MYSTERY CHAOS THEATER 3000 by Dallbun Episode 7: Variety Show Original fanfics by: Soul of Darkness blue-angel11 sailor-rainbow Crystal Rain Drop Visit the website: http://aglick.web.wesleyan.edu/Dallbun/ All referenced works the property of their respective rights-holders. Mystery Science Theater 3000 the property of Best Brains. Spoilers contained for Bishojo Senshi Sailormoon, particularly the fifth season, Sailor Stars (Though the continuity used in this MSTing is a mish-mash of the manga, anime, and musicals). Also, spoilers for Yu-Gi-Oh. Of a sort. ----- In the not too distant future Somewhere in time and space Galaxia's Sailor Animamates Are caught in a nasty place Destroyed and revived by their cruel ex-boss An evil gal possessed by Chaos From her starry throne, she sees her empire grow And contents herself by punishing her serfs who were too slow! "I'll send them cheesy fanfics, Dug from the Pit of Voles!" (La la la!) "Though I could kill them at a whim I'd rather crush their souls!" (La la la!) Now keep in mind they can't control What Galaxia wants to send (La la la!) They'll try to keep their sanity Though their torture never ends SENSHI ROLE CALL Mouse (My resignation is still tender) Nyanko (Deep hurting) Siren (Shallow hurting!) Croooow (Don't worry, I'm a professional) If you're wondering when this all takes place Or where some riffs are from (La la la!) We suggest you brace yourself, instead For the fanfic yet to come It's Mystery Chaos Theater 3000 ----- [In some black, featureless void, four phone booths zoom in a single direction, at an indeterminable speed. The ANIMAMATES are inside them. They are still transformed. SIREN is writing in a diary. CROW appears to be meditating. MOUSE and NYANKO are, as usual, bored.] ALL: ... MOUSE: We should do something. NYANKO: We're not having another Pokémon tournament. MOUSE: I wasn't going to suggest that... we should do something, like, fun. NYANKO: We could throw you out of your phone booth and see how long your immortal, Galaxia-sustained Senshi body lasts before it slowly withers away of starvation while falling through the endless depths. ALL: ... MOUSE: Nah, let's do something that's *actually* fun. NYANKO: I don't know how you could top that, but what do you suggest? MOUSE: I dunno... [MOUSE surveys the area. All that is in sight are the four telephone booths that she and the other ANIMAMATES are in. She sighs.] NYANKO: Yeah, I didn't think so. ALL: ... MOUSE: [a thought striking her] Prank phone calls! ALL: ... NYANKO: ...wow, you had a good idea for once in your life. [NYANKO's phone booth drifts over next to MOUSE'S. MOUSE dials a number.] MOUSE: [talking on the phone] Hello, is this the Mizuno residence? Is this Mizuno Ami? Oh? Yes, I'll hold. [Pause.] Hello, Mizuno Ami? Yes, I'm calling from the Ginga Scholarship Fund. I'm happy to inform you that you qualify for the prestigious "Oring-bay Erd-nay" award. Yes, congratulations. There are just a few more steps you need to take... we'll need a two-hundred page essay on the subject of... [MOUSE looks at NYANKO. NYANKO gestures wildly.] MOUSE: ...toe jam. [NYANKO snickers.] MOUSE: Yes... yes, we'll be sending information in the mail. Thank you, we'll be in touch. [She hangs up. MOUSE and NYANKO laugh.] MOUSE: You just *know* she's going to try to write the essay, too! NYANKO: Here, I'm going to make a call. [NYANKO dials.] NYANKO: [talking on the phone] Hi, is this Osaka Naru? I'm a talking cat named... uh... [NYANKO motions to MOUSE, who shrugs. CROW looks up from her meditative trance and mouths a word to NYANKO.] NYANKO: ...Hecate. Yes. Yes. No, I really am a cat. See? [NYANKO does a very convincing meow.] NYANKO: Right then. It turns out that, rather than ordinary victim schoolgirl Osaka Naru, you're actually Sailor Ssabmud, reincarnated warrior from the Bronze Millenium. [MOUSE giggles.] NYANKO: Yep... yeah, that's why you've been attacked so much by monsters... they sensed the presence of your... Muave Crystal. Right. Anyway, so your first mission is to destroy the enemy... a white cat with a crescent moon on his head called "Artemis." To defeat him, you must kick him. Kick him real good. And, uh, if you get in trouble, just call out "Ssabmud Power, Make Up!" They're the magic words that will make you strong. ...right. Anyway, I have to go. I could be traced by the Evil Crescent Moon Cat Kingdom. [She hangs up.] MOUSE: You don't think she'll catch on? NYANKO: Nah, schoolgirls are suckers for the "you're a magical warrior" thing. CROW: You two are so immature. NYANKO: Yeah, but hopefully, we just talked a high-school girl into kicking a cat. That's more than you've been doing. What *have* you been doing, anyway? Sleeping? CROW: Hey, I'm getting myself in the zone. NYANKO: What zone? The *loser* zone? [She snickers.] CROW: No, the "I Can Think of Better Insults Than A Dead Cockroach" zone. Maybe you can aspire to reach that someday, too. NYANKO: Oh yeah? Well... uh... you suck! CROW: Point made. [NYANKO sulks in a way that suggests she's planning evil revenge. SIREN finishes writing in her diary and closes it.] SIREN: [affectionately] Oh, you two get along so well. ALL: ... MOUSE: ...Siren, exactly what are you *on*? SIREN: [happily] Life! MOUSE: I wish I had a life. CROW: Bah, what are you complaining about? You're alive, aren't you? MOUSE: Yeah, but hanging out with you guys *all* the time is, uh, let's just say not condusive to an active social