The Origin of Sailor Soulstone Written by Sailor Soulstone (David Marks) and Anti-Fic: The Scouts Strike Back Written by Kommander Kackle. (MST by Christian Golden, c-gold@worldnet.att.net) Another day, another dollar, another MSTing. This one is called "The Origins of Sailor Soulstone", written by David Marts. Also MSTed is a short from Kommander Kackle, which actually brings new meaning to the word "short". ---------------------- MST3K is property of Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon is property of Toei, DIC, N. Takeuchi, and a lot of other people. ---------------------- Scene opens on SoL. Mike, Tom, and Crow are all sitting around a table. Mike is pigging out on junk food, the remains of which are scattered around him. Crow and Tom are stuffing RAM chips in their mouth. "Oh, hi, Mike Nelson here on the Satellite of Love. Tom, Crow and I were just having a midnight refrigerator raid." Mike said, shoving a piece of cheesecake in his mouth. "How's the cheesecake, Mike?" Gypsy, who came up behind Mike, asked. "Gooommphhgd." Mike said, his mouth overstuffed. "You know, I always wondered why the call it Cheese*cake*." Crow said, leaning back in his chair. Mike looked at Crow. "Wemmmfhll, itmms sheezmme immm..." Crow interrupted him. "Mike, swallow first. You sound like a cow." Mike swallowed and started over again. "Well, it's because it's a cake, and it has cheese in it. I mean, why else would it be called that?" "That's not what I'm saying, though. Cake is supposed to have no nutritional value, wheras cheese does have nutritional value. Therefore, cheese cannot be a cake." Tom butted in between bites out of the RAM chip he was eating. "Yeah, then what about Carrot Cake?" "Well, that's not entirely carrots. It's carrots just mixed in with the junk for flavoring. On the other hand, the cheese makes up most of the cheesecake." Suddenly, the red mads light went off. "Hey, I'd really like to con- tinue this conversation, but Lucy, Ricky, and Little Ricky are calling." ---------------------- Scene is out on a near-deserted planet, in front of the WMoD. Pearl, Bobo, and the Brain Guy are sitting around a campfire, roasting marshmellows. "My, my, my! Aren't we up late tonight, Nelson!" Pearl seemed to almost be scolding him in her tone. "What, was one of the robots having nightmares?" "Um...well, we were just having a little snack..." Nelson answered. "Yes, I can see that. You have a huge chocolate stain on your shirt. Anyways, we're having a little pow-wow here, sort of a return to nature?" "Uhm...there doesn't appear to be much nature on that planet, or am I missing something?" Crow butted in. "Shut up, you stupid piece of scrap metal!!" Pearl said. "Anyways, I was thinking, Nelson, what would a late night snack be without a movie to watch along with it??" Pearl drew closer to the camera, grinning evilly. "Well, in this case it's a fanfic. Actually, two, but the first one is a bit short. Oh, I'm rambling now. Anyways, your material today will be The Origins of Sailor Soulstone, by David Marts, and The Scouts Strike Back, by Kommander Kackle! Have fun!!!" ---------------------- "Wow, this would actually be sort of cool if she actually let us bring food into the theater." Tom said. Suddenly, lights and sirens go off. "UH-OH, WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!!" ---------------------- Door 6...Door 5...Door 4...Door 3...Door 2...Door 1... (Mike and Bots enter theater.) Crow: Well, here we are. Did you remember the prozac, Mike? Mike: (sarcastic) Damn, I forget that EVERY time! >Anti-Fic: Star Wars: The Scouts Strike Back >HanSolo:Yes! Mike: (Solo) "I always wanted to get rid of that space in between my first and last name!" >We destroyed Vader! Crow: (Solo) "Pretty cool, huh?" >Luke: I don't think so... Tom: (Luke) "You see...this is a fanfic." >it looks like those little figures are shooting at us! Mike: Arrgh! Revenge of the action figurines! >(Damage to ship.) Tom: Not any specific damage to any part of the ship, just vague, general damage. >Scouts: It's not over yet... Crow: I guess Vader was able to bribe off the Boy Scouts... Mike: No, I think he means the 'Sailor Scouts'. Tom: Um...and just how do they fit into this? Mike: Not well, I would assume. >Princess: Fire all weapons at those weird looking people! >(Fire all weapons 'till ran out.) Tom: 'Till *what* ran out? Crow: You know, if this had any more action and I had pants, I'd be pissing in them. >Luke: It's no use it does not work! Mike: (Luke) "The plotline, it does not work!" >TO BE CONTINUED... Crow: Kommander Kackle...proud member of the Limited Attention Span Fanfic Writing Club. Tom: Well, at least it was short... >Episode #1 By: David Marts Mike: (Announcer) "This week, at David-Marts, canned peas are just $1.00 for five cans, with a coupon in Sunday's paper!" >The Beginning Of Sailor Soulstone Crow: And the end of the world! >Setting- A sunny afternoon at glennwood asylum. Mike: Ahh...a beautiful day at the looney bin. >A group of kids are taking a field trip to speak with the patients at the >asylum. Tom: Yeah, I'm sure they do that a lot, bringing the kids in to converse with the psychos and all. Mike: I've got to ask....what class would this be for? Crow: I believe Fanfic Plot Contrivances 101 would be a safe guess. >The group of kids were walking down the hall, when the guard stoped them. >Guard: >Stop here, Tom: Will do. >this is a pretty sain guy. Mike: Note, he's just "sain". Not, "sane". Crow: (kid) "Dammit, we don't want to see the NORMAL patients! Where's Ted Kazynscki?" >His name is Adam Randall, he's been here a while. Tom: (Guard) "Y'know, just rooming." >Teacher: Why is he here? Mike: (Guard) "A better question would be, why are *you* here?" Crow: *Any* teacher who takes the kids on a field trip to the asylum needs to check in themselves. >Guard: He thought he fought some demons, and restored a balance between >man and something called the Soulstone. Tom: (Guard) "And, he was also mutilating some animals in his backyard, but that's besides the point." >A boy in a pair of Ray-bands and a duster trench coat walks up to the >guard. Crow: (singing) "Here come the men in black..." Mike: So far, a class of kids has been taken to an asylum on a field trip, and there's one student wearing a trenchcoat and Ray-bans. Yep, I'd say we're in for a *long* one. >His name is David. All: Hi, David! >David: How do you know he didn't. Crow: Well, I mean...oh, never mind. If you have to ask, you'll never know. >A boy giggles in the background. Mike: Yeah, but what's his name? Tom: (Teacher) "Hey, shut up! We're here to talk to the psychos, not to have fun!" >Boy: If you believe he did David you should be here. Mike: Well, at least someone agrees with us. >All the kids laugh at the boy's remark. >David: Teacher may I talk with Adam? Crow: (Teacher) "Yeah, I'll leave you completely unattended with the weirdo. Just catch up to us later, alright?" >Teacher: You may for ten minutes. >David: Thank you. All: You're welcome, David! >The guard and the kids walk down the hall and turn the corner. David looks >around to make sure that no one is around. >Adam: >Who are you? All: (deadpan) His name is David. >David: >My name is David, I'm here to get you out. Mike: You know, I'm beginning to wonder which one of these kids is the wacko.... >Adam: sarcastically >No your.... Crow: (Adam) "...zipper is down." >David: >Rebecca sent me. > >Adam: >Prove it. > >David: >Ok. Tom: So far, this fanfic has made paint peeling look like a