[Mike and the Bots enter the Bridge, which is now full of people.] Mike: What the. . .? Tom, you didn't rent the satellite to the Heaven's Gate people again? Tom: No, they're not supposed to be here until next week. Mike: Well, what the heck is going on then? Tom: Gee Mike, calm down. Crow: Yeah Mike. You're going to burst a blood vessel or something. [Next to Crow, a balding man materializes out onto the bridge.] EMH: Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Mike: There's no medical emergency. These two are just over reacting. EMH: Surely someone here has a medical emergency. Crow: Well, Mike snores sometimes. Mike: I do not! [To the EMH] Look, I don't know why you're here. This ship is supposed to only have one person and three robots on it. We've got no need for a doctor! A mechanic, maybe, but not a doctor. EMH: I see. [The EMH disappears, and reappears a moment later, this time dressed in a jumpsuit similar to Mike's, but covered in grease.] EMH: Please state the nature of the mechanical emergency. [Mike shakes his head and grabs a passer-by.] Mike: Excuse me, but. . . Crewman #1: Oh, hi there Captain! Crow: Captain? Tom: I think he's talking to Mike. Crow: [Sarcastically] Oh, really? Tom: Well, yeah. When I mustered out of the Vengosian Navy, I was a Commodore, so they must be talking to Mike. [Mike stares at Tom for a moment before turning back to the Crewman.] Mike: Yeah, I guess that I'm the Captain here. Who are you? Crewman #1: I'm your helmsman, a Navy Ensign on his first cruise. [A second crewman walks up to Mike.] Crewman #2: And I'm his best friend, an ex-con with a heart of gold, who's assisting you on your mission ,Captain. [A third member of the crew walks up, this one has tattoos on the side of his face.] Crewman #3: And I'm. . . Mike: Never mind. I don't care who you are. [Mike turns to the bots.] Goodman must have something to do with this. [Mike turns to the crew and points to the Bridge's window.] Look! A sub-space anomaly! [The crew gasps, and rush over to the window. The EMH goes with them. Mike shakes his head and then hits the communication light.] [The Studio] [Well, it used to be the studio. But now it resembles a small, messy apartment. Posters of people skiing adorn one wall. In front of the viewscreen is a young man with long, blonde hair, wearing a ski cap.] Chip: Mikedude! Hey, glad to see you again! [SoL] [Mike looks at the bots, who shrug.] Mike: Nice to see you too. [pause] Who are you? [Apartment] Chip: Mikedude! I'm like, really bummed out that we haven't been able to get you down from there yet! But alas, our rent's due , and Topher's locked in the bank vault with our money and that sexy stewardess that he's had his eye on. So, Christo is looking for. . . [The doorbell rings] Chip: Dude! Our landlord! Gotta hide! [Chip rushes about frantically before hiding in the closet. Moments later, the door opens and Pearl, dressed in a sweater and a pair of pants.] Pearl: [Flatly] Chip? Topher? Christo? I need your rent check. Are you here? Chip: [Muffled] We're not here! [SoL] Mike: Pearl! Finally! Someone sane! Crow: Loosely speaking, of course. Mike: Well, that goes without saying. What's going on around here? [Apartment] Pearl: [Flatly] Say, I think that I'll just sit here and wait for Chip to come back home. [Rustling noises are heard in the closet. Pearl scans the room for a second and then moves in close to the screen and speaks softly in her normal tone of voice.] Pearl: Hi Mike. Herb decided that the viewers couldn't relate to us, so he decided that a trio of wacky, fun-loving snowboarders should be accidentally sending you the movies. [Forcedly] I'm the boys' mean landlord. Oh, and he has Brain guy doing hemorrhoid ads. [She shrugs.] That's kind of bad for him, I guess. [SoL] Tom: What happened to Bobo? [Apartment] Pearl: [Sighs] He'll be here in a second. [The door flies open. Bobo's now dressed like Kramer with the fur on the top of his head is arranged in Kramer style.] Bobo: Hey Pearl! Does Chip have any walnuts? Pearl: I. Don't. Know. Bobo: How about a pressure cooker? [He begins to root around in the kitchen.] Pearl: [Leans closer to the screen.] Mike, get me out of here. I'll take you back to Earth. I'll stop showing you bad movies. I'll do anything. Just get me out of here. [SoL] Mike: No more bad movies? Hmmm. [Pause.] Okay, you've got a deal. Crow, think that you can handle this one? Crow: Sure Mike. I'll just grab a Powerbook, a can of silly string, and my chainsaw, then. . . [Babe enters the scene.] Babe: You! Gold one! I wish to explore my violent feelings! Come with me! [Crow screams in horror and tries to run away, but Babe grabs him by his head thingee and drags him off stage. Moments later, we hear Crow's shrieks of terror intermingled with the sound out metal clashing on metal. Mike looks in the direction that the pair disappeared, nods and then turns to Tom.] Mike: Okay Tom. Your turn. Tom: Right! GROOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLL!!!!!!! [With a growl of fury, Tom rushes off the stage. After a moment, Tom rambles back into view.] Mike: Well? How'd it go? Tom: Well, I rushed into Herb's office and told him that we weren't going to be his little pawns anymore. Mike: [Pause] And? Tom: You know, he's really a nice guy. . . Mike: [Burying his head in his hands] Tom. . . Tom: Do you know what merchandising is Mike? It's a really cool thing. See, he gave me a box of cool stuff. There's a Tom Servo Coffee mug, a Tom Servo T-shirt, Tom Servo keychains, Tom Servo boxing robots, Tom Servo funny foam, Tom Servo gardening tools, Tom Servo fire extinguishers. . [Tom continues to describe the various items. Mike looks back to the camera.] Mike: I guess that it's up to me then. Well, I've got a plan to free you, Pearl.[The lights begin to flash.] But, darn. It looks like that'll have to wait until after we're done with the story. [He grins evilly] Gee, I could have freed you now if you hadn't sent us this literary masterpiece. Have fun with the snowboarders! [He hits the light and the door sequence begins.] [6. . . 5. . . 4 . . . 3 . . .2 . . . 