life. I mean, it's not like there are any available guys here. Heck, since you and Siren are a couple... CROW: Hey! We aren't... I mean, we've never said... [SIREN continues to smile.] MOUSE: [totally ignoring CROW] ...the only other unattached person here is Nyanko. ALL: ... NYANKO: ...don't even *think* about it, Rat-Girl. MOUSE: Don't worry, I wasn't, chuu. I was just making my point. [Suddenly, the phone booths dissapear and reappear on the bridge of Galaxia's satellite. The viewscreen is on, displaying SAILOR GALAXIA on her throne, in her starry dimension. However, she's out of her armor, and is instead wearing a long, flowing dress. Her hair is also down, and falls down to her ankles.] GALAXIA: Greetings, my torturable toadies. SIREN: Galaxia, you're out of your armor! MOUSE: Finally decided to catch up on fashion, Galaxia-sama? GALAXIA: Don't be ridiculous, Mouse. Gold armor is still the height of chic, as always. CROW: Then what are you doing? GALAXIA: Oh, just some routine upkeep. You know. [The camera pans over to the left, where, a little ways away, SAILOR BATOLES is polishing a plate of Galaxia's armor with a rag. She looks bitter.] CROW: ...man, Galaxia, what did Batoles do to get stuck with such a menial task? GALAXIA: Menial? What do you mean? It's the highest honor to come so close to my personage as to be allowed to polish my armor. BATOLES: [mouthing] 'Some day, when I overthrow her empire, she will pay dearly for this.' GALAXIA: [oblivious] In any case, I decided for a change of pace for this experiment. NYANKO: You mean a change of pace like, rather than forcing us to read bad fanfiction, having mercy on us and restoring us to our original positions in your glorious dictatorship? GALAXIA: No, not a change of pace like that. A change of pace like, instead of devoting your time to one long fanfic, making you view a marathon of the first chapters of lots of *different* fanfics! SIREN: That adds spice to my life, Galaxia-sama. GALAXIA: I figured it would. So, are you ready? [The ANIMAMATES glance at each other.] CROW: [guessing] No? GALAXIA: Bwahahahaha! Of course you aren't! Once can never be fully prepared for the *horror*! Now get in that theater! [The ANIMAMATES shrug and head towards the doors.] MOUSE: Well, maybe if we only do the first chapters, they won't have enough time to get really bad. NYANKO: Yeah. I'm sure. [The ANIMAMATES exit the room through the double doors.] ----- [Inside the viewing room, where four movie-theater style seats face towards a large screen. The ANIMAMATES enter and take their seats. From left to right are SAILOR IRON MOUSE, SAILOR ALUMINUM SIREN, SAILOR LEAD CROW, and SAILOR TIN NYANKO.] CROW: So what's up first, Galaxia? GALAXIA'S VOICE: Just a Sailor Moon 'fic. It's bad. SIREN: What's it about? GALAXIA'S VOICE: I think "it's bad" basically sums it up. }http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=620655 } }Sailor Moon and The Guradian Senshi NYANKO: Man, I hate those Guradians. They think Gurad is, like, the greatest planet in the Galaxy. Won't shut up about how their race developed written literature a thousand years before us Mauians. CROW: Didn't you kill Sailor Gurad or something? NYANKO: Heh, yeah. Good times, good times. }Soul of Darkness SIREN: Oh, I always wondered what sort of people wrote these fanfics. CROW: Now we know. They're pure evil. >A/N: This fic about Sailor Moon and The Asteroid Senshi. The inners and the >outers died MOUSE: And only those with no belly buttons at all survived! >including Sailor Mini Moon. CROW: That made this fanfic a lot of fans, right there. >A new enemy comes and the Asteroid Senshi comes to help Sailor Moon. And >there will be surprise at the end. SIREN: But until the end, it will remain completely predictable! >And Sailor Tragedy is to do with September 11. CROW: Because, you know, September 11th is the most tragic event in human history and all. MOUSE: Hiroshima? Bah! Holocaust? Bah! Various genocidal massacres? I sneer at them! SIREN: So, um, what is Sailor Tragedy going to do with September 11? NYANKO: Cause it. >'Thoughts' >"Talking" CROW: NO! Quotation marks mean TALKING? I would NEVER have GUESSED! SIREN: Calm down, Crow-san. >*Scene change* >~*~*Flashback*~*~ CROW: Amusing how these fanfiction authors feel the need to reinvent English writing conventions, isn't it? >Sailor Moon and The Asteroid Senshi NYANKO: ...exploded! >Sailor Moon was still crying because the rest of the Senshi died. MOUSE (Senshi): We're not quite dead... CROW (Moon): Shut up. You're dead, I say! NYANKO: Ah, give them five minutes, they'll get back up again. >"It's ok Sailor Moon." A voice said CROW (Voice): Soon you'll be dead too. >"Who said that?" Sailor Moon said SIREN (Voice): The voices inside your head! >still wit tears in her eyes MOUSE: Oh, that's where her wit goes. >"I'm Sailor Rainbow. The leader of the Asteroid Senshi." She said NYANKO (Rainbow): I killed Sailor Ceres and seized control in a brutal coup. >"Who are the Asteroid Senshi?" Sailor Moon asked >"We are Senshi that have unbelievable powers." Said another MOUSE (Another): I can't *believe* the author gave us these powers! >"Well show your selves!" Sailor Moon said SIREN: That's indecent! Don't show your selves in public! >"Fine." They said >So they showed their selves. CROW: And it was good. >"What are all your names?" Sailor Moon asked ALL: [groan] MOUSE: Never, NEVER ask what their names are. CROW: I