MSTed by: Mark Foster - foster@powerup.com.au Original author: Brett Handy. Appleseed is the creation of Masamune Shirow and is owned and copyrighted by Masamune Shirow, Seishinsha and Dark Horse. Ranma 1/2 copyright Ruminko Takashi/ Shogakukan Inc. MST3K is copyright Best Brains Inc. Shifters is the work of Brett Handy and is copyrighted by him. No insult is meant, this MSTing should be considered C&C. ---------------------- (Satellite of Hitomi) [The scene is a indoor arena filled with people with a ring in the middle. Fang is sitting at a table dressed as Tony Schiavone and Pepe, Chavo Guerrero Jnr's hobby horse, is next to him] FANG: Welcome to the greatest Monday Nitro of ALL TIME! This has been a match up over two thousand years in the making! Last night, at Fall Brawl 2035, Randy Savage won the World Heavyweight Title from Ric Flair in a 'Wheelchair rules' match! Hulk Hogan challenged the Macho Man for the title earlier tonight! [On cue the Macho Man's music starts and Briareos, dressed as Savage, makes his way ringside with the help of a walking frame and buxom young blonde] FANG: That is Busty Betty, the Macho Man's new valet! They met at the nursing home. [Briareos uses the wheelchair lift to get into the ring and grabs a mic] BRIAREOS: [makes strained grunting noises] FANG: OH MY GOD! Did you hear what he called Hogan? BRIAREOS: [makes more strained noises] FANG: Savage stole Hogan's dentures? What an evil man! [Hulk Hogan's music comes on and Sokaku, dressed as Hogan, comes out. He makes his way ringside muttering things about 'taking prayers' and 'saying vitamins'] FANG: OH MY GOD! IT'S HULK HOGAN! IT'S HULK HOGAN! [Sokaku also uses the wheel chair lift to get into the ring but Briareos flees. The next half-hour is spent watching Briareos get in and out of the ring before finally locking up with Sokaku. Sokaku gets the immediate advantage with a punch] FANG: DDT by Hogan! [Briareos responds by hitting Sokaku with his walking frame] FANG: Springboard Hurricana by Savage! [Briareos gets Sokaku in a sleeper hold] FANG: Oh my! Savage gets Hogan in an Indian Deathlock! [Sokaku starts shaking and an EMT runs ringside but doesn't get in just in case it is not a fit] FANG: Hogan is Hulking up! This a contest like no other before! Don't forget that Halloween Havoc is next month! [Sokaku hits Briareos with a clothesline] FANG: Sidewalk Slam! [Briareos bounces off the ropes and encounters Sokaku's Big Boot at ankle level] FANG: Jackhammer by Hogan! This is the greatest Nitro in the history of our Nitros! [Sokaku drops the big Leg Drop and gets the three count] FANG: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Hogan is the Champ! Hogan is the Champ! And that was Savage's longest World Heavyweight Title run by 12 seconds! What a night folks! [The big screen at one end of the arena changes from showing Sokaku playing air guitar with the World Heavyweight Title belt to showing Hitomi glaring] [Hitomi's Lab] HITOMI: What are you idiots doing? [SoH] SOKAKU: Say your vitamins! Take your prayers! I'm gonna kick your ankles! [HL] HITOMI: What are you babbling about? I called five minutes ago! [SoH] FANG: Oops. [HL] HITOMI: Yes! Oops! Now stop having fun and get into the theatre! The last part of Brett Handy's Shifters is heading your way! YOSHI: [O.S] Oh Hitomi, you forgot to tell them about later. HITOMI: Oh yes, me and Yoshi are having dinner at the Mad Scientist's Restaurant so we'll be collecting your comments about the fic in the morning. YOSHI: [O.S] This tie feels a little funny. HITOMI: Take the pain, boys! Push the button, Yoshi! [Yoshi rushes over to the computer with the tie wrapped around his forehead and pushes the button] YOSHI: Pushing the button, ma'am. HITOMI: YOSHI! The tie doesn't go on your forehead! [SoH] ALL: We've got the fanfic SIGGGGNNN! [All three rush into the theatre. They sit down in order: Sokaku, Briareos and Fang.] > > > ***** > > Ukyou was sitting in front of the fire, worrying about Ranma, > when she heard a scratching at the shelter door. Picking up her > spatula she edged closer to the door, standing to one side she flung > it open with a battle cry, raising her spatula. What she saw was a > very cold looking duck and cat. SOKAKU: [as Ukyou] Mmmm dinner! *splat* > > "What are you doing here?", she said, "Your supposed to be > going after that patrol". FANG: [as Shampoo] My what? > > The cat hissed and made for the fire, the duck quacked > apologetically and followed Shampoo. > > Ukyou poured some hot water over them both, then handed them each > a blanket. BRIAREOS: The blankets were wet and had many holes in them. > > "Those <*Something in Chinese*>, went off to fight alone", > Shampoo said angrily. BRIAREOS: Oh, for *something in Russian* sake! That is stupid! > > Moose blushed slightly at Shampoo's choice of words, SOKAKU: [as Mousse] Mint sauce on beef? What is she THINKING? > "They > told us that they would handle the patrol by themselves", he > explained to Ukyou. > > Ukyou nodded, "I see... do you think they'll be able to do it > alone?", she asked. BRIAREOS: [as Ukyou] And do you think that you're experienced in combat situations you idiots! SOKAKU: [as Shampoo] They very experienced with Mrs Palmer and her five children! FANG: SOKAKU! > > ***** > > "This is another fine mess you've gotten me into", said Kemper > angrily to Haulser. FANG: Kemper and Haulser ARE Abbot and Costello! Or something. > > "Shut up and keep walking", said a guard, punching Kemper in the > back. SOKAKU: [as Kemper] Ow, that hurt. Really. > > Kemper stumbled slightly, his hands were bound behind his neck > and they were being marched back towards the Conclave base. They were > walking in the middle of a group of about seven guards, the rest of > the patrol was pretty badly injured. SOKAKU: Mmmm, and how many people are in the rest of the patrol? FANG: Eight, if you count the blind and deaf cripple. > > "*You* should have guessed that there'd be a few shifters in the > group", Hausler muttered. BRIAREOS: Der moment people. FANG: DEEEERR! > > "I said: SHUT UP!", bellowed the guard again, this time > hitting Hausler. SOKAKU: Kill the wookie! Kill the wookie! > > "*ME*, your supposed to be the smart one", Kemper replied, > almost yelling. FANG: [as Kemper] My what? > > "Oh and I guess that means I've got to take the blame.. not > likely!", Hausler replied, this time shouting too. BRIAREOS: Geez, what a pair of unprofessionals! > > "Why you..", Kemper's response was cut off as the barrel of a gun > was put to the back of his neck, an unpleasant *Snick* echoed loudly. SOKAKU: Erm, what the hell made the *snick* sound? FANG: I'm almost embarrassed to say that it is either the safety been released or the hammer being cocked. Neither of which make sense with automatic rifles been carried by guys on a patrol. BRIAREOS: Nah, it was just the standard Hollywood 'dramatic' sound. SOKAKU: Isn't that for handguns? BRIAREOS: Oh yeah. I don't get it either. > > "I told you to shut up", the guard said quietly in Kemper's > ear, nudging the back of his neck suggestively with the rifle. BRIAREOS: [as guard] Not touching! Not touching! Oh wait, I am touching! > > Kemper was starting to feel a little uncomfortable when the > gun was suddenly removed from his neck. He glanced back at the > guard, surprised at the change in attitude. The reason that the SOKAKU: -guard had backed off was because he was about give Kemper a bloody death!! FANG: Please. > guard had stopped pointing the rifle at him was apparent > immediately. Somehow the guard had a long length of chain wrapped > around his throat. FANG: [groans] Oh, I hate writing like that. BRIAREOS: [snooty] Somehow he had a giant hole in his forehead! > > "What the.." Kemper began. BRIAREOS: "-look at the size of that thing!" We finished. > > Suddenly two other lengths of chain snapped out from some > bushes, nailing two more of the guards. By this time the guards > had caught on that something was wrong and where crouching in > combat stances. From the other side of the path, a purple blur of > rushed out and clobbered another pair of guards. BRIAREOS: Juvi? > > "So you think you too good to fight with Shampoo?", Shampoo > said, "Well this time you watch". She jumped over the two startled > mercenaries (actually she stepped on Kemper's face, but we won't go > into that), heading for the remainder of the patrol. FANG: ARRRGH! So why say she JUMPED over them when she DIDN'T! GRRR! BRIAREOS: [snooty] I passed through the toll gates smoothly. Actually, I crashed the car through and lead the police on a high speed car chase for the next five hours. > > Moose was knocking the few remaining guards over with various > thrown objects. Kemper and Hausler ducked as a series of SOKAKU: -crappy Australian soaps began playing on daytime TV. > shuriken > flew rather close to their heads, pining a guard to a tree. About > thirty seconds later the fight was over. The two mercenaries picked > themselves up off the ground. [Briareos chuckles] SOKAKU: What the? BRIAREOS: Try picturing a snake trying to stand upright. SOKAKU: Ohh yeah...heh. > > "Do you think you could do something about this?", Kemper > asked in a strained voice, indicating the restraints he wore. SOKAKU: [as Kemper] I gotta pee! > > Moose looked a Shampoo, "Well, what do you think, my > darling?", he asked. > > Shampoo let the 'my darling' pass for now, BRIAREOS: Then she picked up a lump of wood and brutally beat the crazy animal of the Canadian wilds to death with it! > "Well I don't know, > they say that they better than us... why not let them get out on own", > she said smiling. BRIAREOS: [monotone] Ha ha ha. > > Hausler laughed thinly, "Very funny, now how about getting > these manacles off?", he said. SOKAKU: Unfortunately Shampoo and Mousse forgot to pack the home blacksmith kit! > > ***** > > Ranma glanced warily around the corner. They had climbed the BRIAREOS: -mighty challenge of death! > elevator shaft and stepped out into a maze of corridors. Bending low > he spotted two guards moving purposefully down the corridor towards > them. SOKAKU: [as guard] Donut time! > > "It's probably just another electrical fault", said one guard. > > "Yeah well we've got to check it out, with all the problems > lately it never hurts to check", replied the second. SOKAKU: Wha? They know their 'greatest' enemy is coming, they know the elevator, their main hub of access, is busted and they send two rent-a-cops to check it? HELP! FANG: They might be setting up a trap later. SOKAKU: I hope so, otherwise these guys are the most incompetent bad guys since any of the evil leaders in Power Rangers! > > Ranma ducked back down the corridor, indicating that there > were two guards. