Hola Terrans! It's the fifth MSTing, and after Nav, I am feeling GOOOOOOD!!!! Here's my address for a picture of Neph and myself: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Palace/7200/katone.html. So just sit back, grab some chocolate poptarts, and enjoy the show! PST3K Theme Song: (Song to the tune of the MST3K theme song, naturally. In the not-too-distant future, Somewhere in Prophecy Space (shot of Tiamat) There was this creature, named Katone (close up of Katone) Who is living with the Nephilim race, (Many Nephilim are behind Katone.) Katone is a robot, (Technical specs of Katone) Who wants to rule the world, He presented his plan To the Nephilim board, (Katone is before comittitee of Nephilim) They said, "What the hell, Let's give it a try." (Nephiolim give Katone thumbs-up) So Katone warped the SOL out of the sky!!! (SOL is in space for a moment, then disappears) (Katone in lab. He speaks in a metallic, British accent.) When I find that fanfic, That shall, break his mind, (la la la!) I'll send it too all Confed ships, And victory will be mine! Keep in mind, Mike has some bots, Which is much really, Buu is just enough, To keep his sanity!!!! ROBOT ROLL CALL CAMBOT! (Pan left!) GYPSY! (Hi!) TOM SERVO! (Can't be worse than Dr. F!) CROOOOOOOOOW! (Sexual innuendo time!) So in your you're wondering What the hell is going on, And other petty facts (la la la!) Just keep telling yourself, "I should really get the game, and definatley RELAX! For PROPHECY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000!!!! (Guitar twang) _________________________________ SOL, 2390 HOURS, MAIN BRIDGE Mike Nelson walked around the table that served as the communications point for his various captors. He was just getting over last week's fanfic, which happened to be one of Nav's work. Katone was slowly breaking down his will, but Mike would keep fighting to the end. Beides, Katone would probably let the SOL rest for a while, as he wanted his "experiments" to have the average Confed pilot's mental state. Mike just wondered how Tom and Crow were taking i- "MIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Tom and Crow suddenly ran up to Mike in their respective places, carrying cardboard Game Boys in their hands. "Mike, Crow won't trade me his Meowith for my Jiggypuff!" Tom whined. "Well, one, You don't even HAVE Mewowiths in your game version, and two, Jiggypuffs suck." Crow jeered. "Oh, OH YEAH! Well, mine is a level 101!!! I bet your Meowith is at level 3!" Tom retorted, on the verge of tears. "JIGGY-PUFFS STILL BITE!!!!" Crow yelled, as Tom made a mad rush towards Crow. Mike, who had attempted to interupt several times before but had failed, grabbed Tom rather easily. "Guys? Did you realize you are debating about a game KATONE DOESN'T EVEN LET US HAVE?!" Crow and Tom suddenly became quiet, before Crow hissed, "Mike! You shouldn't be saying that! Or else THEY will hear you!" Mike shrugged his shoulders. "Who's THEY?" A sound of lasers firing answered his question. Gypsy appeared in her usual way. "Mike! Sensor indicate large, spherical spacecraft approaching us rapidly with guns blazing!" "Cambot, give me Rocket No. 9." -------------------------------------------------------------- SPACE...ABOVE AND BEYOND....WHOOPS, WRONG SHOW. JUST SPACE. A large space station was seen bearing down upon the SOL. Its color was that of a Poke-Ball. Although it was smaller than the Tiamat, it was still huge compared to the SOL. The screen suddenly faded to static, then came back to show a fat, blonde woman wearing WAY too much make-up appeared in a captain's chair, wearing a jacket with the Nintendo logo, above the title "Pokemon Police." ----------------------------------------------- SOL Crow looked angrily at Mike. "NOW you've done it." -------------------------------------------- POKE-BALL The woman brought out a pack of parchment style paper, and began reading it off. "Mr. Mike Nelson, Mr. Crow T. Robot, and Mr. Tom Servo. You have all been charged with the non-possesstion of the electronic game Pokemon. Mr. Robot and Servo, you are additionaly charged with attempting to conseal the former charge. Mr. Robot made a rather good show of RPing Pokemon, but Mr. Servo, made some fatal errors. No Pokemon trainer worth his license would attempt to trade a Jiggy-Puff for anything. And the levels do not exceed 99. How do you plead?" -------------------------------- SOL Mike and the bots began a frightened jarble of words that lasted for 15 seconds. -------------------------------- POKE-BALL The woman, now wearing a powdered wig, suddenly pounded the control chair with a gavel. "ENOUGH! Jury, your verdict?" The screen suddenly panned to a jury box filled with Pokemon. "GUILTY!!!!" the Pokemon yelled with a high pitched voices. The judge folded her arms. "Very well, I sentence all of you to 150 hours of playing Pokemon. As for Mr. Robot and Mr. Servo....we have a special punishment for you. You see, we believe in destroying a person's free will which dares to defy Pokemon. We found that bad fanfics suit this purpose especially well. Your fanfic today is possibly the WORST crossover ever devised: Sailor Moon and Rugrats...." ------------------------------ SOL Tom and Crow stared at the screen with their mouths open. "My God." Crow whispered. ------------------------------ POKE-BALL The judge looked over a monitor. I see you already have a theater. Excellent. Now, for one more piece of business...." looking out of the window at the Tiamat preparing to destroy to the ship. The Plasma blast flew off, and suddenly stopped a few feet away from the Poke-Ball. Then, it turned around Warner Brothers style and struck the Tiamat, severely damaging it. "Mr. Hlass, and Mr.....Neph, you are charged with the non-possesstion of Pokemon, and attempting to kill an officer. You are given the same punishemnts as Mr. Robot and Servo." ----------------------------- TIAMAT Katone and Neph