MSTreet Fighter, Round 3: Star Ruby's Unexpected Surprise MSTed by Shunyata (negativezeroxi@juno.com) All Transformers are owned and copyrighted by Hasbro/Takara, except Star Ruby, MegatroniaOne, Razormoon, ButterknifeJupiter, LeftyScissorsPluto, and so forth are Star Ruby's creations. All Street Fighter characters are Capcom's. This is meant to be a work of entertainment, so turn that frown upside down. [Round 3...FIGHT! Or as the Street Fighter announcer says, fuh-HEIGHT!] [After a long jog, Ryu returns to his secluded home, and finds Ken sitting on the floor by a fireplace, looking angrily at a newspaper article.] Ryu: C'mon, Ken, you haven't trained for three days straight. Ken: Who can train at a time like this! [He throws the newspaper to Ryu.] Ryu: Let's see here..."Owen Wilson To Star As Ken 'The Master' Masters In Upcoming Biographical Film, 'Masters of the Cool-i-verse'." That's a very special name... Ken: It's a crappy name! That Owen Wilson! I'm gonna punch his Shanghai Lights out! Ryu: I know you're still upset that Owen got the part in those Jackie Chan movies and you didn't, but it was your great idea to have him star as you in a movie about you. Why the sudden 180? Ken: ...well, I told Eliza way back that I would make a movie about us someday, and this was supposed to be it...and now that she's...gone....[begins to sob] Ryu: Aww...there, there buddy! Ken: We were about to get married, you know? Well, you know as they say: " 'Tis better to have loved than never lose at all..." Those words mean so much to me! Ryu: [raised eyebrow] Um, er...there, there, buddy! [Suddenly, next to Ryu's futon, the star-shaped ruby that he found last week begins to glow just as there is a knock on their door. Ryu goes to open it, and sees a tall blonde woman.] Ryu: Eliza!? How did you find this place!? [It dawns on him.] Ken! This is supposed to be a secret place! Ken: Oh come on, Ryu, all my fans crowded me and Eliza at the hotels last spring, and you were out roaming the world fighting random people-- [The men hush as Eliza walks in with a cold demeanor, stands near Ken regarding him with an intense frown. She tosses him a newspaper, the same one that Ken had been reading.] Eliza: How dare you cast Tonya Harding as me in your movie! Ken: Hey! She fit within our budget! Eliza: Kenneth Masters, you are the single most obnoxious, conceited, vainglorious, inconsiderate-- Ryu: [pensive tone]--lazy, whining, stingy when it comes to sharing Nilla Wafers-- Ken: Okay! OKAY! I'm sorry! If it makes you feel better, I was telling Ryu how much I missed you when Hurricane Eliza stormed on in! Eliza: Really? [disarmed] Oh...[suddenly cold again, crosses her arms, looks away from him with a 'Hmph!'] Ken: [does the same, mocking her.] Ryu: Um, Ken? The star-shaped ruby is glowing again... [he digs around in his stack of pamphlets near his futon, until with satisfaction he selects one] Eliza, Ken and I read the wisdom of these pamphlets when we face difficult times. Want to join this time around? Ken: Oh brother... Eliza: [noticing Ken's disapproval] Sure, I'll do it! [The three sit on a couch, Ryu sitting between Ken and Eliza. Ryu opens the pamphlet.] > Star Ruby's Unexpected Surprise Ryu: As opposed to those expected surprises... > By Star_Ruby > > > This story is unusual because it focuses on Transformer reproduction. > If the Autobots can have children why not Decepticons? Ken and Eliza (simultaneously): Since when do Autobots have children? [They both look at each other briefly, then away with Hmphs! in sync.] > MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY !!! Eliza: Yeah, I guess only mature people can handle the idea of robots popping kids. Ryu: I believe those three exclamation points were for each of us. See? This was meant to happen. Ken: Don't remind me... > Megatron and I go out for an evening flight. We land on the tallest > power dam on Cybertron. Ken: [Megatron] I knew those power beavers were a worthy investment! >Megatron finds my beauty dazzling in the > evening sky. The sunset enhances my crimson red body and optics. He > sighs because I am a vision of loveliness. Eliza: Maybe if you're nearsighted... > I can sense that Megatron > brought