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] Up yours too, Ranma! > > Jim nodded, "I'll take care of it", he said, shimmering into the > form of DarkWind. SOKAKU: And then he ran away! > > As the first guard walked around the corner, a large claw > closed around his neck, the next instant his head met the ceiling and > he folded over without a sound. BRIAREOS: But Dorkwind was bluffing! He only had a pair of threes! > > "What the...", was all the second guard was able to get out > before DarkWind's foot caught him in the temple. FANG: Good on ya Dorkwind, you just took out Ralphus and the Jericholic Ninja! SOKAKU Why on earth do they have Rent-a-Cops at their super-secret base? BRIAREOS: Jackhammer. Splat. Win. SOKAKU: Copyright DDTDigest. FANG: You've been Goldberged! > > DarkWind picked up the two unconscious bodies and moved back to > the elevator shoving them onto the elevator platform. After > depositing the two unfortunate guards DarkWind returned and led the > way deeper into the complex. BRIAREOS: [as Darkwind] Left. FANG: [as Ranma] We went left the last 12 times! > > "Where do you think they'll be keeping Kathy and Ryouga?", > Akane whispered. SOKAKU: [as Dorkwind] Duuhhh, a cell? > > "I'd say we have to look for something that resembles a > prison", FANG: [as Akane] It looks like a prison, it smells like a prison, it acts like a prison, what is it?! > said Ranma, "I can't see anything less than that keeping > Ryouga prisoner for long". SOKAKU: What if they kept him in a room with nympho triplets? > > Akane and Ranma were jogging down a long corridor FANG: [as Ranma] Just getting our daily exercise! > when a > figure stepped out in front of DarkWind. BRIAREOS: [as figure] Oooohh! I'm mysterious! Fear me! > > "So you've shown up after all?", the figure said. SOKAKU: [as figure] Agent Maxwell Smart! > > "Ahh, Casey, I was wondering where you had gotten off to... I'm > gonna enjoy this", said DarkWind evilly. FANG: Oh, he's gonna be a 'tweener! > > Casey shook his head, "No *I'm* the one who's going to enjoy > this", he said, shimmering. ALL: And we're the ones who gonna suffer! > > DarkWind dropped into a fighting stance, Ranma and Akane moved up > to flank him either side. BRIAREOS: [as Darkwind] This way, just step into the path of his sharp, painful claws... > > "Is this the best you could do?", Casey asked scornfully, "A > copula kids, one of them even looks like a regular human!". SOKAKU: So what does the other one look like? A space alien? > > Akane took a step forward, "And what's wrong with that!", she > said angrily. BRIAREOS: [as Casey] I wasn't referring to you! > > "Oh I'll give you a list if you live long enough", Casey said > grinning. FANG: [as Casey] Or my recipe for Chile Con Carne! > > Akane took another step forward, obviously preparing to attack > Casey. Suddenly she felt a claw on her shoulder, DarkWind shook his > head at her, "Don't, he's too cocky, there's something wrong". BRIAREOS: [as Darkwind] Do you smell baked beans? > > Akane, her eyes blazing stepped back into line. SOKAKU: Her eyes blazing stepped back into line? What about the rest of her? > > "Casey, why don't you ask your friends to join us?", DarkWind > said suddenly. FANG: Suddenly? We were expecting that! > > Casey's eyes narrowed, but he spoke up anyway, "Come on out, > there's no surprising him it seems". BRIAREOS: Idiot! Just one of them! And keep the rest in reserve. FANG: Just when we thought they had sense, they go and prove us wrong! > > The entire corridor around Casey seemed to shimmer, a few > seconds later, the shimmering resolved into four distinct figures. > DarkWind, Ranma and Akane stood facing three silver warriors, flanked > by one warrior of gold and another of bronze. Madaline, Casey and > another shifter that Jim didn't recognise made up the silver > combination. BRIAREOS: Oooooh foreshadowing! FANG: [British] See this? It's foreshadowing and now I will beat you over the head with it until you cry 'uncle'! > > The bronze figure stood about the same height as the others SOKAKU: One foot. > (around eight feet), it's body was covered with sharp spikes and > it's arms ended in what looked like a pair of metallic spears. BRIAREOS: They looked like metallic spears, they smelt like metallic spears and they ripped your guts to pieces like metallic spears! > It's face was completely blank, like smooth stone. It extended > it's spears in salute FANG: The middle spear upraised. >before dropping into a crouch, obviously > ready to charge. BRIAREOS: When crossbreeding shifters and bulls goes wrong! > > The golden figure as larger than the others standing almost > eight and a half feet tall. Its skin looked like overlapping > scales, similar to that of a lizard. The overall appearance was > very similar to DarkWind's, it's face was tapered until it ended up > looking slightly like a hawk. SOKAKU: It's like the Silver Hawks only golden. >A pair of sapphire eyes blazed from > thin slits where a person's eyes usually would be. Looking very > muscular, it's arms ended not in a pair of hands, but in what looked > like *very* sharp blades. SOKAKU: Don't they all? > > Ranma gulped and looked across at Akane, who was also looking > slightly nervous. DarkWind's eyes blazed as he looked at the woman > who killed Bob. SOKAKU: [as Darkwind] Hmmm, you've gained weight. > > "It looks like your friends are having second thoughts, I'll make > you an offer, if you surrender without a fight, they'll be set free.", BRIAREOS: [as Casey] And then we'll hunt them down and use their entrails for dog food! > Casey said smugly. FANG: Smarmy git. > > Suddenly an alarm cut through the silence that Casey's last > remark had produced. "Cell block 1, prisoners have escaped!", came a > loud voice. BRIAREOS: [as Casey] D'ohh! Boy, is my face red! > > DarkWind grabbed Ranma in one arm and Akane in the other, SOKAKU: And accidentally decapitated both. FANG: [as Darkwind] Is my face red! > turning and running back down the corridor. Seeing their target, the > Conclave shifters immediately took off in pursuit. ALL: [make 'brrrm brrrrrmmmm' sounds] > > "What are you doing?", Ranma gasped, between steps. SOKAKU: It's the amazing walking escape! > > DarkWind continued to run back down the corridor, turning down > tunnels at random, loosing himself in the maze-like complex. After BRIAREOS: -wondering why the corridors looked all the same he realised he had been going left all the time again! > running for a few more minutes, DarkWind set Ranma and Akane down and > looked around warily, "We're in trouble, I didn't expect there to be > so many of them", he said wearily. BRIAREOS: Duuuuhh. FANG: Well, we never said Darkwind was a tactical genius. > > Ranma and Akane nodded, "That alarm might mean that Ryouga and > Kathy have escaped, if we can find them before the others do...", SOKAKU: [as Ranma] We win the special prize! > Ranma began. > > DarkWind shook his head, "I already thought of that, but > without knowing where to go, we're in trouble", he said, "We'll > just have to hope that we run into them somewhere along the way". BRIAREOS: What are the odds of that? FANG: In this fic? Even. > > The three companions started down a corridor, hoping that > their Shampoo, Moose and the Mercenaries were having better luck. BRIAREOS: After all, it just wouldn't do to be without their hair care products! > > ***** > > "I (*ouch*) told you (*watch your foot*) that this was a bad > idea", said Kemper, giving Shampoo a boost up the cliff. SOKAKU: [as Kemper] Mmm, I can see Shampoo's panties... I guess it wasn't such a bad idea after all. > > "If Shampoo can no fly, she must (*watch your hand*) climb, > Ranma might need help", Shampoo said straining to get a better grip on > the cliff-face. SOKAKU: [whiny]Get a grip! Get the faddish velco football thingy! > > The two intrepid climbers where FANG: Where Shampoo? There Shampoo! There tree! There snow! There enemy! > hanging suspended over a BRIAREOS: -giant pot of boiling water. > valley, Shampoo insisting that they at least try to reach Ranma. They > had tried to enter the base the same way the others had, but the doors > wouldn't respond to the passcards they had taken from the patrol. SOKAKU: [computer voice] Your card has been retained, please contact the secret evil base during business hours. > > Moose and Hausler