Yet Another Mystery Science Theater from The Year 3000. Episode 001: Joel's got a girlfriend. "Koi-no-Tane," by Geir Friestad. MSTed by Isaiah John. The legalities of it all: Just before you begin to read and just a little while longer before you stop reading, it should be known that all things here should be considered the property of their respective owners. Whether it be this piece of writing, or typing, "Koi-no-Tane" and Geir Friestad, the MST3Kish type of things like the 'bots or Joel, if he's owned, by Best Brains and whatever else may appear is owned by whoever owns it. And with that out of the way... Oh, by the way. The riffs were written about a year ago and the host segments were added only a few hours ago. But it was all done on the "WordPad" so you'll notice that I've made a few mistakes. But I'm an idiot and it's expected. Thanks for your time. **Begin "Yet Another Mystery Science Theater from The Year 3000"** "Hey everybody, Joel Robinson here, welcoming you to yet another Mystery Science Theater from the Year 3000." Joel smiles in a somewhat uncomfortable manner while he looks into the lens which would be considered Cambot's eye. Leaning forward, he squints his eyes in an attempt to see Cambot is tracking him. The whirring sounds of the machinery inside of Cambot tell Joel that Cambot is indeed working, but when he looks at the display for the video feed, all he gets is static. "Tom! Crow! Have you found anything wrong with the circuit feeds or our transmitting dish?" He sits up and glances around the room, looking to see if the two robots are anywhere to be seen. The only evidence of them being there is a gaping hole in the floor where sparks fly from on occasion and, as Joel steps closer to the hole, an ancient worker's diddy can be heard. "The roof! The roof! The roof is on-oh, hi Joel!" Joel peers down into the hole to see Crow standing at the bottom of the hole with a chainsaw in his robotic arms and Tom is hovering above the gold robot, his own little hands carrying a lantern which bobs about dangerously, tiny drops of enflamed kerosene spilling onto the ground below. "Hey you two. Did you find anything wrong with the circuit feed?" Joel gets down on his knees and peers down into the hole as the two robots peer back up at him. After a moment or so of this staring Tom slowly hovers upward and shakes his little head as Crow glances from one side to the next before he looks down. "Yeah, Tom! We have to change out song!" "Why is that, my gold coated compatriot?" "Because the...ahem..." Tom and Joel can hear the crashing sound of the chainsaw being dropped to the ground as Crow brings his left hand up to his beak and coughs. "Ahem...the floor! The floor! The floor is on fire!" "What? Crow! Get out of there! Come on!" Joel leans down into the hole and picks Crow up from the fire. As the little gold robot is pulled out of the hole, the MAD lights begin to flash in their usual colors, alerting the trio to another quasi-visit from Deep 13. "Ah, good day, my space bound subjects." Doctor Forrestor's visage appears on the display screen, but it is becoming harder and harder to see as smoke begins to fill the bridge. Doctor Forrestor squints and lets out a stream of curse before turning to look off screen. "Frank...Frank! I thought you said you'd cleaned the screen on this thing!" "But I did, Clay!" "Don't call me Clay! It's Forrestor! Doctor Clayton Forrestor! Now get over here and clean-" "Oh..." Joel, waving the smoke away from his face as he speaks can only say that first word before coughing. "...um...hi sir...we've got a bit of a problem up here..." "Quiet, Robinson! Can't you see I'm angry at Frank! The display still seems dirt-" "The Satellite of Love is on fire..." Joel blinks and staggers back before falling over, a thud is heard over the display and Dr. Forrester turns to look. "Oh...well, it's a good thing that I've got this for our Invention Exchange, today. I'll explain it once I save your life and, more importantly, of course, my experiment! Frank!" Dr. Forrester turns to look off screen and starts to motion for Frank to appear. "...do I have to, though! I look dumb..." "Well you are dumb. But now it's dumb with class. Come on!" The two robots lean close to the screen and as Frank appears, both 'bots break into hysterical laughter while they look at Frank dressed up in a suit that was stolen from some third rate carnival. "Now just stand there while I do this...and...this...and...okay...remember what I told you do say, Frank?" "Yeah..." Frank only shrugs his shoulders as he stands at attention and waits, the styrofoam tail wags about as he sways his hips from side to side. "Okay...all right...now!" Dr. Forrester smiles and in a moment there is the faint sound of a tape player's hiss as Frank hops up into the air. "Frankmon Forrester Analogivolve to...TVFrankmon!" After this is said there are quite a few spectacular effects and animations and when it is all over, there stands Frank in his form fitting Gizmonics Gizmo power suit. A heroic smile on his face before he is brought back into reality by Dr. Forrester. "Frank! Now go up to the Satellite of Love and put out that fire!" "Right...right..." Frank once more shrugs his shoulders as he squats down then thrusts himself upward and with a cloud of dust and debris, the result of him drilling through the earth that is above Deep 13, Frank is off and away to save the Satellite of Love. "...um...yeah, Dr. Forrester...what the hell was that?" Tom floats before the screen, his little mouth open in a sort of stupified awe at what he has just seen. But with shaking his little head he comes to and cackles a bit at the sight of Frank dressed as Gizmo. "For speaking in such an insolent tone, I should have you be deactivated, but it is a question and a good one at that. This, my mechanical nemesi, is my new Analogivolve device." As he talks, the Doctor only nods and smirks, much like George Clooney, as he shows the two robots his device which seems to only be a repainted tape player. "With this marvel of engineering and analog technology, I am able to, through the use of the Gizmonic Gizmomon suit, make Frank into some sort of Analogical Monster." "Have you been watching-whoa!" Crow's comment is cut short as he turns to look at one of the few displays on the soul which can be seen. The only reason he can see it is the fact it is blinking. His gold head quickly turns and he starts to talk like Chekov, "incoming!" There is a bump on the hull and the two robots turn to look out of one of the viewing ports to see TVFrankmon knocking on the hull. His cheeks are puffed up and his eyes are starting to close as he begins to pass out. "Oh no you don't, Frank! You two! Let him in!" "Oh...oh, right...one moment, sir. A hee hee..." Tom's little arms bob up and down as he laughs, his hover jets' exhaust turns to a bright blue flame as he begins to open the air lock. Crow wanders over to the side of Joel and holds him down as the air lock is opened and the vacuum effect that is created forces all of the smoke out and, with a momentary lose of air, the fire is put out. "Oh...a hee hee...bye TVFrankmon!" Tom only chuckles and shuts the air lock on TVFrankmon as he tries to get in. The impact of the door shutting on his face forces TVFrankmon to deanalogivolve back to Frankmon and with a yelp for help he starts to fall. "Damn...computer! Give me an ETA on Frankmon!" "ETA on Frankmon...30 minutes." "Hmm...I thought something as big as Frank would fall a lot more quickly. Oh well. Oh, Joel." Doctor Forrestor smiles as he sees Joel stand