forsee poses in our future. >"I'm Sailor Rainbow." Sailor Rainbow NYANKO: Oh yeah, Usagi is definitely hallucinating this. >"I'm Sailor Earth." Sailor Earth said MOUSE (Earth): And I'm your true love, Usako! >"I'm Sailor Harmony." Sailor Harmony said MOUSE (Harmony): I use my powers to harmoniously KICK ASS! SIREN: No, no... her powers harm oni. >"I'm Sailor Night." Sailor Night said NYANKO (Night): And I'm an alchoholic. ALL: Hi, Sailor Night! >"I'm Sailor Flames." Sailor Flames said CROW: Well then, you must be used to this! NYANKO (Flames): [twitching] I'm Sailor Flames and I like to *burn* things. >"I'm Sailor Aqua." Sailor Aqua said SIREN: Her goal is to increase the area of the ocean and envelop the world... MOUSE: But she's combated by her rival, Sailor Magma. >"And I'm Sailor Tragedy." Sailor Tragedy said CROW: Yes, you are a tragedy. >"We are the Asteroid Senshi." Sailor Earth said MOUSE: Er... what did they do with the REAL Asteroid Senshi? SIREN: The Earth is an asteroid? CROW: *Harmony* is an asteroid? >"Why are you here?" Sailor Moon asked >"We were sent here to protect you and battle with you." Sailor Tragedy >replied SIREN (Usagi): Oh, good, the Intergalactic Senshi Temp Agency finally came through! >"Well hi." Sailor Moon said >"Hi." The Asteroid Senshi said ALL: ... NYANKO: "Die." Sailor Tin Nyanko said. >*****The Next Day***** > >The next day MOUSE: Gee, I dunno... I'm not quite sure it's the next day yet. CROW: Maybe after another two. >the Asteroid Senshi arrived at Usagi's school. NYANKO: And burned it to the ground. >"Class we have 7 new students today." Said the teacher SIREN (Teacher): And I *still* don't suspect anything out of the ordinary! >"Hi I'm Sakura." Sakura said (Sailor Tragedy) >"Hi I'm Rebecca." Rebecca said (Sailor Earth) CROW: Said the teacher "Hi I'm Sakura." SIREN: Sakura said "Hi I'm Rebecca." CROW: There's some identity crises going on here. >"Hi. I'm Amanda." MOUSE: She's a man, duh! CROW: That's really bad. MOUSE: Yeah, I know... >Amanda said (Sailor Night) CROW: So, their secret identities are flashing above their head while they introduce themselves? NYANKO: Hey, that's nice and convenient. I wish the other senshi had had those. >"Hi I'm Samantha." Samantha said (Sailor Flames) CROW: Sailor Flames are often sent by Sailor Trolls. SIREN: o/ Sailor Flame War... o/ o/ Sailor Flame War! o/ >"Hi I'm Rika." Rika said (Sailor Harmony) MOUSE: You might say that she's going to RIKA havoc! ALL: ... MOUSE: Fine, fine, or you might not. >"Hi I'm Rita." Rita said (Sailor Aqua) SIREN (Rita): My last name is Repulsa! GALAXIA'S VOICE: Bah, I defeated Rita's father, Lord Vile. He was a pushover. >"Hi I'm Madison." Madison said (Sailor Rainbow) CROW: Yeah, but in the original, her name is Tomoyo. NYANKO: Stupid dubbed fanfics. >Usagi recognized them. It was the Asteroid Senshi. > >*****After School***** > >"Hey wait up guys!" Yelled Usagi >"Hey you recognized us in our human form." Samantha said SIREN (Usagi): Well, the flashing neon signs *did* help. >"Yeah you're the Asteroid Senshi." Usagi said CROW (Usagi): Shouldn't you guys go off and join the Dead Moon Circus or something? >"Yup!" Rika said MOUSE (Usagi): Great! I really wanted to kill you yesterday, but you got away! Now I have another chance! >"Well I guess I don't have any friends. They all died because of that >stupid Galixia." Usagi said CROW: Oh, That Stupid Galixia! SIREN: That sounds like a fun sitcom! GALAXIA'S VOICE: I think *not*. "You have new friends us." Rebecca said "Yeah I guess your right." Usagi said NYANKO: Then Galaxia shows up and kills this batch too. GALAXIA'S VOICE: Hey, good idea. It would be like fishing for Senshi. Put Sailor Moon in danger with no guardians, and see who shows up. Hmm... >~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > >"Oh it is so cool to finally meet Sailor V!" Sailor Mon said in excitement MOUSE (Sailor Mon): [in a bad Jamaican accent] Hey, mon, whey yuh a sey? >~*~*~*~*~*~*~* CROW: Uh, yeah, we really needed that flashback, alright. SIREN: It was the perfect example of the close bond between Usagi and her friends! MOUSE: The close bond of idol worship? >Then a tear streamed down Usagi's face. SIREN (Usagi): I... [sniff] never got an autograph from Minako... "I still miss them very much." She said NYANKO: Heh heh. Have I mentioned how totally awesome it is that Galaxia took out all the Inner and Outer Senshi? GALAXIA'S VOICE: Thank you, I'm sure it was quite satisfying for my fanfiction counterpart as well. >"It's ok. Don't cry. I'm sure they're fine in heaven." Sakura said CROW (Sakura): If by "heaven" you mean Galaxia's Star-Seed collection and if by "fine" you mean "revived, beaten, and killed repeatedly for Galaxia's amusement." >"Yeah I guess you're right." Usagi said wiping the tears from her face >"Mommy mommy!" A squeaky voice said >"Don't say that here. MOUSE (Rebecca): Our pet names are for private, not for public, dear. >You're from the feature remember?" Rebecca said MOUSE (Rebecca): You aren't supposed to show up until the movie! >"Oh yeah. Sorry mommy." Her feature daughter said NYANKO: Where the hell is this "feature" daughter? SIREN: More voices in heads? >"You have a feature daughter to?" Usagi asked CROW: Uh, she has a "feature" daughter to do *what*? >"Yeah her name in Chibi Chibi MOUSE (Rebecca): Her name in Chibi-Chibi is "Chibi!" CROW: *Everyone's* name in Chibi-Chibi is "Chibi!" SIREN: I wish *I* could