stood staring at the screen astonished. "How.....but....Plasma...." Katone stammered out. ----------------------------- POKE-BALL "Nothing can destroy something as cute and powerful as Pokemon. You, see, our goal is to make every man, woman and child of every race and species into stupid, droling, Pokemon addicts. Nobody will do anything except try to capture all 150. Nintendo will rule the world!" Suddenly, the woman broke into insane laughter. "But anyway, Nephilim ship, your vessel is needed for a place for this ship's Pokemon to rest." The Nintendo employee pushed a button,and all the Pokemon were teleported.... ------------------------------ TIAMAT Onto the main bridhe of the Tiamat. Neph stared with fear at the Nephilim edging away from the thousands upon thousands of Pokemon ambling around. "Sire, our race has never been so close to death before! The cuteness is choking!" Neph whispered. "Just be glad it's not thousands of Chibi-Usas, Neph," Katone muttered, "Besides, WE have- Katone and Neph disappeared in a flash of light. ----------------------------- SOL Then reappeared at the SOL bridge. "FANFIC SIGN!" screeched Katone, as the lights and siren went off, and everyone save Mike went into the theater...... ________ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ------------------------------- THEATER (Katone sits in Mike's usual spot, while Neph sits next to Tom.) Crow: Hey, that's Mike's spot! Katone: Do you have a problem with that? (One of his hands changes into a blade.) Crow: No sir. >Baby-Sitting Scouts Tom: Man, fining a baby-sitter has gotton tough these days. Katone: (Woman) Ms. Debbie Smith, confirmed baby-sitter, has been found doing nothing. Send in the SWAT team! >By Von Doom. Crow: Von....Doom?! I should've known he'd write a crossover like this.... Neph: Brace for pain, my breathren. >Hi everone, Tom: Jesus, he already misspelled a world. Katone: Well, only Dr. Thinker, Oscar, and Von Doom have that trademark. And Dr. Thinker never writes such God-awful crossovers, Oscar's dead, so we have only Von Doom left. >guess you asking what is this? Crow: More of what vengeful supernatural force possessed to to write this. >Well, I decided to go out of the normal and create a funny crossover Neph: Go out of the normal? The hell? Tom: Maybe he was in Nermal from Garfield. Neph: Can't be too sure, since Doomie-kins always misspells everything. >instead of the dramas I usually write. Katone: Since when were Von Doom's work "DRAMAS"?! Seemed more like bad death-fests. >hope you like it. All: DON'T WORRY, WE WON'T! Neph: C'mon, let's give Von Doom a benefit of a doubt. Crow: Oh, all right....for now. >It was a sunny afternoon when Stewart Pickles arrived home with good >news. Tom: Little did he know what awaited him behind the door.... Katone: I see the Nav fic had some side effects. >-Hey Didi!!!Look what I got!!! > >-What is it? Crow: (Stu) A disembodied voice! Isn't that cool?! >-I won a cruise for everyone!!! Neph: (Stu) Don't ask me how, I just did! >-But who is going to care of the babies? Tom: (Stu) Oh, we could just leave them at home as a sacrifice to the great god Kali. >Grandpa appeared. Crow: PERSON APPEARING ACTION!!!!! >-The granddaughter of a Japanese friend of mine is coming to the US >this afternoon, she can take care of them. Katone: Nothing like good ole fashioned child labor!!! Neph: (Grandpa) And if she refuses, we can tie her up and kidnap her!!! >-Sounds good to me dad, what about you Stu? > >-OK, when does she arrive? Tom: (Grandpa) Oh, she's traveling in Alaska. I didn't say she'd be in THIS town. >-This afternoon. Katone: (Grandpa) Next year. >-How about we go to the airport and pick up. Crow: (Stu) Do you think $150 would be enough? >-OK. Neph: OK, who's talking? Stu, Grandpa, Didi, Tommy? Tom: Ah, that's the fun of Von Doom. Who's talking. >Meanwhile, Tommy and Chucky were in the other room hearing the >conversation. Katone: (Tommy) Tonight is freedom for all infantdom! Parents will be ground beneath our feet!!!! >-Did you hear that Tommy? They are going to bring a baby sitter. Crow: (Chucky from Child's Play) Maybe I can finally get out of this FREAKING body! >-Yeah. -Hope it's a nice one. Crow: (Chucky from Child's Play.) Otherwise, playtime will be over for her! >Later that afternoon from Tokyo, Japan arrived to the airport, >inside a group of girls and a tall young man arrived, Tom: The HELL?! Katone: As far as I can make it out, the Senshi ate Japan and are preaparing to smuggle it to the U.S.A. Why or How, I have no idea. Neph: You forget, this is Von Doom's universe. Crow: (Usagi) If I eat Japan, I might gain some...some...WEIGHT!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! >they were picking up their luggage when an old man accompanied of a >woman and another man approached. Tom: Grammar police. Katone: (Policeman) You are under arrest for breaking, destroying, and dancing on the grave of every grammar rule ever made. (Neph chuckles) >-Excuse me miss, But are you Rei Hino? Crow: (Rei) No, I'm Dennis Rodman. WHO ELSE HAS HAIR THAT COULDN'T BE REPRODUCED WITOUT USING DRIED KOOL-AID?! Tom: About half of every other anime chick. Crow: Oh, shut up. >-Yes, who asks? Neph: (Stu) The voices in my head. >-I'm Stewart Pickles, this is my wife and my wife's father, your >grandfather is a friend of him and we came her to pick you and your >friends up. Katone: I'm not even going to count the grammar mistakes in that one. Crow: (Stu) Yes, all of you. Including the boy. I have a small fortune waiting for you in my pants. (Neph turns a deep shade of green) Neph: Ohh....Don't say, "fortune." >-Mr. Pickles yeah, my granpa told me about you, Tom: (Rei) He said I should do this if I saw you: HELLLLLLLLLLPPPPP! >it's a pleasure to meey you sir, this are my friends, Serena, Lita, >Mina, Amy and her boyfriend Twilite and this is little Renee. Katone: Ugh...Chibi-Chibi. Crow: (Rei) And trust me, It's a