me to his favourite hiding place for a reason. > I know that something is troubling him. "Meggy what's wrong? You are > not acting your usual self." Ken: [Star Ruby] The real you would've atomized me by now for calling you Meggy! > A thought just comes to mind. "How silly > of me. You are thinking about your mate who died millions of years > ago. Megatron what was Pearl like? Do I remind you of her?" Ken and Eliza: Pearl!? Ryu: Hey, we met a Star Ruby Transformer named Molly last time. Don't act so surprised. > "Star Ruby, Pearl was an Autobot that I married. Ryu: [blink] Megatron got married? Ken: [wide eyes] To an Autobot? Eliza: [squint] Named PEARL? Ryu: For the first time ever, I feel sorry for Megatron. > She had this strange > affect on me. I made love with her and I wound up with a mixed breed > of Decepticon. Eliza: I guess you couldn't enter her in any pedigree shows, eh Meggy? > MegatroniaOne lacks the instincts of a true > Decepticon. She is more Autobot than Decepticon. That bothers me a > lot because my heir has to be 100% Decepticon. Eliza: [Megatron] After all, I majored in Eugenics at Decepticon University! > I will not accept > anything less." I remain quiet the whole time. I let Megatron get his > pent up feelings out in the open. Ryu: Even homicidal maniacs have feelings... > "Star Ruby, you do remind me of > Pearl. You have the same feelings about me like she did. You even > look similar to her. The only difference is she was an Autobot femme > seeker jet and you are a Decepticon seeker jet. Oh Ruby I miss her." > Megatron does something unimaginable, Eliza: Um, he's been doing unimaginable things since this thing started! > the Decepticon commander cries. > I am at a loss for words. I massage Megatron's back to calm him. Ken: [Star Ruby] Gosh, metal sure is hard to massage! > Megatron looks into my optics and kisses me. > I am surprised because Megatron is being affectionate to me. I let > Megatron make love to me on the dam. Eliza: [rolling eyes] That Star Ruby, she's so generous! > Megatron enjoys himself because > he forgot what sex felt like. Ken: I'll never be able to take my car to Jiffy Lube again without feeling sick. Thanks, Ruby! >Primus is ever watchful, Ryu and Eliza: Perv! Ken: What does an old rock band have to do with Transformers!? > he gives me > the capability to reproduce like the Autobot femmes. I am unaware > that Megatron just got me pregnant. Ryu: This fic is the bastard child of 1st person limited and 3rd person omniscient. > That never happened to a > Decepticon femme before. Primus knows that I would be a good mother. > Megatron and I return to base. We retire to our own rooms for the > night. Ken: [Megatron] If anyone asks, I don't know you, okay? > Morning arrives at Decepticon base, my alarm clock goes off, I > grumble and summon my fusion cannon from subspace; I blow the clock > up and lay down again on my recharging bed. Ken: [Star Ruby] Oops! Guess I transformed into Luddite mode there! [Eliza giggles quietly.] > I am not ready to get up > because my romantic evening with Megatron has exhausted me. I turn my > optics off and go back to recharge mode. > Megatron has a meeting with all of his Decepticon team leaders. He > notices me absent from the meeting. This surprises Megatron because I > never miss a meeting. Something is definitely not right. He will stop > by my office after the meeting to find out why I never bothered to > show up at his important meeting. Eliza: Decepticon, Inc., ladies and gentlemen. > "I am very displeased with you; StarScream, Onslaught, MotorMaster, > Bonecrusher and Razorclaw. You let Defensor, Superion, Computron and > Omega Supreme make you look like incompetent weaklings. Do you guys > need to go back to military academy? Ken: [Onslaught] Can we go to Police Academy!? >I hate failures especially when > it concerns: Menasor, Bruticus, Devestator and Predaking. Now get out > of my sight." Eliza: Say! Where are the rest, like Piranacon! Ken: And Monstructor! Eliza: And Abominus! [They look at each other again, and blush.] Ryu: [looks from Ken to Eliza] Um...guys? > Megatron aims his cannon at his warriors. They retreat > quickly because Megatron is really upset. Ken: [Fleeing Decepticon, muttering] You'll get yours in Transformers: The Movie... > Megatron sits down on his throne to think up another vile scheme to > destroy the Autobots. Ken: [Megatron] I've got it! I'll send them a lifetime supply of Firestone tires! > MegatroniaOne enters the meeting hall. > StarScream begged her to talk some reason into Megatron. "Good > morning father, I think you were a little bit rough on your warriors. > Was it really necessary to threaten them with your fusion cannon?" > Megatron glares at his daughter. "MegatroniaOne, I have to be tough > on my troops. That is part of being a leader. If you do not approve > of my methods tough!" Ryu: [Megatron] Besides, I really liked Full Metal Jacket! > MegatroniOne knows why Megatron is so upset, Star Ruby never showed > up at the meeting. "You are mad because Star Ruby never showed up at > your meeting. Am I correct father? I also know that you love her; > that does not bother me. By the way Star Ruby is still in her > quarters and I am really worried about her." > Megatron cools off because MegatroniaOne has a calming affect on him. Ryu: She must've poured some antifreeze down his back when he wasn't looking. > "Alright MegatroniaOne, I will check on Star Ruby for you. I am sure > she had a good reason for missing my latest meeting." > Megatron heads to my quarters and rings the door chime. I wake up > feeling worse. I manage to make it to my door and open it before > fainting. Megatron has lightning fast reflexes Eliza: --as she discovered last night on top of the power dam... Ryu: NOW I understand why the Megatron toy has a trigger where the crotch is. Ken: You guys are nasty. No wonder you like me so much! >. He catches me so I do > not injure myself. He carries me back to my recharging bed and lays > me down on it. > Megatron runs to get Hook because he is alarmed over my condition. > Razormoon watches Megatron rush out of my quarters. She senses that > something is not right. She decides to pay me a visit. Ken: [Star Ruby] Okay, that'll be $10 per visit, Razormoon. > Razormoon enters my room, she notices me resting. "Star Ruby, how are > you feeling? > "I feel lousy Razormoon, I think that I have a serious case of > malfunction. Eliza: Well, now I've seen everything. Robot STDs. > I have a secret to share with you my friend. Megatron > and I are very intimate with our relationship. He and I did a little > experiment with interfacing last night. Eliza: [Razormoon] Did you use protection? Ken: [Star Ruby] Well, I put up a firewall... [Both laugh. Ryu doesn't get it and squints at them.] > I hate to admit but I > actually enjoyed the experience. I really felt one with him." Ryu: Felt one WHAT, exactly? Ken: I'll tell you when you get older, Ryu. > Razormoon grins at me because she has a hunch what my problem is. Eliza: [Razormoon] Actually I've been keeping a list. This'll take a while... > "Star Ruby I believe that you are pregnant." > "What!? That is not possible because Decepticon femmes never > reproduce. Primus only gave that ability to the Autobot femmes." I > realise that Razormoon is serious. "Oh, how am I going to explain > that to Meggy? He needs DeathCrystal, how is she going to work > without me, Razormoon?" Ken: "DeathCrystal"? Cybertron's answer to crystal meth has arrived! > "Star Ruby, if Megatron truly loves you he will understand. I heard a > rumour that he wants a Decepticon heir. I will tell you this, > Decepticon femmes of the future can have children. The history books > mentions you being the first > Decepticon femme to reproduce. If you want I can help you handle your > pregnancy." I gladly say yes to her offer. Eliza: I'm guessing there's some backstory here with Sailor--er, Razormoon... Ryu: "Back" in the "Back to the Future" sense, I guess. > Razormoon leaves my room. She spots Hook and Megatron. "Hi Commander > Megatron, I know what is wrong with Star Ruby. Star Ruby is pregnant. > I have to practice in the arena. See you later." Megatron and Hook > can hardly believe what they are hearing. > The duo run into my chamber. I am happy to see Hook. Eliza: [Star Ruby] But Peter Pan seems oddly absent... > He runs a scanner on me. "Megatron you are not