regular fun-a-thon. Crow: I like how the author includes every last bit of dialogue that goes on. Entertainment at it's finest! >David reaches into his pocket and takes out a pendant (the pendant has a >green center and a gold frame. The center is in the shape of an eye) and >shows it to Adam. Mike: Uh...and this proving that....? Crow: (David) "See, I robbed this off of some old guy on the street!" >Adam: sadly >You weren't lying. Tom: (Adam) "Dammit, I really wanted to stay here! I don't want you to break me out!" >David: >No. Crow: No, please. Bore us with the inane banalities of this conversation. I want you to. Really. >A young man in glasses runs up to David. His name is Brian. All: Hi, Brian! Tom: Why do I get the feeling we'll be seeing a lot of this type of introduction in this story? >Brian: Panting >Sorry I'm late. Mike: (David) "That's quite alright, Brian...what I really want to know is, how did you get here when you weren't with the class?" Tom: This fanfic has plotholes that could span the Atlantic Ocean. >David: >That's ok, just hurry up and blow the lock. > >Brian walks up to the door, and reaches into his backpack and pulls out some >plastic explosives. Crow: Yeah, I carry those around, too. Mike: I've heard of kids taking guns to school, but this is ridiculous... >Brian puts the explosives on the lock, then steps back. > >Brian: >When your ready. Tom: Any time when everyone is close enough to the lock to get blasted is good with me. >David: (yelling to Adam) >Adam move away from the door. (He turns to Brian)Ok, go ahead. > >Brian pushes a button. Crow: Funny, he didn't put a detonator on it or anything, and yet, he was able to blow it up remotely! Amazing... >After a couple seconds an explosion sounds, blowing the >door open. Adam runs out of the room. As he runs out an alarm rings. Mike: Gee, I wonder why...? >Adam: >Looks like you sounded an alarm. Crow: You don't say!? >David: sarcastically >No, you think! Tom: Hey, even Dave is gettin' the hang of this! >Two security guards run up to Adam, Brian, and David. Mike: And their names are....? >Security Guard 1: (While raising his gun) >Put your hands in the air. Crow: ...and wave them all around, like ya' just don't care. >A portal about 6' in diameter appears behind David, Adam, & Brian. Tom: Yeah, but what's the portal *named*? >David:---David's eyes flash green--- >Sorry, I've got a warp to catch. >David, Adam, and Brian walk into the portal and they disappear, the guard lowers >his gun. Mike: So far, young David has gone on a class trip to the asylum, of all places, he's seperated from his class to talk to some whacked-out lunatic, some kid named Brian has appeared out of nowhere with plastic explosives, they helped the whack-job escape, and now they've just gone through a portal. Am I correct? Crow: Sadly, yes. Mike: Okay, this makes no sense. Crow: Sadly, yes. >Security Guard 2: ---Has a dumb look on his face--- >I think I need to check into a room here. Tom: Heck, I know a few people involved in this whole thing who probably do! >David, Adam, and Brian land on a platform. A man is standing there looking >at them. His name is Aaron. All: Hi, Aaron! >Aaron: >Its about time, I've been waiting for an hour for you to get back! > >David: >Well sorry, next time ill leave the objective behind!! Mike: (David) "...instead of my class!" >Arial: (over the intercom) >David, Aelf needs you in the Soulstone chamber. Crow: After his work on TV was done, the lovable extra-terrestrial was hard- pressed to find work, finally ending up doing bit parts in bad fanfics. >Adam: >Soulstone? Aelf? HUH? Tom: Hey, we hear ya'. >David: >Ill explain on the way. > >David talks to Adam while they walk down the hall. Mike: Not anything specific, just basic, vague talking. >Finally they reach a door. David slams the button next to the door, >and the door shoots upwards. All hum theme to Star Wars. >A man in a gray shirt and jeans is standing by a huge green crystal like >stone. Crow: Looks like it's dress down day at the Nazi concentration camp... >The man is named Aelf, All: Hi, Aelf! >and the stone is called the Soulstone. All: Hi, Soulstone! Mike: Okay, maybe this *is* getting a bit old. >Aelf: >Hello David. Tom: I'm guessing all they do around this place is say hello to each other? >Adam: >Aelf? Crow: (Adam) "I'm not cool enough to say hello, so I'll just say your name and act surprised." >Aelf: >Hello Adam. Mike: Damn, he's smooth. >David: >What did you need? Tom: (Aelf) "Well, for starters, Dave, a decent script, a workable plot... some likeable characters would also come in handy, too..." >Aelf: >I want you to take "Eternity" from Crow: ..Calvin Klien. >the Soulstone. > >!Adam: >What!!? But he's not branded. Mike: So, what, you have to be branded to take "Eternity" from the "Soulstone"? Crow: Mike, do you know what you just said? Mike: I have no idea. Crow: Didn't think so. >David: (While taking off his knuckle gloves off) >Yes I am. I was branded at Florentine's house. Tom: (David) "You know, we were bored, we got tired of playing Monopoly, and it seemed like a good idea at the time..." >!Adam: >But won't he start a chain reaction, like Florentine did. Mike: (Aelf) "Not if he doesn't mix together the acids and bases again." >Aelf: >No he is suppost to take "Eternity". > >David walks to Eternity. He looks at Aelf then Adam, then he pulls out "Eternity". All: Whoo-hoo! >Aelf: >You have pulled out "Eternity" from the Soulstone, it is a proud day today. Crow: (Aelf) "So proud that I'm not even going to use an exclamation point, or anything else indicating any sort of emotion for that matter." >Adam: (Trying to sound like a sports reporter) >You have just pulled Eternity from the Soulstone, what are you going to do next? Mike: (David) "I'm going to get the hell out of this fanfic!" >David: >I'm going to Disney Land. > >Adam laughs. As he is laughing Arial calls over the intercom. Tom: Looks like the font is calling... Crow: Heh... >Arial: >David, you there. > >David walks over to the intercom and presses the button. Tom: INTENSE BUTTON-PRESSING ACTION!! >David: >Yes, what is it. Mike: Everyone in this fanfic seems to be on Valium.. Crow: Either that, or they just weren't interesting to begin with... >Arial: >We've spotted demon activity in dimension arty-7. Mike: She seems pretty low-key about this. Tom: (Arial) "But I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm with it..." Crow: Yeah, but what about Arty-8? That's always been a trouble spot... Mike: C'mon, you'd think he could at least figure out a better name for a fictional dimension? I mean, even Ratliff came up with better names... >David: >All right I'm on my way. > >David hits the button to open the door. David and Adam run down the hall >to the central control room. Adam slams the button opening the door. Crow: Wow, the action's starting to heat up. Now he's using stronger adjectives; instead of walk, *run*! Instead of hit, *slam*! >David attaches "Eternity" to his coat, Mike: (David) "Can't go anywhere without that cologne..." >and then he puts back on his knuckle gloves. Tom: I guess we're dealing with Michael Jackson here, or something? >Michelle:---smiling--- >Hello David. > >David: >Hello. Crow: Am I the *only* one who has noticed that the word 'hello' has constituted four-fifths of this fanfic? Tom: INTENSE GREETING ACTION!!! Mike: Heh... >Arial: >David, over here. > >David runs to where Arial is. Crow: (singing) "Once I ran to you, now I run from you..." >David: >What's the demonic energy