up once more. "I'm sorry I can't be there to kiss you, sweet prince but you have work to do! So, be quick with your own invention for our invention exchange! There has been more then enough time wasted on the trivialities of your life!" "Oh...well...oh, well...ah. Thank you, Tom." "No problem, Joel." Tom only nods as he hovers off screen and in a moment, Crow follows as well. "We'll be waiting in the theater." "What he said." "All right, well...Doctor F., it took a while to create, in fact it took most of this morning, but I created this new spray from Bug B Gone and WD-40, it's called Bot-B-Gone. I have yet to test it, but, oh wait...I did test it on the transmission dish! No wonder the system for receiving and sending our viewings is down! Doh!" With a sort of half smile on his face, Joel hits the side of his head before shaking his head, a mock expression of disappointment on his face. "I guess we won't be able to see a movie if there is no way for you to send it...oh well, it seems lik-" "Not so fast, Robinson. You've forgotten about what it is we can do in case this situation arises..." "Um...not do anything?" "No! Be sure to check your email account and you'll see something for you and your tin can cronies to look over!" "I'm afraid that a movie will take too-" "It isn't a movie. I don't have a video capture card, yet. Rather it is a story that I found while cleaning up Frank's computer. It is about popcorn and it's benefits." "The Orville Reddenbacher story?" "You'll see...now off with you!" "...fine fine...I just hope that I can make the guys understand..." **6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...** Joel: Sorry guys...no movie. Tom: What? Crow: No movie? *The two robots look at one another before they start to wander out of the theater* Joel: Wait... Crow: What? Tom: No movie, Joel. Joel: We have to read a story. Crow: I wasn't designed to read, Joel. Tom: Neither was I. Joel: You were able to read my letters from home just fine. Tom: Um... Crow: Uh... Joel: Sit down... *Both robots grumble but do sit down in their places as there is a flicker from the projector and before them appears a text file, as projected from their SOLmail account* Tom: Huh... Crow: What he said. Joel: Shhh...quiet in the library. >geir-f@hsr.no (Geir Friestad) Tom: It's Motorhead. Joel: Propellorhead. Crow: Gearhead. >Aa! Megami-sama: Koi no Tane Crow: That's Japanese for please don't read. >A Lemon Fanfiction Joel: So there is actually a series called Lemon? Tom: Yeah, it's one of those...well...shows. >Version 1.3, 21st January 94 Crow: We tried to eliminate the bugs and make it easier to read. Tom: And we failed, but what's new? >Character copyright, Fujishima Kosuke >Story copyright, Geir Friestad Joel: Why is it the characters and story would be copyrighted by two separate people? Tom: This is a fan fiction, Joel. Joel: Like bands deconstructing their favorite songs? Tom: As in making them bad...yes. Joel: Ah. Crow: Megami sama. >Proofreading, Chadwick Ngan Crow: As you'll soon find out...he didn't do a very good job. >* * * * * Tom: Space the final frontier, we the... >*POOF!* Crow: Star Poof? Joel: That was the name my mom gave to the dog. >Without warning the brew exploded, Tom: Yeah, that's what happens when you get into the moonshine Business. >erupting a thick cloud of smoke and steam in Urd's face. Crow: Turd? >Coughing a bit, eyes stinging, Joel: I knew I shouldn't have made my own crack oven. >she waved the unpleasant smoke away, peering enthusiastically into the >container. Tom: I do hope my Ramon is done. Crow: I told them all I could do it...look who made instant rice. >Had it been a successful experiment? Joel: Um...well if it went poof star I guess it didn't, huh? >Had her careful selection and mixing of ingredients turned out to be right? Tom: What's she doing? Trying to lift the Colonel's recipe? >Yes! Or at least, that's how it appeared to be. Tom: Oh, answered my question. >The love seeds that she now held in her left hand had the right color, Crow: Wait. Shouldn't they have the left color or be in the right hand? >look and smell - but would they have the desired effect? Joel: I feel like I'm watching Sesame Street. >Would they really greatly enhance the passionate feelings of whoever >ate them? Tom: Oh, so instead of KFC chicken she's out to break the monopoly that Viagra has? >She thought they would. Joel: But she thought a lot of stuff. Crow: We had to take aunty Urd to the rest home. Tom: Yeah, she was getting a little too crazy... >Her preparations had been careful and there was no reason why they >shouldn't work. Crow: Those easy bake ovens must be hell to work with. >If they turned out to be faulty after all... Tom: Falsies? Crow: False what? >well, the effect >probably wouldn't last forever. Joel: But nothing ever does. >Urd closed her eyes and >clutched the love seeds in her hand. Crow: Um..Joel? Joel: Best to leave that one alone. Crow: Okay. >"This will be an experience neither of them will forget!" Joel: The Experience? Tom: Are you experienced! Oh...sorry... >she thought and grinned. Crow: Doesn't that kind of make her out to be, you know, kind of stupid? >"Belldandy!" >"Yes?" Tom: Here, try some of these experimental drugs I've been Making in the oven. Crow: **As Belldandy** Um...okay! >Belldandy put down her knitwear and looked up at Urd. Joel: **As Belldandy* Um...hi! >"Sister, I've made something, a new kind of snack. Tom: It's something you eat when on the run...um fast food! Crow: Is it a cake or is it a cookie? >I think I'll call it passion popcorn! Joel: Yeah, the fact it's an aphrodisiac is hidden so well by that name. Crow: **As Belldandy* Why call it that? Tom: Because it makes you passiona..um..popcorn. Crow: **As Belldandy* Oh..all right! >Anyway, would you like to taste one? Please?" Crow: Free sample! >"Waaah! So cute!" Tom: Aww, she must have seen you Crow. Crow: Aww.. >Belldandy exclaimed and put her hands >together, Joel: Oh, I know what snack Urd is making now! It's M&Ms! Tom: How'd you come up with that, Joel? Joel: Remember that old catchphrase, melts in your mouth, not In your hands. Tom: Ah. Joel: See? Urd created M&Ms. >smiling sweetly. Crow: Seems she has already had a few M&Ms. >She popped one of Urd's love seeds >into her mouth. Tom: Ugh! Crow: Bleagh... Joel: Augh...thing are getting kind of weird... >Urd's pulse quickened while she waited for the love seed >to take effect. Tom: Nine months later, Urd Jr. was born. >It would work! Yes, she was sure of it! She >had been so careful, and- Joel: She seems a lot like Doctor Forrester, doesn't she? >"Oishii!" Belldandy beamed sweetly. Crow: Chamberlain? Tom: Chamberpot? Joel: The Chambermaid? >"Aa--" Tom: My Goddess! >Urd exclaimed. This was not how she was supposed >to react! Tom: She was supposed to go- Joel: Hey... Tom: Uh...nevermind. >"Nee-san! Joel: Nissan? >Are you not feeling well?" Tom: After all that mentioning of love seed and oral intake? Of course I am. >Belldandy's voice >was full of concern for her older sister. Crow: And her mouth full of "love seed". >"I'm okay, I'm okay..." Crow: **As Urd** Just my stupid viagra didn't work... >she mumbled and headed back to >her room, wondering what could have gone wrong. Joel: Curses, I've yet to find out the recipe for the Colonel's original recipe chicken. >*DOKI!* Tom: Donkey Kong? >"Aa--" Tom: My Goddess! > *DOKI!* > *DOKI!