Elmer Studios presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ And now for part two of Negative Zero: Immigration. Hopefully something will happen in the fic. But probably not. Thank you all for the generous round of indifference to the first part and the new format. "Negative Zero Immigration" is copyright 1998 by Christopher Jones. Transformers is copyright Hasbro/Kenner/Tankara or something like that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ In the middle distant future, About 300 years from now. Three Preadacons went for a ride, Into outer space.. But Galvy has a special plan, To trap them up there, man, And now they are stuck up there, With no way down. [Blackarachnia: Get me outta here!] [Galvatron singing now] I'll send them crappy transfics, The worst that I can find, [La La La] I'll force them to watch them all, And they'll go out of their minds! [La la la] [Return to original singers] Keep in mind they can't control, Where the fanfic begins or ends. [La La La] And the only way to keep sanity, Is to riff how bad fanfics can be... PREDACON ROLL CALL Cambot (Can't see me!) Blackarachnia (Get me outa here!) Quickstrike (Anything for you, Sugarbot!) IINNFFEERRNNOO (BUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNN!) If you are wondering how they survive, Eat, transform and other stuff. (La La La) Just repeat to yourself "It's Just a MSTing Isn't that good enough?". For Mystery Preadacon Theater 3000 [Guitar Twang] [Scene: Bridge of the Sattelite of Preadacons. Blackarachnia is fiddling with the communications console] Blackarachnia: And send! [Pushes a button] Now, all we need is for somone to hear it. [Inferno and Quickstrike enter. They are both covered in grime. Inferno has a caving helmet, complete with torch, on his head.] Quickstrike: We're back, sugarbot. Miss me? Blackarachnia [Quietly]: Not really. [Normal] So how did it go? Inferno: Let's see. We trompled through the depths of the sattelite and confirmed a number of things. Blackarachnia: Such as? Inferno: Well, there dosn't appear to be any way out of here. There is an airlock though, but nothing to protect us for re-entry. Quickstrike: Right. And we also found living quaters. There's four reasonable sized rooms up here with basic furhishings. Blackarachnia: Four? I wonder why? Quickstrike: Dunno. Blackarachnia: So what else did you find? Inferno: Let's see... A fully functional CR Chamber for starters. As well as extensive supplies of energon and foodstuffs that we can consume in our beast modes. Blackarachnia: Any escape pods? Quickstrike: None. We counted them. Inferno: Twice. Blackarachnia: Whatever. So what happens in an emergency? Inferno: We all burn up and die. Blacharachnia: I see... Inferno: Let' see... we also found that the station has a fully self- sufficient environmental recycling facility. And a pair of manipulator arms. Blackarachnia: Interesting. Quickstrike: And a box labelled "Hamdingers. Do not open until episode nine". Blackarachnia: Whatever. But no sign of anyone else? Inferno: Not at all. Blackarachnia: So we're on our own then. Inferno: Seems like it. Quickstrike: So, sugarbot, how'd things go here? Blackarachnia: Well, I managed to get this thing [indicates to the console] figured out. It appears to be a pretty complex communications device, but I can work it. I used it to send a distress signal to earth. Hopefully, one of the other Preadacons will receive it. Inferno: I'm sure the royalty will do everything in her power to rescue us and defeat the enemies of the colony! Blackarachnia: Er... Okay. Yeah. [Commercials. More crap.] [The console bleeps] Blackarachnia: Hold that thought, Inferno. It looks like Galvatron and Megastorm are calling us again. [Pushes a button on the console. Galvatron and Megastorm appear on the screen. They're both grinning] [Darkside 13] Glavatron: Greetings, my little experiments. Megastrorm: Hiya Preads! Galvatron [Blackahds him]: So, have you settled into your new accomidations? Found them to your liking? [Sattelite Of Preadacons] Quickstrike: Well, no, not really... Galvatron: Good! The last thing I want is you morons getting comfortable! Inferno: I swear... Cross me one more time and you shall burn! [Darkside 13] Galvatron: How quaint. The primatives are threataning me. How are you gonna do it, ant-boy? Megastorm: Yeah? What you gonna do about it, ant-boy. Galvatron: Shut up, Megastorm. [SoP] Inferno: Well... If I ever get down from here you'll be the first to suffer in the flames of Inferno! [The others stand back, just in case] [Darkside 13] Galvatron: Whatever. Oh, by the way. There's something I need to demonstrate... [Pushes a button] [SoP] [Alarms go of, lights flash.] Blackarachnia: What's going on? [Darkside 13] Glavatron: That's the Transfic sigh. It's a warning to you boobies that it's time to go into the theatre and watch the fic! And remember- if you don't, I'll flood the place with energon radiation! It's genius! [Laughs manically. Megastorm joins in] [SoP] [Confused looks all round] [Darkside 13] Galvatron [Stops laughing]: What? Why aren't you in there? [Looks at Megastorm]. Stop that laughing you dolt and push the button! [Hits him] Megastorm: Sorry bout that boss! [Pushes the button] [SoP] Quickstrike: Great! We got Transfic Sign! [They run around panicking] [Door sequence!] [Door 5 - It's a Catflap. You crawl through it] [Door 4 - A garage door. You blip it with the remote, then open it manually when that fails] [Door 3 - An elevator door. You push the button and it opens] [Door 2 - A revolving door. You go round a few times then proceed] [Door 1 - A vault door. It's unlockled] [The three of them walk into the theatre. Quickstrike sits down on the far left. Blackarachnia sits next to him. Inferno sits down in the seat he ripped up in part one] > Negative Zero: Immigration > by Christopher Jones (11) > Part Two > All characters that aren't already copyrighted by Hasbro/Kenner/Takara > belong to Christopher Jones. Quickstrike: And he can keep them! > "I take it you know him." Inferno: Know who? Blackarachnia: I guess... Trypticon. It's the second half of their conversation from part 1. > "Sure. He was Megatron's effective answer to Inferno: The noisy neighbours who didn't turn down the stereo! > the Dinobots. He handled Metroplex rather well too. Blackarachnia: Metroplex? Uhh... Wrong continuity. Quickstrike: Say, who is talking here? > I can't believe you flew him here." > "But anyway, I don't transform into his head. I transform into > Hotwire's head, and he changes into Tryp's head." > "How did you ever get Trypticon to undergo this if he was a Decepticon > trying to kill you?" Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: You'd be amazed what a sledgehammer between the eyes can fix. > "Well, see, back in 1991, when the Autobots finished off the Deceps > on planet Klo, they went back to Cybertron and pretty much eradicated > the Deceps there, including Tryp. Blackarachnia: Uh? There were no Decepticons on Cybertron! The whole planet had been evacuated as everyone thought it was doomed! > Blackjack and I found him deactivated > and rusted in the Ibex quardrant, Quickstrike: It's amazing what you find when you look behind the couch. > so we spruced him up a bit, Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: You know... Some new curtains, a couple of thorw rugs, a lick of paint... > and > removed his deactivated head, and I re-engineered it to match Hotwire-- Inferno: That's a pretty good achivement, given that you had no tools, no facilities, were on the run and truing to lay low. > another dead Decep--and well, here I am!" All: Go away! > "So I'm assuming they caught you." Quickstrike: The right bait, the right lure... it's easy. > "Yeah. See, that process is very strange. It, like, connects you with > the other partner and the rapport is so deep... Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Like, you know... > it requires a shutdown > sleep cycle of 2 days, Terran time, to get used to it, and some Deceps > came during that time and gave me a rather rude awakening. Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: They dumped water on me, took my blankey and ate all the breakfast pastries. > And then you came along, my knight in shining armor." Quickstrike & Inferno: Spew! Blackarachnia: What's wrong with that idea? > Eleven could not see Acid Rain's smile but could hear her laughter. Inferno: And he should be thankful for that at least twice daily. > "Those Decepticons were torturing you! I...could not allow that." Quickstrike [Eleven]: I wanted a go! > "That's so sweet!" She was beginning to sound like an annoying adolescent > American. Blackarachnia: Beginning? > She felt funny in his driver's seat, Inferno: Try adjusting it. > shaking with laughter, > suddenly enjoying the excursion. Maybe Eleven would get used to this. Quickstrike: He might, but we never will. > Maybe he could...trust? Maybe. Blackarachnia: It's so hard to predict what will happen next in this wild fic... > He kept driving. Quickstrike: He's got a pretty good swing there. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > 10:45 p.m. The GMC Sierra was just south of Mobile, AL. Quickstrike: Mobile Al? Blackarachnia: Well, given that this is the deep south, you could easily get an immobile Al. > "Acid Rain?" No answer. She must have entered her sleep cycle, Blackarachnia: But did anyone press the red button on her dashboard? [The others both look at her] Wha? > Eleven thought. "Acid Rain, (what's the expression?) wake up!" Inferno: The next big hit from the Wiggles, no doubt. > Eleven heard a faint beep, then, "Wha?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: I had the strangest dream.. I drempt I was stuck on Earth in the company of an extremely dull religious nut. > "Acid Rain, I'm low on fuel." Inferno [Eleven]: And my windscreen needs a good wiping. > "Just use your fuel converter," she replied half-heartedly, as her > systems revived. > "My fuel converter is low." Quickstrike: Bummer that. > "Well, I know you don't want any of my 'unpurified' fuel. Not that I > have any to spare..." Blackarachnia: You mean there's a possibility that they both might die of fuel exhaustion? Quickstrike: Looks like it. All: [Cheer widly] > "Then we must find a... Quickstrike: Drive-by fast foot outlet? Inferno: Used car dealership? Blackarachnia: Plot? > gas station." > "Oh, great." Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Odds on that it'll be run by some fat guy with a beer gut that hangs out of his shirt who'll call me "little lady". > "Do you want to get out and push?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Tough one. Lemme think about it for a while... > "How do you think we're going to pay for it, huh?" Inferno: With stolen credit cards! Blackarachnia: And where are they going to steal them from? Inferno: ... > "You're going to go tell the clerk that we're a special case." Quickstrike: Nutcase is more like it. > "You are crazy, Eleven!" Inferno: No argumets there. > "And you are seven feet tall. You might as well be a human from a > costume party. All: [Laugh] Blackarachnia: A very big, very broad, very heavy human with a very good costume... > If the clerk refuses our special attention, Quickstrike: What? "Sorry, I'm going to a fancy dress party and don't have any money?" Real genius there. > then tell him or her what you really are. Blackarachnia: Like that's gonna go down well. > Where else can I refuel?" Inferno: Mug a passing car for it! > "Isn't this fuel...unpurified for you or something?" Inferno: Good shot. > "You're just thinking of excuses. The fuel is fine. It hasn't been > used by anyone else. Please, Acid Rain. I...I need your help." Blackarachia: Help me Acid Rain. You're my only hope. [Static noise] Help me Acid Rain. You're my only hope. > That statement invoked in her a sense of duty, Quickstrike: So she went back to sleep. > and she reluctantly agreed. Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Awww, gee, do I have to? > Soon, at 11:07, they came across a small service station on the > left side of the two-lane, most likely a Shell brand. Inferno: Insert product placement here. > The two visitors > parked in front of one of the four gas pumps. For a few minutes, Acid > Rain would not leave the truck. Blackarachnia: Geez Acid. You affraid the attendant's going to bite you or something? > "Why are you so worried?" the truck asked. "Didn't you think that > humans were just 'flesh creatures'?" Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: But they're so big and scarey! > "I never said that!" > "Quote: There's so many that we could hit one or two. Endquote." Inferno [Eleven]: Score one to me! Nyaaa! > "Oh, for Primus's sake..." She got out of the truck. Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Anything to get away from you. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The store was empty save for the clerk, a skinny, white teenager who was > watching a small black-and-white portable TV. He scratched his freckled > face, but other than that, he might have been a zombie, Inferno: This is the Deep South. Zombie would be an improvement. > glued behind a counter. Quickstrike: Do you think the authour is making some smart comment on the nature of those who serve a consumerist society? Blackarachnia: Naw. He's just adding flavour text to a dull fic. > Acid Rain walked inside. As she expected, he gave her a surprised > look. Inferno [Southern]: Yer fly's undone. > "Hey," the alien said. "Like my costume?" Quickstrike [Southern]: Why? You wearing one over your robot body? > The boy then relaxed. "Oh, yeah, it's swell. What can I do for you?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: I need to use your phone to call my agent. > Acid Rain tried to feign a sad voice. Quickstrike: Try big puppydog eyes. Allweays works for sugarbot here. > "Well, you see, my truck outside--" > she pointed to Eleven-- "is out of gas, and well, you see, I'm broke..." Inferno: You can allmost hear the violins in the background. > Her eyes and triangle turned deep blue. Blackarachnia: Whoops. Major stuff up. > "That's a nice costume. Y'know, it's almost too nice, with those glowing > eyes. Would you mind taking off that fake head?" Quickstrike: Only if you take off yours first. > Acid Rain wanted to punch him. All: Do it! Do it! You know you want to! > "I'd rather not, see, I have a...family > reunion, yeah, it's a costume party family reunion and I need to get > there as early as possible." Blackarachnia: Well, I don't know about you, but I'm convinced. > "Oh, really?" Acid Rain nodded, and the boy said, "What's your name?" Inferno: Inferno. Blackarachnia: Blackarachnia. Quickstrike: Quickstrike. What's yours? > "...Alison Reed." > "Then, Ms. Reed, why is your arm leaking?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Oh that? It's.. um... A medical problem. Yeah. > Acid Rain looked down at her right arm, still leaking fuel. Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Poopy. Given away. > There was a > trail all the way from the store entrance to where she stood. Inferno [Southern]: You gonna stand there or clean it up? > "You're one of them robots, ain'tcha? Blackarachnia: How did he ever guess? > Plus, you're one of them bad ones. I hate all of y'all, Inferno: "All of y'all?" I take it the Department of Redundancy Department has been at work again. > but the government gave permission to kill all > y'all with those purple symbols," he said, pointing to her Decepticon > insignia. Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: That? It's just a beetroot stain. Really. > From under his counter, he pulled out a double-barreled shotgun. Quickstrike: Use it! You know you want to! > "This is gonna be fun," he said, and cocked his weapon. "Now > walk outside." Inferno: Did he consider that her truck outside could be another bad-guy robot? I think not! > Acid Rain's optics and triangle turned a vicious red. All: Pink Eye! > A reddish light > extended from the triangle to the gun, and in a second, the armament > was covered with a reddish aura. Blackarachnia: Limit Break! > "What're you--" the boy started, but as he protested, the gun became > incredibly hot, and it began to melt like butter. Quickstrike: Leaving a bubbly yellow puddle on the floor. > The boy's mouth was > wide open, and Acid Rain smashed the portable TV into the counter, Inferno: I often feel like doing that to the TV. > saying in a sad voice, "Some gas, please, sir? I really need to get to > that family reunion." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > The boy's voice was shaky, partly from cold and from fear. Quickstrike: The stain on his shorts suggested fear more though. > "Um, uh, that'll be $231. Inferno: Wow. Inflation has really hit gas prices hard. > Please?" Blackarachnia: And I thought Acid Rain was unconvincing. > "Alison Reed" stood outside at a gas pump, next to the boy pumping the > gas. Quickstrike: And near the 15 Orcs with axes. > "$231?!? Yeah, right. Inferno: My thoughts exactly. > Could you tab it or something?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Put it on my account. > Eleven spoke up. "I'm sorry Acid Rain was so frank with you, Quickstrike [Eleven]: But she has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. > and I hope > her acid field didn't burn you. There are some of us here who are less > amiable to you humans, but we just...immigrated here, and mean no harm." All [Singing]: We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill. > "The truck is one of you?" Quickstrike: How long did that take you? Inferno: Let's see... An evil, transforming robot wants fuel for her truck. Could it be another transforming robot? All: Naaah! > "I am more than a 'truck'. Inferno: He also makes a nifty doorstop! > I was in desperate need of fuel, Quickstrike [Eleven]: And a good wash! > and the > situation required drastic action. Is there anything we can do to repay > you?" Blackarachnia: Sell him Acid Rain? Please? > "Just...d-don't tell my boss--" Inferno: That is a pretty terrifying thought. Having to explain all this to your boss... > "Cool," Acid Rain said. "One more thing; Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Could I call my agent? > do you think I could have your clothes?" Quickstrike [Southern]: You don't want them! They're a tad stained! Blackarachnia: Quickstrike! Save it for if we ever get an Issei Mataloun fic! > "What?" Inferno: She said: "Do you think I could have your clothes?" > "Look, you probably have more than I do--" Blackarachnia: In Alabama? That's debateable. > she tapped her left leg, > making a metallic clang-- "and we may need to do this more often. Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Once a week on thursday! It'll be fun! > Without robbing people." Inferno: We'll frighten them with Acid's dress sense! > "But, what will I wear--" Blackarachnia: Hub caps? Inferno: Magazines from the rack? Quickstrike: Soft fruit? > "I'm sure you can drive home to get a new set of clothes." Quickstrike [Southern]: But they're my only set of clothes! > Eleven said to him, "I promise we'll never do this again." Inferno [Acid Rain]: -To you. Anyone else is fainr game. > After looking around nervously for several minutes, he began unbuckling > his belt. Blackarachnia: And at that point, a busload of old grannies pulled in... > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > 11:40 p.m. Heading north, towards Mobile at 65 mph. > "Y'know, Lev, those humans sure look different without clothes." All: [Laugh] > "Really now?" Quickstrike: They're all pink and dangly... Blackarachnia: [Hits him] > "Yep. These clothes don't...fit...me," Inferno: Must... talk like... William... Shanter... Quickstrike: And remeber! Fat people should not wear tight skivvies! > Acid Rain said, struggling. Blackarachnia: Have you been playing with the seatbelt again? > From > the boy at the store, she got a pair of long blue jeans which fit "skin > -tight" and only came down to the bottom of her calves, and a red and > white flannel long-sleeved shirt that she had to wear open for it was > too tight as well (the boy was only five-foot-five All: Weenie! > compared to her seven -foot-seven), Inferno: Has she grown? She was seven foot tall before? Quickstrike: Maybe he was wering platforms and she stole them. > a large black belt with an even larger golden buckle (which > had the Terran name "Reba" engraved in it), brown cowboy boots which split > as soon as she tried to wear them, and a black cowboy hat that she > couldn't wear due to the size of her helmet. Quickstrike: Great disguise there. > "Ah! Look at me! I'm a freak! Do all humans dress like this? Blackarachnia: Only drugged-out female ravers. You'd fit in fine with them. > I hope not!" > "Some humans find the look attractive; it is the "country" look." Blackarachnia: But then, they also like Country & Western and Jack Daniels, so it's a dubious minority to be in with. > "Clothes are stupid." Inferno: So's this fic. Live with it! > She bent forward in the driver's seat to pick up the > useless boots, and her jeans ripped on the backside. Quickstrike: I see London! I see France! I see Acid Rain's- Blackarachnia [Hits him]: That's quite enough from you! > "Oooh! I hate hate HATE this planet! I can't go out looking like this!" > "You never know. You could start a new trend." Inferno: The "hit by a truck" look. > At first, Acid Rain frowned; she wanted to be mad at something, Blackarachnia: Try Chrisopher Jones. He deserves it. Inferno: Or Galvatron and Megastorm. > but then she just began laughing, as did Eleven. Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Did you see it? It was sooo tiny! Blackarachnia: That's about enough out of you! Quickstrike: Heh. Shure thing, Sugarbot. > "Hahaha--heh heh--and did you hear what that human asked you before we > left? Inferno: What is the sound of one hand clapping? Blackarachnia: How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? Quickstrike: What is the difference between margerine? > If you wanted some oil to drink? To drink?" > Eleven said, "Yes! Is it not ridiculous that he thought we drink oil?" Blackarachnia: No more so than the way you said that! > "I mean, oil is like our--our--" > "Blood?" > "Yeah!" she said. "You never see humans in their bars asking for blood, > do you? Blackarachnia: Some goths, yes. But they probably don't count. As human, that is. > 'Yo, bartender, gimme a Bloodweiser Lite'!" Quickstrike: Naah! Make it a regular. Can't stand that low hemoglobin crap. > If Eleven laughed any harder, he would have swerved off the road. All: Do it! Do it! Do it! > After they calmed down, he asked her, Inferno: What is the sound of one hand clapping? Blackarachnia: How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? Quickstrike: What is the difference between margerine? > "Hey, look, I hate to spoil this fun, but, we have to find Trypticon." Inferno: Couldn't be too difficult. I mean, how many big, black robot dinosaurs could there be on the one planet? Blackarachnia: Not counting the Tokyo reigon, of course. > "Yeah, but how?" Quickstrike: Put his face on milk cartons! Have you seen this Transformer? > "Don't you have some telepathic link with him?