{SOL} CROW: MIKE: Hey, what's wrong there, little buddy? CROW: Mike, be honest. Am I attracive? MIKE: Um... well, I, uh... CROW: Of COURSE I'm attractive. What red-blooded woman wouldn't gaze upon my golden frame of masculinity and not instinctually want to "get it on", right? MIKE: Um... CROW: And yet, sadly, every night I find myself lying alone in my sleep chamber, holding my teddy bear "Brownie" and weeping into his soft fur. Why is this, Mike? MIKE: Well, it could be because you're a robot and live on a satellite... CROW: I'll tell you why it is! It's because women are turned off by my demeanor. Watch this. CROW: Hi, Gypsy. GYPSY: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! CROW: See that? I got the looks, but my technique leaves a lot to be desired. MIKE: I see. Why are you bringing this up now, Crow? CROW: Because finally, with this fanfic, I see some positive role models! Two men who are actually SUCCESSFUL in their conquests with the ladies! MIKE: Crow, I hope you're not saying... CROW: All I have to do is study and imitate their every move, and I'll be SURE to get some "play"! MIKE: This has the potential to be in VERY bad taste, Crow... CROW: Bite me, Mike. TOM: Hi, guys, I just started the SuperS season. Wow, that FishEye girl's a babe, huh? MIKE: Uh... CROW: Er... MIKE: Help us out, guys. {Castle} PEARL: Love to, twerp, but right now we're busy taunting and mocking Brain Guy. BOBO: Nerd likes anime! Nerd likes anime! BRAIN GUY: No, I don't, really! I just... I just like the short skirts, honest! PEARL: Yeah, right, geek. We know you're all into the storylines. BRAIN GUY: No, really! Just the long legs and petite bosoms! PEARL: Really? BRAIN GUY: Yes! I'm quite the hentai! Oh no... PEARL: Hentai?! Ha ha ha! Dork! BOBO: Nerd knows Japanese! Nerd knows Japanese! {S.O.L.} TOM: What a disturbing, disturbing scene this is. MIKE: Aaah! We've got fanfic sign!! > By Dala Phen MIKE: Well, I like the storylines, and I'm not afraid to admit it. CROW: I ACCEPT the storylines, because I know that's the only way they're going to get people to watch it. > Aquamarines and Diamonds CROW: Death and destruction. > this chapter is rated H TOM: This chapter brought to you by the letter H and the numbers 6 and 9. MIKE: Oh, that was just lovely. >Chapter 4 > > The next day we met at the usual restaurant. MIKE: Denny's! CROW: (Dala) I'll leave it up to someone who's actually seen the show to figure out what the usual resturant is. > "Well Usa-chan, it has appeared to this Demando person is in love > with Michi-chan." Haruka says very mad. Usagi looked very shocked, > every one looked to me then to Usagi and back to me. MIKE: And then back to Usagi. And then back to me again. CROW: Like a tennis match, except there's no ball, and nothing at all is happening. > Usagi grew mad. > "He doesn't want me?" she shouted. "I can't believe it! What is > it about me does he not like?" CROW: You're too independent for him. > "Usagi? I thought you did not want him after you" Haruka > comments. > "Usa-chan hates it when a man is after her then stop and go for > another." > Ami says not breaking from her book. "No matter how evil or annoying > the guy is." She adds after wards. TOM: Ah, yes, the Butafuco Syndrome. > "I DO NOT!" Usagi protests. > "Usa-chan, just a while ago you where complaining that this > Demando person doesn't want you." Haruka comment. Usagi gave her > famous puppy dog eyes, TOM: ...back to the poor puppy dog! > and starts crying. The entire restaurant covers their ears > not able to stand her wailing. Mamoru tries to stop her. I got > annoyed with her crying and simply left. > > "Yaten-chan! I did not expect to see you here." MIKE: "Um... wherever we are." CROW: (pulling out notepad) All right, gimme some of your magic, Yat-boy. > "Michi-chan I saw you leave the restaurant and hear Usagi cry, > she should enter the screaming contest Japan holds once a year, > she'll win easy" he said cracking a smile. I smile as well. CROW: (taking notes) Mock... her... friends. > "Yaten-chan, you should not take risks like this, what if Haruka > happens to come home?" TOM: He was in her HOUSE?! CROW: (Taking notes) Sneak into her home...hide until she comes in. > "Don't worry about that, my brothers asked him to be apart of the > group for a concert tonight. He