going to believe this but Star > Ruby is pregnant. Razormoon was right about your mates condition. > Megatron you are going to be a father that is great because > Decepticon femmes never had children before. There is hope for our > side after all. Megatron? Megatron?" Hook spots Megatron out cold on > the floor. Megatron fainted over the news that he is going to be a > father. Eliza: No, really? Ken: Haha! He might be able to detonate a continent with no problem, but folks, he's still got heart. > This surprises Hook because he never dreamed that Megatron > could faint. He uses an energon booster to wake Megatron up. > "Hook when will Star Ruby have her child?" Hook just shrugs his > shoulders. "I am new to this Commander, I have no idea how long Star > Ruby will be pregnant. Razormoon seems to know more about this than > I. Maybe you should consult her about it." Ken: [Hook] Dammit Megatron, I'm a Constructicon, not an OB/GYN! > Megatron has no problem finding Razormoon she is busy sparring with > StarScream in the arena. "Razormoon I need to talk to you in private. > It concerns one of my femmes." Razormoon grins because she has a > hunch that the femme he is talking about is Me. Ryu: See that 'M'? That confirms that Star Ruby really IS God. > "See you later Scream, I have to talk to Megatron." She kisses > StarScream on the mouth then leaves the arena following her > Commander. StarScream sighs because he really loves Razormoon. Ryu: What kind of girlfriend does a sniveling, two-faced coward like Starscream deserve? Eliza: One invented by Star Ruby? Ken: Seems like a good match to me! > Razormoon and Megatron go to my chamber. I am awake thanks to the > energon booster Hook gave me earlier. I am happy to see my friends. > "Hello, Megatron and Razormoon, how nice of you to visit me." Ryu: [Star Ruby] I'm stilted 'cause I have no personality! > Razormoon explains to Megatron and I how long it takes a Decepticon > femme to gestate. I groan because four Cybertronian months is a long > time. Megatron just pats me on the shoulders. Ken: [Megatron] Better you than me, honeybot! > "Thank you for the > information Razormoon, I will make sure that Star Ruby gets all the > necessary energon to handle her pregnancy. You can go back and see > StarScream." Eliza: [Razormoon] Oh, he's probably already betrayed me or something by now, I'm in no hurry. > Razormoon leaves my chamber feeling great because she will get to see > a baby Decepticon in the near future. She will help me have my baby > when it is due. > Megatron gives me a hug. "Star Ruby, I am happy for the both of us. I > am glad to have the chance to have a true Decepticon heir. I love you > Ruby, will you marry me?" Megatron gives me a pleading look. Ryu: He's secretly pleading with the author to not totally screw up his character. > "Alright > Meggy, I will marry you because I love you too." Megatron and I kiss. Ken: [Star Ruby] Um, Meggy, you need some Chapstick. You've got some iron filings on your lips... > Megatron makes his announcement to all of his troops. "Decepticons, > as you all know I am allowed to marry a femme. That has been a > tradition for Decepticon Commanders for millions of years. Ryu: Or since whenever Star Ruby discovered fanfics, whichever came first. > I am going > to marry Star Ruby, she is worthy enough to be my wife." The > Decepticons cheer because Megatron is getting married. Ken: [cheering Decepticon] Hip--hip--no way! Hip--hip--no way! > StarScream is > the only Decepticon not happy because he never knew that I was dating > Megatron. He dislikes the idea of Me marrying Megatron. He must find > a way to interfere with that wedding. Eliza: [Starscream] Everyone knows I'd be a much better bride! > Four months go by fast I forget that I am pregnant. I hardly even > look it. Eliza: Star Ruby: Pregnant. With style. Ryu: I'm glad she left out the accounts of morning sickness and odd food cravings. > Razormoon and I design my wedding gown. I grin because the pattern on > it is pretty. I have a matching tiara and vail to go with it. Eliza: "Vail"? Ryu: As in, "travail". > "Razormoon something is bothering me. StarScream has been giving me > the cold brother routine. Ken: Ahh, the