good thing I can get by without a little help from my friends. >-Nice to meet you all -Didi said Neph: Geez, even the characters don't know who's talking. >Minutes later they were on their way to the Picles residence, after >their arrival, Rei took the bedroom they gave her as her grandfather >told her, Tom: (Rei) Why are there all these chains and hancuffs on the wall? Katone: (Stu) My....collection. Yeah, that's it, collection. >but when her friends were about to leave Didi talked to them. ->uh....we wanted to ask all of you a favor. Crow: (Didi) Would you cancel your show so Rugrats could take 99.9% of the American cartoon market? >-Sure go ahead- Serena answered. Neph: Who's telling who just talked? Tom: (Voice) Neph said. >-Well, you see we're going to a cruise and we wanted to see if you >and Rei wanted to take care of my babies for a week. Katone: (Didi) We also wanted to see what would happen if I poked you a few times with this stick. >-Sure, we'll be delighted Mrs. Pickles. Crow: (Serena) Sure, I was going to do something FUN, but I'll gladly take care of you whiny, snotty kids from someone I don't even know! >-Then you can settle yourselves up tomorrow, we will leave early in >the morning. Tom: (Didi) By the way, if you hear clawing and drooling in the basement, it's not what you think. >The next morning the Pickles and the Finster's leaved the house, Neph: It's left, you fools! LEFT! Katone: Shut up, Neph. Neph: Yes, my liege. >Serena and the girls, arrived by midday, Rei was very well in charge >with Tommy and Chuckie, Crow: Sayyyyy..... Neph: The heck? Is this in haiku format? Tom: This fanfic sucks eggs, What sort of a nut wrote this, Who is talking now. Neph: Beautiful. >Mina stated to play with Tommy while Lita went into the kitchen to >see what she could prepare, Katone: (Mina) OK, let's see.....mayo, lettuce, head, smoked beef.... >Serena, Amy, Twilite and Renee watched TV, everything was fine until >Angelica arrived from school along with her friend Susie. Tom: Wait! Angelica doesn't even go to school! I've seen her at home during the day on count...less....epi...oops. Crow: Fanboy. >-OK Who is the babysitter? > >-I am. Neph: Twilite, Serena, Rei, Mina? WHO IN SIVAR'S NAME IS TALKING?! >-Good, 'cause I'm hungry, fix something. Katone: At least Von Doom got SOMEONE'S character right. >-Excuse me? > >-I said fix something!!! Crow: (whoever is talking) How about the car? Tom: Weak Crow, oh, so weak. >-Hey hold on a second, I'm in charge here!! Neph: We can't be too sure. Maybe you're Angelica. I've completely lost track of the speakers. >-Really?? WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Katone: Oh! My hearing apparatus!! >-Rei!! She is worst than Serena, just do as she says!! Neph: Sire, could I launch into a rant about the difference between comparative and superlative degrees in adverbs and adjectives? Katone: No. >-OK Mina, Angelica stop it, tell me what do you want to eat? Crow: Your pu-*Katone stares at Crow* punch. punch. Katone: Very good, Crow. >-mmm....soup Tom: (Homer Simpson) Ahhhhhh.....doughnut.... >Rei went into the kitchen to talk with Lita, Neph: Just to talk? Katone: NEPH!!!! Neph: What? Couldn't they just talk in the open? Katone: Neph....desist....NOW. Neph: Yes, my liege. >in the mean time Angelica and Susie wnt to look for the babies. Crow: (ala Fugitive) I want you to search every henhouse, penthouse, outhouse, doghouse.... >Hi babies. Looks like we have a new baby-sitter. > >-And Angelica...we like them... -Said Tommy Tom: (Tommy) So please don't torture and kill them this time, please? >-What?? > >-Yeah....we like them.... Katone: (Tommy) I'm still remembering my time with Mina.....oh..... Crow: I like you better than Mike, Katone. A fellow hentai. >-Oh really....well I'm sorry for you 'cause I'm going to kick them >away. Tom: (Steve Austin) Cause Stone Cold said so! >Angelica lefted the place *Everyone snickers* Neph: How surprising. Another grammical error. >and started to look for something to do, in the meantime Susie was >playing with Renee, Crow: And what sort of *play* would this be? Katone: Looks like someone has been reading too much Tsuani. >In one moment of fun Renee falled on Ami's backpack and a book >falled from it, it was Ami's diary, she used to write everything on >it, Tom: Her turn-ons.... >including all about their lives as Sailor Scouts, Angelica saw this >and took the book, minutes later she was reading it in one of the >rooms. Neph: Fortunatley, she couldn't read... Katone: (Angelica) It's times like this I wish Hooked on Phonics worked for me.... >-So...they have magic powers....wonder what I could do with them... Crow: Become even MORE incredibly annoying? >Later that afternoon Serena and the other decided to go buy some >pizza, the question was who will take care of the babies? Neph: I like the way that changes from a declarative sentence to an interrogatve sentence. >Renee had the answer. Tom: Never tape a running hose to a dog's mouth? Katone: You can't eat just one? Crow: To get to the other side? Neph: 4? >-I will!! I'm old enough. Tom: No...don't tell me what I think is going to happen..... >After several minutes of arguing with Serena Katone: (Serena) Taylor. Crow: (Renee) Zac. Katone: (Serena) TAYLOR. Crow: (Renne) ZAC. Katone: (Serena) TAYLOR! Crow: (Renee) ZACCCCCCCC! >the agreed to leave in charge since the Pizza place was only two >blocks away Neph: However, they forgot the cardinal rule of Rugrats: Something ALWAYS happens in the five minutes someone is gone. >-Andgelica was thinking of a way to get one of their transformatiopn >pens when luck appeared before her, Tom: (Luck) HOW YA DOING?! Lemme tell, ya, I'm the guy that makes everything good! So, you wanna be a Sailor Scout, well, just go into the next room.... >thinkeing that she might not need it there Renee took off her >crystal and lefted it in a bed, Katone: Where Angelica founded it and tooked it. >Angelica took the crystal, and looked in Ami's diary for the way to >use it. Crow: (Angelica) DAMN! Some assembly required?! >-Where are you....ah here it is...raise and then say... All: WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!!!!! >MOON PRISM POWER!!!!! Neph: Oh...no. >A bright light filled the room and engulfed her, Tom: Whereupon she was burnt to death. The end!!! *get up to leave, but Neph picks him up by the dome.