1 . . .] [Mike enters, carrying Tom, who is still talking.] Tom: And Tom Servo Lunchpails, and Tom Servo Disposable Toilets, and Tom Servo Brand SSMs, and . . . Mike: I get the idea Tom. Say, where's Crow? [Suddenly, a scream is heard in the theater. Crow's been thrown through the air and he impacts against the screen before slowly sliding down the screen to the ground. ] Babe: [Outside the theater] Thank you for your help Gold One! [Crow picks himself off the floor and slowly seats himself.] Crow: Mike, your plan better work cause I'm not going through another session of that. Mike: Relax, the plan's already in motion. > >From rtonts@direct.ca Fri Jan 09 14:02:53 1998 >Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative >Subject: NEW Hail to the Queen 4/4 [PG] (TNG, Marrissa Stories) >From: Ron Tonts >Date: Fri, 09 Jan 1998 20:02:53 +0000 > > >--------------8ED4D948EA407EEBE175A36F >Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1; x-mac- type="54455854"; x-mac-creator="4D4F5353" >Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit > > Chapter 9 > > Sitting there on her throne of iron, Crow: Wondering where the heck the Borg kept the Charmin... > Marrissa had fires >blazing in her eyes every bit as intense as a star. Despite >the tubes protruding from various parts of her body, she still >drew eyes to her untouched face. Tom: [Marrissa] Look at me!! LOOK AT ME!!!!! > Her skin glistened with days >of accumulated sweat, and her once fair blond hair was >streaked with grime and oil. Her voice boomed as if it >was possessed by a goddess, despite its lack of use. [All snicker.] Mike: Oh yeah. Marrissa *never* uses her voice. > "Foolish individuals," stated the Queen, "you dare to >confront the Queen of the Borg? Crow: Any minute now, she's gonna jump on a broom and write "Surrender Kids' Crew" in the air. > Your biological and >technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. >Standby for assimilation." Tom: And stand by. . . . . for news! > The Borg refrain coming from Marrissa's lips chilled >Jay to the core of his being. Despite every instinct telling >him to get as far away from this place as possible, Jay stood >his ground. Mike: Mainly because Jay has all the survival instincts of a refrigerator magnet. > Drawing a breath, he prepared to confront his >former wife. Crow: I want my record collection back! > "Marrissa, don't you recognise us? It's Jay, Clara, >Shayna, and Alex. We're here to rescue you," he announced. > "Rescue me? Tom: o/~ Oh take me in your arms. Rescue me. . . o/~ > Why would I require rescuing?" she asked. >With a mechanical zip, Crow: Oooh, a Zip Drive! Tom: Yeah, when you're Borg, you can afford the best. Mike: That reminds me, how's your 5 1/4" drive, Tom? Tom: Slow, Nelson, really slow! > the implants connecting Marrissa to her >chair withdrew. >The freedom of movement was granted to her, and she stood to >face the Starfleet Officers. Mike: [Marrissa] Can I get anyone a drink? > "I am about to invade Earth, crush Starfleet, and come >closer to attaining order for the galaxy," she announced. Tom: [announcer] See it *live* on "When Kids' Crews Attack" - Tuesday on Fox! > Undaunted by her stubbornness, Jay continued, "Don't >you remember who I am? I'm Jay, your husband. We have a >daughter. Do you remember Sarah? Mike: You might be serving her as dinner at somepoint in the future. . . > We both love you Marrissa. >Come back to us. We love you!" Tom: o/~ We love you Ri-isa, oh yes we do. We love you Risa, and we'll be true. . . o/~ > Upon hearing this, the intense glare of Marrissa's eyes >wavered and softened. She lost her balance and had to grip >the armrest of her throne. A tear welled up and began to >travel down her cheek. Crow: And somewhere in the background, that stupid Celine Dion song is playing again! > She opened her mouth to speak again. >Her jaw was unsteady, and the words were pronounced slowly. Crow: "Bite. Me. Dickweed?" > "You ... love me?" the shaken Queen asked. As Jay >nodded his head in confirmation, she began to speak again. Mike: Feed my sheep. Tom: Huh? Mike: It's a Biblical reference - look it up. > "Love ... is irrelevant. Crow: Well, I never heard that "Love Is" before. > You will be assimilated without >any further delay." Mike: Right after this commercial message. > Her balance was regained, and her jaw was set. The >softening visage of the Queen had solidified into the ruthless >face of a swallower of souls. Tom: Well, she's back to normal, then. > The transformation put Jay and his friends in >shock, allowing the Borg to make the next move. > Marrissa threw an arm out in a dramatic motion that >encased the four people inside a force field bubble. Pulling >out her hip disrupter, Crow: Man! That disruptor's so hip, it can't see over its own pelvis! > the Queen used it to vaporise the door >holding back her drones. They entered the room only to find >the threat ended. Mike: [Borg] Darn, that didn't work eith- I mean, we're certainly glad you're all right, your highness. > With the threat to herself and her ship over, Marrissa >turned to the viewscreen. Tom: [British] And when we say "You will be assimilated without any further delay", we mean there will be *some* delay involved. > With a creak of hydraulics and >motors, the screen split into halves and slid into the wall. >Located behind the screen was a ring-shaped device. Tom: And here at the Shane Company, each ring that we manufacture is a unique creation, whether it's a wedding ring, an engagement ring, or a time travel device. > It was >about two meters in diameter, and was glowing a silver colour >along its circumference. With a sweeping gesture from the >Queen, the device flared to life. Crow: [Marrissa] Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the most tyrannical of them all? > The centre of the ring >filled with an odd liquid that suspended itself in the centre. >Rippling along its own little plane, Mike: Here's the World War I Flying Ace, in his Sopwith Camel, commanding the skies! Tom: [makes ek-ek-ek-ek sounds] Mike: Oh no! He's been hit! CURSE YOU, RED BORGQUEEN!!! > the liquid changed from a >solid silver to a mirror of Marrissa's room. The mirror then >refocused on what looked like another part of the Borg ship. Tom: [Marrissa] I bet that little tramp Cindy Ann Borg has been talking about me behind my back! We'll just see about that! > Inside the bubble Jay looked on with worry, "Clara, >what is that thing?" he fretted. Mike: A Tantalus Device? > "I'm not sure," Clara said with curiosity edging her >voice, "the tricorder says the liquid in the middle is a >concentrated form of Chroniton Particles." Crow: A Guardian of Forever? Tom: Or a new Slurpee flavor. > "Time Travel?" Jay deduced, "But why would they want to >do that? Mike: Unless... Good lord! The Borg must be responsible for the Cubs' losses in the World Series! >They've destroyed their opposition and Earth is just a few >thousand kilometres away." > "Because the present amount of drones is not acceptable >to complete the assimilation of your planet," Marrissa's cold >voice interrupted. "By retrieving drones from the destroyed >Borg ships, we can replenish the force without requiring >assistance from additional units." Crow: Um, can't they just make *new* drones as they go? Mike: Shhhh - you'll disturb the plot device. > As if on queue, a drone dropped out of the portal, >landing flat on the deck. After depositing about thirty >drones, Mike: ...for the next three minutes... > the portal shimmered and changed its view to another >interior of a cube. During