Here's my 2nd MiSTing of another bad fanfic about Sailor Moon called Ultimate Battle. I only posted my first MiSTing to a SM mailing list (stupid),but if anyone wants an additional copy E-Mail me and I'll see what I can do. Please set Flame machine on low before proceeding. Dedicated to Megane 6.7 for inspiring me to start writing MiSTings. -Sailor Lead Crow ________________________________________________________________________(Zoom in on SoL.) Tom: Hi welcome to the satellite of love! My two pals Crow and Mike are playing a Sony Playstation sent to us by Dr.F. (We see Crow and Mike playing the Import game "Sailor Moon SuperS" on the console) Mike: Time to die Failure Scout! Crow: No way! (Crow jams on buttons.) Crow: Ah crap! I'm toast Mike: Nice game Crow Crow: Yeah yeah Mike: Oh well Radioactive man and Fallout boy are calling (Zoom to Deep 13) Dr.F: Well it's fitting since you were playing the Sailor Moon game you get a fanfic about her. A BAD fanfic. Heh heh. This is a awful story with awful grammar. Enjoy your sanity while you still can! Bwahahaha! (Back to SOL) All: Aaaaaaaaaah! We got Sailor Moon fanfic sign!!!! (Door scene) (Everyone takes their seats) "The Undertaker" Mike:Have you had your break today? This is a story that you could read in it's official web site http://www.quik.guate.com/mcdonald/fanfics Tom: I hope this isn't bad as the LAST Sailor Moon fanfic we read. Crow: Yeah it sucked worse than John Winston. Now to the story Mike: from hell! THE ULTIMATE BATTLE PART 1 THE BETRAYAL -Now Sailor Moon! Crow:Kick'em while he's down! -Lunar healing! Action! Crow:Thought it was "Moon Healing Escelation"? Tom: No, it was Moon Healing Activation". Mike: Guys it can be all this and a lot more! Otakus! Bots:Hey! Tuxedo Mask was able to distract the creature allowing Sailor Moon to use the Silver Crystal to restore the creature to his human form. Crow:What did he pull his pants down? Mike:Crow! Crow:Whoops. -Good job Sailor Scouts, now it s time to go. Tom: It s time to go? Is this guy speaking spanish? Then Tuxedo Mask lefted the area, Crow:Lefted? Mike: Can we keep the grammar flames to a minimum? Crow: You didn't say anything about killfiles... after this the Sailor Scouts moved to a deserted alley to transform to their normal selves, what they didn t Mike:This guy has a problem with apostrophes. noticed was a metal bird who was above them recording everything that happened that afternoon.- Crow:What a scary smiley! Tom: I think the missing apostrophe poked his eye out. Then the girls returned to their respective homes and the bird headed towards a mountain located in central Asia in a country known as Latveria his destiny was Crow: To become a Jedi. a manor named Doomstadt home of the ruler of that country Victor Von Doom better known as Dr. Doom.- Mike: This smiley sure is freaky! Crow: Hey I already said that! A servant let him know of the arrival of his bird. Mike(Dr. Doom): Finally, my middle finger is back! -My lord your search falcon returned, it looks like this time it found something useful. Tom: A way out of this fanfic? -Bring it here at once. -Yes my lord. Crow: This guy watches *too* much Star Wars. Moments later he returned with the bird and pressed a button in the back of it, this activated a projection device that showed him everything that happened a day earlier. Mike: Everything? Must be running on extended play times 4. -Outstanding, finally I found the jewel I have been looking for. Tom: A cubic zirconia? Mike: A ruby? -Are you sure My Lord? -Yes, all these years I been looking for a jewel which has a power similar to my emerald, so I could have enough power to take over the world. Crow: Yup,typical bad guy speak. - Find out more about them, especially the blue haired one, she looks to be the smartest one of the group, maybe I can get her to help me. Tom: What a dope! He thinks somebody stupid enough to dye their hair blue is smart. Mike: He said smartest of the Sailors. Tom: Good point. -I will do so at once sir. Then he lefted the area and headed towards the laboratory to talk to the scientist about the orders of Dr. Doom. Mike: Does he have a problem about getting left and lefted mixed up? -My Lord wants to find out more about these girls Silvermane, create another search device. Crow: Yeah, one that will destroy Yahoo! -I got one right here, this little bug has a microphone in it, Crow: All bugs have microphones, dickweed! Mike: Now now Crow don't be harsh... if we can put it in one of the girls ALL: EWWWWWWW! then we can get the information our lord wishes to have. Then they sended the iron Falcon to Tokyo with another mission: Locate the Sailor Scouts and put the bug on Ami. Mike: He's way out of tensed. Meanwhile the girls where in the Cherry Hill Temple, having some tea and cakes. Tom: That would taste nasty! -So Serena, how were you in the test today? Asked Ami. -Well...I...uh...you know...It...was a little hard and Mike(Serena): since I was stoned and... -You failed again didn t you?, I told you to study, but nooo, you went to the arcade to play all afternoon. Crow: Apostrophe problems again... -Wahhhhhh!! I don t like to study and now you re mean like Rye with me!!! Tom: I prefer whole wheat myself... -Take it easy will ya, can t you do anything better than cry? Added Lita Mike: I'm suprised she can add... Luna and Artemis arrived to the scene. -What is going on here? -Serena failed in a test again. Answered Rei -As usual. Was Luna s response. Tom: Geez he would fail a grammar test. -You look tense, Crow: Too bad the author doesn't know what past and present tense is. why don t you go out to the park and have some air. Suggested Artemis. Mike(Serena): But I have enough air Crow(Artemis): Besides the one in your head! -Good idea, maybe what we need is to take some air. Added Lita. With this in mind the girls lefted the temple Tom: Pretty strong girls... and headed towards the park.