* Neph: I would suggest you get back in your seat. Tom: Fine. *Is let back down* >and seconds later the 5 year old was dressed in Sailor Chibi Moon's >scout uniform (magically sized to her) Katone: Let's just be thankful it wasn't Sailor Moon's uniform....those little fukus....guh. Crow: One of the few things were have to be thankful ABOUT. >-HAHAHA!!! Now they will do as I say now. Neph: Or else I'll Sweet Pink Heart Attack them to death! >Renee was putting Tommy and Chuckie in bed then she looked for >Angelica, but what she found wasn't what she expected. Tom: (Renee) Serena? Twilite? Mina? Amy? Lia? Whay are you all in bed together? >-Wha....whathappened....why are you in my scout uniform... Crow: This is where I would say, "Look familiar, Mike?" >-Well...I'm Sailor Chibi Angelica and you will do as I >say....hahaha!!now bring me ice cream. Katone: Ooo. How intimidating. >-Wait a second I'm boss here. > >-Oh yeah? SWEET PINK HEART ATTACK!!! Neph: No...not THAT INEFFECTUAL ATTACK! >Little hearts came from the wand Angelica had and impacted a >suprissed Renee making her fall. Tom: suprissed? Katone: Perhaps it's a combination of "prissy" and "surprised". Tom: That would decribe Renee at this current moment. >The pink-haired girl runned out of the room and out of the house she >closed the girl behind her in the precise moment when the girls >arrived. Crow: Decipher the sentence and win a cookie! >-Renee, what is going on? -Asked Amy Neph: (Renee) The worst crossover in the history of fanfiction. >-You're not going to believe it. > >Serena opened the door and couldn't believe what she saw... Tom: (Serena) The last sentence had NO grammar errors?! Katone: (Serena) It's the preisdent, and he's nude! >...To be continued Crow: Not for me! I'm outta here! (gets up and leaves. A few seconds later, a loud blast is heard, and Crow returns charred and smoking.) Pokemon Policewoman: (V.O.) And STAY out! Katone: I knew you wouldn't make it. >Part 2 >Serena was speechless, Neph: Angelica also learned how to cast the Mute spell, I see. Tom: That's gonna use up some MP. Katone: Well, we don't have to hear Usagi cry. Go ANGELICA! >before her she saw Agnelica with Renee's sout uniform, she turned >to see Renee Crow: Playing wi- Katone: Finish the sentence and I SHALL rain death upon you. Crow: with toys? Neph: What kind of toys? *Is smacked by Katone* What did I do?! I merely wished to know the nature of these toys! *Is smacked again by Katone* B- Tom: Neph, lemme tell you about something. *Neph leans over, and Tom whispered to him. Shortly, Neph becomes VERY green.* Neph: Eww! Geez, the human civilization is disgusting!!! >-What did you do?? Tom: (Renee) Well, Angelica and I were having a career swapping day. Angelica's a Sailor Scout, and I'm a whiny little brat! Katone: So Renee turned into her mother? Tom: Basically. >-Nothing, I swear!!!I was looking for her when I found her with my >outfit and... > >-ENOUGH!!! Katone: (random king) off with her head! >Get me some ice cream!!! Crow: OK, who sees Angelica of the CEO of a company one day? Neph: Me. Katone: Me. Tom: Me. Neph: Angelica's sorta the Dogbert of Rugrats. Katone: (Dogbert) Bow before me, worthless idiots! >Rei interrupted them. Crow: (Clinton) Can't we all just get along? >-Angelica, we will give you ice cream but first you have to give us >the crystal back. Neph: (Rei) You don't have to end your life like this! Just give me the crystal! I've brought your mother out! >Behind them Ami and Mina were talking. Crow: (Ami) Laundry Room? Katone: (Mina) 1:00 A.M. Both: (Ami and Mina) Check. >I don't get this Ami how did she found out the crystal and >furthermore about it's powers? Tom: *starts to smoke* grammar errors.....overloading....must die to live....*KABOOM*! *Tom's head explodes* Katone: Not a bad idea. *also explodes, but reforms* Damn. Sometimes, I hate being made out of liquid metal. *Puts a new head on Tom* All better? Tom: I guess. *coughs* >-I don't know, the only place you can fin information about it is in >th.... Crow: The Phone number 1-900-CRYS-TAL!!!! Learn everything about everyone's favorite Sailors. *Everything*. Neph: You will be charged $10 for the first two minutes, and $6 for each extra minute. >Amy turned her back pack upside down to see it's contents Tom: (Mina) Eww! There's guts everywhere! >Mina was puzzled when she saw her friends looking in all the books >and notebooks that falled to the floor. Katone: (Ami) OK, who took my Playgirl? >-Ami you OK? Crow: (Hyper Amy) OfcourseI'mfinewhydoyouaskI'mperfectnothingiswrongjustwonderful. >-No...it can't be.... > >-What? Crow: (Hyper Amy) StopaskingthatI'mfinefinefinefine. >-She has it!!! There is no other way.... Neph: (Highlander) THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! Katone: Well, that riff made no sense. >-Who has what?? Tom: Chucky has the ability to fly! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?! >-Angelica must have my diary... Crow: Yes, thank you Von Doom, for reminding us about that critical plot device that was told to us five lines ago! Neph: Mayhaps Von Doom thinks his audience has the same attention span as he does. >I have there all about us and how out powers work, something make it >fall out of my bag and then she found it.... Tom: (Amy) I just hope she hasn't gotton to Page 43 yet! Katone: (Mina) Why? Tom: (Amy) No reason. >Inside Tommy and Chukie were making their own plan. Crow: (Tommy) My units will sweep from the north, once the attacking force has been weakened... >-We have to stop Angelica!!! > >-I don't know Tommy, maybe we should let the Mina do it... Neph: The Mina. I like that name. My liege? Katone: Yes Neph, we can change the names of one of the destroyers in our armada to that name. Neph: Oh, thank you, sire! *Begins kissing Katone's feet* Katone: OK, Neph. Down! That is enough. *Neph slinks back to his seat* >-No!!they need help, come on. Crow: (Tommy) The sole fighters of evil need our help against a whiny 3-year-old who has a crystal that gives her weak powers! >The two babies opened the door and walked towards the living room >where the action was taking place, Tom: (Tommy) Ohh, an orgy! Can we join? >meanwhile the girls continued their efforts to convice Anglica, Mina >tried to use her soft touch. Neph: (OOC Mina) GIMMIE THAT CRYSTAL NOW, YOU LITTLE CREEP! >-Come on Anglica, a beautiful lady like you shouldn't use things >like that, *Katone and Crow look at each other, snicker, and stay silent* >look I have a candy, I'll give it to you if you give me the crystal >back... Neph: (Mina) It's a delicious flavor called "cyanide"! >-mmm....nah!...SWEET PINK HEART ATTACK!!! > >Mina runned away when Angelica used her attack, Tom: (Mina) Well, uh....I'll be back! *Whiny kid* MOMMMMMMMMMM! >Anglica went to the backyard to eat a box of cookies she found on >the kitchen, Katone: (Angelica) Well, It's been five years, but I was finally able to get those cookies down from the roof! >Tommy and Chuckie decided to put their plan into action. Crow: (Tommy) HOLD HER D- Katone: TIAMAT BLAST! *Katone fires a purple beam into Crow, completely frying him* That offended even MY sensibliites. Crow: *coughs* SOR-RY. >-OK Chuckie, let's go if we can take that thing Angelica has we can >stop her!! come on!! > >-I'm scared Tommy....we shouldn't do this... Neph: (Tommy) C'mon! Detonating a nuclear bomb will be fun! >Tommy dragged Chuckie with him, Chuckie walked in front of Angelica. Tom: Whereupon Kane appeared and shot a ball of fire into Chuckie's eyes. The end. >-uh....Angelica? Katone: (Chucky) Do you feel fresh? >-What do you want? Crow: (Chucky) I want to be the ruler of the world, but unfortunatley, I can't, and neither can you. So gimmie that crystal. >-Can I have a cookie? > >-NO! Neph: (Angelica) SILENCE, MORTAL! >Tommy crawled up the table and took the scepter and runned back >inside of the house with Chukie and Angelica behind him. Tom: Considering Angelica's legs are much better formed than Tommy's, Angelica's uniform must be really slowing her down. Neph: Maybe she got Chibi's little knob legs as a result from the transformation. >-COME BACK HERE!!! Katone: (Fat Man from "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.") DAMN YOU FINGLEEEEEE! >The girls noticed the situation, Ami had an idea. Crow: (Ami) Everyone, strip, NOW! >-Serena turn into Sailor Moon now!!!! > >OK OK Don't rush me!! MOON PRISM POWER!!! All: WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE! Neph: Ah, I love that joke. >After that they started to chase them aroudn the house, Tom: HEY! Where's the stupid speech? Where's the nude outline?! Katone: First one, no idea. Second one, This is the American version, not the Japanese version. >breaking everything in the process, in the end Mina catched Tommy >but a jar falled on her head in the process, All: (monotone) Ha ha. >Lita catched Chuckie but crashed against a chair, Crow: And then was stabbed to death by Chucky. All: (monotone) Ha ha. >finally Rei got Angelica and Sailor Moon used her Moon Healing not >only to turn her back to normal but also made her a nice little >lady... Neph: Thank God this isn't Virgin Warrior Sailor Moon. Tom: That's "Moon Princess Halation", Neph. >well just for a few days.... All: Ha ha. Katone: You know, action sequences are made exciting by the pictures, not the words. Crow: Especially when you got Von Doom at the controls. >after that Rei noticed the wreck they turned the house into. Neph: (Rei, drunk) I guess we shoulda put a designated driver for the house... >-Oh no....look at this mess...they are going to kill me when they >return!!! Tom: Nah. Judging by the number of time the Pickle's house is wrecked, they probably have some sort of a discount with the repair men. >-I can help with that- Twilite said. > >Opening his arms with his staff Katone: (Twlite) Oh, who am I kidding, I can't do anything! I'm just gonna slit my arm with this staff! >in one of his hands he called for it's powers Crow: He called for it is powers? Neph: Perhaps it's Austin Powers. Tom: (Powers) Schwing! I hear you hep cats got a house problem. Let's all shag, and we can talk! >-Mighty powers!!!Put everything back to where it was!!! Katone: (Twlite) Help me, oh mighty plot contrivence gods! >a bright light engulfed the place but to Twilite's horror his power >indeed puted everything like it was.... Crow: But with even WORSE grammar! >before the wreck started, with Angelica as Sailor Chibi Angelica and >the girls trying to stop her. Neph: Now, was that supposed to be funny? I can't tell. Tom: Chances are yes. >-TWI!!!-Screamed the girls Katone: Oh god.....not SAILOR MSTIE! Neph: Now, my liege, they just meant TWIlight,. That's all. Katone (Becoming insane) No it isn't! He's in this fanfic....watching....waiting.....*Neph lightly smacks Katone on the head* Neph: Sorry sir, but you were starting to bug me. >-I...uh...guess I have to be more careful next time..... > >-What happened Tommy? Crow: Whoa! Scene change ambush! >-I don't know Chukie but we need to stop Angelica again, come on. > >The two babies lefted the room to search for Angelica who runned out. Neph: Of luck. You see, Dr. Doom decided to introduce Spidercide to this story..... Tom: It's a sad day when even the CREATOR hates his stories. >-Any ideas girls?