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Yeah, but I screwed up the HTML code. > "I should..." Quickstrike: Acid Rain using mental powers? This should be a laugh! > "What if the humans find him, wherever he is?" Inferno: That's their problem! > "I could ask the same about your ship. Quickstrike [Eleven]: But I was smart enough to turn on the alarm. > We can't worry about that now, since we're going to it now. All: Uh? > We can worry when we get there." > "I suppose you're right." Inferno [Eleven]: I'm allways right. It's one of the perks of being an avatar. > "So...now it's your turn." > "For what?" Blackarachnia [Acid Rain]: Spin the bottle! Spin the bottle! > "You know! Spill your guts!" Quickstrike: Bleah! [Acid Rain] Now get a mop! > "Acid Rain...I don't know..." Inferno: I think we're going to hear that line a lot! > "Lev, just trust me." Blackarachnia: Never trust somone who says that. Especially Tarantulus. > Trust. Illogic. But... > "Very well... Quickstrike: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... Blackarachnia: I think we'd better brace for another couple of those huge paragraphs... > I told you before that I am a qa'rouum, Inferno: Qa'room! Qa'room! Putputputput. Qa'room! Blackarachnia: Are you ok? Inferno: Fine. Why? Blackarachnia: Never mind. > a hopefully inconspicuous sect from Cybertron's southeastern hemisphere Blackarachnia: Ah. The hick side of Cybertron. > and Moonbase 2. Quickstrike: Where's Unicron when you need him? > Early on in life, I rejected my heritage and upbringing, Inferno [Eleven]: Choosing instead the life of a roving minstral. > unable to give > it the faith that it required. What I wanted was the war, to fight for > something. Inferno: Care to join our group, Cybetronians Against Crappy Transfics? > The qa'rouum are isolated from everyone else, Quickstrike: Probably because they're all as dull as you. > but we were > under frequent attacks anyway from insane zealots and Decepticons, and > even a few Autobots. Blackarachnia: That doesn't sound right. Quickstrike [Eleven]: And crazed postal employees. > I was created for the sole purpose of leading the > qa'rouum as their High Priest. Inferno: Now if that doesn't smell of avatar... > I happen to be the eleventh, which has > nothing to do with my name. All: Uh-huh. > I decided to leave my people, and seek another cause to fight for." Quickstrike: To seek freedom for the south Moldovian peoples! > "Why didn't you fight on your people's side?" Blackarachnia [Eleven]: Well, I asked and they all laughed. > "The qa'rouum are vehemently opposed to violence. They--we would rather > be slaughtered than fight." Inferno: That's a pretty dopey point of veiw. > "That's kinda--" > "Stupid? Blackarachnia: Well called, Inferno. > I thought so, too, so I left, looking for war. Quickstrike: And it found you instead! > I wouldn't realize how foolish I was... Blackarachnia: People very rarely do. > so I joined the Autobots, which was at > that time much less powerful than the Decepticon Empire. Quickstrike: They were kicking keisters! > It was amazing. Inferno: The writing in this fic? > Almost all of them hated the war and wanted it to stop, Blackarachnia: I hate this fanfic and want it to stop, but no-one listens to me. Quickstrike: Me too, sugarbot. Me too. Blackarachnia: Help me. > and > some of them wondered why I was so energetic towards fighting in it. Inferno: And the reason was: Too much coffe in the mornings. > Many of them didn't know who I was, Quickstrike: And didn't care. > since most of the original > Autobots were an elite group. They were also just as power-mad as the > Decepticons. Blackarachnia: This is so wrong. > "I was placed in very low rank, Inferno: Assistant garbage bin mover. > in Security/Infantry. Then I learned > that the original group of Autobots was corrupted Quickstrike: See what happens when you don't use Scandisk often enough? > and had begun to collaborate with the Decepticons, Blackarachnia: That's right, Chris. Keep on piling up the offences. It'll just make the revenge that much sweeter. Inferno: Why so concerned? He's slagging off the enemies of our ancestors! Blackarachnia: But just imagine what he'll do to the Decepticons if given the chance! And besides, we were all originaly Maximal protoforms. Inferno: Oh, yeah. > so a few 'true' Autobots seceded yet again. Prime's Autobots." > "Optimus Prime's Autobots? You were with his Autobots?" Blackarachnia: Avatar effect building. Inferno: Moving to first stage alert. Quickstrike: Preparing the CR Chamber. > "This is way, way before Megatron Inferno: The royalty! Blackarachnia: Wrong one. Inferno: Oops. > even knew our group of Autobots existed. > We were like specks of metal to him. Blackarachnia: Everything was like specks of metal to him. > But for a while, it was > only a few of us: Prime, Jazz, Ironhide, and Kup. Quickstrike: Sounds like a sitcom setup. Inferno: Great. I can see it now. Primefeld. Blackarachnia: Watch it! You'll give the fic writers ideas! > Jazz and I became very close, Blackarachnia: Avatar effect continuing to rise! Quickstrike: Going to second stage alert! > and he must have been one of the nicest robots I've ever > known. Soon we had organized enough members to effectively fight Inferno: Male baldness! > Megatron, and the war began draining not only our energon resources, > but the entire planet's as well. There was nothing to do but leave in > search of new, untapped resources. Blackarachnia: Or just wait for the untap phase of your next turn. Quickstrike: Wow. CCG joke #1. > Before leaving, Prime left Fortress > Maximus and I in charge of the remaining Autobots on Cybertron. All: Naturally. Blackarachnia: Never mind Emerate Xaaron, or Ultra Magnus, or Springer or Impactor or any number of Autobot leaders credited. It has to be our Avatar friend here, doesn't it? Quickstrike: Woah! Cool it sugarbot! You'll bow a fuse that way! Blackarachnia: Sorry. > I actually had my own squadron of Autobots! Inferno: Whoopdy-slag. > It was an exhilarating experience. Prime left, and Megatron pursued. Quickstrike: And the finals in the Olympic hide and seek began. > I never saw Jazz nor any other one of my Autobot allies again." Quickstrike [Eleven]: But I had my own squad, which was cool. > "But the Deceps had left Shockwave." Blackarachnia: Nooooo... In the comics that this fic is claiming to follow he was in charge of Megatrons pursuit ship. Dope. > "Yes...moving on, my abilities as a leader were not at all valuable, Quickstrike: Wow. God-boy admits a failing. Blackarachnia: We should frame this moment. > as I was brash and inexperienced. I led a suicide mission to Decepticon > Headquarters with intentions of destroying Shockwave, Inferno: Only to find that he'd popped out for lunch. > looking for shallow fame for the deed. Blackarachnia: Unfortunately, it seems your 'suicide mission' failed in every respect > It turns out that he was expecting me to > come, as it was only 'logical', Inferno: So he was expecting this specific guy and his squad to come charging in on a sucicide mission to rub him out? Makses as much sense as anything else in this fic. > and to shorten a long story, my entire > squadron was destroyed. All eleven of them." Quickstrike: There's that number again. > "Oh, Eleven..." Inferno: Oh shut up. > "I was the only survivor. Shockwave took me on himself and well, Quickstrike [Eleven]: I got my sissy white keister whupped. > I learned many lessons in that battle. Blackarachnia [Eleven]: One: Look both ways before crossing the street. Two: Brush and floss after every meal. Three: Never launch a suicide attack again. > He ruined me, Quickstrike [Eleven]: Took every cent I had. > humiliated me in front of my squadron Inferno [Eleven]: I never lived down that atomic wedgie. > before killing them, extinguishing every belligerent > spark within me. I learned how truly despicable war is, but there > seemed to be no way out. Blackarachnia: That sounds like how we feel. > Shockwave's attack left me in stasis for thirty-eight vorns." (1) Blackarachnia: So, he beat you up, left you fro dead and then... What? Didn't they think to recycle your body parts? Break you up for scrap? Check if you were fully dead? > "Thirty-eight?!?" Qucistrike [Eleven]: Actually Thirty-Seven, but I'm a late riser. > "Yes. Okay, I have a twin sister, Seven, whom I have a telepathic > rapport with. I don't know exactly why or how we have the bond, Blackarachnia: Through the miracles of plot contrivances. > but > I think it goes back to our creation, when her executable program and > mine were the same, either by accident or flaw. Inferno: Or Microsoft programming. > During my stasis, she > spent hours everyday with me, attempting to convince me to return to > the qa'rouum. At first, I didn't think my people would let me return, > but she convinced them to do so. I still don't know how. Quickstrike: She suggested you as a form of non-violent protection. You talk to your enemies for five minutes and they give up and go home. > After my > lengthy recovery, I had no way to tell Prime that I wished to leave, > since he was deactivated on Earth for several million years. Inferno: Of course, after 38 vorns, they had probably given you up for dead anyway. > To this day I have not contacted him. Blackarchnia: That's so inconsiderate. You'd think that a little "hello" every