speak Chibi-Chibi. >"I had one to but she did from Galixia. GALAXIA'S VOICE: Curse that Chibi-Chibi. I'll catch her yet... someday. SIREN: You should call pest control, Galaxia-sama. >Her name was Chibi-usa." Usagi said >"I'm sorry to hear that." Amanda said [ALL laugh.] NYANKO: Hear, hear! >"It's ok I'm sure she has returned to the feature." Usagi said CROW (Usagi): Oh wait, Mamoru's dead. Crap! SIREN: Well, they never actually said that he was dead... MOUSE: I guess he's still alive in the feature. >To Be Continued..... > >A/N: How did you like the first chapter? NYANKO: That was the WORST THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE! SIREN: Now, now, Nyanko. What about going insane and being killed? NYANKO: That was *paradise* compared to this! >Next one will be up soon! > >~*Sakura -Li 4eva*! SIREN: Sakura and Li forever? MOUSE: She encourages sex between fourth-graders. GALAXIA'S VOICE: Well, that's the end of that one. CROW: There is a god. GALAXIA'S VOICE: Yes, and it's me. Anyway, the next fanfic on your agenda is a Yu-gi-oh/Sailor Moon crossover. I don't think anything more needs to be said. SIREN: You're getting lax on your descriptions, Galaxia-sama. GALAXIA'S VOICE: I prefer to let these things speak for themselves. }It's That Time Of the Year Again! } }blue-angel11 } >This is another fic of mine I one day just decided to write in class. I was >just doodling on the edge of my notebook when I suddenly thought of this >great idea!!! CROW (blue-angel11): I'll write a crappy, ill-thought out crossover fanfic! MOUSE: Woah! That really *is* a great idea! >I know this idea has been used a lot of times. NYANKO (blue-angel11): Proving that I am a no-talent hack. >But it just sounded so cool and I just needed to write something about it. SIREN: Ah, the tragedy of fanfiction.net. NYANKO: My opinion is that the site, and all the authors on it, should be purged from existance by lethal force. CROW: That's your opinion on *everything*... NYANKO: True, but fanfiction.net has priority. >I promise I wont copy... if that makes you dudes and dudettes happy. MOUSE: And if it makes me *unhappy* for you not to copy? Huh? What are you going to do then? >PLZ VOTE FOR THE >PAIRINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NYANKO: DEATH BY EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >But this is the couple I'm going to use for sure: Trista/ Yami Marik CROW: Uh, sure... Pluto and an incredibly evil soul entity. I see that. Suuuure. SIREN: I think they'd be cute together! They could leave a trail of bloody devastation across time and space! >and maybe I'll add Marik... MOUSE: Really? A threesome? CROW: Yeah, but with only two bodies between them. MOUSE: Boy, add a few more personalities and you'd have a schizophrenic orgy! >depends on how the voting turns out. SIREN (blue-angel11): And *this* time, we're being darn careful in Florida! >DISCLAIMER: I do not own yugioh, and sailormoon. MOUSE (blue-angel11): I only own yugioh *or* sailormoon. SIREN (blue-angel11): But I'm not telling you which. >CHAPTER 1: > >"Rise and shine!!!" cried Lita happily as she lifted the curtains exposing >her friends to the sun. "Today's the first day of grade 11 and I'm just >sooooooooo excited!!! I can't wait to see the guys!!!!!!" MOUSE (Lita): Gee whiz, girls, we're supposed to meet the guys down at the ol' soda joint! >"Lita, can't you see some of us are trying to sleep!" muttered Serena as >she covered her head with her pillow. SIREN (Lita): No, I can't see that, because you're covering your head with your pillow. >"Yeah Lita!" grumped Mina, as she did the best she could to shield herself >from the glaring sun, NYANKO: Her vampiric body was already starting to smolder from the direct rays. >"Is that all you think about?? Guys, guys and more guys??" CROW (Mina): I thought for *sure* you were bi! >"Look who's talking?" muttered Rei under her breathe, MOUSE (Rei): Oh, wait... *I'm* talking. Whoops. >she wasn't really nice in the mornings. NYANKO: Or in the evenings. >After they moved across Japan to attend the grade 11 at Dominos, SIREN: It's a vocational school preparing them for the pizza industry? >the five girls, Mina, Rei, Lita, Ami and Serena all pitched in and rented a >big 2 bed roomed apartment. CROW: But between the ten of them, it was still crowded. MOUSE: Huh? >Ami and Lita slepted in one MOUSE: [nodding sagely] A popular pairing. >while Rei, Mina and Serena shared the other. SIREN: They divided it carefully and sawed it into three even parts. >This worked for them perfectly since Ami and Lita were the early birds and >Rei, Mina and Serena were...not. CROW: Yeah, what with Rei working at a temple for years, I'm sure she's used to sleeping in *all* day. >Ami was already properly dressed and fed for the first day of school. SIREN: Oh, good. Sometimes Lita forgets to feed the Ami in the morning. NYANKO: Eh, just leave one of those self-refilling food dishes out for her. It's what her mother did. >Her uniform was a white dress shirt with blue trimmings and a blue mini- >skirt with a blue bow. MOUSE: The *curse* of color-coding. >She looked very pretty indeed. CROW: [snickering] Oh, in*deed*. >"You guys, we're almost late!!!!! We better hurry up if we want to get >there before 7 o'clock!" NYANKO (Ami): And just to make sure you guys hurry, I've rigged our apartment to explode in [checks watch] ten minutes. >"But Ami!!" complained Mina who finally got out of bed