the switch, Marrissa's face >contorted in concentration. Crow: [Marrissa] What's that song running through my head? Deedeedeedada, deedeedeedada, dumdumdumdumdadadum... > After the view change, she >seemed to be physically drained by the effort. Lights >flickered around the room, and the force bubble made a high >pitched whine. Tom: [Henry Fonda] That's the sound of the ambassador's phone melting! > This did not go unnoticed by the captive >officers who began to formulate an escape plan. Crow: [Jay] Clara, lie on the cot and act sick. Alexander, when Marrissa comes in to check on her, choke her with the fishing wire! Any questions? Tom: [Alex] We don't have a cot, or a wire, and Marrissa doesn't care if we live or die. Crow: [Jay] Crap! Okay, plan B: we beg like terriers for our lives! > "Did you see that? She must use a fantastic amount of >power on that device. This bubble must lose some amount of >power when she alters the time setting. Mike: Remember to set your Borg Drone ahead one hour. > I bet that we can use the phasers to get out of here when >she shifts the setting again." Clara whispered. Tom: Or we could phaser our way through the floor. [pause] Nah. That'll never work. > The team slowly drew their phasers as another thirty >drones dropped to the deck and lurched out of the room. All: [Lurch] You rang? You rang? Uhhhhhhhhhhh! Yes, Mr. Addams. You rang? > The >portal once again altered itself to another view. Marrissa >was drained to the extreme by this shift, and settled back >into her chair. Crow: [Archie Bunker] Hey, Dingbat, bring me a beer, hah?!? > The mechanical zipper sounded again, Tom: Marrissa's fly was down? > and masked >the sound of phasers breaking through the bubble. As the >group emerged from their prison, the portal began to discharge >more drones. Tom: [Ben Stein] So call, write, or E-mail futility-dot-com in the hopes that on some planet, on some distant day, you might [reverb effect] WiWin BeBen StStein's MoMoneyneyneyney. Crow: Cool reverb, Tom! Tom: [still reverbing] ThThanksksksks. Oooooopspspsp. [click, reverb off] Thanks. > Sounds from the doorway indicated that there were >drone on the way across the bridge as well. > Bringing their EMP Rifles to bear, Mike: Great big huge rabid grizzly bears with hangovers that - Tom: We finished that section already, Mike. Mike: Oh, sorry. > the Away Team began to >knock down drones pouring in from the two locations. Clara >and Alex began dispatching the drones from the portal, Shayna >was defending the entrance to the room, and Jay was lending >help where he could. Crow: Mainly he distracted them by running around in a blind panic. > The termination of the drones registered >to Marrissa as if one of her limbs had fallen asleep. Mike: So she picked up a drone and started shaking him. > The faint numbness made her stir in the throne, and >flicker her eyes open. Tom: They stuck her implant in a bowl of warm water, and... > Seeking to protect her children, she >drew her disrupter and aimed it at the group. > Shayna vaporised in a silent flash of light. [More balloons continue to fall from the ceiling. It's now getting a bit crowded in the theater.] Crow: The light was silent, but Shayna's cries of agony were really, really loud. > This went >without notice until five drones had entered the room. Crow: Hey, wasn't Shayna with us? Tom: Ah, who knows? > Jay >brought his rifle around just in time to end the existence of >four more drones. The fifth lived long enough to implant its >nanoprobes into Clara's neck. She screamed, Jay fired, and >the drone clunked down to the deck. Clara stood intoxicated >for a moment, Tom: [blearily] I'm not as think as you drunk I am! > then followed the drone to the deck. > [More balloons. The bots' silhouettes are nearly masked by the balloons] Mike: But she missed the deck and began to fly. > The world around Alexander Rozhenko melted away. His >fallen wife was the only planet in the universe, Tom: Alex was married to a planet? Crow: [as minister] Alex, do you take Jupiter to be your lawfully wedded wife? > and he was >pulled by her gravity. Crow: Wow! That's almost profound - in a weird sort of way. > Alex watched as his wife's beautiful >face was clouded by grey streaks, and he began the Klingon >death howl. > Crow: But enough about Wu-Tang Clan. Mike: And enough about musical comparison jokes, already! Tom: I think he's overreacting to her liver spots. > Marrissa smiled to herself as her friend's mind became a >part of the Collective. She found herself curious and began >sifting through the unconscious woman's mind as if it were a >cluttered room. Tom: [Marrissa] My curling iron! I *knew* I loaned it to her! > Beneath all the fuzz of thoughts and ideas, >Marrissa found the memories of the assimilated woman. Tom: [as Marrissa] Clara! You never told me about your affair with Jay! > The ideas >hit her in a rush, she could see herself through another's >eyes. Tom: [Marrissa] I'm *that* terrifying and evil?!? Cool Beans!!! > She and this woman knew each other, before Marrissa >became the Queen of the Borg, and the Queen was happy in her >past life. Mike: She'd forgotten how much fun it was to boss her friends and elders around. Crow: Yeah, it's much more satisfying when your victims can squirm a little. > The revelation of this stunned Marrissa. The >Collective said she had been taken for granted, her values, >emotions, and passions had been warped. Mike: Well, the last part's right, at least. > If this was a lie, >how much else was? She mentally screamed to the Collective to >speak with her. > Tom: [Marrissa] I know you're there! Pick up, you wimps!! Crow: [Borg] "Assimilate Marrissa," you said! "We can control her," you said! > In the scene before the Queen, the battle reached its >turning point. Alex sobbed over the loss of his wife, and >ignored the few drones closing in. Crow: DEBBIE! Mike: Clara, Crow. Clara. > Jay had his own hands full, Crow: Weeping and pleading. > repelling Borg >emerging from the time portal and ones entering from the >doorway. All seemed lost, until Alex stood. Crow: Weenie-boy to the rescue! > His mourning period had passed, and a red curtain Tom: So the Borg assimilated a theater somewhere along the line then? > of rage >lowered itself across his eyes. Tom: Unfortunately, it clashed horribly with the off-white carpeting of hysteria and the teal upholstery of despair. > His rifle was now lying where >he dropped it in his rush to Clara's side. Reaching for his >kut'luch Mike: Good night everybody! > strapped to his back, Alex slid into a defensive >stance. Mike: Get ready for... MORTAL KOMBAT! > The first two drones stumbled right in and were >dispatched with a horizontal slash, followed by an overhead >cut. Another duo attacked and were dispatched with ease. Mike: This *is* the same Alexander who can't hold a sword straight on DS9, right? >Despite the danger, Alex found the combat more calm and paced >than when he and his father trained on board General Martok's >ship. He smiled as three more opponents kissed the floor. Tom: Kiss the floor, baby! *Mwah!