millenium or two would be enough. > I have not seen him since. But he told me Earth, or Sol 3, Inferno: Aka Dirt. > would be the planet of optimum choice for possible > energon resources. He and I spent many vorns searching the heavens > for this planet. Blackarachnia: Um... not to sound nitpicky, but weouldn't you have to find the planet first to determine it's energon resources? > Do you know what Prime's transformation is on Cybertron? Blackarachnia: A mobile battlestation. Ecept in Issue #48, where it was drawn as being near-identical to his earth mode. > It's an astral searchlight. Blackarachnia: No! Wrong bad wrong wrong bad wrong bad wrong wrong bad wrong! Quickstrike: Woah! Blackarachnia: I swear... one more gross mistake on this fics behalf and... Ooooh... I'll get SO mad! Quickstrike: Just repeat: Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. > The 'windows' on his chest became light projectors that searched for > peace." Blackarachnia: Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocen. > Acid Rain said nothing in the 4x4. > "So, I told Fortress Maximus that I was leaving, Inferno: And he just let me! > and he said he was sorry to see me go. Quickstrike [Fort Max]: Those acting lessons really paid off. > I don't understand why, especially after my brash actions. Blackarachnia: Face it Eleven, no-one likes you. Quickstrike: You OK now, Sugarbot? Blackarachnia: Fine. > He despised the war even more than Prime, but he saw a > change in me, or at least he said he could. Inferno: Ah, he'd probably say anything to be rid of you. I would. > I never saw him again, > and rumor has it that he died right here on this planet, in Prime's > spacecruiser, the Ark. He never saw Cybertron again. He is also to > have possibly destroyed an insane Decepticon named Galvatron." Quickstrike: He trashed the boss! Woo-hoo! Blackarachnia: Wrong one. Quickstrike: Aw... > "That's so depressing." Blackarachnia: Tell me about it. > "It is. I then returned to the qa'rouum, Inferno: Along with their capital letters? > and found that the same > people that I had abandoned were welcoming me into their midst again. Quickstrike: They don't know you very well, do they? > I had no idea that their faith in me was so strong. I once again led > my people, except this time with more experience and Blackarachnia [Eleven]: A better soundtrack! > the shame of > my original team's destruction. It was still very difficult to not > fight our enemies, but I soon learned how to evade the senseless war > at all costs. Inferno [Eleven]: By putting a brown paper bag over my head. > However, after several years of running, hiding, and > dying, I became convinced that we had to fight, otherwise face Blackarachnia [Eleven]: An incredibly dull fic. Quickstrike: Yeah! I wanna see some keisters being kicked! Some carnage and violence and destruction and that sorta stuff! Not more of this goddam crap! Inferno: Yes! Some carnage is what's needed! I wwant to see somone buuuuurrrrrrrrrrnnnnn!!! Blackarachnia: Ladies and gentlemen: The American moviegoing public. > complete > and utter extinction. So I gathered together my most devoted, and > those that shared my vision, and sent them to Earth Quickstrike [Eleven]: Both of them. > as my last resort in case the war forced us to leave. Blackarachnia: So, in other words, you dumped all your problems on another poor planet's head. Inferno: I see nothing wrong with that! > I did this all in secret, hiding my plans from the other qa'rouum. Quickstrike: Obicously, they didn't have Kenneth Starr. > I sent nine qa'rouum here, and they > are waiting for my signal to reactivate. They have been here for ten > years, waiting for me." Inferno: That traffic's a real killer. > "So why haven't you summoned them?" Quickstrike [Eleven]: I tried, but they never return my calls. > "The signal can only be generated from the Snakebite, my ship, which > is where we're going. Blackarachnia: Just one question, but wouldn't it have been smart to allow for your ship being intercepted and have a back-up signal? > Okay, qa'rouum tradition dictates that the > High Priest should be kept 'safe and pure', Quickstrike: Sealed in air-tight poly-bags with a certificate of authenticity in the back. > but I don't exactly > believe this. But, my people had to make me leave Cybertron, Inferno [Eleven]: They poked me with a very big stick. > after > our city was raided a few days ago, and I departed, much against my > will. Blackarachnia [Eleven]: I don't really want to go and rescue my team. Really. > Seven is now the makeshift leader until I return. She is very > capable, Quickstrike [Eleven]: She even knows where to look for the keys. > and I miss her terribly, but don't you ever tell her that." > Acid Rain smiled. "I won't." Blackarachnia: She will. > "You know, of course, that most Primus worshippers Blackarachnia: There's another thing I want to point out. Most Cybertronians don't worship Primus as such. It's not like Primus-worship is any sort of organised religion. > despise us and > any other sect, but there are those who hate all worshippers and > destroy for fun. Blackarachnia: Kenneth Starr? Quickstrike: Hollywood execs? Inferno: MSTers? Blackarachnia: Watch it there, Ant-boy. That sounds waaay too Gonterman. Quickstrike: And you two should both watch that fourth wall. > They are the DemonRazors, a newly-formed sucession > of Decepticon, I believe. They usually don't attack the Primus > worshippers Quickstrike: They prefer to go after fruit stands and other small fry. > since they outnumbers the 'Razors, Inferno: Chickens! > but they most certainly attack us, a nonviolent people. Blackarachnia: The true sighn of a bully: Going after the ones who don't fight back. > They torture and destroy > our people on a regular basis, all in the name of their dark god, Inferno: David Goterman. Blackarachnia: Kefka the Dark One. Quickstrike: His lord high Exedeth. > Relacc. Blackarachnia: There's that Scrabble bag again. > And we are supposed to not fight? Yes, in the Chronicles of > Infinity, our...sacred doctrine, it preaches nonviolence, Quickstrike: You big bunch of pansies. Blackarachnia: You shouldn't pick on somone for their beleifs. Pick on them for their other faults, like being pains in the rear. > but we will die if we don't retaliate! Inferno: Boy, it really sucks to be you. > "The DemonRazors have been searching for me, especially their leader, > 666, Blackarachnia: Well there's a sublte allusion for you. > since I would make a very valuable kill to them, Quickstrike: They want your head to go over the fireplace in the lodge. > but I'm afraid > I will not simply die like the two previous High Priests. I may run, > but I shall not die. Blackarachnia: You know, you have a really great philosiphy on life there. > Neither will Seven. So I left my people again, but I vowed to return. Inferno [Shwartzenegger]: I'll be back. Quickstrike: But you allways say that! > The 'Razors obviously knew I had gone because some of them pursued me. Inferno: Those IRS boys are reall persistaint. > Now, the Snakebite is a very manuverable > spacecraft, one-eighth the Ark's dimensions, Blackarachnia: Obviosly in the small car class. > but it lacked speed and firepower. Quickstrike: But the mileage is awesome! > I could not leave Cybertron's orbit due to their attacking. > Of course, at that time, I flew over you and your executioners, and I > destroyed the five Decepticons who were about to finish you off. Inferno [Eleven]: I used the "smite" button! Blackarachnia: The moral of this story is: Never f**k with the high preist's ship. > Then > you climbed into what must have been Trypticon, and followed me. Inferno [Eleven]: Psst. Don't look now, but I think the huge black robot dinosaur's tailing us. I don't trust it. > The sight of your craft obviously frightened the 'Razors, Blackarachnia: And if that didn't get them, the joke bumper sticker would. > and they broke > off their attack. You kept following, even after I told you repeatedly > not to, Quickstrike [Eleven]: Go away! > then you said, 'Where else can I go?', and I replied, Inferno [Eleven]: Anywhere but Cleavland! > 'There is nowhere