and was trying to >stuff her socks on her head, NYANKO: It's an impromptu face-mask... she's going to hold up a gas station. >"School starts at 8!!" CROW (Ami): I know... I want to make it for Happy Hour at the bar! >"I know, but I think we should get there early and prepare. "Ami responded >which made everyone groan. MOUSE: Ba da bum. SIREN: Hee hee, it's funny because Ami has no life. >After Lita FINALLY got Serena out of bed, she started making breakfast for >all of them. CROW: Lita requires Serena's supervision and superior culinary knowledge to cook breakfast. >At first, they took turns in making breakfast and dinner, SIREN: In the morning? >but then after a while, cooking just somehow became Lita's job. Besides, >they were all sick of eating burnt food from Serena. NYANKO: Darn, Usagi's plan to kill them all with poison failed. MOUSE: She put cantarella in the cookies. >"We're gonna have boiled eggs and orange juice for breakfast." Lita >shouted, "And sticky rice for lunch!!! CROW: Rice? Just... rice? I thought she made *good* bentos! NYANKO (Lita): You ungrateful leeching bastards will eat rice, and only rice, and you'll LIKE it! >How does that sound?" ALL (Others): Good, Cruel Overlord Lita. >But everyone was too busy to hear what she was saying, Serena and Rei were >having a fight on whose uniform was whose CROW: Because, of couse, a contrived excuse *must* be found to have Serena and Rei fight. >and Mina was busy taking a shower and Ami already ate. SIREN: So she went into standby mode to conserve energy. >Lita sighed as she packed their lunches. They say the way to a man is >through his stomach. NYANKO: Not true! You can tear out their heart directly through their ribcage as well, given a sharp enough implement! >She wishes she could meet someone like that. NYANKO (Lita): Someone simple-minded and easily manipulated. >Then maybe she could get a boyfriend. MOUSE: Eventually, she ends up going out with Quina Quen. CROW: No, I think she should date the Plant from Little Shop of Horrors. SIREN: How about No-Face from Spirited Away? >After about an hour of fist fighting and crying. They were finally ready. NYANKO: Ready for the hospital ward, it sounds like... > >They all had an uniform similar to Ami's except in different colours, CROW: So... they really weren't uniforms at all, then. >Mina was wearing golden yellow, Serena was wearing pink, Rei was wearing >red, MOUSE: Umm... they have color-coded uniforms, but earlier they were fighting over whose uniform was whose... SIREN: Who knew that Serena and Rei were colorblind? >and Lita was wearing SIREN: ...plaid. >green. SIREN: Darn. >They all looked VERY nice. CROW: [snickering] Oh, *very* nice *indeed*. SIREN: What is it, Crow-san? CROW: I don't know, these descriptions just amuse me. MOUSE: I think it's because she seems to have a crush on her own characters. >"Let's go!!!!!" NYANKO (Serena): "Hey gals, let's go get ready to look SO GOOD!" CROW (Lita): Word. MOUSE (Rei): Word. SIREN (Mina): Word. > >~*At Yugi's Grandpa's game shop*~ > >"Do you guys always get up this early for school?" asked Yami Bakura [ALL blink] MOUSE: Yep, Yami Bakura has settled down from grave-robbing and ancient- dark-power-seeking, and now just spends his time hanging around around the game shop. NYANKO: He forges counterfeit Black Lotuses to sell to unsuspecting children. >(sorry, can someone please help me with the names, I don't really know them >so if they are a Yami, I'll just added that before their names.) MOUSE: Hmm, well... you know, blue-angel11... there's something called the internet... CROW: [cutting in] That you presumably have access to... MOUSE: ...which can provide answers to things like this. SIREN: I think she should call him "Pablo." >"Nope," said Bakura brightly as he opened the curtains revealing bright >rays from the sun, "Sometimes we get up even earlier, like on field trips, >we once had to get up at 5 in the morning!!!!!" CROW: You know, isn't Bakura a water-lizard god worshipped by the beings of Ib, who caused the fall of Sarnath? [ALL blink and stare at CROW.] CROW: No, wait, that's Bokrug. Never mind. >"That's when I go to sleep." Muttered Yami Bakura. CROW (Yami Bakura): ...When I have to go on field trips. MOUSE: Hey, that's when *I* slept when I was in school... >"No wonder I had dark circles under my eyes when I got my body back." >Bakura glared at Yami Bakura. NYANKO: ha ha, soul posession by evill beings is funny lol SIREN: It's funny because it's true. >All the Yamis and their little forms (or whatever you call them) SIREN: Adventures of the Chibi-Yamis! CROW: And their little rat friend, Gan-chan. >had to stay at Yugi's grandpas house, because that was the only place they >could find, and it was very close to their school. MOUSE: Uh, gee... it's, uh, nice to see such friendly interplay between Bakura and the extremely evil entity with a penchant for turning Bakura's friends into playing pieces for his own amusement. SIREN: It warms the heart! >Yugi's grandpa was nice enough to let them stay, but they had to share. 