* > The >adrenaline rushing through his veins prevented him from >feeling the pain of an over-extended ligament. It also let >him ignore the tiny pinpricks adorning his hand. Crow: The tattoo artist of death claims Alexander. Tom: We shall attack you with pins. Resistance is futile. >After a brief moment, Alex's mind began to cloud with the >thoughts and memories of his wife, of his crewmates on the >Enterprise, and of thousands of others he didn't know. Mike: Rick Berman, Jeri Taylor... Crow: Margaret Chase Smith, Billy Graham... Tom: Al Capone, Salmon P. Chase... Mike: Joe Garagiola, Minnie Driver... Crow: Nefertiti, Methuselah... Tom: Stephen Ratliff, Rob Tonts... > He was >vaguely aware of his fate as he began to fade from >consciousness. With his remaining ounce of strength, he >pulled the pin from one of his photon grenades. Satisfied >he had done his part, Alex let himself drift away from the hot >and smelly world around him. Mike: Goodbye, New Jersey! > It had been a good day to die. > Crow: It had been St. Swithin's Day! > Despite the racket caused by the dropping drones, Jay >managed to hear the photon grenade's arming tone quite >clearly. Looking Alex's direction, he could see both of his >friends were on the floor, bordered by drones in a similar >state. Mike: They're totally baked, man! Tom: Dude! Got any munches? > He could also see the blinking >light of the grenade in Alex's bandoleer. Proceeding to his >fallen friends, eliminating any drones that showed themselves, Mike: [British] These drones have not learned how not to be seen. >Jay stooped down and took the armed grenade. It was preset >for five minutes and had begun counting down. Tom: Good Jay. Set the grenade to go off after you've all been assimilated. Good plan. > Jay had noticed Marrissa was moving in her >chair. Her attempts at conversation with the Collective were >futile. They attempted to feed her the same type of story >they had before. Crow: [Borg] We are the Borg. The dog assimilated our homework. > When they saw it wasn't working, the programming embedded >in Marrissa's mind was reactivated with a vengeance. Tom: [blankly] I must kill Frank Drebin. > She >smiled a smile of the devil and took aim with her disrupter. >Jay had beaten her to the trigger however, and fired an EMP >burst into the throne. Tom: Okay, here's something that's been bugging me since the start of the story - the Borg can regenerate from massive damage. Even huge holes in the ship from photon torpedoes can be fixed in mere minutes. So *why the Hector Elizondo is a little electromagnetic pulse suddenly putting them down for the count*?!?!? Crow: Ummmmmm - it's a Kryptonite generated EMP? Tom: Oh. [pauses] Well, that's different. > Electronics overloaded, melted and detonated throughout >Marrissa's chair. A power surge flashed through throne, into >the Queen and out to the time gate. Crow: Remember, *always* use a power strip! > Marrissa began convulsing >as the images in the gate began to shift rapidly though >different scenes and different time periods. When the >convulsing stopped, Marrissa drooped in her seat like >a convict after the electric chair. Mike: Appropriately. > The time gate had also >settled, showing a representation of a Starfleet vessel's >quarters. Crow: With any luck, it's B'Elanna's! > Gazing at the grenade's timer, which said he only had >four minutes before it destroyed the room, Jay looked for a >good place to hide it. Tom: Finally, he dropped it in one of the big gaping holes in the plot. > Placing it under the time portal, Jay >turned his attention back to his wife. She still had signs of >life, Mike: [Jay] Crap! Missed! > but unless he helped her soon she would die from the >electrical shock. Using the discarded kut'luch, Jay sliced >the binding implants from the chair. The razor sharp blade >managed to cut through the wires in almost a minute. Crow: [Raspyni Brothers] Even the carrots we use... All: *Razor Sharp*!! > Jay then >hoisted Marrissa up and carried her away from her former >prison. Crow: Then, thanks to the hundred or so pounds of implants, Jay collapsed to the deck in excruciating pain, his spine sticking straight out of his back. > Tapping his combadge, Jay spoke, "Enterprise, two to beam >up." > Silence responded to his call. Mike: [Jay] Ensign Silence, beam us up immediately! > Of course, he thought, the >magnetic shields are still up. There's no way off this ship. >Unless, Jay's mind whirred, the time portal could work as a >two-way street. Crow: Well, with Jay's luck, it'll be a double-yellow line two way street with safety cones blocking off one whole lane. > Carrying Marrissa as if they were about to cross the >threshold, Jay stepped up to the silvery hoop. Gathering a >deep breath, he leaped into the time gate. Tom: And over the broom. > He felt a sensation >that could be compared to jumping through a thin, continuous >waterfall. Mike: So, he got briefly wet then? > Then the queasiness of >zero gravity grabbed a hold of his stomach and spun it like a >gyroscope. Crow: o/~ You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record baby, right round round round... o/~ > His senses were bombarded by unclear images and >multitudes of colour. Tom: Super Freak-out! By Ohio Arts. > He felt himself drift away from >reality, only to have the sensation ended by something cool, >hard, and fuzzy. Mike: He's landed on Barney! BOTS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! BACK TO THE BORG SHIP, QUICK!!!! > Chapter Ten > > The time portal deposited its two unexpected travellers >in the Starfleet quarters it had shown. Jay struggled to >regain the balance he lost during his trip, and surveyed the >room. Despite his lack of focus, the room seemed vaguely >familiar. > Mike: [Jay] Where am I? Tom: The Village. > The walls nearby were adorned with two paintings. >Standard furniture sat in its place across the floor of the >abode, except for what looked like a rocking chair between the >couch and the door leading to another bedroom. Behind Jay was >a hallway, that branched in two directions, Mike: And Jay took the lesser used one. And that made all the difference. > into a washroom and >into a room with a crib. Crow: You have: A bathrobe, a toothbrush, a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is, pocket lint, and no tea. > With a few >moments of orientation, Jay managed to focus. One of the >paintings on the wall depicted a blond-haired girl leading her >group of friends out of the forest of a planet. Mike: It was Denise Richards from "Starship Troopers". > The other >showed the same blond girl on