level. Tom: (David) "Y'know, not that I'm whipping myself into a frenzy over this, I'm still calm, cool, collected..." >Arial: >Its pretty high for one dimension. Mike: Maybe it's Satan! Crow: Saaaattttaaannn! Mike: Crow, that'll be enough. >David: (having the intercom microphone in his hand) >All right, we have a high demonic energy reading in arty-7. Crow: Okay, and the point of that scene being? Mike: I don't really know.... Tom: Where in the hell is this taking place? >Aaron, I want you to find a house and buy it, Tom: Uh...excuse me? Mike: Sailor Soulstone is given to shameless plugs for real estate, I guess. >Josh get the equipment and weapons ready, Michelle, I >want to get the droids packing everything we need. Brian, I want you to get the >Transformation shields ready, just in case. Crow: Wow. I'm sure if I knew what any of this stuff was, who any of these people were, and where this is taking place, this might be sort of interesting. Mike: That would require plot and character development. I'm afraid we're not going to be seeing any of that. >Adam: >What do you want me to do. Tom: Well, using a question mark when asking questions would be a good start... >David: >I want you find yourself a coat of arms for your transformation shield. > >Adam: >What is a transformation shield? Crow: My sentiments exactly. >David: >They give us Falshire knights our Armor. Mike: Well, now, *THAT* explains it... Tom: Yeah, now everything makes sense! Crow: Of course! Why didn't we pick up on it before? >Adam: >Oh. Mike: (Adam) "Well, uh, I have no friggin' idea as to what you're talking about, but I'll just act like I do, I guess..." >A young man, in a pair of overalls walks up to David. Crow: So, this is taking place in Dimension "Hayseed", I can assume? Tom: INTENSE OVERALLS ACTION!! >His name is Josh. All: Hi, Josh! >Josh: >Your arm computer is finished. Mike: ARM...Strong ARM...they're using an *Acorn* computer? Crow: It would explain a lot. >David: >All right, now I can slide by myself. All: Whoo-hoo! >Josh I'm going to go ahead of you guys, ok. > >Josh: >Ok. Crow: Well now, that was an exciting little scene. Mike: ...which, yet again, made no sense. >David taps a couple of buttons on his arm computer. A portal opens up and David >walks through. Tom: To his death... >Setting- A small park in Tokyo. Mike: *That* certainly pinpoints it for us. Crow: (Narrator) "It's name is 'small park in Tokyo'." Mike: Heh.. >David lands in front of a bench in the park. David looks around and sees >Japanese wrighting. Tom: Not to mention Japanese wronging.... >David: (speaking in his mind) >I must be in Japan. Mike: That would be an intelligent deduction, Dave. Crow: (singing) Look into the world in my mind's eye... >David walks out of the park and onto the sidewalk. He walks down the >sidewalk. A man in a trench coat and a hat starts following him. David >notices that someone is following him and walks faster. The man does the >same. Tom: INTENSE WALKING ACTION! >David starts to run, and >the man does the same thing. David runs down the side walk, then he turns the >corner running into a girl. She has blue, short hair and is wearing a school uniform. >Her name is Amy. All: Hi, Amy! Crow: Thank god, a half decent character appears. Mike: Don't bet on it. He'll probably slaughter her role, too. >David: >Oh I'm sorry, let me get that for you. >Amy: >That's ok. Aren't you suppost to be in school? Crow: (David) "No, that would make some sense, and I'm afraid I just can't do that within the confines of this fanfic." Mike: Wait...if he's supposed to be in school, wouldn't she have to be there, as well? Crow: Um...Mike? That would be logical, wouldn't it? Mike: Yeah...? Crow: Now, tell me...precisely *WHAT* in this whole fanfic has been logical? Mike: Absolutely nothing. Crow: Do you see what I'm getting at?? Mike: I guess... >David: >Yea I start tomorrow. Tom: Yea! Rah! Go, Tigers! >David squats down, and picks up a book and looks at it. Crow: (David) "Hmm...Playgirl magazine..." Mike: CROW!! >David: >Biological chemistry? Tom: (Amy) "No, Satanic Chants. What does it look like to you?" >Amy: >Yea, I'm a studier. All: Yea! Yea! Gooooooo studiers!! >David: >Oh well, this is an easy book compared to what I study. Crow: .....and the self-worship commences. >Amy: >What book are you on. Tom: (David) "Hooked on Phonics, volume THREE!!" >David: >Nuclear Science. All roll eyes. Mike: Guys, this guy could be even WORSE than Gonterman or Oscar... Crow: ...except he has not, and hopefully will not have sex with an animal during the course of this fanfic. Tom: AAAAHHHH!!! Bad flashback moment!! >Amy: >Whoa, you are a studier. Crow: (Amy) "And a liar. Go away, you mensa-wannabe!" >David shrugs. Adam walks up to David and Amy. >Adam: >You ok? Mike: Okay, now, which one is he talking to? Tom: Who knows? More importantly, who cares? >David: >Yea. >Amy: >Do you know this man? Crow: (Adam) "Unfortunately, yes. Stay as FAR, and I mean, AS FAR away from him as humanly possible." Mike: Heh... >David: >Yea this is my uh.. uncle, Adam. Tom: Okay, I see two things wrong here...number one, it would have helped to establish exactly WHO she was talking to, and number two...ADAM IS THE SAME AGE AS DAVID!! Unless this is taking place in the state of Alabama, things like that just DON'T happen!! Mike: Calm down, Servo. >David winks an eye at Adam, as he hands Amy's book back to her. Crow: (David) "Damn, I'm smooth...I wonder if she'll notice that my 'uncle' couldn't be much older than I am..." >Amy: >Well, Ill see you at school tomorrow. >David: >Ok, bye. >Amy walks down the side walk towards school. Crow: To do what? Well, nobody knows... >Adam: >What was that all about? Mike: Ya' got me. Crow: I'm not quite sure, either. >David doesn't reply. > >Adam: >David! Earth to David hello!. Tom: Who's "David hello!"? Crow: Maybe he meant, "Earth to David, hello!" Tom: Ahh... >David: >Huh, what? > >Adam: >You ok? > >David: >Yea. > >Adam: >Well, anyway Aaron found a house. Mike: (Adam) "We didn't need to finance it or get a mover or anything, he just found one." Crow: (Scotty) "It's not makin' any sense, Capn!" >David and Adam start walking. Tom: Not to any place in particular, they just started wandering around.. .................... >Setting- Crow: Hell. Otherwise known as this fanfic. >A house, After school 4:00 P.M. A girl with meatball shaped hair on top >of her blond head is watching people move in next door. Tom: Okay, this just went over it's allotted number of plot contrivances. Crow: So, he's broken some kid out of an asylum, he's part of some sort of interdimensional organization, and he now has a house next door to Serena. Give him ten to twelve more paragraphs and he'll be either the ruler of the known universe or Tuxedo Mask, and quite possibly both. >Her name is Serena. All: (discord) Yeah, yeah, hi Serena. >Serena: >Who's moving in next door Sammy? Mike: Hopefully someone who knows how to use commas... Crow: Heh... >Sammy: >I don't know. > >Serena's mom: >Why don't you go over and greet them? Tom: Okay, who wants to bet that Serena falls for David? Crow: No, no, remember? Amy's going after him! Tom: Oh, that's right. What difference does that make? Crow: I dunno... >Serena cooperates and puts her shoes on to go over next door. She walks over >next door. Aaron is walking back out side. > >Serena: >Hello. > >Aaron: >Hi. > >Serena: >Where are you from? > >Aaron: >America. Mike: That was an incredibly necessary conversation... Crow: [Serena]: What is your name? Tom: [Aaron]: Aaron. >A head pops out of the doorway. His name is Chase. Crow: So, is the entire body named Chase, or just the head? Mike: Maybe he's beheaded... Tom: We can only hope... >Chase: (Yelling) >Hurry up Aaron. > >Aaron: >Ok, hold on. > >Serena: >Well thank you for your time. Crow: (Serena) "Even though I didn't find out WHO you are or what you're doing here.." Tom: No, remember? *His name is Aaron.