ArsenalXIII MSTing Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC. MST3K is the property of Best Brains. 'Red Dragon Rising' is the property of Ted Polak, and I would say that he can keep it, but that would really overused and cliched. Anyway Ted, don't get mad when you read this, just think of it as C&C. Tom: Ah, how will you escape me this time, Mr. Bot? Crow: You'll never get me to talk, GoldServo. Tom: Oh, but I don't want you to talk, Mr. Bot, I want want you to die!! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! Mike: AHH! What are you to doing? Tom: Mike, what did you do that for? Mike: Haven't I told you two not to take your James Bond simulations to an extreme? Crow and Tom: Yes. Mike: And what are you doing now? Crow: Taking our James Bond simulation to an extreme? Tom: Uh, Mike, the Three Stoogies are calling. Pearl: Oh, greetings, Nel-stone. You're about to get to see the crowning moment of a lifetime of trying take over the world. Mike: How is that? Tom: Oh, maybe she plans to blow up the moon, thus depriving the world of tides. Crow: What would that do? Tom: I don't know. Geez, you always pounce all over my ideas! Just leave me alone! Corw: Whoa, I wasn't expecting that. Pearl: Anyway, I plan on using this 'Dimensional Space/Time Field Device' to open a hole to Hammerspace. Mike: Hammerspace? What would you do there? Crow: Steal Akane's mallet? Pearl: Much more than that. Some of the most powerful weapons in anime are stored there, and I'll have them all! Observer: Ready for test firing, Pearl. Pearl: Let's see what this baby can do! Pearl: At last! The secrets of Hammerspace are mine! Wait, where's Bobo? Bobo: Up here, Lawgiver! You get a good view for the top of this Dimensional thingie. Wait, what's happening? AAHH!!! Pearl: We'll get to him later. Anyway, your experiment today is a Sailor Moon fanfic called 'Red Dragon Rising'. It's the Second part to this fic, sorry I couldn't get you the first one. Send them the fic! Observer: With pleasure. Crow: Second part? It won't make any sense! We'll go crazy trying to figure out the plot! Pearl: That's the point. All: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!!! RED DRAGON RISING A SAILOR MOON FANFIC BY TED POLAK Crow: The Destroyer of Worlds. Alright, here's Part 2. Before we start, here's a flashback of part 1. All: NO! No flashbacks! ¥Ted goes to Japan to further his study of the Japanese language. ¥Luna thinks Ted is evil, but he was not sent from the Negaverse. Crow: Whoa, that was surprisingly short. Tom: Finally, an author who isn't too full of himself to repeat every little detail of the last chapter in a flashback. Now, let's begin Part 2. Mike: Let's not and say we did. "So how's your exchange student?" said Amy. Tom: Delicious! Crow: Hey! Stop stealing my lines! Tom: I didn't mean it in that way, idiot. Amy, Serena, and Raye were at the temple just discussing stuff that girls discuss. (I can't really explain what the discuss, I'm a guy.) Crow: Women be different than men! Tom: It could be that they have intelligent discussions not unlike guys..... "He's nice. Kinda weird, but nice," replied Serena. Crow: That's the pot calling the kettle black. Mike: Yeah, almost as weird as girls dressed in skin-tight fukus running around fighting youmas.... hey, wait a minute.... "I'll bet he wasn't weird until he met you," said Raye, with the tone of voice she used when she was ready to start an argument with Serena. Tom: Which is the exact same tone of voice she uses with everybody else. Crow: Well, in the dub maybe. "Oh C'mon, Raye. This is the first time he's been to Japan. Of course he's gonna be a little weird." Mike: You know, with all of these disembodied voices floating around, who wouldn't be? Before things could heat up, Ted walked in and looked around. "Hey, nice temple, Raye. Uhh...what's it for?" Tom: Maybe a place of worship! What did you think it was for, moron?? "It's a Shinto temple." Mike: Wow, a religion based on the worship of Usagi's brother. Crow: That's _Shingo_. Tom: Fanboy. "Shinto, huh? Isn't that like a ripoff of Buddhism or something?" Mike: Oh, that's a good way to make friends with a Shinto priestess. Tom: Something tells me Ted and David Kintobor are going to be a lot alike. "No, it's not a ripoff. It's a mixture of Buddhism and, uhh, uhh..." Tom: Traditional Japanese gods? "Buddhism?" Tom: Oh. "A mixture of Buddhism and Buddhism?" Mike: Wait, it says here Shinto was purged of its Buddhist tie-ins in 1867, and was returned to its original form! Crow: Shows how much research this guy