were flying ahead while Shampoo and Kemper > tried to scale the mountain. "I can't see why you wouldn't let > Hausler and me carry you, we could have strung together a harness for SOKAKU: [As Kemper]-10 cents and a stick of gum. > you cat form and with the two of us...", Kemper began for the > twentieth time. FANG: [whiney] I don't wanna climb this stupid cliff! > > Shampoo shook her head, "No, I not meant to fly, we climb", > she said with and air of finality. BRIAREOS: That still doesn't explainnnnn! FANG: [as Pauline] I don't understand, please explain. > > Kemper sighed and continued to climb, boosting up shampoo when > she needed it. "At least the view is good", he thought to himself, > looking at the shapely legs (and other non-describable) features above > him. FANG: [muted trumpet sounds] Waa-waa-waa-waaaaaaa SOKAKU: Amen to that brudda! BRIAREOS: Mmmm... legs.... > > ***** > > Moose was not enjoying himself, firstly he had to leave behind > Shampoo, to the care of that disreputable mercenary. She had flatly > rejected his offers to climb with her, SOKAKU: [as Shampoo] We can no afford nookie breaks during the climb! > "Moose, if something happens to > Ranma because you were not there to help, I'll never forgive you", she > had said. Secondly, it was *very* cold in the Rocky mountains in > winter, especially flying high above them. FANG: Der moment. ALL: Deeeerrr! > > > (Author's Note: Yes I know it's an old line that everyone uses, but > it seems so appropriate...) FANG: [standing up] SO DON'T SAY IT! > > "What else can go wrong?", he thought to himself. > > (Author's Note: Sorry!) [Fang throws a Jericho hissy fit] > > > Moose had just cleared the top of the mountain when he saw a SOKAKU: -bunch of terrorists batting it out with mountain rescue for the tenth time. > glint of metal in the rocks below. Flying in for a closer look, he > saw what looked like building's built straight into the mountain. FANG: The building's what? The building is built? > Glass windows looked over the valley, giving what was probably a > breathtaking view of the area. "Well at least it wasn't hard to > find", he thought to himself. BRIAREOS: [as Mousse] Just like it was marked on the map! > > "What's that??", came a shouted voice from below him. SOKAKU: It's a plot device, what do you think it is? > > Looking down he saw a pair of guards, standing near the edge of > what looked like a helipad. They were studying him intently. BRIAREOS: [as guard] It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a...duck? > > "It looks like a duck", another voice reported. > > "Since when do we get ducks here in the winter?", the first > voice asked again. ALL: WE TOLD YOU DAMMIT! BRIAREOS: Dorkwind, tactical genius, strikes again! > > "Never!", said the second, "I think I'm in the mood for some > roast duck for dinner, I'll be back in a minute". SOKAKU: Er hello? Have you remotely considered it's a blimming shifter? Idiot. > > Moose quacked in terror, as a falcon shot towards him. He > jinked to his right, feeling the falcon's talons brush his tail FANG: So he slapped a sexual harassment suit on the falcon. > feathers. Moose dropped low to the ground, ducking in and out of the > rocks, like Jim had taught him. The falcon rose higher, waiting for > him to come out. BRIAREOS: And then it changed into creature with many sharp edges and fell on Mousse and took his decapitated corpse to the kitchen! > > "Shampoo must be informed that this place is guarded", he SOKAKU: You mean they thought it was unguarded? FANG: *sobbing* Help, no one is this stupid in real life! > thought to himself. Moose quickly made his way to the edge of the > mountain top, tucking in his wings, dropping towards the valley floor. > Unfortunately for him, a falcon fly's FANG: Flies. >much faster than a duck, the > bigger bird was gaining on him quickly. BRIAREOS: Then it turned into a creature with giant swords for arms and killed him, shifted back into a falcon and flew home with his corpse. > > "Help!!!", he quacked, watching the sharp beak drawing closer. > > Suddenly the falcon disappeared in a puff of feathers and > plummeted towards the ground uncontrollably. Moose watched as an huge SOKAKU: -747 engine sucked him in! > eagle, spat some feathers from it's mouth. Pulling into formation > with him. BRIAREOS: Break right, eagle one! Bogey on your tail! > > Hausler waggled his wings at the surprised duck, trying to > spit the taste out of his mouth (a neat trick for a bird). "I hate SOKAKU: [singing] -rap! BRIAREOS: If you mention that again, I'll kill you! > having to do that", he thought to himself, "feathers never taste > good". BRIAREOS: Which is why we pluck chickens. > > ***** > > Ryouga was leading the way down an unfamiliar corridor, they had > located a bathroom and he had changed back into his normal form. > Thomas had been thoughtful enough to bring Ryouga's clothes along, so > he was spared the embarrassment of having to fight naked. SOKAKU: Well, it would have been distracting the other guy as well. FANG: [as random guard] It's so small! *laughing* > > "Interesting", Thomas said, glancing around another corner in the > large complex of corridors, "It looks like most of the guards are > gathering in one area", he said. BRIAREOS: [as Thomas] To the escape pods! > > Ryouga also peeked around the corner, watching as a group of > guards trotted along, not apparently searching for anyone. "That's SOKAKU: [as Ryouga] -really stupid but these ARE rent-a-cops! > very strange, I would think that they'd be after us, but they seem to > be all heading in one direction", he commented. They had seen several > groups of guards, all heading in the same direction. BRIAREOS: [as guards] To the escape pods! > > "I wonder what's going on", Thomas said quietly, "I think it > might be a good idea to follow them". SOKAKU: Of course, it would also be a good idea to go the OTHER direction and get the hell out of there! > > Ryouga nodded, and started down the wrong corridor. Thomas > grabbed him by the arms and pulled him in the correct direction. BRIAREOS: Ha-ha-ha. That's funny see! [Both Sokaku and Fang stare] BRIAREOS: Because Ryouga is always lost... [Both Sokaku and Fang continue to stare] BRIAREOS: Oh, forget it. SOKAKU: It was overused in Ranma 1/2, it's no longer funny. BRIAREOS: [muttering] Spoilsports. > > ***** > > Ranma, Akane and DarkWind had walked straight into a group of > guards. Thankfully, there where only a few shifters amongst them, the SOKAKU: -smart ones were waiting with a gaitling mini-gun. > rest appeared to be human. Ranma knocked yet another guard > unconscious with a blow to the head. He duck under a swinging arm and > kicked the knee of his assailant. The man went down screaming in FANG: -mock terror. > pain. Akane was enjoying working off her anger, launching a kick at > one guard's head, while at the same time bashing one in the face. > BRIAREOS: Meanwhile the guards just stood there and waited their turn to be squished. SOKAKU: Sort of like the nWo and Sting. > They were going well until a voice echoed down the tunnel, > "Here's where you've run to", said Casey, "Changelings please show our > guests some hospitality". FANG: [as changeling] A spot of tea, chaps? > > A group of about four guards had who had held back, shimmered and > reformed into a trio of wolves and a large black bear. The group > moved forwards purposefully. BRIAREOS: As opposed to shambling about aimlessly. > > "Akane, Ranma, use the vials", DarkWind shouted, throwing one of > his own into the bear's face. The two imitated DarkWind a moment > later, hitting a wolf each. SOKAKU: It's the mystical plot device water! > > One of the wolves was suddenly replaced by a rather fluffy > rabbit, the other turned into mouse. The bear on the other hand > changed into a small horse. FANG: I always wanted a pony! BRIAREOS: Moi lovely 'orse! > > "What the ??!?!?", said Casey, looking in shock at his men. SOKAKU: [as Casey] You've gone all poofy on me! > > DarkWind's mouth curved into a smile, "Looks like your hit men > have become a little less intimidating", he said. BRIAREOS: That's when Bret Hart came out and bashed them with a bat! SOKAKU: I thought he was a face? BRIAREOS: No, he went heel nearly an hour ago. FANG: Five, four, three, two, one. BRIAREOS: Okay, he's a face again. > > The remaining wolf began to back away, only to be hit by > another well-thrown vial from Ranma. It turned into robin. Casey SOKAKU: -Ryback burst into the room and slaughtered every man inside with just a butterknife. > gestured the rest of his men to attack and then raced back down the > corridor. BRIAREOS: [British] Run awaaay! > > The remaining guards were all knocked out quickly and Ranma > leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath. "What the > hell was in those vials?", he asked. BRIAREOS: Der moment. ALL: DEEEERRR! SOKAKU: You'd think having his life changed by the cursed springs of Jusenkyo would allow him to identify what happened! > > DarkWind shimmered back into Jim's form, Jim then proceeded to > sit down with his back against the wall, resting for a time. "Well > Bob collected this stuff from a collector in Japan, he was studying > the occult and it cost me a lot to obtain these samples", he > explained. SOKAKU: [as Bob] By the unholy power of Manos! > > Ranma's eye's opened wider, "You don't mean...", he began. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] He sold his soul to the devil? SOKAKU: [as Jim] Yeah. For a donut. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Devil Flanders? [With a poof of fire and brimstone Devil Flanders appears] DEVIL FLANDERS: Someone say my name? FANG: Uh, no. DEVIL FLANDERS: Damn. [Devil Flanders disappears in a poof of fire and brimstone] SOKAKU: Well that was surreal. > > Jim grinned and nodded, "Yup, it's JhusenKyo water alright". SOKAKU: [as Jim] I got it from a UbuyRiteOccult store. > > Akane looked at the vial in her hand, "I can see why you > wanted us to be careful with these, I've got no wish to end up like > the pervert over there", she said, smiling at Ranma. SOKAKU: [as Akane] Now if you has water from 'Spring of Drowned Catgirl'.... BRIAREOS: Mmmmmm... > > Ranma was about to respond when they heard footsteps from > behind them. Quickly the three came to their feet SOKAKU: EW! Should they be doing that in public? FANG: SOKAKU! Geez, they leapt to their feet! > and followed in > the direction that Casey had taken. BRIAREOS: [singing] Follow, follow, follow the cowardly shifter road! > > ***** > > "I'm telling you they've got some kind of weapon that forces > shifters into harmless forms!!", SOKAKU: [as Casey] Like Gillberg! BRIAREOS: [as Casey] Or Vincent! FANG: [as Casey] Or some foppish teenage fad band singer. >Casey shouted again. He was standing > in the doorway of a large hall, looking behind himself nervously. BRIAREOS: [as Casey] Note to self: Don't drop the soap. > > "Nonsense, you just ran away because your afraid of DarkWind", > Madaline replied. SOKAKU: [as Casey] But he's big and mean and scary! > > "My 'children', stop fighting, we'll find out soon enough, the > men have orders to 'encourage' them in this direction", Baratis said, > stopping the argument. FANG: [as Baratis] They'll entice them this way with offers of candy! > > "That's fine, but I've got no intention of being trapped in a > useless form", said Windsor anxiously. SOKAKU: [as Windsor] Being a royal is useless enough! > > Baratis looked at the young shifter angrily, "You'll follow > orders young one, that is if you wish to go on living". BRIAREOS: [as Baratis] What's the matter McFly? Are you CHICKEN? > > Windsor nodded uncomfortably and sat back down to wait. > "Father, you promised that I would be the one to kill DarkWind, I > don't need all this help", Kathy said quietly, as she entered the > hall. SOKAKU: [as Baratis] What was that? You be the one to bill Darkwind? > > Baratis looked up as Kathy entered, "Yes, my dear, you will be > the one to kill him, I just don't want to loose you in the fight", he > said comfortingly. BRIAREOS: [comfortingly] Don't worry, we'll help you wash the blood of your hands, you scheming murderess!!!! > > Kathy smiled quickly, "Thank you father", she said, bending > and giving him a quick [All crane their heads] FANG: -view of her ass? Mmmm... SOKAKU: Fang, you closet perv... > kiss on the SOKAKU: -mouth with the tongue. BRIAREOS: I see Kathy is still a skanky ho. > cheek. She suddenly felt dizzy and > had to grab Baratis' shoulder to stand upright. FANG: [as Baratis] Ewww, skank germs! > > "What's wrong", Baratis said quickly. BRIAREOS: [as Baratis] May I offer some euthanasia? > > "Oh nothing, I just felt slightly dizzy for a moment, it will > pass", Kathy replied. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Hopefully when my brain explodes! > > "Why don't you wait in the corridor and keep and eye out for > them, little sister", Madaline said suddenly. SOKAKU: [narrator] Suddenly...THINGS HAPPENED! > > Kathy nodded and walked from the hall, "What's happening?", > Madaline whispered to Baratis. FANG: [as Kathy] YOU DON'T NEED TO WHISPER I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Really. > > Baratis shook his head, "I don't know, but it appears the > treatment is loosing it's effectiveness, it was probably a side > effect of seeing her friends again. Luckily she has only known SOKAKU: [as Baratis] -Bubba Bo Bupkis > these people for a short time and her impressions of them are very > faint", he said quietly. SOKAKU: [singing as Mylene] Love will save the wooorlld! FANG: I didn't know you could get your voice that high. BRIAREOS: [campy] Darlink! He has so many talents! SOKAKU: Shut up. > > ***** > > Shampoo finally pulled herself up onto the mountaintop. > Kemper struggled up a moment later, breathing heavily, he dropped to > the ground exhausted. SOKAKU: [as Kemper] Wow, that was some nookie break! > > "Next time I fly... that climbing makes my arms too tired", he > said massaging his forearms. BRIAREOS: At least his wrists will be stronger for later on... SOKAKU: When Kemper is alone in his bedroom....together...with Shampoo. FANG: [as Kemper] And the Reverend said I'd get hairy palms! > > An eagle landed next to them, shimmering a moment later into the > grinning form of Hausler. "What took you so long?", he asked happily. SOKAKU: At least he wasn't being a smug-git. > > "If I wasn't so tired I'd throw you off the bloody cliff!", > Kemper moaned. BRIAREOS: [as Kemper] Shampoo, stop that! > > A duck landed nearby eyeing Shampoo carefully, it quacked > inqusivitely. SOKAKU: [as Mousse] How many times did they do it? > > "I'm fine Moose", Shampoo replied wearily, looking around for the > first time. FANG: [as Shampoo] Whoa! That some Columbian coffee! > > "Where's that other guard you mentioned?", Kemper asked, > suddenly remembering Hausler's rushed explanation on one of the > ledges. > > "Well we found out what he shifts into", said Hausler > chuckling. Moose also quacked happily. SOKAKU: [as Hausler] He turns into a daytime chat show host! > > "I'm I missing something?", Kemper asked. FANG: [as Hausler] You're you are. > > "Well, it turned out that he was of the 'canine' persuasion", > Hausler said, "have you ever noticed that dogs can't fly?". SOKAKU: [as Kemper] What? They don't? No wonder all of my dogs fell to a messy death when I took them for a fly! > > "You didn't?", said Shampoo. BRIAREOS: [as Shampoo] You made it eat 'Good-o'? > > "Relax, he only fell about fifteen feet... onto a ledge", > Hausler said grinning wildly. SOKAKU: Fifteen feet? That would be....four meters? > Shampoo stood suddenly, "Come on, we must find Ranma!". FANG: [as Shampoo] He still not pay bill for last night! > > ***** > > Ranma ran into a large room, it resembled a hall, with bright > lighting covering the ceiling, there were some tables and chairs set > up in the middle. Suddenly he came to a halt as he saw the five > figures waiting for them at the other end of the room. SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Oh no! It's the Taxman! > > Akane bumped into his back, "What are you doing?", she almost > screamed. Then she noticed the figures at the other end of the room > and she too stopped in shock. It was a trap. BRIAREOS: Duhhhh. These guys are complete tactical idiots! Even worse than the goons in the Berthandi op! FANG: Yesss [looks at Sokaku] SOKAKU: Shut up! I told you I wasn't hired then! > > Jim (still in human form), threw his last vial at one of the > changelings pursuing them, turning it into an owl. "Damn, walked > right into it", he swore to himself. FANG: [as Jim] Duh, I like jello. > > "Hello again", said the Bronze warrior from the other end of the > hall, it waved off the pursuing guards, who formed a line at the SOKAKU: [as Bronze] Idiots, a wall! Not a line to get slaughtered! > room's entrance. "It looks like you're friends have some talent after > all", it continued, "But I'm afraid your luck has run out". SOKAKU: Just as well, luck is the last thing a merc relies on. > > Akane pulled out the last vial, throwing it as fast as she > could at the bronze figure. The bronze figure ducked under it > easily, unfortunately the silver figure behind him was not of > skilful. FANG: Not of WHAT? Not so skilful you mean? >The vial impacted, right in it's chest. The silver > figure shrunk and then elongated, reforming into a tiger! Akane > and Ranma looked at Jim questioningly. BRIAREOS: [as Urkel] Did I do thaaat? > > He shrugged, "Well they can't *all* be harmless", he said > apologetically. SOKAKU: [as Bob] Hmm, should I test this on some animals or should I spend this 1,000 Ranburai on call girls? Hmmm...hmmm... > > "Nice try", said the Bronze figure, he gestured to Madaline > and Casey to go after Ranma and Akane. "My friend in gold here, > has something to talk to you about DarkWind", he said. FANG: [as Kathy] Have you considered investing your money in mutual fund? > > The golden figure suddenly rushed forward, aiming it's blades at > Jim's head. Waiting till the last second, Jim rolled backwards, as > the blades whistled over his head. Jim shimmered, and came back off > the floor as DarkWind, his claws stretching out for the golden > warrior. SOKAKU: [as Darkwind] I choppy choppy your pee-pee! > > Ranma was having trouble keeping out of Madaline's reach, he had > gotten in a copule of kicks, but they seemed to have little effect, BRIAREOS: So kick somewhere else? > other than to make Madaline more and more angry. He jumped over a > punch, kicking out at Madaline's head, his foot connected, driving her FANG: Driving Miss Madaline. > backwards. Ranma followed up with a flurry of punches, dropping into > the Tenshin Amaguriken and within a few seconds Madaline was > unconscious on the floor. He turned to look for someone else to > fight. BRIAREOS: OH MY GOD! Do you realise he actually DID a technique?] SOKAKU: I was wondering how long it would take. > > Akane was not faring so well, Casey had gotten in a few good > punches, and she felt some blood