-Asked Lita Katone: (Random Scout) How bout we just kill ourselves? Then, the fanfic will HAVE to end! >-I have one-Ami said-How about this: Lita will go to the kitchen and >will prepare a cake, Serena you and Renee will watch her movements, Crow: (Ami) You know, *HER* Katone: Was that dirty? Crow: In all honesty, I don't know. >Mina and I will look out for the babies. Neph: (Ami) You know, influence their job interviews, pick their girlfriends, etc. >Later that afternoon Lita prepared a cake and they served it to >everyopne but in Angelica's portion there was a sedative Ami >instructed Lita to put in....but... Tom: (Von Doom) I forgot. Katone: (sarcastic) Oh, a cake with a sedative put in it! What original idea will Von Doom think of next?! >after everyone eated it's piece they looked at Angelica waiting for >the sedative to take effect... Crow: (Angelica) What? Am I nude or something? Why are you looking at me like that? >but suddenly they heard snores...Serena eated the piece with the >sedative in it. All: Ha ha....ha. Neph: Makes you wonder how the Sailor Scouts can even accomplish getting out of bed. >-Oh great...-Ami said-Now I have to think of another plan... Tom: (ominously) Plan *X*! >Later that night in the babies room... Crow: (Tommy) Chucky! Look! We come equiped with our own bottles! [Katone turns green] Katone: Oh.... >-Chukie... Tom: (Tommy) You shouldn't have killed the babysitter. Sometimes I wonder if you're really a Good Guy. >-Yeah? Neph: (Tommy) Is there really life outside this universe, where man is just a insignifcant speck in the universe? Or are we alone, in the seeminly never-ending expanse of the complete multiverse? >-We have to help the girls stop Angelica tommorrow... Katone: OK Von Doom! This fanfic's great!! YOU DON'T NEED TO GO INTO ANOTHER PART! PLEASE! >-oh no... Crow: My sentiments exactly, kid. >-Now let's go to sleep....good night Chukie... Neph: (Chucky) THERE'S NO SHARP BLADES IN YOUR PIL- I mean, good night Tommy.... >-Good night Tommy... Tom: The action LEAPS off the screen! >....To be continued... All: Rah. >Part 3 >-What are we going to do to stop Angelicia? >Asked Rei. Katone: Have a wild lesbian orgy. Always worked in the lemons. >-I don't know...she's too unpredictable... >Answered Ami Crow: And so is 70% of the female gender when depressed. Katone: [sninkers] You know we're going to be flamed for that. Crow: Ah, they can bite me. >Meanwhile, Serena was playing video games in the living room, Neph: Hmmm....maybe Mario will come out to help the Sailor Scouts. Tom: Neph, don't give the author any ideas. >Luna got in front of the TV making Serena lose the game. Katone: (Serena) Hey! I was just about to beat my High Score of 3! >-LUNA!!!YOU RUINED MY GAME!!! WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Crow: Yes, Von Doom finally puts someone in character...I think. >Please Serena, we have important things to face here, Neph: (Serena) And you're saying saving Mushroom Kingdom ISN'T important?! >we must stop Angelica > >-Yeah meatball head we must stop that brat. Tom: (Luna) Thanks for agreeing with me, mysterious voice! >-Look who's talking...-answered Serena Katone: [sighs] Anyone want to do this? Crow: I don't want to. Neph: Me neither. Tom: Me three. It's too easy. Katone: How bout' we all do it together? 1...2...3. All: WE CAN'T! >-WHAT DOES THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?? Katone: (Mulder) You can't hide the truth! And the truth is, you lied! >-YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!! Neph: Von Doom? Kindly tap the Caps Lock next to your A key. >Rei entered the room Crow: In nothing but a bowl of green JELL-O! >-QUIEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTT!!! Neph: No, Von Doom, you don't push it again! Geez, humans are such a thick species. >Mean while in the other room Chukie and Tommy were making their own >plan. Tom: (Seldon) Foward the Fondation. Katone: And that's your mystery book quote for today! >-I have an idea Chukie. > >-No please...not again...remember what happened the last time... [Crow stares with his mouth open. Katone quickly slams it shut.] Katone: I know what you're thinking, and frankly, I might explode if you said it out loud. >-I wont fail again Chuckie, Crow: (perkily) And if I do, I'll just drag you down with me! >remember the Reptar chocolates my mom got? Tom: (Tommy) The one she said were, "poisinous" or something like that? >-Yeah... > >-OK, let's go get one. Katone: (Tommy) I'm sick of life, let's also find where my mom keeps the cyanide. >-Tommy...I don't think this is a good time to eat candy... Crow: (Tommy) It's not candy. "It's sugar covered slight nourishment." >It's part of the plan Chukie come on. Neph: (newsperson) In other news today, there was a there was a sentence collusion on Highway VD 666. Three robots and an alien were severly hurt. >The babies lefted the room and went to the kitchen, Tom: Only to meet their doom.... Katone: Tom, I gotta remember to get you Quake II for Christmas. >meanwhile Angelica was in her room when Mina entered it Crow: Please let this turn into a lesbian lemon please please please.... Katone: Normally I would hit you for that but...DAMN IT! I WANT A LESBIAN LEMON TOO! NOTHING COULD BE WORSE THAN THIS FANFIC! [Cries] Crow: I know it hurts. >in another attempt to convince her to give Renee's silver crystal. Tom: You know, this was getting old three parts ago. Neph: But...this fanfic has only three parts. Tom: So? Neph: Well, the fanfic hadn't started three parts ago. Tom: Again, so? Neph: Well, uh...nevermind. >-Hi Angelica... Katone: (mobster voice) Forget the chit-chat. Where's the money? >-oh it's you....what did you bring me? Crow: (Mina) Let's see...Twinkies, back issues of Nintendo Power, and a fold-out of Hanson... >-Mina showed her a chocolate bar. Neph: En guarde! >-A chocolate bar that I will exchange for that ugly crystal.... Tom: (Gangsta) De' ugly-ass crystal! >-I have a better idea...the chocolate bar for this pictures. Katone: Oh dear... >Angelica showd Mina a pictures of her