cold brotha routine, perfected by Martin Lawrence! > I get the impression that he doesn't want > me to marry Meggy. I do not want him to interfere. Could you keep a > close eye on him for me?" Razormoon knows StarScream very well. "Star > Ruby, do not worry I will talk to Screamer. He does not like it when > I get angry with him. He will not ruin your wedding." Thankyou > Razormoon." Ryu: Well, the Starscream subplot was real important. Ken: I was rooting for Starscream, you know. > Megatron's wedding day arrives. Eliza: A day that will live in stupidity... He has an Autobot guest. His > Decepticons managed to kidnap Optimus Prime. "Megatron, why have you > kidnapped me?" Optimus Prime's eyes blaze bright blue when he is > angry. Ryu: I hope this isn't going to be one of those 'open marriages'... > "I need you to do me a little favour. I promise to release you after > the favour is complete." Optimus glares at Megatron. "What do you > want from me and what is the favour you require?" Ryu: They must've given Prime a redundancy drug. > "Optimus Prime I need you to perform a bonding ceremony for me. I am > going to marry Star Ruby. Do that for me and I will let you leave > after the ceremony. This is no Decepticon trick, you would be wise to > oblige me." Ken: [Prime] Do I get some cake? Oh wait, I don't have a mouth! > This news surprises Optimus Prime. He never knew that Megatron could > love. "Alright I will perform the bonding ceremony for you." Eliza: [Prime] We'll need some whips and blindfolds... Ken: Eliza! It's bonding, not bondage! Ugh! Some people are just so immature! [Ryu glares at him while Eliza smirks.] > "Excellent, the wedding will be in the afternoon. MotorMaster take > Prime to a temporary guest room. I must get ready for my wedding." > Optimus Prime is still in a mild case of shock because his arch enemy > is getting married. Ryu: [Prime] Forget that he mangled me and MY girlfriend, and I've been his mortal enemy for a kazillion years...don't sweat the small stuff! > The afternoon arrives, Megatron is wondering what is keeping me. I > never am late for anything. Soundwave plays the wedding tune. Ken: [Soundwave] Oh, sorry...I thought you wanted The Wedding Singer soundtrack, Megatron! > Megatron sighs with relief because I finally have shown up. > StarScream reluctantly gives me away to Megatron. > Optimus Prime finds me attractive. Eliza: Only because of the magnets she was wearing. > "Do you Megatron, take Star Ruby > to be your bonding partner; to love and cherish her, to honour and > protect her, Ken: --to always press "R" when you see Abort, Retry, Fail-- > as long as you both shall live?" Megatron looks at me > and says "I do." Optimus Prime asks me the same question. "Do you > Star Ruby, take Megatron to be your bonding partner; to love and > cherish him, to honour and protect him, as long as you both shall > live?" I look at Megatron and reply, "I do." [Eliza sniffs a little. Ken puts his arm around Ryu to rub her back. Ryu huffs and rolls his eyes.] > "Then the power given to me by the Matrix, may Primus grant you > eternal love and happiness. You may kiss your bonding partner." Eliza: Oh just say 'husband and wife', Star Ruby! Ryu: A Star Ruby by any other name is just as cliche. > Megatron and I kiss, the entire assembly cheers wildly. The other > Decepticon femmes cry at my wedding. They find me lucky because I am > bonded to the most powerful Decepticon of them all. They envy me. Ryu: Well, if you can't get a real boyfriend, I guess the next best thing is imagining yourself marrying an insane killer, having his kid, and making other imaginary women jealous of you! > I toss my tiara behind my back. Razormoon manages to snag it and > grin. She is the next to get bonded. Megatron removes one of my chest > clips and toss it. Would you believe that Hook caught it. If Hook > could blush he would have been extra dark green. Eliza: Um, Ruby? That's not the dark green of embarrassment. It means he's about to puke. > Megatron keeps his word. He releases Optimus Prime to return to the > Autobots. Ken: [Prime] Hey, shouldn't we be fighting or something? > The Decepticons throw a huge party. I am feeling uncomfortable. > Megatron