to go in space', Blackarachnia: On the contrary. There is everywhere to go in space. > then that's all I remember before the > 'Razors came back, and I was assailed by them, near Sol 4." > "Yeah! I saw this huge black ship come out of nowhere and shoot your > ship about a hundred times, Blackarachnia: Sadly, Eleven's ship was another victim of a hit and run Shadow attack. > and you had ejected after passing through Earth's atmosphere. Quickstrike [Eleven]: I can see my house from here! > So I'm in space right outside the Moon's orbit > when I turn around and Tryp's base mode starts blowing the crap out > of those black starships--" Inferno: Great. We finaly get some action and itr's a crappy narrative sequene! Aaaarg! > "Those were DemonRazors." > "--yeah, but then that huge one zaps me, All: [Make elctric zapping noises] > and I fall into Earth's atmosphere Quickstrike: That must really, really hurt. > and try to eject to where you were, then I transformed so > I wouldn't scare too many humans, Blackarachnia: Never mind those who saw your huge black ship roar past. > but I don't know where Tryp crashed. > I must've gone unconscious when I hit the ground. Luckily I didn't > explode, or fall to pieces!" Inferno: Yeah. Lucky uas. > "I don't believe in luck." > "Oh, sorry. So why are you called Eleven?" Blackarachnia [Eleven]: Because all the really cool numbers were allrerady taken. > "That I do not wish to say." > "Oh, please? We were getting along so well!" > "Acid Rain, if you and I are to become friends, Quickstrike: Shut yer trap. > you must respect me as well as trust me." > "Fine. But could you at least tell me why your group is called Negative > Zero?" Inferno [Eleven]: Because I flunked maths. > "The qa'rouum worship Infinity, the Highest, and negative zero is where > we are in relation to Him." Blackarachnia: A mathermatical impossibility. Makes perfect sense. > "It's a religious name? Great." > "You seem to be of little faith." > "How can you choose a religion? There are so many... Blackarachnia: Oh yeah. Lots. There's Primus, Primus and, well, Primus. And worshipping Unicron's a little redundant now. > they can't all be right, can they?" > "I would like to believe in a world where we all are united and worship > the same One, but it is wishful thinking. All cultures should have their > religions; it is a part of their people. [Loud snoring] > The qa'rouum are tolerant of all religions Quickstrike [Eleven]: But we bring flamethrowers just in case. Inferno: And you have a problem with that? > since we believe that most are the same, but we are still > our own people. Unfortunately, the close-minded will fear what they > cannot understand, and there will always be the intolerant, [More snoring] Blackarachnia: If I wanted a lecture like this, I'd watch Star Trek. > those like the > DemonRazors who refuse to understand. This is why we do not allow fuel > -mixing from outsiders. There is a fear that the outsider's oil could > corrupt our ways and cause one to be Downcast. It is more of a symbolic > fear." Blackarachnia: So.. even though you fell that everyone is the same and equal, mixing with others is still bad. Quickstrike: That seems to be it. Inferno: Makes sense. Blackarachnia: My head hurts. > "So, Eleven, have...have I corrupted you?" Inferno [Eleven]: Naah. A little bit of mixed fules never hurt anyone. Or didn't you read the last rant? > The former Autobot smiled, though he was in truck mode. Blackarachnia: I'd love to know how. > "I am beginning to believe that Infinity wanted this to happen." Quickstrike: He must have a really wapred sense of humour. > "Really?" Acid Rain said. > "Really." Inferno: Really, really warped, that is. > It was 12:01 a.m., the start of a new day. Blackarachnia: Couldn't we settle for a new fic? > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Eleven cruised through Mobile, AL, and once again, they were on a two-lane > highway. All [Singing]: Moving right along! Diddy dum diddy dum! > The street was mostly empty except for the occasional driver > heading to the city. > "Acid Rain, I think we may need to recharge and enter our sleep cycles. Blackarachnia: Not to sound naggy, but you refuelled only a few hours ago. > We may not have much of a chance later." > "Okay...but where?" Inferno: Carpark? > "Maybe somewhere off the street." Quickstrike: That would be smart. > "Yeah, but you're, like, twenty feet tall. Where're you gonna hide?" Blackarachnia [Eleven]: Behind this shrubbery! > "If I stay low, perhaps no one shall see me." > "Can't you just stay in truck mode?" > "And risk being towed?" Quickstrike: Or waking up the next morning with no wheels and bricks under you? Blackarachnia: Never leave your Transformers in a bad patt of town. > At the first chance, Eleven drove off the road to the right into a > small patch of trees. Inferno: Crash! What did those trees ever do to you? > There was nothing but darkness beyond them. Blackarachnia: So they're caught in a Kefka fic, huh? > No > one else drove on this road that led to Jackson, MS, at this time. Quickstrike: Five minutes later was a different matter. > Eleven left his headlights on. Inferno: He likes to "zap" possums. > "Don't you think you'll look a little strange to Mr. Human when he > sees you over here off the road?" she asked. > "It's past midnight, and by the time North America faces the sun again, Quickstrike: Breakfast will be ready! > we'll be up and on our way. No one will see us. Blackarachnia: Except for somone who thought to follow the tire tracks going off the side of the road. > Who would expect to > see two Cybertronians off the side of the street?" Blackarachnia: Maybe the sort of paranoid redneck maniacs you get in this part of the world? > "Okay, but if something happens..." Quickstrike: In this fic? > There were about ten feet between the road and the trees where they > were. Eleven quickly transformed into his robot mode. His engine and > transmission felt very warm, and so did his shoulders and legs. He lay > down flat on his back/cab. Inferno [Makes glass shattering noise] Blackarachnia: Of course, any propper Transformer would have had it semi retracted or converted into a more solid form in his robot mode. > "All right," he started, "let's take four > hours of sleep. Inferno: Where do you want to take them too? > That way we can minimize the chances of being seen." > Acid Rain sat upright, opposite him. "Okay, well then, good night!" Quickstrike: She's really been on the happy pills. > Before Eleven shutdown, Blackarachnia: It is now safe to tuen off your computer. > he heard a smooth whirr coming from Acid Rain, Quickstrike: I don't even want to think about that one. Blackarachnia: Good bot. > and he sat up to see. She was taking off her helmet. Inferno: And the rest of her head? Please say the rest of her head! > She placed the > silver helmet down. Atop her head were several thousand thin strands > of copper wire...could it have been-- Quickstrike: She had dandruff? > "Acid Rain, do--do you have--" Inferno [Eleven]: The plot? > "Neurotransmitters that connect me to Hotwire and Trypticon in > Headmaster mode. There are this many! They were installed when I became > binary-bonded to them. Blackarachnia: Not to sound picky again, but all the transmitters the Nebulan and human heads needed were built into their helmet, with no actual physical connectors. So why does she need them? Inferno: Potential plot device? Blackarachnia: Probably. > But I know--it looks like I have human hair." > The metallic "hair" hung around the nape of her neck as the leaves of > a palm tree. Quickstrike: And bad hair at that. > She held the helmet so that Eleven could see under it. Blackarachnia [Seven]: See? Makes a great salad bowl. > "See all these plugs? They all have to match up for the connection to > work. But you know what's weird? Inferno: Catgut is not made of cat gut. > I don't even need the helmet to > communicate with either of them. I've been trying to contact them, but > they won't respond. They must be unconscious, or worse." Inferno: Or they could have been lucky enough to get out of the fic. > Eleven heard, but didn't