* Crow: Um...is doki Japanese for toga or woman? >"Aa-- wha... what is happening to me?" Joel: Being bored out of my skull I think... >Belldandy tried to think, Tom: But failed miserably. >to understand what was >happening to her, but it was futile. Crow: Little sister is coming of age? Tom: Uh...I don't think we want to know of that. Thank you very much. >Her heartbeats grew >louder still, making it harder and harder for her to suppress >the effect of Urd's love seed. Crow: Wow...what was in that love seed? Tom: Wassail. Joel: And lots of it. >At last she gave in, and a >thought, a name, began to take form in her mind. Joel: Hu...Hue...Hue Heffner! I must get to the Playboy Mansion! >"Keiichi-san..." Tom: Peachy san? Crow: This is one of those Japanese things advertising fruit I think. >Her cheeks started to glow with a rosy red color. Joel: And that is when she found it the popcorn wasn't for Passion. Tom: *As Urd* Damn it, where did I put the plaugue popcorn? >She smiled... Tom: Her smile turns the world around! >"Ah, it's just as I thought. Crow: I have no brain. >The sparkplug merely needs to be replaced. Joel: Then I'll have the ice cream truck up and running in no time! >Now where did I put those spare plugs? Hmm..." Tom: Oh, I left them in my as...h...tray. Joel: Good boy. >Keiichi bent over on the box he was sitting on and >started searching through his toolbox, Crow: The usage of box and on seems to have become quite redundant right there. >not noticing his sweet-heart Belldandy sneaking up on him from behind. Tom: Sneaking up with a dagger behind her back! Watch out Peachy san! Joel: Keiichi san. Tom: Oh right. >"Ke-i-i-chi-san!" Crow: *As Belldandy* I got big, nice, sharp, killing type surprise For you. >Belldandy put her arms around him, Tom: And got him in a headlock! >embracing him tightly, her breasts pressing against his back. Joel: Strangulation with a nice surprise. >"Waaaaah! Wha... wha... what are you doing?!" Crow: *As Belldandy* Choking you, you silly goose. *Giggles* >Keiichi leapt to his feet, cheeks glowing bright red. Joel: Ouch! Hot seat! Hot seat! >Belldandy's embrace and the sensation of her breasts pressing >against him Joel: Forced his head to explode, the end. Thank you very much. >had no doubt been a pleasant, although unexpected, >surprise. Tom: Like the pleasant, if unexpected, surprise she was about to show to Peac...Keiichi...san. Crow: The Crying Game? Tom: I hope not...but I guess it would be something, huh? >"Keiichi-san..." Belldandy smiled, blushing a bit, "would >you go shopping with me? Please?" Crow: We're going to go shop for some rat poison...um, your dinner. Tom: *As Keiichi* Oh! Goody! >"Well, uh, I promised Tamiya-sempai Joel: Tanka sempai? His social superior is a toy truck... >I would have this motorcycle fixed by tomorrow, Tom: Or he'll send me to the gimp. >but... I guess... If it really is that important to you I'll go, of >course." Tom: Yeah. Screw responsibility! Crow: One part of that outburst is definitely true. Joel: How do you know? Crow: I looked up "lemon", see? *Tom and Joel read the paper in the dim theater light* Tom: Oh...hee hee. Joel: Why am I not surprised? >"Waah! Crow: Extreme close up! >Thank you, Keiichi-san! I'm so happy! Crow: Want to see how happy I am? Joel: Crow. Crow: Via the happiness tester of course. Joel: Good. >Please wait here while I fetch my umbrella." Tom: See the umbrella, Belldandy? See it? Now go get it! Go get it! Oh...sorry. >"I wonder what has happened to Belldandy? Joel: I wonder what has happened to Belldandy: The Keiichi San Mystery Files. >She doesn't normally act like this... Crow: Rarely do characters act as they should in lemons. >Still, it'll be nice to be alone with her..." Tom: How can you be alone with her in a super market? >he thought while scratching the back of his head. Crow: Damn lice. >"Ohohohohoho! Joel: It's Santa! >My love seeds work after all! I knew I couldn't be wrong!" Joel: Oh wait, Santa doesn't explain himself. Crow: Nope. Anyway, why would Santa talk about love seed? Tom: Uh...he switched holidays with Cupid? >From her observation spot up on the temple-roof Joel: Ah, I knew the time and money spent on this crow's nest would be worth it. >Urd had witnessed the whole incident, Crow: And Colonel Mustard did it in the living room with the Candle stick. Thank you, end game. >and now she smiled to herself. Tom: As opposed to anyone else. >Her love seeds worked! Joel: 'Course she'd have to wait till spring to see if Love had actually bloomed. >Her younger sister was literally overflowing with passion, Tom: Must the writer keep making references to this girl's...functions? Crow: Wouldn't Keiichi know something fishy is up? Tom: He c'aunt think straight I guess... Crow: But tw'hat could keep him from thinking straight? Tom: The fact she is "overflowing with passion" could be a problem to him... Joel: You two stop that. >and no-one -- not even God-sama - Joel: Big god...? Isn't that a name of one of those gang leaders from Final Fight...? Crow: God god? Tom: Simple enough, it's Zues. >could possible predict what would happen between her sister >and Keiichi now. They would both like it, though, Joel: Yeah, who doesn't like sex? >that much she knew. Tom: And for her, that was a lot. >You didn't have to be a love goddess to realize that. Crow: But in her case, it helped. >She smiled again. Joel: Boy, I sure am smart, huh? >"Maybe we'll finally get to see some real action Crow: Real action? Tom: Yeah. Belldandy has been faking for Keiichi. Joel: Hey you two... >from those two... That would be a nice victory for me!" Crow: Because I'd win! Yay! >She laughed and leaned back to enjoy the mild autumn >breeze. Tom: Aww...you can tell it's the season of love. What with All the leaves and lustful feelings in the air... >It would be a fine day. Joel: And a fine day it was, the end. >--- Crow: Break time! Tom: Yabba dabba do! Joel: Well said... *Taking Tom under one arm and scooting Crow out with the other, the trio exits the theater-turned-library.* "Hey everyone this is Joel here. And for the inaugeral edition of our informational short, 'How in the Hell did they do that,' we will be creating our own batch of 'Urd's passion popcorn.'" Joel turns to look at the two 'bots who are now bringing in several boxes marked "Stuff to Eat." But it isn't so much that both 'bots are bringing in the boxes as it is Crow is left to do the pulling while Tom is there to provide inspiration. "Ser-vo! Ser-vo! Ser-vo!" "Why can't you do...this?" "Because I'm not capable of doing so. I only have these little rubber hands, you know." Tom sways from one side to the other to show his little hands bobbing about as Crow looks up at him and shakes his head. "No, no, no ,no...you were carrying that lantern earlier today." "Yeah and I dropped it and started a fire, what do you think now?" "Oh...all right...let's keep going!" "Ser-vo! Ser-vo! Ser-vo!" "It's about time you two got here with the ingredients for 'Urd's Passion Popcorn.'" Joel takes the boxes of ingredients, three shoe boxes, from the two 'bots and sets them there on the counter. "Okay...while I prepare everything, I'll have one of my two side kicks read the ingredients. Crow..." "Thank you, Joel. All right, let's see...we have one bag of popcorn." "Check." "Three tablets of Viagra." "Check." "Where did the Viagra come from?" "We were visited by Santa Kennedy in the midst of the night, he left Breath Assure, too." "Four chocolates from Aphodite's Love Candy Shop." "Check." "Two tiger...er..." "We've got hot dogs and we can use chocolate syrup to make stripes." "All right...hee hee...those wacky Asians. Um, and two bottles of Love Potion Number 9." "Ah...yes, we've got everything. Well...anyway, Tom, would you be so kind as to allow