a Galaxy-class starship's bridge >with a Cardassian Galor-Class vessel dominating the >viewscreen. Tom: You know, we're never going to forget those episodes in Marrissa's life, the way they keep bringing these paintings up. > From the room with >the crib, a contented cooing bounced into the room. Tom: Awww, it's little baby pigeons! > Jay matched the >sound to his daughter when she was content. A slight amount >of vertigo forced Jay to sit in the nearby rocker. Mike: Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak force Jay to do their bidding. > The >rocking chair seemed vaguely familiar. It had an antique air, >and had cushions that moulded to fit him. The nausea passed >and Jay took a glance around the quarters. Tom: Then the nausea came crashing back full force. > The similarities >to his own quarters back in the Enterprise were astounding, Crow: Geez, Jay, buy a clue or something! > the >paintings, the furniture, the baby, everything was so exact. Mike: [Steven Wright] They stole all my stuff and replaced it all with exact duplicates. > Awareness >flooded through his mind. The date, he had to know the date. > > "Computer," Jay rasped, "what's the date?" Crow: June 12, 1997. Mike: Of course! The Borg sent him back in time so that he could attend the Lilith Faire! > "The Current Stardate is 62492," the computer stated. > > The Computer had responded with numbers that corresponded >with numbers that matched Jay's hopes. It's just before the >Borg attack where they got Marrissa, Jay thought. All: WHAT?!? [All the collected balloons and confetti disappear in a pop.] Tom: I call no fair! Marrissa was done for! > The last wisps of fog cleared from >his memory, and he remembered his wife. All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > She lay on the floor on >her back, faintly stirring in her unconscious slumber. > Crow: [Marrissa, groggily] C'mon, mom, I don't wanna conquer the galaxy today - lemme sleep! > "Gordon to Sickbay," Jay called into his combadge. >"Medical emergency. Standby for incoming patient. Transporter >Room Four, lock on to my signal and beam directly to Sickbay." > Mike: [Transporter guy] But I'm not sick! > Jay unclipped his combadge and placed it on Marrissa's >chest. Tom: Allowing him to cop one last feel. Mike: Tom! They're married! He doesn't need to cop a feel! Tom: We're talking about Marrissa here, Mike. Mike: [pause] You're right. Never mind. > As she disappeared in a cloud of silver sparkles, a >grim determination swept through Jay. Crow: [Jay] If I start out in a shuttle *now*, I can be to Zeta Reticuli before she even wakes up. > He was going to stop the events from happening and destroy >the Borg at the same time. As Jay charged out of his quarters >towards the nearest turbolift, confused glances from the crew >bombarded him when he passed. > Mike: [crewman] What's up with Commander Weenie? Tom: [crewman] With him? Who knows? > Minutes later, the turbolift deposited Jay on the Bridge. >Surprise oozed from each of the personnel. Giving in to the >desire to know what they were staring at, Jay surveyed >himself. Crow: And compared the results to the original abstract. > His uniform had been soaked with sweat and moisture. Mike: But we washed it in all-temperature Cheer, and look - it's clean as a whistle! > Grime streaked across the >fabric, rubbed on from the Borg ship. Taking a deep breath >Jay began barking orders, deciding he'd explain later. > Crow: [Jay] You! Stand on your head and recite the Pledge of Allegiance! You! Send a program of easy listening music to the Cardassians! And you! Hose me down with pineapple juice! > "Shayna, go to Red Alert and order the fleet to do the >same. Arm the main deflector dish and aim at these >coordinates," followed by several numbers from Jay's memory. > Tom: Hey, if they've gotten back to before it all began, shouldn't there be a spare Jay and Marrissa running around somewhere? Mike: Ummmmmm - Tom: Unless a tree fell on them or something. Crow: Maybe they first ones blinked out of existence when the second ones arrived? Mike: They were probably just swallowed by the plot holes. > Shayna's hands danced gracefully over the controls as she >carried out her Captain's orders. As the deflector dish >spewed its beam of energy, Shayna decided to ask what the >target was. Mike: That's actually a good question to ask *before* you fire, Shayna. > Her question was answered as the ray sliced into >the target coordinates. The beam halted and the Borg cube >decloaked with a gaping hole where the beam had hit. When the >cube drifted into the viewscreen's line of sight, Crow: . . .It was pushed aside by Old Dirty Bastard from the Wu Tang Clan who began to babble about "How he's doing all of this for the children." > Jay saw that >the weapon had plowed right through to the other side of the >cube. Crow: [Joe Piscopo] It shoots through schools! > After allowing the Enterprise a glimpse of her All: Sa-a-a-a-ay... > wound, All: Aww-w-w-w-w! > >the ship promptly detonated. Their element of surprise lost, >the other six Borg vessels decloaked. > Tom: [Borg] Okay, fine, you can see us! Happy now?!? > The Borg communication came through on all channels. "We >are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your vessels. >We will acquire the future queen of the Borg. Mike: At a substantial discount. > We shall then >assimilate the remaining individuals. Resistance is futile." > > Having heard all this before, Tom: And at this point, who hasn't? > Jay took the time to >coordinate the fleet into a preemptive strike. The Defiants >of the fleet clustered together and dove towards the nearest >cube in a suicide dive with torpedoes and phasers firing all >the way. Mike: Ah, I see they've found firing them only part of the way just isn't an effective tactic. > Seconds before impact the Defiants broke off into >various directions and continued pounding the hull. The >larger starships had taken the time to get into their tactical >groups and now assisted the Defiants by shooting at what ever >targets presented themselves. Crow: Including each other. Tom: AIM, people, AIM!!! AIM!!!!! > The Enterprise had launched her fighters Mike: Along with Wade McClusky's flight of torpedo bombers. Their goal: The IJN Kaga. > and had begun to >lend a hand with torpedoes while waiting for the deflector to >recharge. > > A cube burst into a sphere of fire under the pounding >from the ships and also from a lucky shot down the exhaust >port. Crow: Not to mention friendly cover fire from Han and Chewie on the Millennium Falcon. Tom: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Crow: Hee-hee-hee! > The fleet was getting worn down at the same time as a >tactical group of five ships was immobilised by an EMP blast >from a Borg ship. The Enterprise had recharged her deflector >when a Defiant lashed