that were taken while she was >taking a shower this morning All except Neph: Heyyyyy....fanfic's getting better! Neph: [looks around confused] Huh? Was I supposed to say something? Katone: Shut up, Neph. Neph: Yes, my liege. >-You LIITLE BRAT!!!! GIVE ME THOSE PICTURES!!!! Neph: Lay off the Caps Lock, my friend. Crow: Well, it's hard to use Shift when you're writing with one hand... Katone: You can be happy Neph didn't understand that joke, Crow. Otherwise, I'd have to kill you. Neph: What joke? I thought Crow was just replying to me. >Mina started to chase her all over the room, Tom: (sarcastic) Oh boy, anothe chase sequence...we. >meanwhile Tommy and Chukie were in the kitchen and after looking >everywhere they found the Reptar chocolates. Katone: After a dozen or so hilarious chase sequences! >-What's the lan Tommy, simple, you will Crow: Neato! Chukie's British! Neph: (Brit) Now let's go atch some crumpets and corner that nasty toddler and we'll be back in time for tea, ah wot? >Suddenly Twilite entered the room and kneeled beside them. Tom: (Granny) KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL! >-How come you two can talk?? Katone: (Tommy) The Great Plot Contrivence God helped us. >The babies were shocked. Crow: (Chukie) All that great taste and only TWO grams of fat? Neph: Actually, I'm shocked too. Von Doom actually wrote a coherent sentence. >-You can understand us?? Tom: (Twilite) Well, I don't understand who's talking now. >-I guess so... Katone: (Tommy) This breaches Article 8, Subparagraph B of the Baby Contract. You must die. >-I can't believe it Tommy....he is big and he can understand us... Neph: He's having better luck than me. >-He can help us Chukie!! Crow: (Tommy) He can tell us why Mommy and Daddy yell behind closed doors whenever they sleep together! Neph: OK, that's it! [Gets up and starts to attack Crow. Crow promptly runs out of the theater, with Neph in close persuit] >-Sure, but what's on your mind little one? Tom: (Tommy) A large brain tumor. >-We will distract Angelica and I'll exchange the crystal for this >chocolate. Katone: (Tommy) And then *I* become the ruler of the multiverse! MWAHAHAHAHHAHHAAAAAAAAA! >-Very clever, [Katone and Tom supress laughter.] >what can I do to help you? Tom: (Chuckie) Staying out of your way, super-loser. >-You and Chukie will distract her. Katone: (Tommy) Or just brain her. I don't care. [Neph and a severely hurt Crow come back] Tom: Hey guys! How did you survive with no oxygen? Neph: [scratches head] Hm. No idea. Crow: (under breath) Big meanie. >-Me?? I don't know Tommy... Katone: Any jokes about the Heart attack are unfunny now. No jokes about that. Crow: So, what happened? Would I care? Neph: I just skimmed the parts we missed and no, same boring crud. >-Come on Chuckie, I'll be with you. Tom: Again, who's talking? Twilite or Chucky? Katone: Just smile and look stupid. Thinking too hard about fanfics hurts the mind. >ok...ok but I'll regret this... Crow: Five hours later, the world came to an end. The end. [Gets up to leave, but his held by Neph] Neph: Not so fast, golden one. >In the kitchen the gils were laughed when Mina showed them the pics >Angelica took, the blond girl was terribly embarrassed Tom: Then WHY DID SHE SHOW THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Katone: (guide) And here's the main event of the tour of our fanfic: The Mina Grand Canyon plot hole! Take pictures if you like, but no climbing down! >-Come on Mina, you look really good that way, if you know what I >mean. -Artemis said. Crow: Shades of Oscar...urp. Neph: This fanfic has suddenly gotten even WORSE. Incredible. >For any answer Mina impacted her fist on his head. Tom: Ooo...Whack-a-Cat. Katone: That was weak Tom. Tom: I know. >-Shut up you perverted feline, uhh that brat is going to pay for >this. Crow: (Badly dubbed Japenese warrior) You destroy my family, now you die! Neph: Artemis is perverted...that's a new one for me. >Meanwhile Tommy puted his plan on practice, Tom: ....Huh. Katone: (teacher) Now play the D minor scale again, plan! >Tommy and Twilite entered the living room where Angelicia was >watching TV Crow: (Angelica) Bruce left Tanya for Jane? WAAAAAAAAAAAA! >-Hi Anglica. Neph: (Duke Nukem) Time to die. >-What did you brought the baby for? Tom: (Twilite) Hostage taking. >-Well...I think he wants to play with you... Katone and Crow: IfyaknowwhatImean! >With a quick jump Chukie falled on Angelica making her drop the >silver crystal, Neph: Wha? Chucky wasn't with Twilite and Chucky! WHY IS HE HERE?! Tom: Wormhole opened. Neph: Ah. >Tommy capitalized on it changing the crystal for the chocolate bar. Katone: And made quite a profit on it. >-GET OFF ME!!! Crow: Oh Lord. Now it's Robert Tsuani. >NOW YOU'LL SEE!! Neph: (Angelica) I'll show you old Care Bear movies! >MOON PRISM POWER!!! All: BORED RIFFERS POWER! >Nothing happened... Tom: A purse falls... >What happened? Katone: A cheesy way to end this fanfic. >this thing is ruined... Crow: (Angelica) I'm calling the manufacturer on this thing! >A REPTAR CHOCOLATE??!!??hehe... Neph: Look, it's Oscar's giggle! >Angelica tried to run out but she found Rei standing in the doorway. Tom: Must resist...hentai joke... Katone: (Darth Vader) Give in to the Dark side. >-You and me will talk young lady. Crow: (Rei) So, looks like we finally found the Scorpio Killer, huh? >-I..I..I'm sorry WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Neph: I dunno whether to insult the grammar or the loudness. I'll just cry instead. [Sobs] >Two days later the Pickles returned home. Tom: (Solemn voice) Everybody was gone. An investigation is pending. >-How did they behaved Rei? Katone: (Rei) They were just fineded. >-They were Angels, Mrs. Pickles. Crow: (Rei) You see, we had an accident a few hours before you came. Neph: But, Rei said they "were" angels, not "are". Crow: Neph, this is Von Doom. King of the tense failures. Who knows what he's saying? Neph: So true. >-See? I told you she and her friends could take care of them -Said >Grandpa. Katone: (Grandpa) Now where's the deed? >Good, because we just came to pick more clothes, we're going to >another cruise, Crow: WHAT?! >Chad won it in a sweepstakes, Neph: But the odds...the ODDS! Tis' impossible! Tom: Self-destruction initiated. 