us to use your head for a blender?" "Why certainly, Joel. There is nothing that makes the day more worthwhile the-hey!" As goes on with his rant, or tries, Joel unscrews the top half of the 'bot's bulb and begins to dump the ingredients in. "We'll use small proportions for this test batch. But, after you mix all of the ingredients together, you should steam the said mixture in...well...ahem..." "You have to...um..." Crow can only shrug as he can't think of a way to put this lightly and turns to Tom. "Tom?" "...we...ll...um...you have to steam the popcorn mixture in...uh...cream of Urd." "...Joel?" "Huh? Oh...well...yeah...just wait a moment." As Joel says this, he begins to walk off into another room of the Satellite of Love as the two 'bots look at one another, the blending process still going on inside of Tom's head. "Um...how?" "I think it was that day that Joel made, remember, Jerky Boys day. He might have gotten a number right and seeing how he is in space and alone he might have...well..." "...ah...say no more...oh wait...shh..." "Hey...what are you two looking out? "Um...nothing, Joel. I was merely intrigued by the blending process that is taking place in Tom's head..." "And...I...um...I was just marveling the shine that is on Crow's noggin. Ah, god bless Pledge..." "...well...okay, um, here is the cream of Urd..." "Okay..." "All righty..." Joel unscrews the top from Tom's head and tilts the 'bot to one side, dumping the contents into a bowl and then with a sort of feigned non-chalantness, he pours the cream of Urd into a pan and sets the bowl in it. "All right...then we just leave this here and let it boil and pop. Let's go back into the theater...come on, boys." **6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1** Tom: Uh...Joel? Joel: Yeah? Tom: How did you get some Cream of Urd? Joel: I joined the fan club. Tom: Ah... Crow: I joined to, but I didn't get any Cream of Urd... Joel: Remember that drawing earlier back with the "super duper prize?" Crow: Yeah. Joel: I won that. Crow: Oh... Tom: There is something fishy about it... Joel: Shhh... >"Belldandy..." Tom: *As Belldandy* Yes? Crow: Nothing, I just like saying that. Belldandy. Hee hee. >"Mmmm? What is it, Keiichi-san?" Joel: Where's my Lucky Charms? Tom: Who knows, but she has something else that is magically delicious... Joel: Tom. Tom: Whoops, sorry. >Belldandy lifted her head from Keiichi's right shoulder >and turned her head to face him. Joel: Wow, it's the Exorcist relived. >"I don't want to ruin the shopping-trip for you, but... Crow: I gotta go tinkle. Tom: I want to go home and install spark plugs. Joel: I didn't know this alley way lead to the shop. >well... I'm starved and my feet could use some rest." Tom: Tough titty, slave! Get up! Kwi sha! >"Aah! Keiichi-san! I'm so sorry! It's my fault... I..." Crow: I...I killed John Lennon! Wah! >"Aah! Oh no! Please don't take it like that, Belldandy! Tom: Yeah, take it like this...ah yeah. Joel: Tom. >I merely wanted to suggest that we find a nice restaurant, >and..." Crow: Have a steak, a dance or two, you know...a normal date. Tom: What do you know of normal dates, Crow? Crow: Uh...a lot. >"Keiichi-san, I've got a better idea! Let's buy some food Tom: Jeez, wasn't that the whole idea of a shopping trip? >and go on a picnic in the park!" Joel: Come on, it'll be fun! And I promise not to throw you In the creek this time either, okay? >"Mmm!" Crow: ...Mmm good...?... >Keiichi nodded in approval. Joel: Somewhat of a slow paced story, huh? *Crow and Tom nod in approval* >It really was a good idea! Tom: Keiichi seems to be one of those "yes people" that lead nations to ruin. >Not only would the nature's own scenery (or at least something >close) Crow: Something close? It's either natural or synthetic. Tom: Yeah, hurry up and choose one, Keiichi! >be a lot more appealing than the inside of a restaurant, Joel: Anyway, none of the restaurants would take Keiichi's checks. Crow: *As Keiichi* Oh come on, I'm good for another few bounces. Tom: *As a banker* No. Crow: Come on. Tom: No, no. Shut up. >it would also give him a chance at being alone with Belldandy. Tom: Talk one on one with Belldandy. She's ready to discuss your most intimate secrets. Crow: 6.95 the first minute, 4.95 for every minute after that. >He blushed, and she smiled at him, Crow: *As Belldandy* Oh Keiichi san, did you fart again? Tom: *As Keiichi* Um...yes. Crow: Oh, you're so funny when you're disgusting. >almost as if she knew what he was thinking of... Joel: And she probably did if he's blushing. Tom: Oh yeah, sex. >--- Joel: These lines signify spots where the writer became to Lazy to write so he just inserts those little lines to show, "something happened here". Crow: Like the spinning Batman logo in those old shows? Joel: Yup. Tom: Or the convenient panning away from a love scene? Joel: Hmm...that too. Crow: Hmm... Joel: What's on your mind? Crow: So that's why you were "gone" for a week? Joel: Uh...let's go check on that popcorn. Joel and the 'bots appear on the bridge and walk, or hover over to the counter where the popcorn is now complete, having popped all over the place. Joel looks around and shrugs while the two 'bots begin to pick up the kernals. "Well...maybe what we thought would be too short was too long..." "Jeez, look at this mess..." Tom hovers over the floor, his head slowly moving around in a complee 360 degrees before he whistles. "Hey, Crow, get on the horn and call up someone who can clean this up." "Okay...okay...yeah...gimme the phone." Crow starts to slowly sift his way through the popcorn, his hands delving into the popcorn from time to time to find the phone. After a moment or so of this, he brings the telephone from out of the popcorn. "Yeah, gimme the number!" "Um...accessing...accessing...accessing...oh, all right. Here it goes...you ready?" "Yeah...just send them away." "Okay...1 999..." "1...999..." "555..." "...555." "5439." "5549." "No, you idiot-" "Uh...uh uh...uh uh...uh...uh uh...um...no...nope. Oh, well, I really wish we didn't have to clean up this mess that was made from the popcorn. Oh? Oh...oh, thank you. Yes, I like my voice as well. Thank you...yes...a hee hee...bye bye." "Well...?..." Tom hovers beside Crow as he puts the head peice back onto the receiver and simply tosses the phone behind him but there is a clatter and snapping sound as the phone hits the floor of the Satellite's bridge and breaks. "Oh...what do you know...good job, Crow." "Yeah, we didn't even see them cleaning. Who did you call, Crow?" Joel wanders up to the two and looks around, nodding his approval at the job being done as if by magic. "Well...I got this nice sounding girl on the line who said that I'd called the Goddess Help Line and she asked what it was I'd wished for. And well, I wished we didn't have to clean up the bridge and, as if by magic, it occured." "Crow..." "What?" "You could have wished us back to Earth and off of this space bound garbage heap!" "Oh...so I could have, but I doubt that it was really a Goddess Help Line, it was all probably just a catchy name." "Yeah...I guess you're right. Oh well...back to the viewing room." With that said, the trio simply make their way back to the viewing room. Unaware of no one else's presence, not even the white haired girl who is picking up a few stray kernals of popcorn from the door sequence's handle. **6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1** Joel: At least we didn't have to clean up... Crow: Yeah...it would have taken forever... Tom: It might have taken us all day and we would have to continue with th... *A unison doh comes from the two 'bots as Joel just shakes his head.