara stated as she formed a small vortex that circle around Molly >and Melvin. Sakura: Gee, someone's feeling elitist. Tomoyo: Okay, s'maybe I do hav' a lot o' brothers an' sisters an' our house's made a aluminum siding an'… What was I talkin' 'bout? >When it stomped, >Molly and Melvin wasn't around. Instead, two strange monsters appeared. Tomoyo: Guess it's a full moon. Kero:Urp! Am I full. Sakura: Very restrained, Kero. Kero: Thanks. >A strange brown rabbit with fangs the sizes of Moon Spiral Spector. Next two it was a green >computer. Kero: Usagi must've been exposed to nuclear waste. Sakura:I…. Seek my evil… dubbed twin! GAARGHHH!!! >"What on Earth did you do?" asked Tudexo Mask & Sailor Earth at the same time. All: WAHHH!!! Syaoran: Where the hell did he come from? >"Turn them into the Nega-Verse helping hand! Tomoyo: She turned them into the mascot for "Hamburger Helper"? Kero:Neg-a-verse Helper! Makes a great meal! >That will teach you for drestorying the Nega-Force!" laughed Crantura. Sakura: If the nega-verse was destroyed, what's Crantura still doing around? >"Morbita and Nerdatron, drestory them!" > >"As you command." Mordita replied. Tomoyo: Hey… Wait a sec! I outrank you, doofus! >"Inputed: Command. Output: Attack!" stated Nerdatron. Kero: Garbage In, Garbage Out. >"EARTH LEAVE RAZIORIZE!" >"MOON TAIRA MAGIC!" All: GAHHH!!! Syaoran: STOP DOING THAT! >Tudexo Mask tossed his roses. Kero: I think I'm gonna toss my lunch… >None of the attacks were infected. Sakura: Fortunately, the attacks had gotten all their shots. >Then then > >"JUTIPER THUNDER SMASH!" >"VENUS CRESENT BEAM!" >"MARS FIRE INGITE!" >"MERCRY BUBBLE BLAST!" All: ACK!!! Kero: Now cut that out!!! >The attacks didn't work. Tomoyo: Guess the warranty has expired. >"Calavery here, again" stated Mars. >"Thought our attack didn't work." stated Venus sadly. Sakura:Yeah… But, we are here! >"Let's get them." stated Mordita >"I'm SURE that I will ARGEED with YOU on that INPUT!" replied Nerdatron. Tomoyo: Nerdatron's been taking dialogue lessons from Torgo, I see. Syaoran:I taKe Care oF the pLaCe while the MasTer is aWay. >"This guys are tougher. We must use our more power!" stated Mars. Kero: Boy, Mars really is dubbed. Tomoyo:I am use more power! Now you will must die!! >"Are you INSANE, Mars? There are Melvin and Molly." stated Serena. " Sakura: When did she change back? >"I'm going to WIN!" All: HUH? Kero: Who said that? >"Don't think about it!" shouted a new voice. "I'm Sailor Minii-Moon, and in the name of the Future >Moon, I will punish you!" Syaoran: Enter the spore. >"Ok? Who told Reenie?" sasked Moon Sakura:I told you morons to keep he in that dark! I don't want that twerp stealing my thunder! Tomoyo: HEY! >"I over heard you." replied Mini-Moon. "You still had that crystral. Use that!" >"Ok!" Tomoyo: Whatever. >"MOOOOOOOOOOOOON CRYSTRAL HEALING ACTION!" Kero: Don't have a cow, Serena. Heh, heh. 'Mooooooooooooooon'. Get it? >Morbita and Nerdatron were knick into the way, and then healed back to Molly and Melvin. > >"Now for you, you rotten pile of nuts and bolts!" shouted Moon. "Let's get her." All: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!! >"MARS FIRE SURROND CIRCLE!" >"VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!" >"MERCURY ICESTORM BLAST!" >"JUTIPER THUNDER DRAGON!" >"PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!" >"MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!" Kero: Geez… Can you say "overkill"? >Crantura was totally shocked. That rotten mechine melted, then the leftovers turned to dust. Tomoyo: Guess they were sitting in the fridge too long. Syaoran: Everything is dust in the wind… >"Sayonna, to your rotten program!" shouted Moon. Sakura: Been skipping Japanese class lately, Serena? >"Let's get out of here." stated Earth. >"Totally." stated Moon Tomoyo: Like, WOW! >############THE END########################### Syaoran: But Sailor Earth Will Return… Kero: I sure hope not. Sakura: C'mon. Let's go. ** THE HOLOCABANA Sakura and Syaoran looked out at the ocean with the moonlight reflecting off of it. The tuxedo-clad Syaoran paused to pour champagne. "Do all Bond movies end this way, Syaoran-kun?" asked Sakura. "More or less," Syaoran replied as he handed her a champagne glass. "Cheers," he said as they clinked the glasses. "You'd better not be planning anything naughty, Syaoran," Sakura warned. "Me?" Syaoran replied in his best impression of Pierce Brosnan. "I wouldn't dream of it." Meanwhile, they were being watched by a certain dark-haired girl with a camcorder. ** DEEP 13 "Dammit, Eriol! I'm a guardian, not a cameraman… woman… whatever!" Ruby Moon was losing her patience again. "I think you're forgetting whose in charge around here, Ruby Moon!" Eriol retorted. Spinel Sun just sighed. "No wonder they don't want to make a movie about him," he mumbled to himself as he hopped up on the control console and pressed the button. THE REAL END (But the MSTers will return…) (Feel free to hum "Catch You, Catch Me" as the credits roll) And another MSTing is complete! I took the James Bond scene from an actual Bond flick. Can any of you name it? (Heh, heh!) The MSTing itself was easy. Finishing the host segments was the hard part. -CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun) Season One: 1) The Brain From Planet Arous-A Ranma ½ Fic By Ryoucilo 2) The Mike Rhea Anthology-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea (Loves Me, Loves Me Not/ Akane Gets Drained/ Konatsu's First Kiss) 3) Neon Ranma Evangelion-A Ranma ½ /Evangelion Crossover By Khyron Kingkiller 4) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy 5) Stolen-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou 6) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy 7) The True Power Of Love-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By poshul 8) Marco Polo-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou 9) Madison's Mystery Crush-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Chocolat* 10) Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker Season Two: 11) The Next Generation-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By JimAndZazu 12) Caught In The Act-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Second Sailor Destiny 13) The Shadow Leaders-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker >"Let's get out of here." stated Earth. >"Totally." stated Moon Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. 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