out at the same target. Jay decided not >to wait for the ship to move and ordered Shayna to fire. Tom: What? Crow: It seems Jay's getting a tad bloodthirsty. Marrissa would be so proud. Mike: Right about now, the Bridge crew's probably wondering if it would be a bad thing if Jay was "accidentally" shot in the back by the Borg during the battle. > The >blue-white beam lanced forth again, winging the Defiant and >drilling another hole through the cube. > Satisfied the cube >was out of the way, Jay chose his next target. Tom: Please say it's Craig Kilborn! > It proved >him wrong, however, as it fired an EMP burst into the >Enterprise's rear shield. As the damaged cube exploded, >another cube had managed to get close enough to beam in a >small boarding party. > Crow: Boarders who party? Maybe Chip, Topher, and Christo came aboard. > "Captain," Shayna's voice called, "we have invaders on >deck 21 and on deck 30." Tom: [Jay] See if you can get Namor's autograph. > "Dispatch Security Teams," Jay ordered, "Tell them not to >worry about the Borg adapting. In their present state they >can't adapt, control their ships, and direct their drones at >the same time." > Crow: They can't? Mike: Not if the Federation wants to win this, they can't. > "Aye sir," Shayna responded. > > Meanwhile the Fleet was coping well. The tactical groups >were making impressions on the remaining four cubes, one of >which was severely damaged. The Defiants and Sovereigns were >doing the most damage, focusing on weak points along the hull. >The ships that were immobilised had repaired themselves and >got back into the fight. Tom: Who thinks Rob's entire idea of strategy comes from playing "X-Wing vs. Tie Fighter?" [Crow and Mike raise their hands.] > the Borg were now >being more random with their cutting lasers, waving them back >and forth at the clusters of Starfleet ships. Tom: [Jay] See if you can get Namor's autograph. > Lasers met >shields and phasers scarred the Borg hulls. Two starships had >succumbed to the attack, being slashed across the engines. > Crow: Is it just me, or does anyone know what ships are firing what at who, and why? Mike: I think Rob is making up for all of Stephen's one- sentence space battles at once. > The Enterprise had recharged the deflector dish, but Clara >announced it would be the last shot before the dish could not >handle it. Swinging on its y-axis, Crow: So is that up, or over, or head-over-butt, or what? > the Nova-class vessel >turned to its next victim. Before ordering the beam to fire, >Jay noticed the exhaust port was in plain sight. > Mike: This is Red Five, I'm going in! Tom: Mike. No more, please... > "Tactical, arm quantum torpedoes and launch them into >that cavity on the Borg ship," Jay ordered. Tom: We've filled them with fluoride, right? Mike: Jay Gordon, Starfleet dentist. > "Then fire the >dish at the cube to the port of the current target." > Tom: [Jay] Then have the dish run away with the spoon. > The Nova-class Carrier launched the silver bullets of the >torpedoes straight at the ship's heart. Then turning >slightly, fired the blue-while beam into the another cube. >Both detonated silently in space. > Mike: Oh, now he's just showing off. Tom: Sounds like Jay's acquired Marrissa's powers via osmosis. > "Lets help the fleet with that last one," Jay commanded. > Crow: Oh, let's not and say we did. > The Enterprise charged the final cube where the >fighters, Defiants, and the other starships were swarming over >the target. The cube was putting up as much of a fight as it >could. It was becoming tough to hit the cube without winging >a disabled ship in the process. Mike: Fortunately, we've already seen that Jay doesn't care about that. > The EM pulses were damaging >the fleet's offensive capability and had knocked out the >Enterprise's shields. The Federation flagship reached weapons >range and attacked with all the conventional weaponry it could >muster. > Mike: Tanks, bombs, guns. They were all thrown against the Borg. > "This is security team Beta 21 to the bridge," a voice >filtered through the intercom. "All the Borg suddenly >vanished. There are no further contacts. Security team 2012 >out." > Mike: [Security Voice] We're goin' back home - it's almost time for "Xena". > Something was looking up, Mike: Something - or some*one*?!? > until Shayna announced, "Sir, >there's a massive energy build up in the cube! It looks like >it's going to self-destruct!" > Crow: Then it exploded, confirming the hypothesis. > "Order all operational ships to use tractor beams to tow >whatever ships they can out of the blast radius! Do it now!" >Jay responded. > Tom: Well, he could tow them away later, but what would be the point? Crow: [Jay] Oh hell. Let's just blow them up now. It'll save us the work. > In a slow retreat, the Federation backed away from the >Borg vessel towing what they could manage. [All make beeping sounds] > The cube vaporised >into thin air, Crow: Despite there not being any actual air for it to vanish into. >leaving behind a massive blast of energy equivalent to the >white hot intensity of a star. The surviving ships were home >to amazing celebrations and victory parties. The Enterprise >was no exception, as the crew abandoned their stations to give >applause and congratulations to each other. Mike: Um, shouldn't we be, like, tending to the wounded, and rescuing people trapped in disabled ships, and- Crow: Yeah, yeah, in a minute! First - JELLO SHOOTERS FOR EVERYONE! WOOHOO!! Tom: And no one noticed the warp core about to explode. Which it did. The end. > Jay was possibly the only one who was still >duty bound and got up from the command chair. > > "Alex, you're in charge," Jay called over his should as >he made his way to the turbolift. > Crow: Over his should, but behind his could and beside his would. > Ever since Jay's transport of Marrissa into Sickbay, >things have been going crazy, thought Doctor Jackson Johnson. Crow: Jarvis Jannson... Mike: Jemimia Jellico... Tom: Jam Jellyfish Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt Junior. > He barely had >time to put her in a stasis field when the battle started. >There were a few injuries but nothing that medical techniques >couldn't cure. Crow: Dear lord, what's wrong with Marrissa? Mike: The diagnosis just says "Spiceworld." Crow: Well then, there's nothing we can do for her then. > That was about an hour ago. Since then he and his >medical staff had been working on their Borg/Marrissa. That >was creepy enough to make him not want to know what put her in >that state. Tom: Would you really want a doctor who was easily creeped out? > The surgery was finished, the implants were >0removed, Crow: But she was joining the class-action suit anyway. > the nanoprobes were filtered out of her blood, and >her hip had been regenerated. Marrissa was still unconscious >but she'd