* Joel: Oh well...no rest for the weary... >Later that day, Tom: See. Something of the...making whoopee sort happened. >Keiichi lay on his bed thinking about Joel: The stars. Crow: The moons. Tom: The clovers. Joel: The diamonds. Crow: The balloons. Tom: The rainbows. Joel: And the multicolored, and therefore multiflavored, rainbows. >what had happened in the park. Crow: *As Keiichi* Boy, that mugger type sure was nice. >Belldandy had been unusually romantic all day, Tom: Which is to say she actually spoke to Keiichi rather then just quietly walking beside him. >and it had culminated Joel: What is this? Julia Fairchild? >with her beginning to strip, Tom: Oh god, let's hope not. >wanting him to make love to her right there in the park. Crow: Sex on the bench. >And what had he done? Tom: Pissed his pants and called his mommy. Joel: Tom. Tom: Oh. Sorry, Joel. >Not really wanting to, but unable not to, he replayed the >scene again and again in his head, Crow: *As Keiichi* Damn, I was smooth. >noticing every painful detail. Tom: Down to his hernia which was flaring up at the time. >How she had offered him her body while half laying on >top of him, half clinging to him. Joel: Half and half. But I wonder if I can get my girlfriend to "half lie on top of me, half cling to me." Crow: I bet it involves static. Tom: Or magic. Joel: Yeah...I guess I'll stick to snuggling. *Joel snuggles the fan fiction* >How she had touched him through the material of the pants, Tom: Fifty percent polyester and fifty percent corduroy of course. >and how he had panicked. Crow: Oh no. Later, later. >He had pushed her off him, Joel: Jeez, whatever happened to chivalry? >babbling Tom: Is there ever a time he doesn't babble? >all sorts of excuses and reasons why they couldn't do such a thing. Crow: *As Keiichi* Your kids. My kids. The sky. God. Um...Allah. You know, we can't do anything cause of them. Tom: *As Keiichi* Um...I'm gay! Yeah, that's it! Get away from me You...you...you woman! >And certainly not there in the park! Tom: Yeah, people could see. Crow: And no one want's to see a naked Keiichi. >Belldandy had cried, Joel: Now see. A man should never make a woman cry. Tom: What about all those stories you told us about harassing the girls in your neighborhood? Crow: Yeah. Joel: That's different. It's the job every boy and girl to harass each other. I just excelled at it. Tom: Oh. >and between her sobs she had asked if he didn't want her anymore, Crow: No, you have the day off. >if she should go back to Heaven. Tom: Heaven? Is he sure of that? Maybe she belongs in Hell... Joel: How do you support that claim? Tom: She's a jezebel. >Unable to answer he had just sat there, Tom: Isn't that what he always does? >looking at her sadly. Crow: Well he is pretty sad. Tom: Emotionally sad? Crow: Nope. >She had run off with tears streaming down her cheeks. Joel: *As Keiichi* Uh...seems I screwed up, huh? >He had run after her, Tom: But gave up after twenty agonizing feet. >but when he finally caught up with her she had refused to look up at him Crow: *As Keiichi* Come on, look at me! Tom: *As Belldandy* No. Crow: Come on! Please! If you do, I'll...um...we'll have sex in whatever public place you want! Tom: Oh? Re-wait...shut up you big spark plug installing liar! >or say anything. Crow: Oh. Tom: Oh. >All the way home she had been silent too, Joel: But that is what you get if you tape her mouth shut. >never looking up. Joel: Out of an innate fear she might goosh a worm. >"Aaargh! Crow: I've got me some booty to get! Tom: You have no idea how true that statement is. >Why must I be so stupid? Joel: Because you are, I guess. >Because I'm such a wimp, Tom: Why would he ask a question he already knows the answer to? >not only have I missed my chance at making love to the >girl I love, Crow: As opposed to making hate to the woman I hate. Tom: Girl, Crow. Girl. Crow: So Keiichi is Woody Allen moonlighting? *Much a sniggering from the two 'bots* >I've also hurt her feelings Joel: But wait...didn't I do that anyway? >and may now lose her forever! Tom: What is he planning to do? Kill her? Joel: If I can't love her...no one can! >Why is God so unfair? Crow: Because he can. >I... I... Aaa--" Crow: Choo? Tom: My goddess? Joel: Merica. America. >The door to Keiichi's room slid open Joel: Oh, so he lives on the Enterprise. Tom: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of Babylon Five. >and Belldandy came in with a concerned look on her face Crow: Did you leave a surprise on my futon again? >and sat down next to him. Tom: And farted. >"Keiichi-san... Please forgive me, Joel: I...I...aaaa-cho! >I came to apologize Tom: For not being easier. Joel: ...oh, just forget it. This is dragging on much too long to care about. >and I... Joel: I...aaaa-cho! >I couldn't help but hearing you talking, Crow: Seeing how I just happened to have my ear pressed to the wall of course. Hee hee... >and... It's not true what you are saying. Joel: Yeah, you aren't stupid! You're just...special... >God-sama is not unfair, Tom: He's just mean. Crow: There's Big God again. What is he...a pimp? >he merely gives everyone a chance to shine in their own special >way... Tom: Yeah, like me. I can shoot stuff out of my...stuff. Crow: *As Keiichi* Boy, I sure am lucky to be in love with a girl with so many talents! Joel: Hey you two. Tom: Sorry, Joel. Crow: Yeah. Sorry, Joel. >I love you Keiichi-san. Crow: And I love you, Urd...I mean, Belldandy. Tom: *As Belldandy* Urd? What are you doing with Urd? Crow: Remember that popcorn. Tom: Um...yes. Crow: Ever think about where she got the love seed? Tom: Oh...you...you...you dick! You smashed my heart. A hoo, a hoo... Joel: Okay, okay...time to break out the Bot B Gone. Tom: No, no. Crow: There was nothing wrong with that, Joel. We were merely discussing...popcorn making. >You shine like no-one else, Joel: What with the light bulb suit. >and I don't want to lose you, Tom: But I bet you during last night's poker game and I...I lost. >but in the park today... when you rejected me... Crow: I had to get a big F stamped on my forehead. Thanks. >I thought I had lost you, Joel: But that's no big deal since men like you are a dime a dozen. Tom: Recollection of bad memories, Joel? Joel: Yeah...but this is kind of like therapy. >and... and... I..." Crow: I have to pee. >"Belldandy..." Tom: Let's make some babies. >He moved in close to her Crow: And side armed her to the ground! Joel: Rabbit punch! Tom: Rainbow kick! Crow: Falling star body press! Joel: Back breaker! >and hugged her tightly. *A unison "oh"* >"I don't want to lose you, Belldandy. Crow: Seeing how I want your father's lands and all. >I... I... Tom: Somebody pull that string coming out of his neck! >I love you, Joel: Fly me to the moon! And let me play among the stars! Crow: let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars! Tom: In other words, hold my hand! Crow: In other words, darling, kiss me! Joel: Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forever more! You are all I want, all I worship and adore! Tom: In other words, please be true! Crow: in other words, I love you! *The crew is sniggering and whispering...* Crow: Fly me to the moon and let my play among the stars! Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars The crew: In other words, hold my hand...in other words, Darling, kiss me... Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more You are all I long for all I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you *More talking and laughing...and more laughing, till, oddly enough, the back ground music with actual instrumentation begins* The Crew, actually in melody and sounding all right: Fill my heart with song and sing forever more You are all I long for, all I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you In other words, I...love...you. >I hope you know that... The Crew: I love you... Crow: *Sniff sniff* ...I think I'm going to cry... Tom: *Sniff sniff* ...yes, so lovely... *Sniffles* Joel: *Sniffles* ...if only I had you guys with me that one night... >What happened in the park today...I... Tom: ...it's hard to riff after getting so emotional... *Sniffles* Crow: *Sniff sniff* ...yes... Joel: We shouldn't have done that song so well...oh yeah... *Sniffles* Thanks, Cambot. Tom: ...Yeah. Glad to see you have found a use what with us not being seen and all. >wasn't ready for it, Crow: Ya'll ready for this? >but... Belldandy?" Tom: I'm gay. Joel: And I thought we'd reached a new level of sympathy and gentleness with that song. Crow: Nope. Tom: Yeah, took some time...but we're back to normal. Joel: Good. >"Yes?" Joel: Hmm...the opposite of no. Well it looks like you've got control of the board, Ms. Dandy. Crow: *As Belldandy* Um...I'd like to go with...What Urd Put Into That Popcorn. Tom: No, no, no. It should be what will Keiichi put into Belldandy. >"If you still would like to..." Tom: We can play strip Battleship. >A hopeful look crossed his face. Crow: What? A rusty hook across the face? How I wish that would occur...a hopeful look had just crossed my face... >"Keiichi-san..." Joel: I see the batteries on both of these two have to be replaced. >She smiled with relief Tom: Ah...Ex-Lax sure does work fast. >and wrapped her arms around him, Crow: Bear hug! >hugging him tightly... Tom: And cutting off the oxygen flow to his brain. Crow: Well there isn't much to cut off. >--- Joel: Now Lucy, don't you a step on my side of the line! Crow: But Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiicccccccckkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyy... *Tom only shudders* Tom: You do that to well... Crow: Yes, thanks, my new voice emulator arrived. Tom: Even if it is wrong. Crow: What? Joel: Come on, let's go. I'm beginning to get riffer's cramp. The two bots appear and things seem relatively normal, but when Joel appears, for a moment he glances around before being shoved to the ground. "Hiiiiiii!" "What the hell?" "Augh! Joel!" The two 'bots turn around to see Joel on the ground with a girl on top of him, her arms wrapped around his neck and her body kneeling over him. "Um...should we leave you two alone?" Tom cackles and Crow only shakes his head before they move over to the two and pull the girl off of Joel. "Um...who are you?" "Friend or foe?" "Lover or loser?" "What's the password?" "Who's your dad...no..." "Um...name, rank, and designation!" "Um...Urd...friend...lover...what's...and my father is the Devil. As for my name, I've told you two already. My rank, I'm a goddess, second class limited. And I belong to the Goddess Help Line Office. Now...um," She can only smile as her eyes narrow while looking between the two robots. "Would you please get your hands off of me?" "Oh...sorry..." "Yeah...sorry...augh!" As Tom slowly distances himself away from her, she turns around and smiles, snapping her fingers just once. Within a half second, there is another loud pop and Tom's head explodes. "Now we're even, you little pervert gumball machine..." Crow backs away and shakes his head as she turns to look at him, but she only looks beyond him at Joel who is still on the floor. Looking at her in a curious manner and then he nods to Crow to go ahead and begin repairing Tom. "Now now, Tom, you've fought the good fight and it's time for a bit of rest while we..." As the two leave the cabin for Crow's laboratory, repair bay, underwear shrine, bra shrine, panty shrine, and room, their voices fade then cease to be heard after the sliding lucite doors, bought by Crow during one of his E-bay spending sprees, slide shut. "Um...hi...I'm uh, Joel Robinson, commander of the Satellite of Love and those two robots are my companions and friends. The 'perverted gumball machine' is Tom Servo and-" "The Perverted Mariachi trophy." "'The perverted mariachi trophy' is Crow The Robot." "Oh, well...oh...you know who I am, don't you, Mr. Robinson?" "Yeah...I heard your introduction. You seem to be very important. Were you the cleaning lady-" "Cleaning lady!" Her eyes once more narrow and in a brilliant flare of light, Joel is struck by a bolt of lightning and collapses once more. His red jumpsuit is now a sort of charred black and his hair stands on end. "I'm a goddess, damn it! If I were a cleaning lady, I would have said I was from the Cleaning Lady Help Line, right? Right?" "Um..." "Aww...I'm sorry I electrocuted you. Here, let me help you up..." Urd leans down and pulls Joel into her arms, unaware of the pair of yellow eyes and a shiny bulb that watch from a crack in the lucite door. "Hmm..." "Aww..." "The Love in the Satellite of Love takes on a whole new meaning, now, doesn't it?" "Mmm hmm..." "And we get to watch..." "Is there something wrong with that?" "No...no...of course not." "Ah...all right...um..." The two robots only watch as this new person, this girl idly caresses Joel's cheeks while he remains limp in her arms. His eyes wandering around in an uncaring manner till he looks at her and falls out of her arms. "Um...well why are you here, exactly?" "I came to clean up your mess but-" Urd's explanation is cut short by the two bots falling through the lucite door. Tom flies upward and shakes his little heads, his arms bob about feverishly. "Um...story time!" "Yeah...gotta go! Don't be late, Joel!" With that said, both 'bots move as quickly as they can back into the viewing room. Joel looks between the 'bots and the entrace to the viewing room and Urd, at her face and after his mind regains a bit of clarity, up her skirt. She notices his gaze but only shrugs, smiling as he leans down to pinch his cheeks. "Hee...you're cute..." "Um...thanks...well...um...gotta go...be...be back eventually." Both of the bots yell at Joel through the door sequence, "no we won't!" As he walks into the viewing room. Leaving Urd to be in the bridge all by herself for a while. **6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1** *As Joel steps into the room, the two 'bots begin to repeat the phrase, "Joel has a girlfriend."* Joel: Hey...come on...it's not that way... Tom: Oh... Crow: Okay...um... *The two 'bots begin to repeat the phrase, "Joel has a lover."* Joel: Hey...should I let her come in her? Crow: Oh, Joel, you animal... Joel: ...ahem...U... Crow: No! Wait! We'll be good... Tom: Yeah, we'll be good! Joel: Okay then...now...on ward with the story, okay? *Both 'bots nod in agreement and turn to look at the story.