Title: Yellow Submarine.
Original Author: Unknown
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer, email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
Era: None/nonstandard
Category: Ad

[Setting: the same theater as the Digidefenders MiSTings, set up to look 
like the commercials for the correspondence school Sally Struthers used to 
advertise.  JESSE stands behind the snack counter, looking half wired.]

JESSE: Do you like needlessly wasting other people's bandwith simply to 
satisfy your own impish whims?  Of course.  We all do.  That's why I'm 
bringing you this little half-reel wonder.  It's a painfully familiar email 
spam called Yellow Submarine.  It's about...  Well, you'll recognise it when 
you see it.  And by the way, this presentation has been brought to you by 
Mr. Fat Guy's Happy Happy Hallucinogenic Tea.  Drink up and enjoy the show!

[JESSE enters theater and takes seat near center of row]

>Subj:Yellow Submarine.

JESSE:[singing] We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine...  We 
all live in a yellow submarine...

>Date:1/26/03 8:12:53 PM Central Standard Time
>From:chercurl@hotmail.com
>To:douglasmc@aol.com
>Sent from the Internet (Details)
>
>
>
>Renegade Botanicals...Offering
>  The World's Finest, Most Potent,    Legal Toke 'n' Toot Alternatives!

JESSE: That are sure to leave you tokin' and tootin' all day!

>
>********************************************
>HARD ECONOMY CUSTOMER APPRECIATION EVENT:

JESSE: Get the word "economy" out of there, and that's exactly the kind of 
customers they appreciate, if you get my drift.

>
>2 for 1 or 20% off; on all "Smoka" Products. ( Only for a limited time!!! )
>********************************************
>
>For Your Absolutely Legal Delight & Pleasuring!  The BEST EVER!!

JESSE: Yeah, right.  That's what you've said in the other three million of 
these, too.

>(You must be 21 Years of age)

JESSE: But what about those of us who are older than that?

>        SATISFACTION GUARANTEED
>
>SWEET TREAT MENU:

JESSE: Cookies, candy, chocolate, sugar...

>
>1.) CHEN CHEN HERBA:

JESSE:[train whistle] Whoo whoo!

>                 Very mellow, uplifting and happy; just a few draws of 
> >Sensitive Smoke. Clean, loose-leaf; Roll it or bowl it!! (pipe included) 
> >2oz...$75.00

JESSE: Well, at least you get the pipe with it.

>
>2.) TONGA TAI BRICK:  Solid amalgamation of high-ratio; 
>strike->alchemized,(brickened & kiffened)

JESSE: So how do you bricken and kiffen something, anyway?

>                               exoticas. Indeed a Sensitive/Responsive 
>pipe->smoking substance.

JESSE: Oh sure.

>             Just a pinch Smokes a long, long way.  A most significant 
>remedy.

JESSE: For what?

>                    Absolutely a depressive/regressive!!! (pipe included) 
>2oz.brick...$115.00
>

JESSE: Oh, yeah.  Really on the cheap there.

>3.) TONGA TAI HAPPY DROPS:

JESSE: Hey, that sounds alot like *my* product!

>                     A breakthrough!!! Liquid Toke for the non-smoker. 
>Under >the tongue or in juice.  70+ servings. 2oz. dropper bottle...$115.00

JESSE: Shouldn't this be more expensive than the solid form?

>
>4.) LASCIVIOUS EROTOMANIA APHRODISIA DROPS:

JESSE: Boing!

>                                        Promotes both physical & 
>psychological >Desire & Uninhibitedness. For men & women!!!

JESSE: Now there's my kind of product!

>                                                Under the tongue or in 
>juice.  >45+ servings. 1 oz. dropper bottle...$90.00
>
>5.) HARMONY SNOOT:

JESSE: Well, hey, if Harmony's getting uppity, maybe I should give her some 
of the previous product.

>            An inhalant powder originally designed to help end cocaine and 
> >methamphetamine dependencies.

JESSE: The hell...?  How did these people get ahold of it, then?

>                                 Very psychologically uplifting, very 
>mood->enhancing, very multi-level (body-mind-spirit) energizing. 
>Non-invasive!!! Just >a little row is all you need...3 dry oz. bottle (well 
>over 600 servings) >(includes glass snooter)...$85.00

JESSE: And you don't even need a prescription, folks!

>
>           ************************************
>
>6.) OOH LA LA...INTRO OFFER...

JESSE: Directly from France!

>                                       Everything Above for...$210.00
>                 (Reg. Price...$480.00)
>                     ************************************

JESSE: Start *seeing* stars!

>TO ORDER/MORE INFO please call 1 (719) 661-3442 during normal business 
>hours.

JESSE: Meaning between the hours of midnight and two in the morning, 
Phillipines time.

>All orders shipped next day via; U.S. Priority Mail.

JESSE:[Culligan commercial] Hey, Postal Inspector Man!

>                                 Please add $7.00 S & H to all orders. All 
> >credit cards accepted. Thank you for your wonderful attention!!!!

JESSE:[hums circus music]

>God Bless...

JESSE:[Spammer] ...any idiot dumb enough to fall for this line.

>
>           ************************************
>
>
>
>
>
>
>___________________________________________________
>
>PLEASE NOTE: Your e mail address has been generated by an opt-in or an 
> >affiliate structured address program. If you have received this message 
>in >error or wish to be removed from this list; please

JESSE:[Spammer] ...buy our stuff anyway.  Then we can talk about removing 
you from our lists.  Maybe.

>          click on the unsubscribe option or call the number listed to be 
> >removed.

JESSE: Right after we trick you into ordering our most expensive product.

>                     We do not condone any Spam

JESSE: Not even the famous pork product?

>                          We thank you for your kind attention and wish you 
>a >splendid day!

JESSE: Yeah, right.

>
>___________________________________________________
>
>To be removed from future mailings click Reply, type Remove as your Subject 
> >and click Send

JESSE:[Spammer] This will confirm that you have an active email address for 
us to spam.

>
>
>qzax czv

JESSE: And it's over.
[JESSE exits theater.]

[Lobby, same getup as the opening segment]
JESSE: Did that sufficiently waste the bandwith promised?  I know I'll live 
to regret it, but hey, it was fun.  Thanks for taking the ten minutes to 
read this.  Oh, and one more thing. [sets a tea service on the counter] This 
production was brought to you by Mr. Fat Guy's Happy Happy Hallucinagenic 
Tea.  This tea is produced from the finest moldy teabags, cultured in dirty 
paper cups filled with used facial tissue and stored in my friend Bill's 
furnace room. [pours a mugfull] Guaranteed to bring about the most bizzare 
hallucinations you've ever had.  Enjoy! [takes a sip, tenses up, and then 
collapses]
[Fade to credits]

{{Credits.  Music: Mega Man ROBO Voice by Joe Redifer}}

[Starring]
Jesse Shearer as JESSE (himself)

[Music]
"Yellow Submarine" perfomed by the Beatles
"Mega Man ROBO Voice" based on music from Capcom's Mega Man 2 and remixed by 
Joe Redifer

[Website]
Overclocked Remix Unofficial Game Music Arrangement Community
	http://remix.overclocked.org/index.php

[General]
That correspondence school Sally Struthers used to advertise copyright 
itself
Mystery Science Theater concept copyright Best Brains
This version by Jesse Shearer, email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
Spam (the pork product) produced by Hormel
Culligan Water Treatment copyright Culligan Co.
Mega Man Copyright Capcom
Digimon copyright Bandai
Digidefenders by Phantom 1
The email copyright its sender

Stringer:
>We do not condone any Spam