* Crow: Oh, yeah... >Chase & Brian: Yelling >NOW!! Mike: When did the National Organization of Women get involved with this? Crow: And, when will Gonterman show up to smite their asses for getting involved with this? Mike: Crow, don't jinx us and make this worse than it already is... Crow: Worse than it already is? If this isn't as bad as it gets, then I think hara-kiri is a definate option. >Aaron: yelling >ALL RIGHT!!!! > >Aaron picks up a box and walks into the house. 30 minutes later, Adam and David >Get to the house. Chase is there to happily great them. > >Chase: >Where have you two been! Crow: (Adam) "Oh, we decided to stop at the nudie bar on the way home..." Mike: Crow... >David: >Walking around, why? > >Chase: >Just wondering. Oh be careful, Brian & Aaron are watching their Starwars >Special edition movies, Again. Tom: Um...allrighty then! >David groans. Mike: Hey, we year ya'. >David: >Not again, what is it, the 50th time they've watched it. > >David, Adam, and Chase walk into the house. (5 hours later at night). Mike: So, they were out on the porch stoop for five hours or something? I don't get it.. Tom: Neither do I... >Adam is >being tortured by having to watch The special edition version of The Empire >Strikes Back. Crow: Pfft! If they really wanted to torture him, why not give him this fanfic? >David is sitting under the stars looking at the moon. All: (singing) Somewhere...out there... >A little girl >(about 11) with a mixture of red and blond hair opens the small opening in the roof >and walks up to David. Her name is Arial. Tom: The font makes a reappearance! >Arial: >David, you ok? > >David: (still looking at the moon) >Yea, I'm just wondering if I can see my old home from here. Crow: (Arial) "Dave, listen, I've told you a million times before...you just can't see the JVH from here." >Arial: ---Smiling--- >Come on lets go inside. > >David gets up and they both walk through the small opening into the hallway of the >house. Arial walks to her room and David goes over to the living room. > >David: >All right, time to go to bed. > >Everyone groans. All: *groan* >David: >I just want everyone to get a good nights sleep. > >Everyone gets up and goes to their separate rooms. Crow: ...for the orgies. Mike: Crow... Tom: I'm really starting to lose my bearings here...this just isn't making any sense. Mike: Yeah, I think we had better take a break.... Door 1...Door 2...Door 3...Door 4...Door 5...Door 6... ---------------------- Our three bemused MSTers are standing on the SOL. All are exhibiting puzzled looks. "Okay, so, he breaks out of the asylum?" "No, he broke some other kid out." "Yeah, well, how did he get to the asylum?" "I think it was a class trip, or some other plot contrivance like that." "And then, they go to some alternate dimension?" "No, they just warp to a base somewhere." Crow said. "Wha..no, it's definately another dimension!" Tom answered back. "It's a base!!" "Dimension!!" "Base!!" "Dimension!!" "Base!!" "Base!!" "Dimension!!" "Base!!" "Dimen...the hell?" Silence suddenly drapes the bridge. Finally, Mike says, "Hey, let's ask Pearl if she knows. Pearl?" ---------------------- "Hey Mike!! Having fun with your late movie?" "Yeah, we were just wondering..." "Hey, Bobo!!" Pearl interrupted Mike. "Yes, Lawgiver?" "We're out of graham crackers for the sm'ores. Get some from the mini- van, and hurry it up!!" "Yes, lawgiver!!" Bobo quickly runs into the van and starts rummaging around. "I'm sorry Mike, you were saying?" "Yes...well...we, uh, don't get what's going on." "Well, what do you THINK is going on?" "Hmm...well, some kid breaks another kid out of the asylum, goes to another dimension, buys a house next to Serena, and gets chased on the street for no apparent reason." "Um...yeah, that sounds like you've got it so far!!" "Yeah, but...it makes no sense!!" "It's not supposed to, Nelson-cakes!! Now, back to the show!!" ---------------------- "Oh boy, more of this. The excitement," Crow remarked, sarcastically "Cmon, Crow! Cheer up!" Mike said. Suddenly, sirens and lights go off. "UH-OH, WE'VE GOT INCOHERENCE SIGN!!!" ---------------------- Door 6...Door 5...Door 4...Door 3...Door 2...Door 1... >Setting- Morning, 6:30 A.M., > >An alarm rings, making David jump. > >David: >Oh its just the alarm. Mike: Thanks for straigtening us out as to that, Dave. Crow: If you cut all of the pointless conversation out of this fanfic, you'd end up with two sentences, tops. >The door flies open, David reaches for his blaster. Tom: Now, just where did he get this blaster? Mike: Maybe the same place they got the house... Crow: Heh... >Brian: Happily >Time to get up. > >David: >Thank you for scaring me half to death!! Crow: (Brian) "Hey, anytime, dude." >Brian: >Your welcome. > >Brian slams the door. Tom: Was there supposed to be any point to this scene, or did I miss it? Mike: I haven't seen anything that's had to it point so far. Why should it start now? >David: (mumbling) >Im going to get him. > >Setting- Morning at school. Tom: Okay, so there WAS no point to that scene. Crow: It took you that long to figure that out? >David walks into the class room and sits at his desk. >The bell rings and a girl runs to her desk. Mike: The description in this story is simply fantastic! Crow: I don't think he could be any MORE vague about this... >Miss. Haruna: >Your late again, Serena. > >Serena: >Sorry I forgot to set my alarm. > >Miss. Haruna: >Well anyway, we have a new student. His name is David Marts. Tom: (Haruna) "...and he just happens to be writing this god-awful story that we appear to be stuck in!" >Miss. Haruna looks David over. Crow: (Haruna) "Hmm...cute ass, nice chest..." Mike: CROW! >Miss. Haruna: >Where is your Uniform? Tom: (David) "Sorry, but the skirt on the fuku was just a bit too tight for me." >David: >Uniform? > >Miss. Haruna: >Yes your uniform. > >David:---smiling--- >Opps. Mike: 'Opps'? What is this, IRC? Crow: Judging by the format it's written in, that's a distinct possibility. >Miss. Haruna shakes her head and then sits down. > >Miss. Haruna: >Everyone turn their litichure books to chapter 24 and start reading. Tom: What about teaching English? Because, I can assume that if Dave is spelling "literature" like that, he sure could use it.. Mike: Servo, you'd really be a lot more relaxed if you stopped picking on the grammar in these stories. >Everyone complies and opens their books. > >Setting- After school. Crow: Okay, evidentally, we're NOT going to elaborate on that last scene.. >David walks from the school to the park. David sits down >at a nearby bench. Tom: David tries to write a fanfic. David fails miserably and subjects a guy and two robots to a lot of pain by doing so. >David: >That could've been worse. Crow: Well, not for us... >A large humanoid sized demon jumps over the bench. Then a girl in a red Sailor >suit Jumps over the bench, her name is Sailor Mars. > >David: >It just did! Mike: It just did what? Crow: (scolding voice) It just did on the lawn! Bad Sailor Mars! Bad, bad, bad Sailor Mars! >David jumps up and runs after them both. Tom: ...for no apparent reason. >David takes a blaster