accept." MIKE: Okay, they hate each other, so they agree to work together. Makes sense to me. > "What about you?" CROW: (Yaten) Nope, seems kind of ridiculous to me, actually. > "Oh I decided to sit this one out." With a soft kiss he placed a > key with a tag in my hand and left saying "Eightish okay?" MIKE: Oh man, Yaten's drunk. > he hopped in his car > and drove away. I look at the key, it was to a hotel, but not a > capsule hotel. It was CROW: In suppository form. > to the most expensive world hotel, the suite was Ancient > Japanese Dynasty. > I did not have to guess what he wants. TOM: Um, to stage a samurai battle? > There was a quick breeze as I shut the door. Someone grabbed me with > a tight grip. At first I thought it was Haruka and he found out. MIKE: ...about new Grip-B-Tite! TOM: When you want a tight grip, you'd be a fool to try anything else. > "You're not going to plan anything tonight are you?" that voice, > it was deep, dark and comforting is a strange way. Demando! He's > here! CROW: Ah, so Demando is also a proponant of the "break into her house" method of attracting women. > I broke free from his grip, and transformed. A grin tugged at > the corners of his lips, it was just what he wanted. Before I could > do anything his third eye opened again. I could not move. I could > not breath. TOM: I could not polka. > I felt myself start to fall > to the floor, Prince Demando caught me before I hit the floor. CROW: (taking notes) Use hypnotic eye... to render unconciousness. MIKE: You don't have a hypnotic eye, Crow. CROW: Yes, but I do have a baseball bat! > > Slowly I came to, feeling drugged. CROW: (taking notes) Ooh, that's good, too! > "I made a mistake, Sailor Moon did save my husband, I should not > have done that to my friend Usagi" MIKE: (Hitting himself in the head) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! > I could not make out what Demando was > saying, the first voice sounded female. "If you want to stay you > have until some time early tomorrow. That is until you will > automatically return." Then I fell asleep again. TOM: Lucky. > When I woke up I found my self chained to a wall. CROW: (taking notes) Chain her... to wall... MIKE (snatching the notepad) I think this fic is in bad enough taste already. CROW: Ah, poop. > The room > looked very dark and felt very cold. TOM: Which is odd, since it was brightly lit and 70 degrees. > Demando appeared in the room he has a > light color robe on. His warm hand reached out to my cold face, I > felt such pleasure from the warm touch. CROW: If only I had my NOTEPAD I could write down how important it is to warm your hands before handling a woman, but noooo... MIKE: Get a different schtick, Crow. We're on thin ice already. > He pulled closer for a kiss, sliding off his robe. After we > kissed he reached up tapping the cuffs that held me, they disappear. > I felt too weak to hold myself up, and started to fall to the floor, > Demando caught me in a warm embrace. I wanted to fight, I wanted to > run. It is cold all around, Prince Demando is that only one who is > war... TOM: The hell? MIKE: Agh, guys, let's get out of here before the sprinklers come on! {SOL BRIDGE} MIKE: What's going on, Pearl? {CASTLE} PEARL: Hi, Nelsonny. Brain Guy here told me about the rather... politically incorect content of the story you're reading right now and I've decided to do something about it. I know it's my job to torture you and all, but I just can't stand for this. I'm a madwoman, yes, but I'm still a woman. {SOL} MIKE: Wow, Pearl, I've never seen this side of you before. {CASTLE} PEARL: Yeah, I know it sounds trite, but there are just some things more important than taking over the world. {SOL} CROW: How true that is. {CASTLE} PEARL: Isn't it? Bobo, is the Hyper-Pain-Death-Laser ready yet? BOBO: Ready and waiting, Lawgiver! OBSERVER: There! I've pinpointed the exact location of the so-called "Dala Phen"! PEARL: Excellent! I'll give YOU a problem with women, you little freak! Launch laser! BOBO: Right! PEARL: Excellent! Now, don't think you guys are off the hook! I've got a back-up fanfic just for emergencies like this one. It's part one of a thankfully unfinished pile of tripe called "Battle Royal". Tear it a new one for me. Fire again, just in case. Fanfic writers are like cockroaches.