listen. Quickstrike [Eleven]: Bor-ing! > Her...neurotransmitters made her > appear completely different. And her optics matched their golden flare. Blackarachnia: Dear Primus... Please let this not be going where I think it's going? > "Won't they get damaged outside of your helmet?" > "Not unless someone pulls them out," she replied. All: Foreshadowing! > Eleven then decided > that he shouldn't become captivated with this girl, not now, especially. Blackarachnia: Please not now. > He lay down again, forcing his optics shut. His systems were slowly > deactivating and had almost done so when her voice brought them back on. > "Eleven?" > "Yes?" Qucikstrike [Eleven]: You suck. > "Look at the stars." > Eleven looked at the sky. Blackarachnia: Look! There's Venus! Inferno: Not funny. Quickstrike: And over there's Ura- [Blackarachnia grabs him by his "nose"] Blackarachnia: Watch it. [Releases him] Quickstrike: Sorry sugarbot. > It was a cloudless sky, sprinkled with stars. > Their configuration was unfamiliar; the constellations were different Inferno: These stars form the constellation "Leonard Maltien". All: Boo! Inferno: And these two stars form the constellation "The Crusades". And over there is the constellation "Boredom" > from the ones on Cybertron. > She asked, "Which one of those do you think is Cybertron?" > "You can't see it from Earth. Besides, thanks to Jhaxius, there are > seventeen-plus Cybertrons now. Quickstrike: And who knows how many crappy fics for each. > You never know where they might be." Blackarachnia: Try behind the fridge. > "But which one is our Cybertron? Where is our home now? Where can we go?" Quickstrike: I hear Hawaii's nice this time of year. > "I...don't understand..." Inferno: You don't understand much, do you? > "You were right. There is nowhere to go. I can't return to Cybertron-- Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: I've got so many overdue library fines! > my Cybertron-- because they'll kill me, Inferno: The good taste patrol! > Blackjack may be dead because > those other Deceps caught him when you rescued me, all my fellow > Micromasters are being destroyed by--my own fellow Decepticons." Her > vocal systems slightly lowered. "Am I really worthless, Eleven? All: Yes! > Am I an 'egregious error', something that should never have been?" Blackarachnia: Yes. Inferno: Along with the rest of this fic. > "Everything exists for a reason, Acid Rain. Inferno: Except for the Brady Bunch. > So do you. Your reason is very important in the grand scheme of things; Quickstrike [Eleven]: Your job is to provide a vital plod device and make me look better. > all of ours are." Eleven > had not really had much experience in comforting anyone, except Jazz > and Seven. Blackarachnia: High Preist, moralist, team leader, voice of common sense and shoulder to cry on. Really multi-talented, aren't we? > He wasn't the best one for this job. > "I mean, what'll we do after you find your ship? All: We'll go to Disneyland! > You have to stay > until your sis gives you the A-OK to go back, but what'll you do > until then?" Inferno: The talk-show circut? > "I am not waiting. I will awaken Negative Zero, and we will return > to Cybertron to fight back." All: Whine For Peace! Snivel For Justice! We'll do it the Negative Zero way! > "But I thought you weren't supposed to fight back!" > "We are anyway. I must, Acid Rain! If I do not, my people shall die. Blackarachnia: If they're all like you, that's not a bad thing. Quickstrike: Gettin' dark there, Sugarbot. > There is no compromise. If Infinity is angry at my actions, then He > will destroy me, Inferno: Better move back from the Kill Zone, Acid. > but Him and only Him." Inferno: He of the unncecacary capitals. > "In space, though, I saw a whole bunch of 'Razors. How can the ten > of you stop them?" Inferno [Eleven]: We'll all think happy thoughts at once! Blackarachnia: We hire the animators that did "Fice Faces Of Evil". That way there can be swarms of us! Quickstrike: Wow. You really like them obscure, huh Sugarbot? > "We have to try." > "Well, I...want to join, too, Eleven. I can't do anything else! Blackarachnia: You really can't do much, can you? > I'm > sure those Deceps are looking for me, and you too, since you helped > and all..." > "But you are not a qa'rouum." Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: No, but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it. > "But I want to help your people, and I can fight against those who > are oppressing me as well. Inferno: Oooh. I'm sure that you'll make for a really scarey enemy. > See, we have that in common." > What Acid Rain proposed was logical. But would the qa'rouum approve > on Cybertron? All: No. > Would Negative Zero approve? Or Seven? All: Yes. Blackarachnia: Because they're god-boys enlightened minions. Great. > "Please, Eleven?" Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: Please please pretty please with sugar on top? > "...Acid Rain, (sigh) our customs are different--" Inferno: Button then zip for us, zip then button for you. > "I can learn." Quickstrike [Booktastic Bus Guy]: Though the magic of reading! > "You don't know what you are getting into--" Blackarachnia: You should have checked the small print on the contract. > "It can't be any worse than being a target." Inferno: You wanna bet? > "...very well..." Quickstrike [Eleven]: I know I'll live to regret this... > Acid Rain jumped up and screamed, her neurotransmitters flying > everywhere, her optics yellow. All: Hoody-hoo! > "Please, Acid Rain, Inferno [Eleven]: You're embarrasing me! > you'll...scare that driver!" From the north came > a car, seen to them only as a pair of headlights. She got down. > "All right! Thanks so much, Eleven! Wow! I'm a Negative Zero!" All: Whoopdy-slag. > She continued raving on and on as Eleven Inferno: Reached for his mallet. > reclined yet again, worried about > his decision, yet happy for her all the same. He hoped to Infinity that > he had done the right thing. Quickstrike: Your choice. You have to live with it. > He did need all the help he could get; he > only had the support of his team and Seven. Inferno: And the voices in his head. And Mr Thunderwing, his magical invisible sock puppet. And the authour. > Only time could tell. > Before shutdown, his newest team member's voice roused him yet a third > time. > "Eleven?" All: Shut up Acid! > "Acid Rain, if we don't recharge--" > "I know, I know, this'll only take a second." Quickstrike [Acid Rain]: I need to go! > "What is it?" Inferno: A crappy fic. > "It's cold." Blackarachnia: Oh for Primus's sake! Cold? Transformers can survive in the vaccum of space! Nights in the deep south are not cold! This is just a pathertic excuse for... Urk. > Eleven sighed. Inferno: He does that a lot. > "Your engine is probably still warm...and...could I..." Blackarachnia: Ick. > Oh, no. Infinity, no. Blackarachnia: My thoughts exactly! > "...could I sleep next to you?" Blackarachnia: Oh thank Primus. > Eleven was her leader now, and he had a responsibility to the wellbeing > of his team... Quickstrike: That's nice, but how about us? > maybe it would be all right. But his ascetic nature > demanded that he refuse. Inferno: Oh great. Now he's an artiste. > Oh, the illogic of trust! Blackarachnia: Oh, the illogic of fanfiction. > "Very well," he said, but she had already come next to him, as if she > knew he was going to say yes. Quickstrike: Pushy little bot, arent ya? > She rested her head just under the wheel on his left shoulder. Quickstrike: Unfotunately, he rolled over in the night and crushed her. The end. Inferno: Who'se getting dark? > Her neurotransmitters made small scratching sounds > on his wescorium alloy, Inferno [Eleven]: You're paying to have that re-sprayed. > and some of them brushed against his head. Her > short body appeared rather comical to Eleven next to his longer one. Blackarachnia: Oh look. It's Abbot and Costello. Inferno: Laurel and Hardy. Quickstrike: Siskel and Egbert. > Her optics (and the triangle upon her head) had already closed. The thing > was, his engine had already cooled. It was just as cold over here by him > as where she had been at first. She knew it, oh she did. Blackarachnia: I retract my earlier staements! Ick! > Such an illogical gesture. Inferno: My thoughts exactly. > She did look rather nice, asleep on his shoulder, Quickstrike: Oh look. It's Long Eleven Silver and his pet parrot. Blackarachnia: Maybe she's Sylia from Bubbleguim Shift in disguise. Inferno: Now where did that come from? > almost unable to be seen in the darkness. Quickstrike: Try thermo-optics. Allways works for me. > As Eleven entered his sleep cycle, Inferno: Right after the spin cycle. > he stared into the stars, searching, hoping. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > eleven? eleven, are you there? you must be. Quickstrike [Eleven]: Hi. I'm afraid Eleven is not in his head at the moment. But if you'll care to leave your name and number after the tone, he'll get back to you. BLEEP! > While Eleven slept, his cerebral cortexes re-evaluated all the information > since the last sleep cycle; Inferno: ie All that's happened in the fic to date. In other words: Not much. > in this case, it was nearly four Terran days. > Jumbled visual images and audial samples ran through his inner optics and > audial receptors. In other words, Blackarachnia: He was watching MTV. > he dreamt. But now he could see Seven through his dream sequence. Quickstrike: As well as Uncle Nine as the tin man, Cousin Twelve as the cowardly lion and cousin Ten as the scarecrow. > She partially transcended the dream, speaking directly to him. > eleven, you are dreaming again. Inferno: No wonder he flunked maths. > Seven was created seventy-seven seconds after Eleven, but she was slightly > taller than her older brother. Quickstrike: Another petty example of sibling rivallry. > She came to him in a dream, order in the > chaos of the past few days. She was far thinner and faster than Eleven, Blackarachnia [Seven]: I lost two hundred kilos on the Jenny Craig Transformer program. Ask me how. > but often rash and impetuous. Inferno: That's probably why she doesn't directly appear in the fic. > She appeared more vivid in the dream than real life. All: Uh? Blackarachnia: Maybe he just spends his waking hours in a daze. Like Waspinator. > seven? what's happening? All: Nothing. > our dreams are mixing. yes, this I do not like either. Quickstrike [Seven]: What's with all these Russian Spies, bowling balls, bananas, aliens, Colonel Sanders and Hibachi salsemen anyway? You have some weird dreams, bro. > Suddenly, foreign images from Seven's mind came to Eleven of the past > cycle. Blackarachnia: See what happens when you get subconicousess crossed? > The overload of new images and sounds could cause one of them to > awaken. > are you still there, dear brother? Inferno [Eleven]: No. That ought to fool her. > yes. > whereareyouareyouallrightisthedecepticonstillwithyou- Blackarachnia: Uk! It's Blurr! > slow down! i'm fine. Inferno: We're not. > and the decepticon is...well... Quickstrike [Eleven]: Trying to get into my gearbox. Blackarachnia: DON'T DO THAT! [Whacks him - hard - on the head] > part of negative zero now. > what?!? Inferno: I don't understand. Blackarachnia: Where's the tea? Quickstrike: Obscure. > listen, seven, she is truly lost without us. Quickstrike: Face it. She couldn't find her rear end with a map. > I found her just as the > decepticons were about to destroy her. she could help us destroy the > demonrazors! i'm sure of it. Blackarachnia: She could use her personality on them. > i've always believed you before, Inferno [Seven]: Even the bit about the asteroid that looked like a roller -blading moose. > but this, this is almost too much. > trust me, sister of mine. Blackarachnia: Now is that a phrase to worry you or what? > that is something that will get you into more trouble. Quickstrike: You can bet yer keister on it. > is 666 on earth? > if so, i've not seen him. > then he's here. Blackarachnia: Let's see... you've covered a tiny area. And you haven't seen some guy so you automatically assume he's not on Earth. Makes perfect sense to me... > oh dear, if he's here on cybertron... Quickstrike: By the pit! Seven is Kasumi! > take heart, sister of mine. I won't be gone long. Quickstrike [Seven]: Oh, poopy. Blackacrachnia: Where'd you get that one from? Quickstrike [Shrugs] > when I get back, he > and his idiots will pay for their crimes against us. Inferno: Oooh. Scarey, scarey. Don't you look mean. > I await your return then, dear brother. be careful with the decepticon. > although you are both immigrants with common problems, there is evil > brooding within her. Quickstrike: She's a bad guy. Where's her libary card? Blackarachnia & Inferno: WHAT?!? Quickstrike: I dunno. Just popped in there. > infinity re'taai. Inferno: Live long and propser. Quickstrike: Eat slag and die. > infinity re'taai... What was Seven talking about? She's just distrustful. > Acid Rain's a nice one. Blackarachnia: Certainly if you find the idea of fingernails screeeching on a blackboard nice... > Is there evil within her? Inferno: Yup. You watch. > Eleven then began to dream pointless dreams. All [Singing]: To dream... the indechipherable dream... > To be continued..... All: Ad infinitum! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > If you liked "Negative Zero: Immigration" Blackarachnia: You probably enjoy watching paint dry. > by Christopher Jones, e-mail him. > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Back [They all get up and leave] [Door 1 - A vault door. It's unlockled] [Door 2 - A revolving door. You go round a few times then proceed] [Door 3 - An elevator door. You push the button and it opens] [Door 4 - A garage door. You blip it with the remote, then open it manually when that fails] [Door 5 - It's a Catflap. You crawl through it] [SoP Bridge] Blackarachnia: That hurt! So many inconsistencies! So much re-writing of the facts to make God-boy seem better. Quickstrike: And so dull too! I mean, when's something gonna happen? I keep on waiting, but nothing! Inferno: Still... It could make a great cure for Insomnia! [Consolde beeps] Blackarachnia: Well tell that to the Idiot Brothers. [She turns on the cosnole. Galvatron and Megastorm appear] [Darkside 13] Galvatron: So, my little pets. Feeling insane now? Ready to submit to my wills and bow down before me? [SoP] Blackarachnia: No. Quickstrike: Bored, but not insane. Inferno: Yeah! I'm just as sane as when the fic started! Blackarachnia [Aside]: That's not saying much. [Darkside 13] Galvatron: Well, I guess you'll just have to read the next chapter. I'm sure another part, nearly twice as long as this one, will do you in. [SoP] Blackarahcnia: Twice... as... long? [Darkside 13] Galvatron: That's right! You'll be bent to my wills yet [Maniacal laughter] But right now, there's something else. I monitored an unortharised transmission coming through my system,, and I know who's to blame. [SoP] Quickstrike [Whispered]: He noticed your signal, sugarbot. Blackarachnia [Whispered]: Just act casual. [Darkside 13] Galvatron: Come here, Megastrorm. [Megastrorm walks over to him] Have you been making crank calls on my system again? Megastrom: Yeah, boss. [SoP] All: Uh? [Darkside 13] [Galvatron gets Megastorm in a headlock and punches him hard, sending him crashing to the floor] Galvatron: See what happens to those who defy me? [Laughs maniacally] Push the button, Megastorm! [Megastorm's arm weekly reaches up and pushes the button] [The screen goes black] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Endnotes: (1) Vorn: Unit of time. 1 vorn = 8.3 earth years. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Riffed by: Rick R. Mortis (rickr@one.net.au) Blackarachnia, Inferno and Quickstrike are copyright 1995-1998 Hasbro/Kenner. Galvatron and Megastorm are copyright 1996-1998 Tankara. Rick's Mecha Madness Page: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Realm/7194/index.htm AntiKevs, Mekton Z conversions, fanfic drinking game, the one and only Common Sense Timeline, crazy Fighters' Anthology .lib and missions, and Utterly Disturbing Nova Satori Shrine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > We can't worry about that now, since we're going to it now.