out of his coat and fires it at the demon. Mike: ...the hell? Crow: Okay, I think this is just getting stupid here. Tom: Please tell me that, in some small way, this fanfic can make some sense. Crow: Servo, I really hate to be the one to break it to you... >It just misses the demon. The demon jumps in between >Sailor Mars and David. Sailor Mars puts her two fingers together. Tom: Hey, look everyone! It's the Cub Scouts salute! >Sailor Mars: >Mars… Fire… IGNITE!!! > >David: >NO, WAIT! Crow: (David) "Dammit, Sailor Mars, this is self-insertion! *I'M* supposed to kill the demon and save *YOUR* ass!" >A fireball flies out of Sailor Mars's fingertips and heads straight for the demon, >but it misses the demon and hits David in the chest, knocking him onto the >ground. All: YES!!! >The demon runs off. Sailor Mars runs over to David a shakes him. Tom: Okay, so, Sailor Mars shoots a fireball that misses the demon and hits someone who was shooting at the demon. Therefore, the demon decides to run away. What in the hell?? Crow: This fanfic isn't held together by plot contrivances. It's made up entirely OF plot contrivances. >Sailor Mars: >You ok? Mike: Lessee...he's been hit in the chest with a fireball that kills most Youma. Uh...no. Probably not. >David doesn't answer. > >Sailor Mars: >Hello, are you ok. Answer me please! > >Sailor Mars gets up and changes into her real indenity. Her name is Raye. All: Yeah, whatever. Hey, Raye. >She gets down on her knees and shakes David again. She gets up and looks >around. A man on a motorcycle drives by, his name is Darean. Mike: Since when did Darien have a motorcycle? Tom: And, since when has his name been spelled, "Darean"? >Raye: >Darean, Stop! > >Darean pulls over to the curb, and walks over to Raye. > >Darean: >Yes what is it Raye? Tom: Well, lessee...she's there with a kid, who's been hit with a fireball. Figure it out, genius boy! >Raye: >Help me get him to the temple. > >Darean picks David up and carries him to the temple. Darean sets him down on >Raye's bed. > >Raye: >Thank you for your help Darean. Mike: Nice little time-warp there... >Darean: >Yea, no problem. > >Darean walks out the door. Raye walks to the bathroom and takes a cloth. When >she walks out of the bathroom she is confronted by a blond girl and a tall girl >with brown hair, their names are Mina and Lita. Tom: Would it be that hard to write, "Mina and Lita confronted her"? I mean, I think we have a grasp as to who these characters are.. >Mina: >Hello Raye, what's up. > >Raye: >I accidentally hit a boy with a fireball. Crow: (Raye) "Man, the insurance company is not going to like this *one bit*!" >Lita: >Ow, that must of hurt. > >Raye: >Yea, it must of, he's unconscious. > >!Mina: >Do you want us to do anything? All: KILL HIM!! >Raye: (while handing Mina The cloth) Tom: (gasps) Not just the cloth...*The* cloth!! Crow: Wait, maybe her name is "Mina The Cloth" and Raye is... Mike: CROW!!! Crow: Um...forget I said that. >Yea, put this on his head. >Mina runs to Raye's bedroom. >Setting- Mike: (monotone) "The city- Los Angeles, California." >Outside, A man walks up. He has a long beard, a mustache, Crow: ...a soiled pair of 'Depends' Undergarments on... >and a cane with a skull on top. Tom: Anton LaVey makes an ill-timed cameo. >His name is Florentine. Mike: (faux menacing) ...and he's mad as hell. >Setting- Back inside, Mike: (narrator) Authors note- Half the scenes in this fanfic are pointless. Don't try to search for any reason as to why they're in there, because you'll come up empty. >Raye is taking care of David, when she jumps. She notices a >large evil approaching. Crow: Wasn't this the opening to, "A Black Day"? Mike/Tom: AAUUUGGHH!!! >Raye gets up and starts to walk out of the temple, when >Mina stops her. > >Mina: >Where you going? Crow: (Raye) "Somewhere that's the hell out of this fanfic. Care to join me?" >Raye: >I just going outside for a second. > >Raye walks out of her room. And then she goes out through the main door. She sees >Florentine standing there. > >Raye: >Hello, Can I help you? >Florentine: >Yes, you can. I'm looking for my son. He has purple hair and green eyes. Tom: Purple hair? Green eyes? Ooohhkkkkaaayyy.... Mike: It's amazing how important plot points can show up without being mentioned previously in this story. >Lita walks out with a man. Tom: Whoo-hoo!! Crow: It's hentai time, baby!! Mike: Guys, no... >He is wearing a white shirt, blue jeans, and has a >stethoscope around his neck. >His name is Belial. Crow: Ehh, good for him. >Lita: >Hey Raye, I found that boy's father. Tom: Wait a minute, wasn't that other guy his father? Mike: Shh, Tom! I think he's trying to make a really weak attempt at making a plot point! Tom: Really? Fascinating! >Raye: >But this is his father. Crow: Two fathers? Was he conceived during a threesome or something? Mike: CROW!!!!! >Florentine: >Belial, I almost had him you fool! > >Lita: >What's going on? Tom: That's a damn good question... Mike: I don't believe anyone really knows. >Belial: >Nothing you need to worry about. > >Belial hits Lita in the face, knocking her to the ground. Crow: Quick question...was Nav involved in any way with this fanfic? Mike: Nah...notice that Belial didn't use an M-16. Tom: Good point. >Raye: (yelling) >Hey. Crow: Evidentally, Raye yells in deadpan. Mike: She didn't put all that much emotion in it, did she? >Florentine hits Raye in the back of the head with his cane. Mina walks out from >the main entrance. > >Mina: >You can't do that to my friends!! VENUS CRYSTAL POWER!! > >Mina changes into Sailor Venus. Sailor Venus rushes torwards Belial. Belial grabs >her throat, and throws her. Crow: Would NOW approve of this? >S. Sailor Moon: >Stop!! All: (singing) "...in the name of love..." >Florentine looks torwards the stairs. He sees a Girl with braids and a pink Sailor >Suit. She is Super Sailor Moon. > >S.Sailor Moon: >I am Super Sailor Moon, and on behalf of the moon... > >A green fireball hits her in the chest. She is thrown back. > >Florentine: >Give us the boy and we will spare your lives!! Mike: (random Senshi) "Hey, you can have him. It's not like we want him hanging around here." Crow: God, this fic sucks.... Tom: Hey, it could be worse. We could have wet, hacking coughs AND be reading it... >Lita: (trying to get up). >No! JUPITER CRYSTAL POWER!!! > >Lita changes into Sailor Jupiter. She charges torwards Florentine. Florentine >grins alittle, then he raises his cane. A green beam shoots out from the cane and >hits her in the stomic. She stops in her tracks and she doesn't move. > >Florentine: >You have until tomorrow to hand him over. Crow: Oh, that's a GREAT idea, Florentine. It gives you *such* an advantage when you run away from your enemy when you're about to destroy them, and give them time to think about what to do!! Is it just me, or does not one damn character in this fanfic have a bit of common sense?? Tom: The great strategists...Caesar, Napoleon, Patton, and Florentine. >Setting- One hour later. Erica, Michelle, Mary, Tena, Reeny, Serena, Raye, >Mina, and Lita, Mike: ...not to mention Wally and the Beeve'... >are outside talking about the encouter that Raye, Mina, Lita, and Serena >had. Crow: (Serena) "And then, they took us abord their ship, and they were examining us with these probes, and..." >Erica: >Who attacked you? > >Lita: >We know only one of their names, and his name is Belial. Tom: (singing) ...Jacobjinglehiemerschmitt, his name is my name, too.... >Raye: >Yea, we don't know the onther one's name, but