be coming out of it soon. Jackson had left the >recovery ward to bring in Jay and Sarah who had been watching >the entire operation. > Mike: [Sarah] Look, daddy, an intestinal wall lining! Tom: [Jay] Y-yeah, that's n-n-n-nice, sweetiAABLEARGH!!!! > After escorting the Gordons in, Dr. Johnson left to >attend to other duties letting the family reunite. Marrissa >was the only one occupying the recovery ward, Mike: Or so the Germans would have us believe. . . > as the injuries from the battle >were not very serious. She lay on a bio-bed which displayed >all her life signs were in normal condition. Tom: Ego already re-inflating, thirst for power engorged, personality stable at one dimension - yep, she's normal. > It also showed >the anaesthetics were almost entirely removed from her blood. Mike: But there were still signs of trendy redrum heroin in her Blood. Tom: Mike! NOOOOO! >Jay stood over his wife, her golden blond hair had been >cleaned to remove the black and grey streaks. Crow: Lather. Rinse. Assimilate. Repeat. > Her arms were >no longer encased in Borg armour. The grey arteries and veins >had reverted to their natural colours. A smile formed on >Jay's face for the first time in several days, Mike: He'd finally realized why Marrissa liked slaughtering things so much. It was so much fun! > as he watched >his wife's eyes flicker open. Crow: Damn! Jackson, you told me she was dead! > The violet pupils were >unfocused when they opened, but soon focused on Jay's face. Tom: [Marrissa] Oh, hi, weenieboy, have you wrecked the ship yet? > Marrissa slowly came back from the blackness. Instead >of the thousands of voices welcoming her, there was only one, >her own. Mike: Well, it was louder than all the others anyway. > Her eyes opened and blurred, unaccustomed to the >brightness of the lights. After a few moments she could see >clearly a man holding a little girl standing over her. Tom: It was Mr. and Mrs. Woody Allen. > Her >own memory supplied names and relationships, and she >remembered her husband and her daughter. It also recalled >other names and faces of her friends, and her brain wondered >where they were. Tom: Then she remembered, Marrissa has no friends, just possible tools in her quest for power. > It all returned in a rush. Her >assimilation, the destruction of Essex, her adoptive father's >death, the eradication of Starfleet, and the murdering >of her closest friends. Crow: Except for the assimilation, she'd had a swell time! > Overwhelmed by the horrendous >things she had done, she reached out for the only comfort she >could get. > Crow: And Bill Clinton was there.... > It was as if Jay could see it happening. Her >recollection of all the events to the time she was knocked >unconscious. He could only imagine what she was going >through. Mike: She's probably going through the same sort of hell that Jay lived through in every day of their joyless marriage. Tom: SUFFER MARRISSA, SUFFER! > The warping and destruction of her values >and morals was going to do emotional damage that would take >quite a while to heal. Crow: That is, it *would*, if she had any - Marrissa will be up and sending ensigns to shallow, meaningless deaths by Thursday. > She reached out to him, longing for >his comfort, Tom: After getting the comfort, Marrissa planned to smack him around a bit for trying to kill her. > and he returned the embrace. Crow: Marrissa was now one of the Kindred. > Sarah was enfolded >into the hug and they remained that way for what seemed like >days. Marrissa wept freely, Sarah babbled with no concept of >what happened, and Jay pondered. Tom: Is it trite to say that, in this case, I completely identify with Sarah's feelings? > >He wondered how it was possible that more than a week ago he >had questioned his love for this woman. Crow: We're still wondering why you didn't question it even earlier than that. > He had risked himself, >his crew, and the future of humanity to bring her home safely. >Babble poured from his lips for a few moments, Mike: Thus giving evidence that Vitamin C does not trigger bloodfeud obligations. > trying to comfort and explain all at the same >time. Finally he realised it could wait until later, and just >enjoyed the time they shared. > Tom: [Marrissa] Jay, why did you try to keep from becoming one of my Borg slaves? Mike: [Jay] Well, I , ah. . . Tom: [Marrissa] Jay, go put on the punishment suit. Mike: [Jay] Yes ma'am. >Time: Not Applicable > Mike: Boy, even with the accumulated knowledge of dozens of species, the Borg still can't set the clock on a VCR. > The last Borg cube had overloaded almost all the power >supplies it had to force itself outside time. They could >spend the time they needed to repair the ship, then return to >the Delta Quadrant and get additional ships. Crow: But first, a little side trip to Wednesdays at 8:00, 7:00 central, to boost some ratings. > All without >worrying about lost opportunities. Drones scuttled >about, readying the power generators for the return trip. Tom: [Borg] Did we pack everything? I don't want to have to turn the whole collective around because someone left a book in the dresser. > >However, some drones had more important jobs. Crow: Like manning the soda machine. > The two >individuals they had acquired from the vessel would soon be >fully assimilated. The final implants were added and the >drones stepped back. The female was the first to awaken. Mike: Yeah, they always are. > Standing up from the table she was assimilated >on, she oriented herself to her new position in the >Collective. She was joined by the male moments later who also >grew aware of the great consciousness around them. The two >took notice of each other and enjoyed a lasting kiss. Crow: [Borg] Kiss me, you Borg. Tom: [Borg] Blonde Borgs have the same fun. >The new Queen and King of the Borg then set to work directing >the repairs to the ship. Mike: Wanna bet who they are? Tom: I think we all know. > Despite the tubes and armour >covering their bodies, Tom: Okay, just tell us it's them. Crow: Yeah, quit wasting time and give with it! > the faces remained untouched. Mike: C'mon, we know who they are, already! Tom: Just say it! Crow: *Say it!