2 >people a bedroom. CROW: Uh... don't they, um, share bodies? MOUSE: No, Yami Bakura demands a separate bed for the Millenium Ring to be placed on. >~* Marik and Yami Marik's Room*~ > >"SHUT THE CURTAINS... NOW!" yelled Yami Marik NYANKO (Yami Marik): AND TAKE ALL THE CASH OUT OF THE REGISTER! MOUSE (Yami Marik): AND DROP YOUR PANTS! >as the whole house shook, "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!" SIREN: I'd say the earthquake would be more likely to wake him up than the light. >"Yeah... I know..." Marik said shakily, "But we have school today." > >"School!?!?" Yami Marik growled as he threw a vase, just narrowly missing >Marik's head. CROW: Which is also his *own* head! NYANKO: Marik's left hand knows what the right hand is doing... it's trying to MURDER the body! SIREN: It's not paranoia if they actually *are* out to get you. >"I'm not going to school!! That's completely useless crap!" CROW (Yami Marik): I will only participate in *semi*-useless crap! >"But't you have to." Marik said mustering up as much courage as he could, >"If you don't Yugi's Grandpa is going to kick you out. Remember what he >said, we will only be aloud to stay on one condition, we have to go to >school." NYANKO (Yami Marik): Okay, so we kill Yugi's Grandpa, and problem solved. >"Fine, fine." Muttered Yami Marik, I'll get up, I'll get up." And he >whispered under his breathe, "Annoying little bastard, one of these days, >I'm gonna send him to the shadow realm." MOUSE (Yami Marik): I'll challenge you to a Shadow Game... of Tic-Tac- Toe! I am the *master* of Tic-Tac-Toe! Mwahahahaha! >"I heard that!" > >~*Yugi's and Yami's Room*~ > >"Wow, I'm really excited." Yugi said happily as he changed into his school >uniform, MOUSE (Yugi): I mean, it's never stood up like this bef... NYANKO: Stop talking! >"it's the first day of grade 10!! SIREN: Yes, there's never been a tenth grade before this day. >And this is going to be you're first time going to school, are you >nervous?" > >"Just a bit." Admitted Yami, "but promise me you'll help me get this right. >I never been to school before and I wonder what it's like. I know you >taught me about all the subjects and stuff. But I can't help but feel >butterflies in my stomach." CROW (Yami Yugi): Oh, wait... I'm an ancient Egyptian gamesmaster and I don't care about high school. MOUSE: Good thing to remember. > >"Don't worry Yami, I wish I could help you, but you, Yami Marik and Yami >Bakura are 2 grades higher than me." smiled Yugi as he opened the door to >head down stairs, "Everything will be fine, I promise." > >~*Down at the breakfast table*~ SIREN: o/ ...to pray, studying about that good old way... o/ >"I see everyone got up today." Chuckled grandpa, "Are you excited?" MOUSE: That dirty old man... >There was a mutter of answer, but most of them were No's NYANKO: And the dissidents were killed. >"Come on guys..." Yugi said trying to cheer them up, "It won't be that bad, >I mean, it will be really fun!" > >After a delicious breakfast of toast and milk, CROW: Heh. That's comparable to Lita's *rice* lunches. >the 6 people started walking towards school, the walk was unbearable, SIREN: It was twenty miles, uphill, in the snow. Both ways. >and all the Yamis looked all sulky, especially Yami Marik. NYANKO: Oh, just give the Yamis some balls of yarn. That'll distract 'em. >After a while, their good companions SIREN: o/ Just my three... good companions... o/ o/ My backpack, my pony, and me! o/ >Duke Devlin, Joey Wheeler and Tristan Taylor interrupted their silence. CROW: Actually, those other two are Baron Wheeler and Lord Taylor, but unlike Devlin, they prefer to keep low profiles. >"Hi guys!" Joey said cheerfully, "God I'm soooooooooo excited about the >first day of high school!!!!! MOUSE: Gee, he's even more excited than Lita. She only had nine 'o's. CROW: And only three exclamation marks. SIREN: I guess Joey squeals more than a teenage girl. >Think of all the HOT babes that are going to be there!" > >At this, Yami Bakura and Yami Marik perked up. MOUSE: Heh heh... perked up... CROW: No, no... Yami Bakura and Yami Marik *are* the hot babes who are going to be there. > >"Hot girls!?!" asked Yami Marik eagerly, "Really!?!? Could this crappy >place really have drop- dead gorgeous girls!?!" NYANKO: Yeah, it has gorgeous girls who will tell you to drop dead. >"YUP!" grinned Joey, "And I heard we're going to have some new transferred >students which are all GIRLS!!!" MOUSE (Joey): "You must be girls. Let's date." SIREN: Umm, Mouse, that's basically what your standards are like for men. MOUSE: No... I only go after *hunky* men. >"Really?!?" Said Yami Bakura who was practically drooling, "then what are >we waiting for... let's go!!!!" SIREN: That's the kind of charming attitude that will surely ensure that he attracts a mate! CROW (Yami Bakura): Duh... gurls... duh... >Before anyone could say something, Yami Bakura, Joey and Yami Marik dashed >down the street towards the school. MOUSE: Uh huh. CROW: Sure. MOUSE: Interesting how those three are *so* eager to show off how heterosexual they are, isn't it? CROW: It is indeed, Mouse. Very interesting. MOUSE: Almost as if they were trying to hide something. >~*Everyone sweardrops*~ NYANKO: [cursing] *&!