dripping from a small cut above her > eyebrow. She ducked as another massive blow passed within centimetres > of her head. "He's not trying to capture me, he's going to kill me", > she thought to herself, as she again dodged a killing blow. SOKAKU: Der moment. ALL: DDEEEERRR! BRIAREOS: Doesn't it say 'Cleanse the world of humans' in the Conclave charter? SOKAKU: Maybe she fell asleep during Jim's explanation. BRIAREOS: That would explain it. > > ***** > > Ryouga and Thomas were moving silently along when they came to a > large group of guards, the seemed to be bunched in a group, blocking > the entrance to a brightly lit room. SOKAKU: [as Thomas] The escape pods! > > From beyond the guards came the sounds of a fight, Ryouga > thought he recognised Ranma's voice over the other noises. "That's > silly, what would Ranma be doing here?", he thought to himself. Then > he heard a voice call for help, this one he definitely recognised, it > was Akane. With a roar, Ryouga rushed into the rear of the guards, > leaving Thomas to stare at his disappearing back. SOKAKU: [as Thomas] Nice butt. > > "Well he's certainly enthusiastic", Thomas chuckled to > himself, rushing forward to cover Ryouga's back. BRIAREOS: Thomas and Ryouga ARE Lodi and Lenny! SOKAKU: [as Thomas] Ryouga, have you seen my hamster? >He shimmered and > reformed, knocking startled guards from his path as he raced after > Ryouga. BRIAREOS: And then they shot him to death with their guns. > > ***** > > Ranma heard Akane's cry for help and turned to see the > transformed tiger bite into one of her legs. "NO!", he screamed, SOKAKU: [as Ranma] She's mine to feed on! > focusing his Ki moved quickly towards Akane. Casey was raising his > hand for the final when Ranma's 'Roaring-lion Bullet' struck him in FANG: Final what? > the side, flinging him into the stone wall. Akane punched at the > Tiger biting into her leg, the pain was horrible, but she managed to > get her leg out of its mouth. BRIAREOS: [as Tiger] Could use some Tomato Sauce. > > Ranma arrived a second later, a flying kick into the tiger, > threw it into the still gorgy Casey. "Geeze, you've gotta be more > careful", Ranma said, quickly examining Akane's leg. He ripped a > piece of his shirt off and tied it around her leg. SOKAKU: Unfortunately he misremembered his medical training and used a tourniquet and so her leg dropped off. The End. > > "AKANE!!!!", came a shout from behind the guards blocking one of > the entrances to the room. Seconds later Ryouga came barrelling BRIAREOS: -into the closet. > through the guards, bashing left and right as he ran towards Ranma and > Akane. FANG: They've been Goldberged! > > "Ryouga!, where the hell did you come from?", Ranma said in a > suspiciously relieved tone. BRIAREOS: [as Ryouga] Outside the room, duh! > > Ryouga, after assuring himself that Akane, was in no immediate > danger, replied, "I was escaping, now I've got to rescue your Butt > Ranma!, how could you think of bringing Akane into a place like > this?". SOKAKU: [as Ranma] I didn't, blame Dorkwind. Let's beat him up together later. > > Ranma was about to respond when a someone cleared their throat > behind him. FANG: [as Dusty Rhodes] Kill the bad guys NOW if you weeeeeel. > > "Do you think we could discuss this later, we have bigger > things to worry about", said Thomas. BRIAREOS: [as Thomas] Such as how to get the bloodstains out of my shirt! > > Ranma and Akane took a long look at Thomas, "Who are you?", SOKAKU: [as Akane] And what are you doing with that frozen cucumber? FANG: SOKAKU! I thought we got over this obsession... > they both asked curiously. The reason for their curiosity was that > they were looking at an almost exact copy of DarkWind, minus the > wings. The only major difference between Thomas' and Jim's fighting > forms was that Thomas stood nearly nine feet tall. SOKAKU: Ooooh, someone is compensating for lack of size elsewhere, eh? > > Breaking off their examination they suddenly realised that the > remaining guards were surrounding them. "Get 'em", screamed Casey. BRIAREOS: [as Casey] Ninja VANISH! > > ***** > > DarkWind blocked another sword swipe with his claws, jumping back > to give himself some breathing room. He was already bleeding from > several cuts, BRIAREOS: [as Darkwind] My lovely FACE! I'll KILL YOU! > it was nothing serious at the moment, but he didn't want SOKAKU: -extensive cosmetic surgery. > too many more of them. He had managed to get one of his claws past > his opponents defences, opening a shallow cut in its chest. FANG: That's when Kathy slapped him with a sexual harassment suit! > > "Your really persistent", he commented, parrying another > thrust. Suddenly he jumped straight up, unfurling his wings and > hovering about twelve feet above the floor. SOKAKU: [as Darkwind] *thud* Ow, my head! *thud* Ow! *thud* Ow! > > The golden warrior jumped straight at him, extending it's > swords at his legs. DarkWind desperately dodged, "I need more room to > manoeuvre", he thought to himself. BRIAREOS: No shit? That's why we don't use Gughes-H indoors, DUH! > > DarkWind's claw connected with his opponent's head, opening up a > deep cut. Unfortunately as he felt his claw connected, the golden > warrior's sword bit into the membrane on his wing. Screaming in pain SOKAKU: -like a woose. > DarkWind landed awkwardly, his ability to fly in this form destroyed. > "Shit, this guy is good", he thought. BRIAREOS: Or, on the non-Dorkwind scale, average. > > DarkWind suddenly turned and ran, straight at the bronze > warrior, who was watching the fight from one end of the hall. The > bronze figure parried DarkWind's claw strike with one of it's spears. SOKAKU: And used the other to give him a serious wound to the chest! > Not stopping, DarkWind ran from the room, through the other exit. The > golden warrior pursued him out of the room. BRIAREOS: [snooty] It's a tactical withdrawal! > > DarkWind's mind was working quickly, he couldn't leave Ranma and > Akane alone for too long, but he was loosing in his fight. FANG: [mocking] LOSER! > Sprinting > he heard the golden warrior pursing him, he finally came to what he'd > been looking for, a room with a window. BRIAREOS: [as Darkwind] Ah, a room with a view. > > Standing and waiting in front of the window, DarkWind examined > his wounded wing. "No good, I'll have to shift again", he thought. BRIAREOS: Geez, you sound like you need some Metamucil FANG: You missed the F AGAIN! > > The golden warrior caught up, moving warily, it came into the > room. DarkWind stood his ground, waiting for his opponent to make the > first move. SOKAKU: [as Darkwind] Out ze vidow ve go! > > A lighting strike from the Golden warrior headed for BRIAREOS: BOLT! > DarkWind's head. Ducking under, he wrapped his claws around the > golden warrior's arms. Shoving backwards he smashed through the > glass, falling out into empty air. FANG: Where they fell to their deaths. The End. > > ***** > > Baratis looked at the disappearing form of Kathy, as she > pursed DarkWind down the corridor. "Come on girl, finish him", he SOKAKU: [as Baratis] Mmm...nice rear end. > thought, turning back to the fight in the middle of the room. He > shook his head suddenly, it couldn't be, DarkWind had just run from > the room. FANG: [as Baratis] I need glasses! > > He watched the new figure dispatching his guards and finally > realised what he was looking at. "Oh no, not him", he thought. When > they had captured Thomas nearly twenty years ago, he had lost six of BRIAREOS: -his Jerichoholic Ninjas to Thomasberg's spear! > his best shifters. It was only luck that enabled them to capture him, > that and the fact he was trying to cover his wife's escape. Baratis > was beginning to have second thoughts about this operation. BRIAREOS: Ha ha ha! Thomas is the badass and Dorkwind just suuuucks! SOKAKU: But if he's more powerful than Dorkwind, what do you think his chances for survival are? BRIAREOS: D'ohhhh... > > ***** > > Thomas slashed another cut along Casey's face. Blocking the > counterattack with his arm. "Gee, they've certainly gotten sloppy in > the last twenty years", he thought to himself. He ripped another hole > in Casey's chest, again blocking the counter blow. BRIAREOS: [as Casey] Watch out or I'll splatter some blood on you! SOKAKU: [as Rowan Atkinson] If I catch Herpes in the corridor like the Headmaster did yesterday, there'll be trouble. > > > Ranma and Ryouga had taken up positions to either side of > Akane and were dispatching guards quickly. Akane was helping as > much as she could, not being able to move much on her leg. FANG: She occasionally shot a guard a deadly glance! >Ranma > glanced at their new friend, he was making short work of that other > shifter, already having knocked out the tiger. "Glad he's on our > side", Ranma thought to himself. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Of course, it could all be a ruse but hey... > > Thomas brought his fist down on Casey's head, pounding him to the > ground. He then turned his attention to the remaining guards, who > took one look at him and turned and ran in all directions. FANG: -except for the door. > > "Well that was easy", Thomas commented. SOKAKU: Sort of like disarming a unarmed mine, huh? FANG: SHUT UP! > > Ranma snorted, "Then I don't *ever* want to see hard", he said > quietly, rubbing at his bruised shoulder. BRIAREOS: [as Thomas] Don't worry, I've got the cheats! > > Akane sat down heavily, "Well I know that I need a bit of a > rest", she said and after a moment she added, "Hang on!, where's > Jim?" SOKAKU: [as Akane] He's gone! Quick, let's get outta here before he comes back! > > ***** > > Shampoo, Moose and the Mercenaries had finally figured out how to > open the door on the mountain top. BRIAREOS: -with the help of a wandering monk. SOKAKU: [as monk] See this? It's called a key, you put it into the lock, turn it and then use the doorknob! BRIAREOS: [as Kemper] Duhhh, this is amazing stuff! >They were starting down the > tunnel, when they heard footsteps approaching. A group of fleeing > guards were running down the corridor, the came to an abrupt halt > seeing Shampoo brandishing her maces. FANG: THEY'RE NOT MACES! Maces originated in Europe and were short spiked balls of metal! Grrr... > > "Not more of them!!", one cried in despair, turning and > running back down the corridor. The rest quickly followed, leaving > three very confused people and one equally confused duck. SOKAKU: Ha ha ha. This is funny, see? [Both Briareos and Fang stare at Sokaku] SOKAKU: Nevermind. > > ***** > > DarkWind welcomed the freezing air, relaxing slightly as they > entered freefall. He felt a sudden fire in his side, looking down, he > saw one a silver-trimmed sword sticking out of his side. He extended > his wings, attempting to break away from his adversary. BRIAREOS: Including the same wing that were badly damaged just moments ago? > > Kathy felt a great satisfaction as her arm embedded itself > into DarkWind's side. She pulled upwards, attempting to enlarge > the wound. DarkWind suddenly pulled away from her, flapping his > wings madly. "You don't get away that easily", she thought to > herself. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Yessss, I'll make sure EVERY Network station in the world airs reruns of Home and Away! > > DarkWind was attempting to level out his flight and not having > much luck, when he noticed that the golden warrior had fashioned SOKAKU: -a lovely blue dress! > itself a pair of wings and was attempting to pursue him. "Shit, I > gotta get to the ground fast, this bastard's good", he thought, he > furled his wings on his back, wincing as the damaged wing folded back. FANG: -and was ripped off! > Falling like a stone, DarkWind soon outdistanced his pursuer. He > stretched out his wings again, scant meters above the ground, FANG: He didn't notice the tree until he crashed into it and died. The End. BRIAREOS: Feeling dark today? FANG: This whole fanfic has left feeling very annoyed! > attempting to turn a headlong plunge into a controlled landing. BRIAREOS: [as Dorkwind] Tower, this DorkAir 1. This is an emergency I need permission to land. Have rescue crews standing by. SOKAKU: [as operator] Negative DorkAir 1, we cannot issue permission. Divert to Karachi, which is ready to receive you. BRIAREOS: [as Dorkwind] Karachi? That's on the other side of the world! How am I going to make it? SOKAKU: [as operator] That's the point, DorkAir 1. > > > Kathy watched in frustration as her target started pulling > away. She was not very good in the air, this form was not suited to > extended flying. FANG: Yes! You may be a many taloned creature of death but humanoid forms are not suited to flying at ALL! >Slowing herself, she watched as DarkWind seemed to > hit the ground heavily and didn't move. She would have smiled if this > form had a mouth, and landed near DarkWind's fallen figure. She BRIAREOS: -then danced the macarana as victory dance! > walked over towards him, extending her arms, warily. She jumped back > as he simmered again, this time shrinking into human form. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] What a runt! > > "That mean's that he is unconscious or dead", she thought to > herself. Cautiously, she turned the unconscious form over. Suddenly > she felt dizzy, and fell to one knee, "What's wrong with me??", she ALL: She's unable to resist Jim's aura of smooooooooth! > thought, looking down at DarkWind's human form, she felt that she knew > him from somewhere. "Nonsense, I'm imaging things", she said to > herself, raising her arm once again. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Wait a minute, didn't I see him in 'Cleo's Thirty Men to AVOID' awhile back? FANG: Speaking of 'Cleo's Thirty Men to AVOID', you made it into the list again. SOKAKU: Har-de-har. > > Jim regained consciousness slowly, he felt himself roughly > turned over. Glancing out of a semi-closed eyes, he noticed that the BRIAREOS: -midgets were having trouble with the giant pot. > golden warrior seemed to be having some problems, it was shaking it's > head dizzily. "Now's my chance", he thought to himself, willing > himself to reform into the only for he had left that *might* be able > to get away. SOKAKU: A chicken. > > Kathy jumped back again, as DarkWind shimmered again, > shrinking even further. A small bird started to take shape. "He's > trying to get away", she thought to herself, ready to spear at the > bird when it tried to take off. She looked at the finished bird, it > was a raven, unfortunately for DarkWind, this raven was too badly hurt > to fly. BRIAREOS: *sigh* Der moment. ALL: DEEERRR! > > Jim flopped around in the dirt in frustration, his wing!, it was > a still damaged in this form. Closing his eyes, he waited for the FANG: -divine retribution! > killing blow. But instead he felt himself picked up gently, he opened > one eye, to see what was going on. Staring back at him was a tearful > Kathy. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Oh how long I have waited to crush this pig in my hands! > > ***** > > Akane, Ryouga, Ranma and Thomas looked up as Shampoo and the two > Mercenaries entered the room. They were followed by Moose in duck > form. BRIAREOS: He's one of those new 'Port-A-Dinner' things. > > Shampoo ran forward to hug Ranma, "Ranma, you ok?", she asked > quickly, hugging him tightly. FANG: [as Ranma] Well, my cracked ribs were holding up okay but now I've got bone fragments in my lungs! > > Ranma winced as Shampoo's hug aggravated his bruises. "I'm > fine Shampoo, *ouch*, I'm a bit bruised though", he said, > indicating that she should let him go. FANG: [as Ranma] Shoo, shoo you silly skank! BRIAREOS: Do you want me to kill you? > > For once Shampoo complied with his request to be released, and > she looked at Akane, who was sitting on the floor, "You hurt?", she > asked. BRIAREOS: [as Shampoo] Good! > > Akane nodded, "I got bitten by that tiger", she said > indicating the prone form of a tiger. BRIAREOS: That's when Shampoo bludgeoned Akane to death! SOKAKU: You wish. > > Shampoo quickly grabbed a first-aid kit from Kemper and knelt by > Akane's side, "You be more careful, Shampoo not like loosing friends", > she said. FANG: [as Shampoo] Which is why Shampoo not care about Akane because Shampoo not like losing FRIENDS! SOKAKU: Or missing episodes of it. > > Thomas looked around the room, "Anyone got any rope?", he > asked, looking at the masses of unconscious bodies. BRIAREOS: Rope? Are they mad? > > Kemper and Hausler nodded and began tying up as many people as > they could reach. Ranma looked carefully over the bodies in the room, SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Hahaha! That guy has no ears! > "I think there's someone missing", he said. BRIAREOS: Bronzeberg. > > ***** > > Madaline stumbled down a corridor, "That little bastard can > really hit", she said to herself. She hadn't even seen his final > blows, they had been too quick for her to keep up with. She limped SOKAKU: [singing] -lumped and crumped. FANG: I don't get it. SOKAKU: I heard it on some kids show. I don't get it either. > into Baratis' office, closing the door behind her. "Where did that > old bastard hide his escape route?", she said angrily. BRIAREOS: Considering their competency level I would have thought it was behind a giant door marked 'Se-crud Escape Route'! > > "It's behind the fireplace", came a voice from behind her. SOKAKU: You've been Bronzeberged! > > She turned to see Baratis sitting on a couch. "I'm very > disappointed in you Madaline, you can't even handle one young boy by > yourself", BRIAREOS: [as Baratis] Except in lemon fanfics but let's not go there. > he said rising, "On top of that, you've failed numerous > times to kill DarkWind, even when you had the perfect opportunity." BRIAREOS: We have a word for Madaline. FANG: Incompetent. > > Madaline backed away from him, "what do you mean?", she asked > nervously. > > "You think I didn't know about your letting DarkWind go?", he > said scornfully, "why??, why let him go, you could have had anything > you wanted from us?". FANG: GRRRR! There's them FRIGGIN' question marks in the middle of a sentence! SOKAKU: I would've thought the last bit was a statement not a question. > > "You wouldn't understand", she said. BRIAREOS: [as Madaline] You don't understand anything, Daddy! We're gonna have a house in the country and raise 2.5 kids! > > "You've fallen for him?", he said disbelievingly. SOKAKU: [as Baratis] *sob* You hussy, and I gave you the best years of my life! > > Madaline shook her head, "No!, I ahh.. I had a debt to repay to > him", she replied. BRIAREOS: [as Madaline] $20 for services rendered. > > Baratis frowned, "Well I'm afraid I can't let you live", he > said suddenly shifting. BRIAREOS: Ew, just like that? FANG: BRIAREOS! > > Madaline parried his first thrust with a chair. SOKAKU: [as Schiavone] German Suplex by Madaline! >Ducking > behind Baratis' desk. > > "You can't hide from me!", he said, spearing the desk. BRIAREOS: Watch out for the Jackhammer! > > Madaline