did. "Yeah. It's been done." Tom: Who's talking? Or is this entire story based on disembodied voices that suddenly butt into conversations? "By who?" Crow: me. Just like I'll use my self-insertion and do you too. Mike: Crow! "Uhh...uhh...Ohmigod! Look over there!" Tom: It's a plot! Kill it! "It's not gonna work, Ted." Crow: We know that you're an idiot. "No way, I'm freakin' serious, man! Look before it's too late!" Raye turned her head in the opposite direction. "Wait a minute, I don't see anyth...what the..." Crow: What are Nega-verse generals doing with whips and paddles? Mike: Crow! Where Ted was standing a second ago, a cloud of dust remained. Mike: Alright! He's been disintegrated! Tom: Well, that ended that plot cul-de-sac rather nicely. Crow: Well, I guess that's that. Mike: Hold it you. ------------------------------------------------------------- "Nephrite!" Tom: Take out the trash! Nephrite materialized in Queen Beryl's chamber. Crow: Pot. Tom: That was disgusting, Crow. Mike: What was that? Tom: Look up chamber pot, ya big lug. "Yes, my queen?" "I'm getting impatient, Nephrite. Your attempts to collect energy have failed. We must unleash the Negaforce soon, or all is lost!" Tom: Why don't you get off your lazy butt and do it? "Fear not, my queen. I shall not fail you this time." Crow: Those foolish Sailor Scouts. They have beaten me several times before. What makes them think they can do it again? Nephrite promptly left and planned his next target. Mike: Red Zone Cuba! Tom: That's movie plug #1. Crow: That wasn't a plug. It was a really bad movie. "The stars will show me the next target. Show me the next person whose energy shall peak Crow: Must...resist.... Mike: Good Crow. ..ahh...Ted Polak, your energy will soon be mine!" Tom: But since you are self-inserted, you will foil my plan immediately! ------------------------------------------------------------- Serena was showing Ted around her neighborhood. Ted was faking an interest in most of what she was showing him. Crow: His eyes were elsewhere, IfyaknowwhatImean! Mike: Crow.... "...and that's the clothing store, and...ooh! Is that a new sweater? It looks so good! I...Ted? Where are you?" Tom: Hey, wait, wasn't Ted disintgrated? Mike: He must have teleported.... Crow: Wouldn't Amy or Serena have seen him do that, though? He only distracted Raye. Tom: Don't leave it to the author to keep track of his own story. Ted was staring up at a sign that read 'Video Arcade,' oblivious to the rest of his surroundings. "I see you've found the arcade," voiced Serena, surprising Ted. "Wanna go in?" Tom: Wait, why did he go to Japan to learn the Japanese language when the signs and everything are in English? Mike: Don't think about it. You'll blow up again. "Sure. Why not? Do they have any good games?" Mike: I don't think disembodied voices can play video games. "Probably. I just play Sailor V." Tom: Thank you, voice. The duo went in, and Ted immediately went to play Time Crisis. Serena was just chatting with the arcade operator, the one who she had a huge crush on, Tom: The one whose name I just forgot.... when she heard a lot of commotion coming from the Time Crisis machine. Crow: Watch as wonderkid Ted Polak gets straight A's, gets transferred to Japan, and becomes a arcade wizard as well. "Look at him go!" shouted one. Crow: Hey, hey, HEY! That isn't the proper way to use an arcade machine! Mike: Crow..... "That must be a new record!" Tom: Thank you, meaningless extra! "He's still on his first quarter!" Mike: Tokyo, land of disembodied voices. Tom: Okay Mike, I think we've done that to death. Ted had beaten the high score, but he was going for more. He had still not taken a hit, and, yes, he was still on his first quarter. Mike: Who here is surprised? "C'mon Ted, I...um...need to show you more stuff." Tom: Please, you're a disembodied voice, I hardly know you! Crow: Hey, stop stealing my lines! "Hold on." Ted shot a dozen more evil terrorists as they sprung out of the woodwork. Mike: I'm pretty sure he meant 'termites'. "We have to go now!" Serena took hold of Ted's arm and dragged him out of the arcade, but before they could get out of the door, Ted, with a smug look, shouted "Free Game!" Almost instantly, the crowd jumped for the light gun used to play the game, jumping over each other and nearly killing one another. Ted was laughing all the way out the door. Crow: Fools! Look at them die! Mike: Getting a little dark, Crow? Serena was having lunch at a fast food restaurant, but Ted was waiting outside, having already finished his a half-hour ago. How much does