he hit me with his cane. > >Mary: >What were they after? > >Serena: >This boy that Raye hit with a fireball. >Raye: >Its not my fault. The thing moved before the fireball got to him. > >A girl with short blue hair walks up to the group. Mike: Ahh, it's Cookie Monster's sister, everybody.... >Amy: >Hello everyone. > >Serena: >Where were you. Crow: (Amy) "No hello? But...everyone in this fic has gotten a hello! I feel so...rejected! *sniff*" >Amy: >I was at computer class, remember. Tom: (singing) "Memories...like the corner of your mind...." >Serena: >Oh yea. > >Lita: >Well you missed a fight. > >Amy: >Oh, I did. What happened. Mike: (Lita) "Well, the Outer Senshi were on our turf, so we had to bust a cap up their ass." >Raye: >These two guys wanted a boy I shot. > >Amy: >Oh, can you take me to him. Tom: Amy doesn't seem that surprised. I guess Raye must accidentally shoot bystanders a lot... >Raye: >Sure. > >Raye takes Amy to her room, and shows her David. Crow: His name is...oh wait, it wouldn't work here. >Amy: >Oh I know him. I ran into him yesterday, Literally > >Serena: >Amy? > >Amy shrugs. She puts her hand on David's head trying to see if he has a >temperature. David coughs and tries to get up. Amy presses down on his head >lightly. > >Amy: >Just rest. >David: >I'm ok, I've been worst. Crow: He's been worst? Bratworst? Tom: Sausage!! Mmm-mmm good! >Amy: >Please, just rest. Crow: (Amy) "...while I pull down your pants." >David complies and sets his head back down. Lita, Michelle, Erica, Mary, Reeny, >and Tena walk into the room. Mike: Would someone mind telling me who Mary, Erica, Tena and Michelle are? Tom: ..or perhaps, Belial, Florentine, Adam, Aaron, Aelf, or anyone else in this story? >Lita: >I see your awake. Crow: Thank you, captain obvious. >Amy: >Yes, he is. > >Amy looks at David's chest. Tom: (Amy) "He is BUILT!" >Amy: >I've been looking at him, and I think he broke a rib. Crow: (Amy) "I'm a genius, I can just tell!" >David: >Two broke, one cracked. Mike: Dave IS Mr. Self-diagnosis. >Lita: >Oh. > >Mina walks into the room. > >Mina: >Uh. There are three people looking for you. Tom: Huey, Dewey, and Louis? Crow: Larry, Curly, and Moe? Mike: Zach, Taylor, and umm...what's the other Hanson girl? Crow: Why don't you tell me? After all, you own the CD... Mike: Be quiet, Crow. >David: >Send them in. > >Mina walks out of the bedroom. A minute later Mina comes back in the room with >three people. >Adam: >There you are! > >Arial: >We've been looking for you! > >David: >Arial, Chase, Adam. Hello Tom: Ooh, an all-encompassing hello! He's getting more efficient! >Arial: >What's wrong? Crow: (Arial) "You didn't say hello to each one us individually, and waste five minutes in the process!!" >David: >Oh, nothing. I just got a couple of ribs broken. Nothing to worry about. > >Arial:---Smiling--- >Ok. Mike: (Arial) "That's good, I LIKE it when you get your ribs broken!" >Tena, looks at Arial strangely. Tom: ...for no apparent reason. >Adam: >Well we know where to find you if we need you. Crow: (Adam) "We won't, of course. In fact, we rather like you not being in the house." >Adam and Arial walk out of bedroom. Chase walks up to David. He looks at the >girls, then he bends over to whisper in David's ear. > >Chase: (Whispering in David's ear) >I wish I was in your place. > >David's eyes widen. He tries to take a swing at Chase, but he misses. Chase walks >out. Mike: Okay, and why did he take a swing at Chase? This makes no sense! Tom: Arrghh...sense circuits failing...malfunction imminent... (starts smoking at the head) Mike: Take it easy there, little buddy. You going to be okay? Tom: I think so, if this starts making sense. Mike: So what you're saying is, you're not going to be okay. Tom: Pretty much, yeah. >Tena: >I don't really like that girl. Crow: (Tena) "Or for that matter, this fanfic. I think I'll just destroy the world...SILENCE GLAVE!!" Mike: Cmon, Crow... >She didn't care that you had a broken ribs. Tom: Neither do we, do you not like *us* now, Tena? >David: >No she cares, it's just that I get broken ribs a lot, so she isn't to worried. > >Tena: >Oh. > >Michelle looks at her watch. Tom: The exciting, 'Checking the Time' scene... >Michelle: >I need to go. Crow: (Michelle) "So, could someone tell me where the john is?" >Erica, Tena, and Mary: >Us to. Mike: "Dammit, if all of you have to, you're just going to have to use the port-o-johns outside!" Tom: So, all of the people that we neither know nor care about who they are are leaving? >Serena: >Ok, bye you guys. > >The four wave goodbye to the others. > >Raye: >I hope they'll be back tomorrow. Crow: (Raye) "They forgot their Tuna Casserole and it's really beginning to stink up the place." Mike: It's going to take them until tommorrow to get back from the bathroom? What the hell? Tom: Heh...if it takes that long, you're not only doing numbers one and two, but three, four, five, six, seven, eight... >Lita: >Yea, me too. Especially since there's going to be a fight tomorrow. > >David: (while trying to sit up) >Fight? What fight? > >Mina: >There were two people here claiming to be your fathers. > >David: >Two people? What were their names? Crow: If they were your fathers, Tweedledee and Tweedledum wouldn't be bad guesses... Mike: Cmon, Crow. Lighten up, just because it sucks doesn't mean you have to take it out on the characters... >Serena: >So far we only know one of their names, and his name is Belial. > >David sinks slowly back on the bed. > >Serena: >What? Tom: (Dave) "Geez, I'm just sinking back on the bed...do I need a reason for EVERYTHING?" >David: >Their names are Belial and Florentine. NO RELAITION!! Crow: Sort of like Buster and Babs Bunny, or something...I dunno. >David sits up. > >Amy: >You shouldn't be up. > >David: >I'm fine. > >David reaches for his right pocket, and pulls out a test tub looking vile with >brown liquid in it. David takes a drink of it. A brown light glows from David's >stomach. Then it stops. Mike: Hey, that happens to me when I drink Yahoo, too! >! Lita: >What was that? > >David: >A healing potion. Crow: (David) "Which came out of nowhere. Just like my blaster, and the house, and the monster, and every other damn thing in this whole thing, since this hasn't made one BIT OF SENSE, AND IT'S AS INCOHERENT AS HELL, AND...AARRRGHHH!!!!!" Mike: Settle down, Crow!! It'll be over soon, trust me. And besides, would you rather be reading Oscar? Crow: Nelson, think for a second and ask yourself if you REALLY want me to answer that question... Mike: Hey, if you want to read bestiality instead of this, be my guest. I'll take this any day... >It should work. > >The girls look at each other. Tom: (Random Senshi) "Yeah, um-hm, magic potion..." >Setting- A small room with a very small table. Crow: It's the interrogation room! Mike: Heh...NYPD Senshi... >The girls are kneeling at the table >sipping tea. Serena is stuffing her mouth with a cookies. Tom: Not like that's fanfiction cliche or anything... >Lita: >Do you think Amy likes David. She's been unusually nice to him Crow: Is that a question, or is she just telling them this? Mike: (English Accent) My kingdom for a question mark... >Serena: (with her mouth full) >No she likes Greg. > >Raye: >Serena, could you use some MANNERS!! Tom: Raye, could you use some QUESTION MARKS?? >Serena sticks her tongue out at Raye. Amy walks into the room. > >Mina: >Hello Amy. > >Amy: >Hi Mina. Crow: Blah blah blah, let's just say hello to everyone and waste five minutes of everyones time, yadda yadda