* >Keiichi swallowed Crow: His gum. Tom: Or her c...uh...her gum. >and gently removed the final piece of cloth covering Belldandy's naked body. Tom: Yeah, when a person doesn't have any clothes on, they usually are naked. Joel: So she came into his room only wearing a single piece Of cloth? >"Y-you're beautiful!" Tom: You are so beautiful, to meeeeeeee! Can't you seeee! >he exclaimed, blushing violently. Crow: Instead of blushing peacefully. Tom: Or blushing passively. Joel: Or blushing in a sort of pacifist grass roots political action sort of way. >"Thank you, Keiichi-san. You're so sweet!" Tom: *As Keiichi* Hee hee...yeah, Urd gave me a bath in that passion popcorn solution before you got me... >She smiled and moaned slightly as Keiichi carefully ran >his fingers across her breasts. Crow: Gotta keep my fingers in shape, you know. >He bent down and kissed each nipple, feeling them harden under his tongue. Joel: Whoa...watch out Don Juan De Marco. >Belldandy moaned again. Tom: You don't need to tug on them, dear. >"Aah... wait... we have to... ah.. get you naked too..." Crow: It's no fun with me being the only one naked. >she whispered, and reached down to unbuckle his belt. Crow: Then she found it he was wearing an extension cord to keep his pants up. >Keiichi removed his sweatshirt Joel: Oh yeah, I got this during my stay at Harvard. Tom: *As Belldandy* Oh, how wonderful I am to have a smart guy for a lover...um...how long were you there? Crow: Um...about a week. I got this from one of the garbage bins on the way out. >and was about to put it down on the floor when he suddenly froze. Joel: Can't move...stuck in bad story...get help. Tom: Now we can see why he was wearing a sweat shirt...you know, seeing how it's so cold as to freeze him. >A wonderful sensation he had never felt before... Crow: Oh, so this is what pain is like...oh, pleasure. >It was coming from... where? Joel: His nose, of course. >He looked down and was greeted by the sight of Belldandy swallowing him >with great enthusiasm. Tom: Augh! She's a cannibal! >He groaned with lust and felt a touch of shame. Crow: A touch of satin. Joel: A touch of Satan is more like it. Crow: Yeah... >Was this right? Tom: A little to late to be asking about morals, isn't it, Keiichi? >"Belldaaaah.... Crow: Milda...? >aahh... Belldandy..." Joel: I got to sneeze! Come on and let me out of your stomach! >"Shhh! It's alright, please just lie down and enjoy >this." Crow: Don't worry, it'll be quick... *Crow and Tom snigger some* >He did, and when he came moments later, Crow: What did I say? >Belldandy swallowed everything, Tom: Including him. >loving the taste of her Keiichi's Crow: Her Keiichi? I beg to differ, he's my Keiichi. Joel: No, he's my Keiichi. >own love seed. Tom: So he...um...excretes popcorn? "Oishii!" Joel: Oiishi? What'd she do? Cheat on Keiichi with the Chamberlain from the 47 Ronin? >she beamed, Tom: Keiichi in the forehead with a laser and killed him, the end. >licking her lips seductively. Crow: Wait...is it right for...you know...angels to be "seductive"? Joel: Don't worry, true believers. Tom: Yeah...in the world of fan fiction you have to be Prepared to swallow a lot of shi...stuff. >"Just wait, Bell-chan. Now it's your turn," Joel: God, they make it seem like a game. Tom: Oh, like your AD&D games? Joel: ...yeah. But much more perverse. Crow: Yeah, I've never seen your characters...um...going at it. >Keiichi panted. Tom: Say, I'm Homer, the lonely dog. >Stimulating her breasts and the insides of her thighs >with his tongue, Crow: Which is connected to the outlet on the wall. >he worked her up quite a bit Joel: I'm gonna pump *Claps* you up. Tom: Come on you girly man...oh wait, she's a girl... Crow: I hope she is. >before slowly inserting his index finger into her. Joel: Touch of Death! >Then added on to the effect by stimulating her clitoris Tom: Also with the above stated "electric tongue". Crow: From the inverters of the venerable "electric spoon". >with his tongue. She came moments later, Joel: This is kind of weird, so she's there but she came just now? >and not quietly. Tom: No, she came in with a lot of noise and a somewhat drunken manner. Crow: Hee hee, we got to love our drunken goddess. >He hoped Skuld wasn't around; Tom: She would be going ahead of schedule. Joel: Keiichi is a dentist? >she would certainly not take an incident like this well, Crow: Or this water shed, or this reservior, or this dam. Tom: Since when was a well an incident? >should she happen to walk in on them. Joel: Let's pray that Skuld doesn't fall through the doorway Then. Tom: *As Skuld* Oh, um sorry...I slipped. Hee hee. >Urd would probably not bother them, though... Crow: Seeing how she rigged the whole thing, ingeniously might I add, she wouldn't want to have things fall through, huh? >Dismissing those thoughts, Joel: Not that he ever pays attention to his thoughts. Tom: Or has any thoughts to begin with. >he smiled and looked up at Belldandy. Crow: I farted. Tom: *As Belldandy* Oh, Keiichi, you're so dirty. Tee hee. >"Now?" Joel: Can we stop? >"Mmmm... Yes! Yes, please!" Tom: Please! Crow: Thank you! Joel: And excuse me! >Belldandy moaned and nodded in reply, Joel: Guess she doesn't like it, huh? What with the moaning and all. >obviously aching to feel Keiichi pushing inside her. Tom: What the hell? Is she going to devour him? Crow: Didn't she already? Joel: So he was doing all the stuff from inside of her. Tom: Yup, pleasing her while the digestive acids slowly eat Away at his flesh. Crow: Ugh...don't say that word, please. >He moved on top of her and slowly, slowly, slid into her, Joel: Safe! >feeling the warmth, the sensation of her tight vagina pressing >against him. Tom: As opposed to his loose vagina pulling against her. Crow: Ugh... Joel: Tom...nevermind, I don't even care anymore. >Slowly building up rhythm, Crow: As we quickly build up the blues. >they started moving together at first in slow, lingering moves, Tom: Rrraaainnnbooooooowwwwwwww... Crow: Kkkkkiiiiiccckkkkk... Joel: I don't think the writer meant those type of moves, you guys. >but soon speeding up, moving faster and faster. Tom: Till the cops stopped them and they were thrown in for a month. The end. >At last they came, Keiichi first and Belldandy moments later. Crow: Augh! This makes no sense! They were already here, but the story now says they just came! >Exhausted they fell asleep in each other's arms... Tom: Aren't they going to light a cigarette? Crow: Talk a little while? >"Hahaha! I win! My love seeds worked, Joel: Wow, nine months sure did pass quickly. >and you owe me a bag of peanuts!" Urd exclaimed Crow: So Urd essentially threw away that couple's relationship And possibly allowed for one or both of them to have some sort Of consequence from the action for a lousy bag of peanuts? Joel: Appparently. Tom: How cruel. Crow: How petty! Joel: How human. Tom: You said it, Joel. Crow: Yeah. Humans suck! Joel: Hey... Crow: Oh, except for you Joel. >triumphantly from underneath the plant in the corner of Keiichi's room. Tom: They can't see me hear! Crow: If they are blind. >"Aww, shucks! Oh well, I suppose getting those two >together is worth a bag or two," Joel: A bag of what? >the rat sighed and handed her the prize. Crow: Huh? Did she strike a deal with that rat from Dumbo? >Epilogue: Joel: Wahh! Tom: One of those movies against unsafe sex? Joel: No, then it'd be...ugh! I'm dying! >The next day, Belldandy confronted her older sister Urd. Crow: Defend you life, bitch? >"Nee-san, those popcorn you made yesterday..." Joel: That made absolutely no sense. Crow: Well she probably got the brains f- Joel: No, I'm tired. But not that tired to let you say that. Crow: Uh...she must be tired. Joel: Good. >"Eeehhh... heheheh... eh... yes?" Tom: What part of "yes" don't you understand? >"Keiichi-san and me Joel: And I! And I! Crow: See? She did get the brains fu...uh...must be tired. She must be tired that is. >are having a picnic on our own this weekend... Tom: With you. Keiichi said you have to come along. Crow: He's going to show us his hotdog. Tee hee. >the popcorn were really good, so... Joel: We ate it. >would you make us some popcorn for the picnic, Crow: *As Urd* Take, take, take. That's all you ever do now! Boo hoo...a hoo, a hoo... >nee-san? Please?" Tom: Pretty please? Crow: No. Tom: Pretty, pretty please? Crow: No, no. Tom: Oh come on...pretty please with sugar on top! >Belldandy asked and smiled. Joel: As she raised the wrench up and prepared to give the final blow to her conniving sister... Tom: See you in hell! >"Aa--" Crow: My Goddess! >*THUD!