* All: SAY IT!!! >They were Marrissa and Jay. All: BUM-BUM-BOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! Tom: The reaction - dull surprise! > The End > (or is it?) > Crow: It'd *better* be! Tom: Time for your little plan, Nelson. Crow: It'd better work. Mike: It will. Trust me. Crow: I've got a really bad feeling about this. Tom: [Sobbing] Enough with the Star Wars already! [They exit.] [1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . .] [There's even more crew members milling about now than there were last time. Tom and Crow are wandering about the Bridge. Mike is nowhere to be seen.] Crow: Mike? Tom: Miiike? Crow: Do you think he found another escape pod and left without telling us? Tom: No, it's still under the theater seat where I left it. Crewmember #4: Hi! I'm the character representing an oppressed minority in today's society. . . Tom: That's nice. Mike! Crewmember #5: And I'm the young scientific wizard! Crow: Mike! Crewmember #6: And I'm Sarah Alara Pic. . . Bots: MIIIIIKE!!!!!! [Suddenly, the hexfield opens. Mike appears on the screen. He's once again dressed like Katherine Janeway.] Mike: Attention all crew members! Dangerous alien snipes are attempting to board our vessel through the cargo bay! Head down there and repel the boarders! [The crew rapidly exits the stage, leaving Tom and Crow behind. Mike runs in from the right of the screen.] Mike: Quick Crow! Wait until they're all in the cargo bay and then open the hatch! Crow: Gotcha! Okay, now! [The scene shifts to an exterior shot of the Satellite of Love. There is a burst of air and then a multitude of bodies are blasted out of the cargo bay.] Tom: Mike? You do realize that you just sent over a hundred people out into the void of space to meet their doom? Mike: Relax. A shuttlecraft or a runabout or something will rescue them. [Back outside, a small ship appears next to the former crew members, who disappear in a sparkle of light.] Mike: See? They're fine. Now to deal with Herb. . . [As Mike, turns towards the viewscreen, a bright flash of light illuminates the bridge.] Mike: What was that? Crow: Oh, nothing Mike. Just go about your business. Mike: Oh. Okay. Tom: [To Crow] The shuttle blew up, didn't it? Crow: [To Tom] Yep. Don't tell him. It'll break his little brain. Mike: Okay Herb. I know that you're there. Answer. [Apartment] [Herb and Curtis stand in the foreground. Pearl's in the background.] Herb: Nelson, did you just space those actors? Their union's going to complain about that. [SoL] Mike: Forget that Goodman. We're not playing by your rules anymore. Tom: Yeah! Crow: Down with the bourgeois! [Apartment] Herb: Nelson, you seem to forget. I've got a contract. I can do anything that I want to that little show of yours. You can be easily replaced. Gallagher hasn't been doing anything lately. . . [SoL] Mike: I scoff at your empty threats! [Apartment] Herb: And your little friends can be replaced too. We haven't seen Alf or those cute little Ewoks for a while either. . [SoL] Tom: You fiend! Crow: Mike, you can't let him do this to us! Mike: Relax, guys. [Apartment] Herb: Or I could just change your show's format. Say, make it into an X-Files show, but make it more like Friends. Yeah, that's what I'll do all right . . . [There's a knock at the apartment door. Herb looks puzzled.] Herb: Who is it? Muffled Voice: Girl Scouts. Herb:[Walking to the door] Oh, is it cookie time again? Well, I suppose that I can afford to buy a few boxes. [Herb opens the door, and then jumps back in shock as Gypsy's mouth clamps down over Herb's head and torso and drags him off screen. Moments later, Gypsy enters through the door.] [SoL] Mike: Great work Gypsy! I knew you could do it! [Apartment] Gypsy: Well, of course I could do it Mike. I do have an IQ of 6,000 when I'm not running the ship. [Mumbles] And you use it by having me swallow someone whole. Should I hold a door open for you next? [Curtis is backing towards the door. He's stopped by Pearl.] Pearl: Going somewhere? Curtis: Hey, I'm just the hired help around here. I was just following orders. [The Observer walks through the open door.] Pearl: That's okay. The Observer's just following orders too. Observer: [Grasping Curtis by the shoulder] Normally, my race dislikes violence. I'll make an exception this time. [Curtis screams as the Observer drags him out the door.] Pearl: Nice job Nelson. [SoL] Mike: Thanks, Mrs. F. And Gypsy, we're glad to have you back. And we're even happier that Pearl promised to take us home and stop showing us these horrible movies and fan- fics! [Apartment] Pearl: Oh. Yeah. I did promise that, didn't I? Er, well. . . [Pearl stops as she sees something on the floor near the door. She reaches down and hold up a piece of paper marked "Deed."] Pearl: Hmm. Herb must have dropped this. . . [She opens it up and reads softly out loud.] Castle Forrester? {Pearl grins a very evil grin.] Of course. I'll be glad to take you home. [The Observer has reappeared. Pearl hands the deed over to him. He looks it over briefly and then he begins to chuckle evilly.] Pearl: We'll take you home right now, won't we Brain Guy? Observer: Oh yes. We'll head back to Earth right now. [SoL] Mike: Great! Let's get started! [An auburn haired woman walks onto the stage.] Woman: Excuse me. I'm Claudia Christian. My agent told me that you had a part open? Mike: [To Pearl] There's no hurry getting us back. [Studio] Pearl: Okay Mike. We'll head back to Earth right away. [To The Observer] Will you do the honors? Observer: Gladly. \ | / \ | / --- * --- PWOOOOSH! / | \ / | \ [We hear a door burst open.] Bobo: Say Lawgiver? I just had a great thought; how about a perfume that smells like a bakery? Pearl: Bobo, get out of that stupid outfit! Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 "Hail to the Queen" Starring: Michael Nelson as Mike Nelson Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo Bill Corbett as Crow Patrick "Pantleg" Brantseg as Gypsy Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo Bill Corbett As The Observer Elizabeth "Beez" McKeever as "Babe" Elliot Gould as Herb Goodman Garrett Morris as Curtis Paul Chapin as Chip Claudia Christian as Herself And Zack Norman is Sammy in 'Chief Zabu' "Hail to the Queen" was written by Rob Tounts. Based upon "The Marrissa Stories" by Stephen Brian Ratliff. MiSTing written by Matt Blackwell Doug Earlham Michael K. Neylon Bill Livingston Steven Savage Editing by Matt Blackwell. Special thanks to John Winn, whose technical difficulties kept him from participating in the MiSTing. "Star Trek", "Star Trek The Next Generation", "Deep Space Nine", "Star Trek: Voyager" and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1998 Desilu/Paramount/Viacom. All rights are reserved. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1998 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non- commercial parody, review, and commentary purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc., Paramount, Inc., or anyone else, is intended or should be inferred. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred. No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or should be implied. All characters in this work are fictional except for those who aren't , and any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Celene Dion's song from Titanic has won an Academy Award. Sigh. Keep circulating the posts. > The doors slid open to reveal Marrissa >once again nursing the child with a surprised, and vaguely >annoyed,look when she saw Jay.