#^%$ drops! CROW: No, no... those aren't sweatdrops, they're our tears of pain. >~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ > >Well, this is the first chapter... what do you think?? SIREN: I like dolphins. ALL: ... >Plz review!!!!! GALAXIA'S VOICE: Heh heh... MOUSE: What is it, Galaxia-sama? GALAXIA'S VOICE: To tell you the truth, I found most of this batch of fanfics by searching for stories with the word "plz" in the description. ALL: ... CROW: That's *evil*, Galaxia. GALAXIA'S VOICE: Thank you. I thought it was clever, myself. >And VOTE FOR THE PAIRINGS!!!!!! CROW: Yugi/Cold, Dark, Long, Lonely Nights! MOUSE: Usagi/Ami/Mina/Lita/Rei! SIREN: Love-A-Lot Bear/Tenderheart Bear! NYANKO: Everyone/Death! >So long!!!! NYANKO: Yes, it was.... so, so, long... >~*aLiCiA*~ GALAXIA'S VOICE: Heh heh heh... on to the next fanfic! MOUSE: Galaxia-sama, how many of these do you *have*? GALAXIA'S VOICE: As many as it takes, Mouse. As many as it takes. }The mystery of the moon } }sailor-rainbow SIREN: Hey, wasn't she in that first fanfic? CROW: If Sailor Tragedy writes a fanfic, I'm leaving. >The mystery of the moon chapter one: the end of a romance MOUSE: Really? It's a *miracle*! [MOUSE giggles to herself. Nobody else does.] MOUSE: Umm, because, see, miracle... end of romance... "miracle romance"... aw, nevermind. > >Disclaimer: Ok ppl time for another silly sailor moon confusion story, lol SIREN: Do these people only write bad fanfics at certain times? NYANKO: That's a reason to develop mastery over time if I've ever heard one. > >Usagi sat all alone, asking questions that no one could answer but herself, SIREN (Usagi): Where did I put the key to my front door...? >Who am i?? CROW (Usagi): I'm *Spider-man*. >What am i?? >Where am i?? NYANKO (Parser): You are in dark. You can hear nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel nothing, and are not even certain who you are. > >She looked over to the over side of the bridge, and saw Mamoru looking at >her, his eyes shining with tears and sadness. SIREN: Well, tears can be shiny, yeah, but I don't know about sadness. MOUSE: I would think that sadness would be kind of dull and unreflective. > >'Mamo-chan!!" she called over to him, "Mamo-chan, what is wrong??!!??" > >"Nothing Usako, why do you ask??" he lied CROW (Mamoru): I mean, I *always* stalk you. It doesn't mean that anything is *wrong*. > >"Because you look sad Mamo-chan, tell me i know something is wrong" she >said to him. CROW (Mamoru): Okay. Usagi, you know something is wrong. > >"NO USAKO" he snapped "I AM FINE" MOUSE (Mamoru): A ROBOT DOES NOT AGE. A ROBOT DOES NOT TIRE. A ROBOT CATCHES MANY MONKEYS. >he almost cried in tears as he looked at her NYANKO (Mamoru): Oh, Usako... you're so... damn... ugly... > >"But..but..Mamo-chan!!!" she almost cried. NYANKO (Usagi): I don't *want* you to be fine! I want you to suffer! > >"BUT NOTHING USAKO!!!! IT IS OVER!!!" he said turning away into the >moonlight, leaving her to cry all alone in the darkness of Tokyo city. SIREN: Can't Tokyo afford street lights? > >'Mamo-chan..Mamo-chan...' she thought,'i love you mamo-chan!!!" MOUSE: I guess playing hard to get *does* work. >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ NYANKO: ...what the *hell* is this? GALAXIA'S VOICE: This is a very long line of underscores. ALL: ... NYANKO: Of course. How silly of me. >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ MOUSE: Umm, just how long is this going to go on? SIREN: o/ This is the line that never ends... it just goes on and on, my friends... o/ >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ CROW: [pretending to write] Journal. Day three. The line continues. No end in sight. Mind is starting to fade. >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ NYANKO: Great Galaxia! This line is longer than the freaking fanfic! >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________________________________________________________ SIREN: I think maybe we're supposed to contemplate the line and achieve inner peace through it. >________________________________________________________________________ >________________________ MOUSE: Hey, the line ended! SIREN: [sadly] And somehow, I feel as if a part of myself has died. > >short but sweet ^^ CROW: It would have been a lot shorter without the underscores. NYANKO: Yeah, and a lot sweeter without the rest of it. >more later ^^ GALAXIA'S VOICE: Okay, that's that. On to the next fanfic... "I Am Gaea." SIREN: You are, Galaxia-sama? GALAXIA'S VOICE: No, you idiot, that's the name of the story. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other business to attend to... enjoy the DOOM OF YOUR SANITIES! [CROW rolls her eyes.] }I Am Gaea SIREN: Well, it's good that she's coming out of the closet. MOUSE: Uh, no, Siren... it's not "I am Gay," its "I am Gaea." SIREN: Maybe she's Italian? "I-a am-a Gay-a!" } }Crystal Rain Drop MOUSE: Or, in other words, Hail. > >*************************FlashBack*************************************** >********* CROW: You know, traditionally, flashbacks aren't labeled in English writing... because, you know, authors are presumed to be good enough to convey the idea of a flashback *without* a line of stars running across the page with the word "FlashBack" imposed in the middle. SIREN: Yeah, but these fanfiction.net authors are real innovators that way. They're willing to try new things! CROW: [sarcastic] Oh, yeah... later, when the English language has adopted the FlashBack Stars as standard, we'll all be thanking them. SIREN: [serious] Darn straight. >"SAGI" shouted a feminine voice "SAGI!!!HONEY WHERE ARE YOU? >ANWSER ME BABY PLEASE" MOUSE (Voice): I know you're there, Sagi! Stop screening your calls! >"momma help" NYANKO (Sagi): i wet myself >"SAGI WHERE ARE YOU" "I dont know...hey who are you.. CROW: Don't worry, kid, the author didn't tell us either. >AHHHHstay away from me MOMMA HHHHEEEEEELLLLLPP" SIREN: Umm, isn't she going to describe what's happening? MOUSE: Crystal Rain Drop encourages the use of your imagination when reading. CROW: Yeah, I'll sit back and imagine that this is good. >"Shut up little human" barked a drawling voice ALL: ... MOUSE: A drawling bark? NYANKO: I'm just not going to think about it. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" SIREN: The best way to convey fear: a dozen 'A's and twenty-nine 'H's. >**********************************FLASHBACK****************************** >************ MOUSE: What, a flashback in the flashback? SIREN: No, the first one was a FlashBack, and this one is a FLASHBACK. >My name is (1)Gaea No Usagi even though everyone calls me Usagi ALL: ... SIREN: And her name is also (2)Fred Mumpins. CROW: Even though everyone calls her Mumpins. >I have Red hair I dyed it blonde MOUSE: I guess she didn't dye it blonde too well, if it's still red. >though my eyes are emrald green I wear contacts to make them look blue. NYANKO: Explain to me exactly why we care about your eye color. Or, on second thought, don't. >Everyone thinks I'm a ditzy blonde who is insanely beautiful and clumsy. MOUSE: Not quite... they think you're beautiful, clumsy, and insane. >I pretend to be stupid, CROW: (Usagi): It comes naturally to me. >and always get detention and bad test marks. >But now its over I get to be the elegent, smart, and red head girl I was. CROW: Oh my god, one of *these*. This plot replicates across fanfiction.net like a plague. MOUSE: Could be worse. It could spread to other internet sites. You know, like The New York Times or something. "The Dow Jones is up two points. And in other news, Usagi is actually incredibly smart and hates all her friends." >No one will call me Usagi any more they will reffer to me as Gaea. SIREN (Makoto): Hey, Usagi, how's it going? NYANKO (Usagi): Foolish peon! You will reffer to me as Gaea! SIREN (Makoto): Uh... what's wrong, Usagi? NYANKO (Usagi): Gaea, I say! SIREN (Makoto): A guy? Where? [Pause.] ALL: ... CROW: Wait... is it over? Was that the whole chapter? NYANKO: Cool, I guess that was the last one. Let's get out of here. ----- [The ANIMAMATES are shuddering as they exit the theater.] CROW: Great Galaxia, that was terrible. MOUSE: I think I like WLAMO a whole lot more now, by comparison. NYANKO: Okay, Galaxia, we're done with your stupid fanfics! Can we go now? [There's a pause.] SIREN: Galaxia-sama? [A screen comes on, revealing the black-armor clad, battle-fan- carrying form of SAILOR BATOLES, seated upon Galaxia's throne. She reclines back, and gestures dismissively at the air in front of her. She appears to be talking to herself, with great satisfaction.] BATOLES: Hmmm... Well, yes, Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon. I suppose you may be allowed to shine my armor if you really want to, but you'll have to use your tongue. [Beat.] Oh, Sailor Lethe and Sailor Mnemosyne! I'm afraid that you're going to have to work harder. Yes, yes, I know that you've conquered another three worlds for the glory of the Shadow Batoles Empire, but Phi and Chi already delivered five to me this morning, and, well, downsizing is an unavoidable action in any healthy, evolving enterprise... ANIMAMATES: ... [Suddenly BATOLES notices the ANIMAMATES. There's a pause, and then she quickly gets up and moves to the side of the throne, standing at attention and attempting to regain her composure.] BATOLES: Ahem. What do you pathetic imbeciles want? CROW: We're done with the fanfics. BATOLES: Oh, I see. Well, I'm afraid you're just going to have to sit tight there for a moment, as Galaxia-sama is out and I'm not quite sure how to use the phone booths. MOUSE: She's out? Where is she? BATOLES: I don't really know, but she seemed quite pleased when she left. [GALAXIA is standing in the ruins of a section of Tokyo, holding a clipboard and a pen. SAILOR MOON is gagged and tied up to a pillar, struggling to no avail. Next to GALAXIA is a large pile of Star Seeds, shining with the inner light of the stars.] GALAXIA: [Finishing marking something on the clipboard.] Alright... okay... [She tucks the clipboard under one arm and raises the other bracer, pointing it threateningly towards SAILOR MOON.] GALAXIA: Ahem. Sailor Moon, prepare to die. [Just as Galaxia is about to release her attack, a voice cries out.] VOICE: Hold it right there! GALAXIA: Sure, no problem. [The view pans up on a pair of fuku'd figures. Their arms are crossed.] VOICE: Like pebbles on the beach, are the stars in our sky... OTHER VOICE: And who knows what mysteries can be discovered among the waves? GALAXIA: Yes, thank you, that's enough. Name and planetary designation, please? [Suddenly the light hits the mysterious figures.] HYGIEA: Soldier of cleanliness and multiples of the number ten, I am Sailor Hygiea! GASPRA: Soldier of explosive chemicals and accumulated dust, I am Sailor Gaspra! [They pose. GALAXIA jots something down.] BOTH: And we are... [GALAXIA releases a barrage of golden attack-discs that tear through the two newly-revealed Senshi. With twin screams of agony, their Star Seeds emerge and fly to GALAXIA'S hand.] GALAXIA: [tossing the crystals in the pile] Alright, that's nine hundred and one... [She makes some final notes on her clipboard, and raises her bracer again.] GALAXIA: Sailor Moon, prepare to die. Again. ----- >"I had one to but she did from Galixia. Her name was Chibi-usa." Usagi said >"I'm sorry to hear that." Amanda said ----- Release 1.11: Name changed to be consistant with web site September 21, 2005