yadda... Mike: At least everyone's POLITE in this fic. Crow: Yeah, not to mention out of character and annoying... Mike: You're certainly in a bad mood, Crow... Crow: Bite me, Nelson. >Mina: >How is David? > >Amy: >That's the weird part, his cracked rib is healed completely. Tom: (Amy) "I just know, since I have an x-ray machine and medical training necessary to diagnose his condition..." >Sweat drops appear on everyone's head. > >Lita: >That was quick. > >Amy sits kneels down at the table. David walks into the room. Crow: Ooh, can't you just feel the sparks of sexual tension? Well...actually, not really... >Amy: >What are you doing up. > >David: >I'm fine, don't worry. > >David sits down next to Amy. All: (singing) David likes Amy, David likes Amy... >Raye: >Would you like some tea? > >David: >Sure. Tom: It's the even more exciting 'Asking if he wants some tea' scene. >Raye gets up and comes back with a cup of tea, and hands it to David. > >David: >Thank you. > >David takes a sip of his tea. Serena gets up. > >Serena: >Well I got to go home. Its getting late. > >Mina: >What time is it? Crow: Time to get this damn thing over with... Mike: Crow, you're not making it any easier... >Serena: >5:45. Tom: (Mina) "Ooh! Springer's on in 15 minutes! Later, everyone!" >Mina: >I need to go to. > >Lita: >I have to leave also. Crow: So they all have to go at the same time? What the...well, that's just nitpicking, I suppose. >Raye: >Well I'll see you four later. > >Mina: >Ok, bye. > >Mina waves goodbye. Serena, Reeny, Mina, and Lita start walking out of the >temple. Tom: Oh, so they didn't FINISH walking out of the temple? >Amy gets up. > >Amy: >I need to go to. Mike: (Raye) "Down the hall, second door on the left." >David: >Ok, and thank you for taking care of me. > >Amy: ---smiling--- >Don't mention it. Crow: (Amy) "You can thank me later, when we get to the lemon scene." >Amy gets up and walks out of the temple. > >Raye: >Well I'd better get your bed ready. Tom: Better make that a double, you know Amy's eventually going to end up in there... >David: >That's ok, I'll sleep on the floor. > >Raye: >Are you sure? > >David: >Yea, I don't mind, besides you already did enough for me. Mike: You know, Dave, you ARE healed, you could go back to your house or something, maybe sleep there... Crow: No, Mike...that would make sense. Mike: Whoops, I completely forgot about that! >Raye: >Ok. Tom: So much for hospitality... >Raye walks out of the room and she goes to her bed room. > > >Setting- Afternoon, We are in front of the temple. All look around. Crow: Um...we appear to be in a movie theater at present. Tom: Yeah. What the hell? >Everyone stands there. Mike: Not doing anything specific, just standing there... >Belial & Florentine walk up to them. > >Florentine: >Are you ready to hand him over? > >Lita: >No! JUPITER CRYSTAL POWER!! > >Mina: >VENUS CRYSTAL POWER!! > >Raye: >MARS CRYSTAL POWER!! Tom: Blah, blah, blah, etc. etc..... >Amy: >MERCURY CRYSTAL POWER!! > >Erica: >URANUS PLANET POWER!! Crow: Heh... Mike: Crow, how many times do I have to tell you? No! >Michelle: >NEPTUNE PLANET POWER!! > >Tina: >SATURN PLANET POWER!! Tom: Okay, Dave, we get the point... >Reeny: >Moon Crisis!! > >Mary: >PLUTO PLANET POWER!! > >Serena: >My turn! MOON ETERNAL!! Crow/Tom: Wonder Twin Powers....ACTIVATE!! >Serena, Lita, Mina, Amy, Raye, Erica, Michelle, Mary, Tina, and Reeny turn into >the Sailor Scouts, defenders of piece and Justice. Mike: ...and the featured attraction at the Downtown Tokyo Chuck E. Cheeze, April 3-9. >Belial: ---grinning--- >You pests think you can defeat us!! Crow: (Belial) "Well, I'll just get pest control, then!! Hahaha!!!" >Belial brings his hand back. A flame appears on his finger. Florentine stops him. > >Florentine: >No, let me get them. Tom: One at a time, you'll all get a chance... >Florentine throws his cane into the air. The cane stays in the air. Mike: Ooh, magic... >Ten beams Crow: Note- no more or less than ten beams... >shoot >out of his cane, and wrap around the Sailor Scouts throats. A man appears on top >of the stone wall surrounding the temple. > >Tuxedo Mask: >You let them go. > >Florentine: >No. > >Tuxedo Mask: >Then you leave me no choice. Tom: (Tuxedo Mask) "You will have to smite my ass." >Tuxedo Mask throws a rose at Belial. The rose comes closer to him. As soon as the >rose get near Belial, it falls and starts dying. Another beam comes from the cane >and grabs him by the throat and drags him next to the others. All the scouts are >suspended in the air by the cane. > >Setting- Inside the temple, Mike: It takes a special talent in a writer to go away from where the action is during the climax of the story. Crow: Yeah. It's called 'ineptitude'. >David is watching mournfully. > >David: >I wish I could do something. > >Aelf materializes next to David. David jumps. Tom: (singing) "When you wish upon a star..." >David: >Aelf, you scared me. Crow: (David) "Not enough to use an exclamation point, but you still scared me." >Aelf: >You said you wanted to do something to help. Mike: (Aelf) "So, here are some AK-47's I got from Nav." >Aelf opens a pouch that is on his belt. He takes out a green, crystal looking, stone. >Aelf hands David the stone. > >David: >A shard of the Soulstone, what is this for? Crow: It's a setup for a plot contrivance, duhhh.... >Aelf: >Hold it to the sky and yell Soulstone Crystal Power, but be warned, your destiny >will change dramatically. Tom: (Aelf) "You will become a shemale." >David looks at the crystal (Music plays while he looks at the crystal. Mike: Uh...okay. And where is this music coming from? Crow: Don't know, don't want to know, don't care... >Lyrics- Tom: (singing) This fic is a bomb...lalala...please let it end...lalala... >Your >a danger, abomanature, but I knight you your the strongest of them all.). Crow: Well...uh...that makes about as much sense as everything else, I suppose. >After the last part (your the strongest of them all) David raises the >stone in the air. > >David: >SOULSTONE CRYSTAL POWER!! > >David's knuckle gloves disappear, revealing the brands that are on his hands The >stone seeps into David's hand. He starts spinning into a blue background. Green >electricity shoots out from his hands as he is spinning. The green electricity >engulfs him, then the electricity turns to a green crystal. It shatters, now we see >a boy wearing a tiara with a green cross in the center of it, he is Sailor Soulstone. All: ACK!!! Mike: Okay, no. Self-insertion senshi are just not cool. Tom: Well, at least he's not Saiya-Jin Soulstone... Mike: DON'T give him any ideas. >Aelf looks at Sailor Soulstone, he reaches for another pouch on his belt. He pulls >out a some sunglasses, and puts it on him. > >Aelf: ---smiling--- >Now the out fit is complete. Crow: (Aelf) "That is, supposing you DID want to look like a dork..." >Sailor Soulstone smiles at Aelf, then he quickly teleports away. > >Setting- outside, The Sailor Scouts are still suspended in the air by the cane, the >beams are still around their necks. Belial looks over at Florentine. > >Belial: >What should we do with them? > >S. Soulstone: (yelling) >Let them go! Tom: Well, there's your answer... >Belial and Florentine looks towards the roof of the temple. A man is standing >there, his sunglasses reflects a little bit of light. All hum Tuxedo Mask theme. >Florentine: >Who are you? > >S. Soulstone: >I am Sailor Soulstone, defender of the Sailor Scouts, and protector of the >Soulstone, and in the name of Jesus, I shall defeat you! Crow: Oh, how nice. We get the added bonus of a religious moral, too. >Belial: >Oh, a Christian. What are you going to do Christian? Tom: (David) "Well, first I'm going to hand out some tracts, start quoting from scripture..." >S. Soulstone: >This! > >Sailor Soulstone jumps up in the air and starts spinning. As he is spinning he >detaches Eternity from his coat, and cuts the cane in half. The Sailor Scouts fall >to the ground. Sailor Soulstone lands in front of Belial and Florentine. They both >step back away from him. Florentine's expression turns fearful. > >Florentine: >Eternity! Mike: Okay, does anyone know what Eternity is and why we should be fearful of it? Crow: Um...I have no idea. Mike: Didn't think so... >Belial: >Demons help us! > >Nine Demons rise from the ground. Each demon has yellow pants and a red cloth is >tied around their waists. Tom: Ahh...it's Versace's new "Evil" look for spring... >The demons start to charge towards him. A blue fireball >flies out of Eternity and hits the nearest demon. The demon bursts into flames, >then falls to ashes. The Sailor Scouts get up from the ground. > >Super Sailor Mercury: >Lets help him. MERCURY BUBBLES… BLAST! > >A mist covers the area. > >S. Soulstone: >Thanks. Crow: In the heat of battle, it's always wise to take time out and thank an ally... >Sailor Soulstone lunges at a confused demon, the sword goes through the demon, >killing it. Mike: The sword, which came from the same place the potion, blaster, and house came from. Tom: Making...no...sense...going...to...explode... (Starts to smoke) >Super Sailor Jupiter: >Let me get one! JUPITER THUNDER CLAP… ZAP!! > >The attack hits a demon in the chest. The demon fries. Eternal Sailor Moon is >running from a demon, the demon shoots a yellow fireball from his sword. It hits >Eternal Sailor Moon in the back. Tuxedo Mask hits the demon with his cane >knocking it out. Super Sailor Venus is chasing a demon. > >Demon: >Would you leave me alone you Sailor freak!! > >Super Sailor Venus: >Nobody calls me a, FREAK!! VENUS CREASENT BEAM… SMASH!! > >It hits the demon in the back of the head. The demon turns around. Crow: (Demon) "Owww...that hurt!" >Demon: >That all you got!! I thought you were going to kill me a second there. Crow: Yeah, she was going to kill him a second...aww, hell, this makes no sense, why am I trying? >Sailor Soulstone: >Who said you weren't going to be killed. Mike: Uh, he did, if I do recall. >David fires a blue fireball at the demon. It busts into flames. Florentine and >Belial try to watch through the mist. The mist lifts, and The Sailor scouts are >fighting the remaining demons. > >Florentine: >I say we retreat while we have the chance. Crow: YES!! It's over!! Mike: Might not have been the desired outcome, but hey... Tom: (shaking and smoking) Need...sense...must..have...coherence... >Belial nods to Florentine, and then they seep into ground. Crow: It's the "Love Canal Duo"! >Demon: >Forget this, I am not sticking around here to get killed! > >The rest of the Demons seep into the ground. The Sailor Scouts walk up behind >Sailor Soulstone. Sailor Soulstone turns around and faces the Sailor Scouts. >Eternal Sailor Moon walks up to him. Mike: (Sailor Moon) "Well, uh, thanks for saving our ass, Dave. That's a really chintsy disguise, though..." >Eternal Sailor Moon: >Thank you, Sailor Soulstone. > >Sailor Soulstone bows his head. A strong wind blows. Crow: Soulstone's fuku blows upwards. All of the Senshi catch a shot of Dave's undies. Mike: Crow... >Sailor Soulstone's Duster >blows in the wind. Suddenly a green light flashes. The scouts look where Sailor >Soulstone was, and David is standing in his place. > >Super Sailor Mercury: >David. Mike: (David) "Amy." >David: >Yea, its me Amy. > >Super Sailor Mercury: >How did you know it was me? > >David: >I saw you transform. Crow: Duhhh.... >The scouts return to their normal identities. > >Mary: >Well that was the biggest attack from the Negaverse we have ever had. > >David: >Negaverse? They were not from the Negaverse. > >Lita: >Then where? > >David hesitates for a minute. > >David: >Hell. Crow: Ehh, whatever. I couldn't care less. >Sweat drops appear on everyone's head. > >Reeny: >Really? Mike: ...the hell? She wasn't even involved with this until now!! Crow: Mike, just let it pass. Tom: Sensors...breaking down...explosion...immennant... Crow: Uh-oh...looks like Tom isn't doing so hot. Mike: Okay, I think this is an honest excuse to leave early...let's go. Crow and Mike are out on the bridge of the SoL. "I guess Tom is resting, huh?" Crow asked Mike. "Yeah, I guess that really wore him down." Mike suddenly heard a knock. "What's that?" "Oh, someone must be at the door." Crow replied, as he went off to answer it. "Umm...Crow? We don't HAVE a door." "Details, details!" Crow opened the door. Outside was an old, haggard man with a black robe and a cane that had a skull on top. "Hi, may I help you?" "Yes, I'm looking for my son. He's got a gumball-machine shaped head and a red body." "Oh, come right in!" Crow turned to Mike. "Hey, Nelson! Servo's father is here!" "Oh, okay, let him...wait a minute, Servo doesn't HAVE a father, Crow! What the hell are you talking about??" "Well, I mean, the guy says that his son has a gumball machine for a head, and is painted red everywhere else!" Crow responded, indignantly. "Who do you know besides Servo who looks like that?!?" "But...how would he know how to find us here? And why would he be looking for him?" Mike was, quite understandably so, puzzled by this. "Ahh, who cares?" Crow led the old man in by the arm. "Here, he's right over there, on the couch." The old man quietly mumbled his thanks, then started to move slowly towards Tom. Mike suddenly stepped in his way. "Okay, who in the hell are you?" Mike demanded to know. Suddenly, the man's eyes lit up. He slowly lifted up his arm, raising his cane above his head, and then brought it down, glancing a blow just above Mike's ear. Mike fell to the floor, clutching his head and screaming in agony. Crow grabbed a hold of theand turned him around, but the man broke free from him, stood back, and unleashed what looked like a fireball with a greenish tint to it. Upon the impact of the fireball on his body, Crow was immediately thrown back and onto the floor, and laid still there, moaning. The man then turned and went towards the door, saying as he left, "You have until tommorrow to hand him over. Of course, it would be intelligent just to take him now and not leave you here to decide what to do, but I figure that this somehow gives me a strategical advantage. Ciao!" With that, the man instantly sunk into the floor of the SoL and was gone. With the man gone, Mike struggled to his feet, still wobbly and clutching his head. Suddenly, the red light flashed. ---------------------- "Hey there, Nelson!!" Pearl was still out, roasting marshmellows. Bobo and the Observer were sound asleep. "Enjoy the movie?" "Well, no, not..." Pearl interrupted Mike. "Bobo!! Wake up!!" "Wha...huh...where....yah!!" Bobo sprung up, got his bearings straight, then turned to Pearl. "Yes, Lawgiver?" "I'm running low on marshmellows!! Get me some from the van, now!!" "Yes, Lawgiver!!" Bobo started towards the van. "Bobo!!" "Yes, Lawgiver??" "Get me a brewsky while you're at it!!" "Yes, Lawgiver!!" "Well, anyways..." Pearl turned her attention back to the SoL. "Sorry you didn't like this weeks. I've gotta warn you, next weeks is going to be a lot worse..." ---------------------- "Uh-oh" ----------------------