10, 9...1. [Tom's head explodes] Katone: [Sighs] Damn. [Takes out a computer, types in something, and a new head appears on Servo] Tom: Whew! That was strange. >we'll leave you all you need to take care of them for another week. Neph: (Stu) We'll also be taking that period. >-Not again...-All the girls said Crow: What wacky adventures will these girls have? In what creative ways will they butcher the English language? Who cares? {Gets up to leave] Katone: [starts to get up] >The End Katone [Sits back down] Whoops. Carry on. Neph: Look! Von Doom got "The End" right! Tom: Neph...would you pick me up? Neph: Very well. [Picks Tom up on the space where his mouth is] Tom: [Muffled] Guess I should have known. [All leave] ------------------------------------------------ 1....2....3....4....5....6...BRIDGE Neph and Katone sat over the table, staring over a large map. "So, my liege, your saying that our race is too stupid to notice that a large craft has disabled our Tiamat dreadnought?" Katone sighed. "After I discovered that the Tiamat was operating at 50% power because a Nephilim had left the Toaster Oven on, I don't know what to expect of your race, Neph." Neph was about to respond when Crow and Tom came rushing in. "MIKE'S COMING! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" screamed Tom. Neph shrugged. "Why? Mike's a bit clumsy, but he's not deadly." Suddenly, a 70ish, semi-creepy organ piece started to play out of nowhere. Mike appeared, but he was not the same. His body was a bit furrier than usual, but this was not the worst part. His hands were gone, and Game Boys replaced them. The buttons were seemingly moving on their own. Also, Mike's eyes had become anime-girl type large and cute. Mike spoke in a high-pitched voice. "Anybody want to TRADE?!" Katone edged away. "My God," he whispered "he's...he's..." "Pokemonized, my liege. I've heard of this. You start to become a Pokemon, with Game Boys for appendages. You care about nothing except Pokemon. Eventually, you waste away, since you don't eat or sleep." Neph said. "How do you know this?" Katone asked. "Oh, I once got on a conspiracy newsgroup by mistake. Spent the whole night reading it." "Uh...guys? Mike's trying to touch me with his han-" "DON'T TOUCH IT!" Neph puleed Crow away. "That's how you catch it, of course." "And how do you kill an infected creature, Mel Gibson?" Katone snorted sarcastically. "Cut off the Game Boys. The hands will grow back, and the specimen will be back to normal." Katone, without a moment's spare, formed one of his hand into a blade, and cleanly sliced off the Game Boys. Mike collapsed, then got up, back to normal. "Wow! One minute, I was calmly playing Pokemon, the next-" Mike was cut off by a large rocking of the ship. "Cambot, cut to Rocket #9!" Mike said. ------------------------------------ DEEP SPACE NI- OOPS. SPACE. The Poke' Ball was rapidly approaching the SOL with guns blazing. ------------------------------------ POKE' BALL The Pokemon judge looked like hell itselfas she manhandled the steering wheel. "I should have known that you could handle the movie!" Suddenly, she smiled. "Fortunatley, I had a Plan B. Slightly messier, but hey, who said world domination was clean?" ------------------------------------ SOL Katone an Neph suddenly teleported from their spots in a flash of light. The MADS light flashed, which Mike quickly pushed. ------------------------------------ TIAMAT Katone and Neph were back at there usual places, strangly devoid of Nephilim. "Neph, any ideas how to counteract cuteness?" Neph left the view of the screen, and was gone for about 15 seconds. He returned with a large pink gun on his back. "Man, you're fast." Katone muttered. "Nephilim characteristic. Anywho, this gun has the essence of cuteness in it. It should bypass the shielding of the Poke' Ball." "How'd you make it?" "Bit of Barney, Rainbow Bright, etc. Don't ask." Katone picked up the gun, and walked away. ------------------------------------ JUST SPACE IT. A small window on the Tiamat suddenly opened. [Author's note: Yes, I know this is impossible. Bite me.] The gun could be faintly seen, although the the beam with hearts surrounding it was obvious enough. It hit the Poke' Ball, almost shattering the craft with the blast. ------------------------------------ POKE' BALL The Judge rocked with the blast, and pressed a button. "So, you've won for now. I shall be back." And with that, the Ball hyperspaced away. ------------------------------------ TIAMAT Neph and Katone whooped, and exchanged a high five. "Excellent work, Neph. But one more question: Where are the Pokem-" A large crash answered Katone's question. Several hundred Pokemon and Pokemonized Nephilim filled the screen. Katone sighed. "Neph, break off com-link and bring me the multiversal phone book." Neph pushed the button and got out the extremely thick phone book. "Place, sire?" "Raccoon City." The screen faded out, as several clean slicings could be heard. THE END....FOR NOW. Author's notes: Well, THAT was fun, wasn't it? Almost makes me wish for Thinker. Next up on the slaughter floor will the possibly one of the worst S-I's in all fanficdom: Joseph, the hero of Mobius. Should be entertaining, though. I got Alicia Ashby, aka "Lynxara" as my editor, so my spelling errors should be fixed. So, until then, ciao! The Bizarre One, Keith Harmon. P.S. Oh, yes, Joseph is 1200 kb long. That's a novel's length. This will be SO fun. P.P.S. BTW, I happen to LOVE Nintendo. I've bought every system they've ever had, and worship Zelda. I just happen to severely despise Pokemon.