* Tom: My goddess? >"Nee-san! Please don't faint now! Aa--" Joel: My goddess... >- Owari - Tom: Otoro? Crow: This writer and his story can kiss my otoro... >A couple of notes about my fanfict Joel: Fan fict? Tom: Yeah, one tends to screw up when they are typing with one hand... >- "Koi no Tane" Crow: Or, This was Dumb. >First of all, "Koi no Tane" was to a certain extent Tom: In essence, I plagarized. >inspired by chapter 43 of Fujishima Kosuke's original manga. Crow: But only partially. >The similarities between the original story -- "Belldandy >On-ranshin" Joel: Belldandy on Rashomon? Crow: A detailed and critical look at the Kurosawa epic. Tom: On Rashomon? Crow: Belldandy doesn't deserve to be on Rashomon. >-- and the first half of my own "Koi no Tane" Joel: So other people have written "Koi no Tane"? Crow: Augh...that's scary. >Are intentional. Tom: That's assault you know! Crow: An assault on a person's intelligence that is. >Those familiar with both the manga and anime of "Aa! >Megami-sama" Crow: What if we're not familiar? >will know that there is a noticeable difference >between manga Belldandy and anime Belldandy. Tom: Mainly a physical difference. >I chose to base Belldandy's personality in my story on her anime >personality, Joel: Seeing how she's a sex kitten in that one. >simply because I personally prefer it to the manga. Tom: Like I prefer redheads to burnettes? >To those of you in the audience who think "Aa! Megami- >sama" is too sweet to base a lemon story on, Crow: Or thought it to dumb to read...the "lemon" that is. >I apologize. Tom: About time. >Personally I don't feel a lemon fanfiction necessarily have to degrade the >original characters. Joel: It merely...um...degrades them. >I love "Aa! Megami-sama" like few others do, Tom: I make love to it in bed. Crow: He loves "Aa! Megami-sama!" Tom: You can love your mangas... Crow: Just don't "love" your mangas. Joel: Hey... >and I did my best to keep the spirit of the >original stories, Crow: Oddly paced and slutty? >while still going one step further. Tom: And falling. >Whether I succeeded or not is not up to me to decide, Tom: Seeing how if it were up to me, I'd be up. Heh. >I guess. Please send in those comments, folks, but please don't be *too* >hard on me Crow: Too hard on for me? >- this is my first shot ever at writing a fanfiction >(lemon or otherwise). ^_^;; Joel: Actually, this is the writer's first attempt at Writing. >Background music... Tom: Something sexy...like Tom Jones. >The cd "Kamisama no Okurimono" by the >Goddess Family Club Crow: Is that like the Partridge family? >was played pretty extensively while I was >working on this story, Joel: Hence the, uh, goddesses. >and it probably had some influence on my writing, Tom: What with the goddesses and all. >at least that's what I feel. Crow: Well, I'm actually feeling another thing too. >Anyway, this cd is perfect bgm Joel: BGM? Crow: Big Gun Man? Tom: That sounds Japanese. >to put on your stereo while reading Crow: Anything else. >particularly track 4. Track 5 is also excellent (my fave track, if you must >know ^_-)... Tom: Thank you, but we didn't need to know. Joel: I did. >Language... English is not my first language, Joel: I guess we should say sorry for any grammer or spelling based remarks we made. Crow: Sorry. Tom: Sorry. Joel: Sorry. >and there are probably a bunch of errors in the text that >I never spotted. Tom: That is why I had an editor, but he didn't do a good job... >So... comments and corrections are appreciated! Crow: Was this a form of comment and correction? Tom: If you mean jail time correction, yes. >I'll stop writing this drivel pretty soon now; Joel: All My Children is on! >I need to finish this before "Picket Fences" start on Channel 2 in a couple >of minutes, Crow: Mom said if I didn't watch Picket Fences she'd make me write another "lemon". >and I really don't have a lot more to say. Tom: Except...I love you... >I would like to note that I *might* turn this story into a >doujinshi sometime in the future, though. Joel: You know, because I'd like everyone to be able to see as well as read about this sort of thing. Crow: It's his gift to humanity. >I really feel a lot more comfortable using my pens to draw those curves Tom: What doe he do? Draw maps? >rather than scribble down some story, you know... ^_- Joel: Yeah, I like to draw pornography too from time to time. >Anyway, whether this story gets drawn or not will depend entirely on >how much free time I have Crow: And if I know how to grasp a pencil or not...ooh, ooh, ooh. >(not very much at the moment) and whether or not I feel the quality of my >art is good enough. Tom: Which...you know...it is. >Let's just say, don't hold your breath, okay? ^_- Joel: *Holding his breath* Tom: I'll keep my tubes crossed...vacuum tubes that is. >-- Crow: I dare you to step over these lines! >Geir "Morisato Keiichi" Friestad Joel: Raquel "Urd" Welch Tom: Oh my...I do hope he does draw this now. >... Admirer of Belldandy and Laura Dern Crow: Aww...he has four idols I guess. >Hobby manga artist - anime/manga otaku - AMG otaku - movie nut - vfx otaku Joel: - Spark plug installer. Crow: - Wimp Tom: - Idiot. >E-mail: emotion@gribb.hsr.no or geir-f@hsr.no ... IRC: Keiichi Joel: The name is Keiichi...Keiichi Morisato. Crow: I like my women drugged, not willing. >Maintainer of the "Ah! My Goddess" FAQ Tom: And all around great guy. Joel: Yeah, Gier Friestad is just a great guy! Crow: Let's go out and party in his honor cause he's such a great guy! >"___/^_^\___ Ninjin ga suki da! *miya* ___/^_^\___" Crow: Kiss my otoro. The trio reemerges from the viewing room. A smile is on Joel's face and the two 'bots talk amongst themselves as if they'd forgotten completely about the new arrival and how she'd made her presence known. But the reality sets in, rather brutally for the two robots as they are each struck by lightning. Crow's eyes become crossed and he collapses to the ground while Tom's head explodes once more and he spirals to the ground, like a shot plane, their cries of robotic pain defeaned by their colliding and seeming to meld into heap. Joel is met wih a bit more gentleness as she raps her arms about his neck once more and purrs. "Hello honey..." "Honey...um...hi...were you going to say something earlier?" She shakes her head and smiles, a blush developing on her cheeks, as she pulls his lips closer to hers. "No...oh...well...something, but it can be afterwards...hee hee..." Her voice's tone becomes softer as she leans up and brushes her cheek to his. "I hope you don't mind that I had some of the popcorn you'd made..." "Um..." Joel's cheeks flush as she leans in and brushes her lips to his cheek before she pulls away and smiles, taking hold of his hand in her own hands, she pulls him back into the viewing room as the two robots watch. "...oh my..." "Hmm...you know what this needs, don't you, Crow?" "Why yes, Tom. Why yes I do." The two robots, while they are being repaired and making sure the Satellite of Love is in working order, make sounds from a 70s soundtrack with their internal synthesizers. Throughout the Satellite, save for the viewing room where other sounds are heard, can be heard the soothing sounds and wonderful beats of the wacka chicka. **End "Yet Another Mystery Science Theater from The Year 3000"**