that girl eat, thought Ted, and how does she stay thin? Must be her metabolism. Lost in thought, Crow: IfyaknowwhatImean! Ted did not see the long-brown-haired man get out of a red sports car and walk up to him. Tom: Yet he was able to give a detailed description of him. "Are you that kid who broke the high score in the arcade?" Crow: Yes I am voice, and you would be? "Uhh...yes. Who are you?" Tom: I'm the Angel of Death. C'mon, I still have to pick off DJ Croft on the back. Crow: DJ Croft? Who's he? Tom: Nevermind. "My name is Maxfield Stanton. I notice you have an interest in gaming, and I wanted to give you this." Mike: A bomb. Crow: I have an interest in gaming too. Come back to my apartment at around 8 and I'll show you my joystick. Mike: Crow!! "Great...what is it?" Tom: It's a bomb, idiot. What does it look like, a gaming magazine? "It's a gaming magazine. I hope you like it." Tom: Oh. Tom: What? "I hope so, too." Crow: We hope so too, whoever the hell is talking. Nephrite/Max Stanton had put a curse on the magazine to drain Ted's energy when it was at its peak. Crow: Ifya- Tom: knowwahtImean! Crow: Hey! Tom: Save some lines for us, ignoramus. Ted caught the hint of a grin as the tall man left. He didn't like this Maxfield. Not one bit. He didn't like the magazine either. Mike: It made fun of his 4th grade writing skills. Better not take any chances, he thought. Mike: So he throws it anyway, right? Ted met up with Amy and asked if he could use her computer. Crow: Little does Amy know he's just retriving files from the secret interactive camera in her room. Amy grudgingly agreed, not knowing what he'd use it for. Amy tried to spy on Ted to see what he was going to do with her computer. Ted booted up the computer, and typed in this command: Durandal Remote Access IP 153.34.185.176 Mike: Let's see, Durandal Remote Access IP 153.34.185.176.... Booting up the drivers.... downloading program..... Amy was startled when the computer spoke. "Welcome, Ted," it said in a monotone, scratchy voice. Amy did not have the equipment that allowed her computer to speak. Mike: How does it speak, then? Does the monitor vibrate? Laptop: It's easy, you moron. All: AAHH!! She was in for an even bigger shock when the computer "listened" to Ted. "Run scan on sample, Security class B." Ted held the magazine from Nephrite up to the monitor and the computer, somehow, seemed to scan it. "Analysis complete," spoke the computer. "Class R, remotely accessed, bio-organism compatible." Mike: Geez, the computer is a lot nicer in the story. Tom: Wait, I always thought those were magical glyphs that Nephrite put on the objects. Crow: They are. And doesn't the fact its an organism make it bio? "Hmm...Prepare virus codename Crash Override. Run virus on remote signal." Tom: And if the bio-organism was a computer, it would have meant something. Crow: Crash Override? Someone got all their information on computers from the movie 'Hackers'. Amy realized Ted was using a virus. She couldn't tell why, but she figured it wasn't for a good thing. Mike: It seems Amy isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Of course viruses aren't good! They're illegal! Crow: Typical otaku OOC writing. Luna had warned her beforehand that Ted had some kind of power. The computer, meanwhile, was putting the virus on the magazine. Tom: How? Details, man, give the details! When it was complete, Ted shut down the computer and headed for the door. Amy ran into the kitchen to avoid being found out by Ted. "All finished, Ted?" "Yup. See ya around." Ted left hastily. Crow: Gee, I'm surprised he didn't use his S-I powers to seduce Amy into sleeping with him. Tom: Why Amy? He's got Serena under his command, remember? Crow: Amy is way better than Serena! Mike: Guys, let's not get into that now. Ted headed for the park. Once there, he looked around for a secluded spot, and held up the magazine. He looked for the symbol that his virus had left, and pressed it. The virus began to activate... Tom: ...entering Ted's bloodstream and overwhelming his immune system. Yes, Ted now had the Ebola virus. Crow: Yes! Go Ebola! Ted was a hacker. He created viruses for a living. He hardly ever used them, he felt they left evidence of a hacking. Now, however, he had found another use for his virus. He planned to fake his energy and have it reach its peak. Tom: Fake your energy? How the heck do you do that??? Crow: Same way you fake an orga- Mike: That's it, you need a time-out. Nephrite would try to steal it, but he'd be in for a big surprise. Ted dropped the magazine and ran