flinched back as his spear cut through the desk, > punching a large hole in the desk. > > "You know, I was about to say the same thing", came a voice > from the door. FANG: [as Baratis] No! But I paid my tax this year! > > Madaline quickly glanced over the table, seeing Thomas' > fighting form standing the doorway, "Saved by the enemy!", she > thought to herself, running over to the fireplace. FANG: Where she caught on fire and died. The End. > > ***** > > Thomas had been waiting nearly twenty years for this moment, this > man had killed his wife and kept him prisoner, hunted his friends and > his daughter. "Time for you to pay", he snarled. SOKAKU: [as Baratis] Do you take MasterCard? > > Baratis advanced cautiously, "Nice to see you again, Thomas", he > said conversationally. FANG: [as Baratis] Twinnings? > > Thomas flexed his claws and also advanced, "I'm the last thing > you'll ever see, old man", he replied. BRIAREOS: [as Baratis] What if I see the carpet instead? > > The two combatants came together with a crash. SOKAKU: -Boom Opera. > > ***** > > Kathy cradled the raven in her hands. "I can't believe I was > about to kill you", she said to it quietly. She was still dizzy, but > was thinking clearly for a change. She stroked the ALL: AAAAHHH!!! > raven's feathers [All sigh in relief] > gently, "I've known *you* for a very long time", she told it, "In > almost all my memories, you've been just on the edge on my vision, BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Pecking away at my eyes! *insane laughter* FANG: *insane laughter* SOKAKU: [whispering to Briareos] I'm worried spanky there isn't holding up. > watching me". Suddenly the raven began to shimmer, Kathy placed it on > the ground watching as the familiar form of Jim Williams appeared. SOKAKU: In...the...BUFF! FANG: ARRRGH! SOKAKU! BRIAREOS: I'm blind! I'M BLIND! > > "I'm glad you finally remember me", he said, wincing as the > change tore open some of his cuts. FANG: So he bled to death and died! > > Kathy looked at him carefully, "Who are you, really?", she > asked. BRIAREOS: [Darth Vader] Kathy, I am your father! > > Jim stood painfully, "I'll explain that later, now we've got to > go and find Ranma and the others", he said. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] No! Explain now or I choppy choppy your pee-pee! > > Kathy frowned and the winced as the frown caused the claw > marks on her forehead to wrinkle, "can you at least explain where the > hell we are?", she asked. FANG: [as Jim] It's a mountain, duh! > > ***** > > Ranma had just finished dragging the last guard into the cell, SOKAKU: It's Hell in a Cell! > she he heard the elevator arrive. Moving swiftly down the corridor, > he cautiously looked at it's occupants. "Where the hell have you > been?", he asked Jim. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] I ran away and got some takeout. McOz burgers anyone? FANG: He ran swiftly and then looked cautiously? BRIAREOS: Yeah, he ran up to the elevator door and then peeked around it. > > > Jim smiled weakly, "Fighting a horrible monster", he replied, > leaning heavily on Kathy. SOKAKU: [as Kathy] Shut yo' face! > > Kathy smiled slightly at his attempt at humour. FANG: Really? I thought she would have beheaded him! BRIAREOS: Deunan would have...*sigh* > Ranma got > under Jims other arm and helped him to the hall where everyone else > was waiting. Akane smiled as she saw Kathy enter the room, "Hi!" she > said enthaustically. SOKAKU: [as Akane] I'm Akane, could I be your VERY SPECIAL friend? FANG: That sounds a bit rude... > > Ryouga and a now human Moose returned to the room, after > having made sure that the Conclave shifters were secured in the > cell that had housed Ryouga and Thomas. "Hey Jim, I met a friend of > yours, a guy named Thomas", Ryouga commented as he entered. BRIAREOS: [as Ryouga] He said something about being your long lost master and Kathy's father. Oh well, it's McBreak time! > > Jim looked up sharply at the mention of Thomas, "Where is > he?", he asked quickly. SOKAKU: [campy] I have a small package to give to him, ifyouknowhatimean? BRIAREOS: Extremely small package. FANG: Shut up! > > Everyone looked at each other, "I dunno", said Ranma, "he said he > was going to look around for something". BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Something about not having had a dunny break for the last 20 years. > > Jim sat back against a wall, wearily, closing his eyes in > exhaustion, "Where are Kemper and Hausler?", he asked suddenly. FANG: [as Ranma] They went the way of all supporting characters... > > "Right here boss", said Kemper as he walked into the room, a very > subdued Hausler followed his friend over to where Jim sat. BRIAREOS: [as Hausler] I can't believe they were out of Caramello Koalas! > > "Have you seen Thomas around anywhere?", he asked. > > "Boss, you might want to come with us", Hausler said quietly. FANG: [as Hausler] You DO NOT have the right to remain silent... > > Looking at the serious expressions on their faces, Jim > motioned them to help him up. Jim hobbled along, until he reached an > open office door. BRIAREOS: It's the pointy haired one's abode! > > Lying on the floor, was Thomas, several large holes had been > ripped into his body, he was lying motionless, only breathing > shallowly. Jim shook off assistance and hurried over to his friend's > side. SOKAKU: [as Jim] Any chance of one last nookie? FANG: SOKAKU! Any more and I'LL 'choppy choppy your pee-pee'! SOKAKU: Uh, okay. > > "Jim... Good to see you", Thomas managed weakly, "You need to get > more sleep, you look terrible". ALL: [monotone] Ha. Ha. Ha. Haaa. > > Jim bowed his head, "I'm sorry Thomas, I let them get their > hands on Kathy...", he began. [Sokaku nudges Briareos] BRIAREOS: Oh, alright! [as Jim] And with the skanky ways I taught her as she grew up... [Fang grinds his teeth loudly] > > Thomas coughed raspingly, "Bullshit, you kept her hidden.. > where is she?", he asked. SOKAKU: [as Jim] Okay, I turned her invisible...and now I can't find her! FANG: Coughed raspingly? No such word. How about a rasping cough? > > Kathy, who had been standing outside with the others walked > slowly into the room, frowning as she looked at the strange person on > the floor. BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Ewww, I can the see the floor through you. > > Thomas looked at her, "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to know > you... my daughter.... You look as beautiful as your mother....", he > said quietly. FANG: [as Thomas] Join me.... on the dark side.... BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Ewww, no! It's all dirty there! > > Kathy looked at the man in disbelief, she had always dreamed of > meeting her birth-parents one day, but never like this. She didn't > know what to say. SOKAKU: How about kicking him and screaming 'This is for abandoning me when I was little' so he died unhappily? > > "Jim... keep taking care of her... I know you will do a good > job...", Thomas said finally. BRIAREOS: [as Thomas] Normally I wouldn't trust you not to throw my daughter over your shoulders but I'm dying! > > Then he died. FANG: Awwwww, I'm all weepy. Really. > > ***** > > Nabiki was sitting impatiently in the waiting lounge of Tokyo > International Airport, "Where the hell are they?", she said angrily, > to Kasumi. BRIAREOS: [as Kasumi] The callboys will be here any second. FANG: [muttering] I'll get you, I'll get you all! > > Kasmui, as always was sitting calmly, "The flight was delayed, > remember, they'll be through customs soon", she replied. FANG: And then Kasumi snapped and went on a killing spree! AHAHAHAHAHAA! [Sokaku and Briareos look at Fang with a worried expression] > > Cologne nodded, "They are all coming back, so there is nothing to > be worried about", she said. BRIAREOS: [as Nabiki] Except that Jim is coming back WITH them. > > Soun was worriedly pacing backwards and forwards, "Oh.. I hope > Ranma and Akane are alright!", he moaned. SOKAKU: At least he's in character. > > The two escorts that Mr Williams had assigned to them were > seated unobtrusively in one corner, keeping an eye on everything. FANG: Patiently biding their time until the guns under their coats could be used... > > Akane and Ranma were the first off the plane, Akane embracing her > father and sisters. Ranma also got a big hug from Mr Tendo, for BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] Uh, what's that in your pocket? SOKAKU: [as Soun] It's a flashlight. > 'coming back alive with my daughter'. Genma was smiling > uncontrollably (he had eaten a *very* nice lunch on the plane). Ukyou FANG: For a moment there I thought they'd forgotten about her and left her in China. > was limping along, with Hausler and Kemper supporting her on either > side, each making suggestions about how a nice massage might make her > feel better (and about how each of them was a master masseuse). SOKAKU: [as Ukyou] Okay, both of you can *massage* me, at the SAME time! [Fang grinds his teeth] > Moose, Shampoo and Ryouga exited together, exchanging greetings with > everyone (Shampoo even went as far as giving her grandmother a hug). BRIAREOS: And promptly was smacked upside her head. > Kathy was welcomed warmly by the Tendos and made to feel right at > home. Jim was the last to exit the plane, having sat in the cockpit > the entire flight home, keeping an eye on the pilots. ALL: [monotone] Ha. Ha. Ha. > > Jim cleared his throat, everyone stopped their exuberant > greetings. "Well if