notices my discomfort. "Star Ruby, what is it? Are you > alright my beloved?" I give Megatron glazed optics and groan. Ken: [Megatron] Eww, gross! Take these back! Someone, quick, hold her hair back! > Razormoon, heard me groan. "Megatron, Star Ruby is in labour. Lets > take her to Hook's office immediately before she gets everyones > attention." Hook spots Megatron and Razormoon carrying me out of the > party room. He knows that something is wrong. Eliza: [Hook] What AM I supposed to do with this 'chest clip' now? > Hook arrives at his office before Megatron, Razormoon and I. He > prepares a bed for me. "Hook, Star Ruby is in labour." Hook replies, > "I know, I am ready to help her." I gasp because the pain is > unbearable. Hook puts restraining clamps on me to make sure I do not > hurt myself. Ken: Hmm, maybe this IS bondage... >Hook removes part of my armor, he has Razormoon try and > calm me down. Megatron quickly returns to the party before anyone > notices him missing. Eliza: Yeah, that whole first moment of being a father is so overrated compared to social graces! > "Star Ruby you have pain nullifiers use them. It will reduce the > labour pains." I obey Razormoon because she is right. I activate my > pain nullifiers. I stop crying because the pain has stopped. Two > metal plates shift on my belly, Hook removes my infant out of me. Ken: [Hook] Wow, Ruby is just like a microwave! Except dumber... > I sigh with relief because the process is over. My body returns to its > normal shape. Eliza: Er, Star Ruby? It doesn't quite work that way... > It is hard to believe that I just had a baby. > Hook cleans my baby. Ken: [Hook] Do you want one or two coats of wax on it, Ruby? > He tells me that I just gave birth to a > daughter. She looks like me only Megatron's colours. Hook places my > infant onto my chest I giggle because my daughter is beautiful. [Ken puts his finger in his ear and starts twisting it] Ryu: Ken? What are you doing? Ken: I'm trying to activate my pain nullifiers. > Megatron returns to the hospital. Hook tells him that I gave birth to > a daughter. That news pleases Megatron. He enters my room to see the > new Decepticon. "Hi Ruby, can I see our daughter?" I grin at my > husband and hand him our daughter. Ken: [Megatron] There's a scratch on this one...we need to take it back. > Megatron grins at his heir. "Star Ruby, our daughter reminds me of > Pearl. What have you named her?" Eliza: Clayton! Ken: Forrester! Ryu: Huh? Fill me in here, guys? > I grin at Megatron and reply, "I > named her Pearl because she reminded me of your former mate." > "Ruby, this is one of the best wedding gifts I could ask for." > Megatron and I are happy to be parents. > > The End Ryu: And I thought the Osbournes were a twisted family... Eliza: On tomorrow's episode: The quest for Baby Pearl's College Fund! Megatron needs a new pair of Dockers! Star Ruby flirts with Hook behind Meggy's back! Ken: And Optimus becomes a man of the cloth! [Ryu gets up and tosses the pamphlet into the fire. He seems confused.] I don't get it. Usually after we read a pamphlet, our problem is solved-- [Ryu turns to see Ken and Eliza standing close, talking in hushed tones.] Ken: Eliza...I have something to ask you... Eliza: [gasps] Yes, Ken? Ken: [gets to one knee] Eliza...will you--say, who bought you this ring? Eliza: Um...well...Guile bought that one for me while we dated after you and I broke up... [bites her lip] Ken: [stands up, incensed] WHAT? You mean you dated that Upside-Down-Broom head!? Eliza: It was just a few times...and hey, I bet you've been dating too! Ryu: Yep. He dated a-- Ken: RYU, BE QUIET-- Ryu: --Transformer last week. He thinks he's Kenimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. [Ken puts his face in his hands as Eliza laughs.] Ken: How about we start off slow with a really expensive dinner? At McDonald's! They have teriyaki burgers! Eliza: Oh Ken, you know how to make a girl feel loved... [she grins, they link arms, and walk out, with Ryu nodding at them with Miyagi-like serenity. He then picks up the newspaper and reads: "Ashton Ketcher of Dude, Where's My Car? fame, to start as Ryu in the film."] Ryu: Argh! Ken! [He rushes out the door.]