far, far, away. The magazine's energy drainer activated and released a monster. Tom: Doesn't it need to drain the energy before it activates? Nephrite had planned this monster very carefully. It was black with red eyes, seven feet tall, and had really, really big scales. Tom: Oh yeah, the details are so precise, it feels like I'm really there. No sooner that it had activated than three young high-school girls had entered the scene. Tom: What exactly is a timeout? Mike: I make him read one of the many works of Steven Ratliff. Tom: "Mercury Power!" "Mars Power!" "Moon Prism Power!" Tom: What a minute! The breast outlines are missing! Damn you DiC!!! The three girls transformed into the Sailor Scouts, protectors of all that is right and just. Tom: It should read 'right and lust'. Mike: Do you need a time-out too? Tom: No.... "I am Sailor Moon, protector of all that is right and just. In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!" Mike: Meanwhile, the monster's just sitting there, scratching its butt.... The monster didn't hesitate to react. Tom: What do you mean it didn't hesitate? It just stood there while she made her speech!! It raised its arms and summoned three globes of dark energy. It sent them at the scouts, but before they could reach their target- "Mercury bubbles...blast!" Mike: What? I don't think that could possibly block three globes coming at them at top speed. The battleground was surrounded by a thick fog, and the globes lost their way. Tom: Those aren't the smartest globes in the realm. Mike: Hey geniuses! Go straight forward! The Scouts haven't moved yet! It didn't seem to frustrate the monster one bit, as it tried a more direct approach. It charged at the three. Tom: Oh, the globes get lost in the fog, but the monster knows where exactly where they are.... thank you, fanfic! Through the fog, the three had no time to react. It seemed to be the end, but suddenly- "Fireball!" Mike: Finally, it seems Mars has some grasp of the concept of interception... Tom: Um, Mike, that would be 'Mars Fire Blast'. Mike: And you call Crow a fanboy. Mike: Think you're ready to behave? Crow: Yeah..... The flame cut a path through the fog and struck the monster in the back. It turned, clearly irritated, but also confused. The fog wore off, and the monster and the sailor scouts saw a person, dressed in red plate armor, metal boots and greaves, but most of all, a red dragon mask. Crow: What? No Tuxedo Mask? I'd at least included his deformed twin, Tudexo. The person spoke: Crow: Back off Youma, I want the Scouts for myself! Tom: Behold the power of self-insertion! Watch as I simultaneously boost my own ego, while degrading women to helpless, blathing idiots who need my protection! Mike: I am the amazing Rando! Behold my powerful magic! Watch as I turn on each one of the Sailor Scouts at the same time! Bots: Huh? Mike: Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. "I am the Dragon of Fire, one of the Eight Protectors of the Ancients! Mike: Eight Protectors?? Man, this is going to be a long series.... You shall not survive the fiery oblivion to which I shall send you!" Tom: How can it be fiery and oblivion at the same time? Crow: Smile and nod, Tom. The monster was taken aback, but decided its new target was hostile and charged at it. Mike: Wow, brilliant strategy, Napoleon. Bots: The Fire Dragon took an offensive stance and threw a snap-heel kick to its stomach. It doubled over in pain, but recovered and unsheathed its claws. It took a swipe at the Dragon, but he backed away. Right into a tree. The monster prepared to take another, fatal swipe, All: YES! but- ALL: Damn! "Moon Tiara Magic!" The glowing golden projectile smacked the monster in the back of the head, turning it into a pile of dust. Tom: Thank god I saved you girls. The three were about to give thanks to the Fire Dragon, Crow: Thanks for nothing, dickweed. but he was gone. In his place was a flaming note. Although the trio did not chance to pick it up, they could see what was written on it: I was once too late The paths grow one Our fates are shared Chance fate and time Tom: What the? That doesn't even rhyme! Crow: Where is the puncuation? End Pt. 2 Mike: Thank God! Tom: Wait, there's more! Okay, that was fun wasn't it? Send comments, suggestions, compliments, flames (All are welcome, I don't get too much mail) to arturusxr@earthlink.net. Mike: Okay guys, no flaming jokes. Let's get out of here. Well, that was my first MSting. Send comments, flames, and critique to arsenal_13@hotmail.com. Part Three should be done in a while, hopefully.