I remember correctly, the last time we were > all together like this, we were having a party", he said, "How > about we pick up where we left off?". BRIAREOS: Yes, just forget about all the killings and get sodding drunk! > > ***** > > Ranma was getting impatient, Jim had suggested that he knew > the perfect place for the party. The group had jumped into the > waiting vans and then proceeded into Tokyo. BRIAREOS: That's when Jim and Ranma's van separated from the others and pulled up in back street. > > "Jim, we just passed the Epsilon Industries building", Ranma > commented. SOKAKU: [as Jim] D'ooh! > > Jim turned around from the drivers seat, "Trust me", he said. BRIAREOS: [as Ah-nuld] Would you trust a killer cyborg? > > Ranma was looking around, recognising the neighbourhood as > being where they used to live. "What's going on here?", he thought to > himself. FANG: Gee, I dunno? Jim's using a massive plot contrivance! > > Ranma's jaw dropped, along with everyone else in the van. The > van pulled up outside the Tendo Dojo. "What... how??", Ranma began. BRIAREOS: [as Ranma] It's been totally bulldozed! > > Jim chuckled and exited the van, indicating for everyone else to > follow. He walked over to the front door, opening it and standing > aside for Mr Tendo, "Welcome home", he said. SOKAKU: [as Mr Tendo] I always wanted a rubble pile for a home! > > Ranma was amazed, everything was exactly the same as it was > when they left, two weeks ago. He peaked into his room, noticing that > everything was exactly as he had left it. BRIAREOS: Right down to the stash of Playboys in his underwear drawer! SOKAKU: [as Ranma] Hey! I had black panties not red ones! FANG: ARRRGH! [Fang walks out of the theatre muttering things to himself.] SOKAKU: Erm, oops? > > He made his way back down stairs, "How did you do this??", > Soun was asking incrediously. BRIAREOS: [as Jim] It's called a plot contrivance. > > Jim shrugged, "It was easy after observing you all for so > long, I was able to get detailed descriptions of the entire house, > along with lists of personal possessions". SOKAKU: *cough cough bullshit cough* BRIAREOS: Including all their clothes? > > Akane was examining the family photo album, "Where did you get > this from then?", she asked. BRIAREOS: [Scottish] I can pull them out of me arse! > > Jim shrugged, "I got the 'clean up' team to pick up a few > items that I couldn't replace, some of the more personal things". SOKAKU: [as Jim] Of course, they did take the cutlery instead of the Barry White albums...I wonder why? > > Nabiki narrowed her eyes, "So you knew that all of this was > going to happen", she said dangerously. BRIAREOS: And then she ran Jim's tiddlywink company into financial ruin. > > Everyone else was looking at Jim accusingly, he raised his > hands defensively, "No.. uhh well that is to say....", he began. SOKAKU: Quick! Beat him to death! > > "You can explain it to us later", Nabiki said, "In detail". > > SOKAKU: [as Nabiki] In my room, in a Gimp outfit. BRIAREOS: Gee thanks, just the friggin' mental image I needed! > ----------------------------Epilogue--------------------------- > > Kathy stood on her uncle's porch, watching the sun set over > Tokyo. Everything that had happened in the last few weeks seemed like > a dream. Her uncle had been told that she went on a trip with the > Tendo's, so had no idea what she had been through. She willed her > hand to become a blade, it shimmered and reformed into exactly what > she pictured. BRIAREOS: A butter knife. SOKAKU: Her uncle believed she just went on a trip with the Tendos completely out of the blue? Hey buddy, I've got a bridge for sale! > > "You want to be careful doing that in public", came Jim's > voice, from a nearby tree. SOKAKU: [as Jim] They don't care about sex-changing martial artists but they do burn witches at stake! > > > Kathy sighed, "Are you still watching me?", she asked, already > know the answer. BRIAREOS: [creepy voice] Especially when you're in the shower! > > A figure jumped down from the tree and walked across to her. > "I've got a responsibility to your father, so get used to me watching > you", he said, smiling. SOKAKU: That's when Kathy called the police and had him taken away for stalking! > > Kathy looked again, as the sun turned the evening sky a bright > pink, "My life's never going to be the same again, is it?", she asked. BRIAREOS: And the award for the most blindingly obvious statement goes to... Kathy! > > Jim smiled sadly, "No, I'm sorry, it's not, but maybe you'll find > the extra good points outweigh the bad". SOKAKU: [faux-whispering] You see, you make your hand lots of *interesting* shapes! > > Kathy nodded, "Well I'm going to bed now, I'll see you > tomorrow morning". BRIAREOS: [as Kathy] Perving at me through the window. > > Jim winked at her, "Alright, I'll leave you with some time to > yourself, see you tomorrow", with that he shifted. > > Kathy watched the black raven circle up into the evening sky, > disappearing into the night. She turned and walked back into her > room, she was tired, it was time to rest. > > ---------------THE END--------------- [Briareos and Sokaku jump around in joy] BRIAREOS: YES! YES! YES! SOKAKU: No more Shifters! Nyahahahaha! Kiss our big fat patootie Hitomi! BRIAREOS: I'm worried about Fang though. SOKAKU: He's probably watching some Jackie Chan movie. > > (for now) BRIAREOS: NOOOOOOOO! SOKAKU: I hope Hitomi doesn't find any more. We won't survive that. At all. > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > Author's Notes: > > Well there you go, finished (well for the moment). I've got to > thank a few people: firstly to the original creator of Ranma1/2 - > Rumiko Takahashi. Secondly I'd like to thank a two of my friends: > Graeme & John - who introduced me to Ranma1/2 (and a lot of other > anime), my eternal gratitude guys. BRIAREOS: Guess we can't blame Otaku, can we? > > DarkWind, Kathy and the rest of the non-Ranma-cast characters > have been put together by me - nobody even consider using them without > talking to me first (well, umm please?). All the characters in this > FanFic were fictional with the following exception: Hausler & Kemper > are based on some friends of mine, who (if they ever read this), will > already have recognised themselves. SOKAKU: And hunted him down. > > Please let me know what you thought of my FanFic, I'm really > interested in getting some opinions of my work (even flames are > welcome - but be prepared for my response). I've already written a > large part of a BGC/Shifters FanFic, it's only in the first stages - > I'll probably release the first part in the next few weeks. > BRIAREOS: GAH! SOKAKU: I hope Hitomi doesn't read all of these things. > I've really gotten a lot of enjoyment out of writing this, and if > your actually reading these notes (heaven forbid!), I'd like to thank > *you* for putting up with my first attempt at Fan-Fiction. BRIAREOS: This was his first fanfic? That explains a lot. SOKAKU: At he'll have improved his writing. > > ----Brett Handy (aka: DarkWind) - 25th September 1995 > > Send all comments/criticisms to: darkwnd@sv.net.au > > check out my *very* new (as in: under construction) web site: > > http://sv.net.au/~darkwnd > > Be kind I only set it up last week..... [Briareos and Sokaku leave the theatre] BRIAREOS: What the? [The room is totally dark] SOKAKU: I can't see a thing! BRIAREOS: Where's the light switch? SOKAKU: Hold on. *claps hands twice* BRIAREOS: You installed a clapper? [The lights come on showing Fang in the middle of the room sitting on a pile of C4 explosives with a detonator in his hand] SOKAKU: Fang? Are those my explosives? FANG: [somewhat uneven] Why yes! I completely forgot about that! BRIAREOS: Fang, put the detonator down. FANG: Uh-uh, Bri. SOKAKU: What are you doing? FANG: We're going to be stuck up here for the REST OF OUR LIVES! Hitomi is going to send us bad fanfics UNTIL WE GO INSANE! BRIAREOS: Fang, we're NOT going to stay here for the rest of our lives. We've got the Plot Contrivance Teleport machine. FANG: That piece of JUNK?! Face it, we're doomed! I'm sick of it! I'M SICK OF IT! BRIAREOS: Just calm down. FANG: NO! I WON'T! [Fang starts jumping up and down in a mad rage] FANG: GOODBYE! SOKAKU: Wai- [Fang presses the detonator. The SoH is ripped apart in a massive explosion sending chunks of metal everywhere.] The End? ------------- MSTers notes. HA! Now that was unexpected wasn't it? Is this really the end of Briareos, Sokaku and Fang? You'll have to wait and see! Bwahahahaha Season Two starts with that Eva fic I dibsed awhile ago...I forget the title. The Jackal's Tale or something like that. Well, that was the last of Shifters. No more Shifters. YAAAAYYY! It wasn't too bad a series if you compare it to say, Oscar Toon? or early Ratliff. Keep the feedback coming in! Positive, negative or neutral, I don't mind! Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ My homepage http://www.powerup.com.au/~foster/ -------- MSTings so far: -------- Season One. #1 Trial By Fire part one - [Gundam] #2 Trial By Fire part two - [Gundam] #3 Trial By Fire part three - [Gundam] #4 Neo Armageddon Evangelist. - [Neon Genesis Evangelion] #5 Shifters parts one and two- [Ranma 1/2] #6 Shifters part three - [Ranma 1/2] #7 Neo Armageddon Evangelist [Neon Genesis Evangelion] with short: A Surfing Tale [Misc] #8 Shifters part four - [Ranma 1/2] #9 Shifters part five -[Ranma 1/2] #10 Shifters part six - [Ranma 1/2] Season Two: ??? ----- Stinger: "Well that was easy", Thomas commented.