- Someone else was around too, it was Doom s falcon who founded the girls in the park and followed them until they stopped to take a sit in the grass.- Crow: Mike please! Mike: No. Seeing this the robot opened a small door in his chest allowing the bug to crawl out of it and then moments later crawl into Amy s sweater. All:EWWWWWWWW! - After a few minutes of fun and games every one went home. Crow: But Mike! Mike:NO! THREE MONTHS LATER In Doomstadt Dr. Doom decided that it was time to start his master plan to get the Silver Crystal. -Prepare my ship, I m going to Tokyo. He ordered. Tom: A bowl of sushi -Yes my lord. Moments later Doom lefted in his ship "THE DEATH MESSENGER" Mike: No that's John Winston. and headed towards Japan.- At the same time the girls were in their way home after school. -What a day! Serena shouted -What do you mean? It was a normal day for me. Answered Ami. Tom: Considering you have no social life... -Every day is a normal day to you genius. Replied Mina. Then Amy went home and the rest of the girls continued their way.- What she didn t expect to see was the visitor that was waiting for her at home. Mike(Announcer's voice): Charles Bronson in Death Wish 52-Revenge on Amy! -Well I m home at last, now I ll prepare something to eat and.. Tom: She probably failed Home Ec. because she couldn't cook. -Welcome home Amy Anderson. She saw a 6 7 men in a silver armor and a green cape. Crow: Yikes! I see Dr. Doom has been cloning himself! -Who are you and what are you doing in my house? Mike: Damnit Amy I'm your father! Don't you recognize me? Tom(Amy): Well I did have an ugly father! -Allow me to present myself, I m Victor Von Doom ruler of Latveria, I m here to ask you for your help in my quest to conquer the world. -Me? How could I help you, I m just a girl with no power at all. Crow (Stone cold Steve Austin voice): You hit the nail right on the head son! -Come on Amy, or should I call you Sailor Mercury? Amy was shocked, she never heard of this man but he knew her secret identity, she decided to lie. Tom: It seems like all the villains these days know the secret identities of their enemies. -I don t know what you re talking about, I m not Sailor Mercury. I don t even know who she is. Mike(Amy): Yeah these people in white coats came to take me away for my own good. -Indeed, then tell me why do you posses this. (Everyone hums Bonanza theme) Using his telekinetic powers he got Amy s transformation pen out of her purse. Crow(Sarcastic): I bet that's easy to find in a jam. -That s a gift a friend of mine gave me. -If so then take it with your right hand, Mike:Do you swear to tell the whole truth... lift it and say this words Tom: this words. "Mercury power make up". (Note from the author: Crow(Author): You have permission to shoot at me whenever you see me for writing this horrible fanfic. I m working on the basis that the Sailor Scouts need to lift the pen with their right hand in order to make it work) She knew that it was stupid to keep liying (Everyone snickers) and transformed in front of DOOM. Mike: Alright where's my BFG? -O.K. Now tell me what you want from me. -I been studying you and your friends Crow: Too easy. Mike: Good Crow. for a long time and I know how unfair your friends are with you, they keep you in the team because your smart, they don t like you because you don t have any fighting skills, Mike: Thank you for establishing that point! Sailor Mercury is pathetic! because you don t have the strength of Jupiter or the guts of mars ALL:EWWWWWWW! or the beauty of Venus, but I want you to help me get the Silver Crystal so you and I could rule the world, your genius and mine combined are a winning combination. Tom: Hey Doom! What genius? -Your a liar, my friends like me for what I am not for what I got, All:Huh? and be sure of one thing I m not going to help you! -Is that so, let me show you what you re friends did today after they left you here. Crow: Yeah let's see! Mike: CROW!! Using his telekinetic powers again he showed Mercury the scene that took place minutes after her departure. Tom: Flight 666 has now departed for Hell. Mike: I think we were on that flight cause this fic can't get worse. -So now that we got rid of the Bookworm let s go and have some fun. Crow: Why is bookworm in caps? -You re right Serena, now there is no one to spoil the fun. Answered Mina Tom(Director voice): Rewrite! Rewrite! -I agree with you girls Amy is the most boring person I have ever met, remember the time when we went to that love cruise? Going with her was my worst mistake, Next time I ll go with Serena so I can have some fun. (All giggle) Mike: Fun with serena? Ha! Amy couldn t hold the tears on her eyes. Crow: Because she was busy holding... Mike: CROW! Crow: I was just going to say the lousy script for this fic! Mike: I hope you're right. -STOP IT! STOP IT! This is not true, you re making this up aren t you! -I m not. What you see is the truth, I win nothing with lies. Tom:Except for those horse races. Crow: And my mansion. Tom: Plus these powers. Mike: Enough guys. -I....It can t be...all I did for them...and this is what I get.. Crow: All you did for them was shoot fog at monsters and say stupid things. -Come with me and you will be respected, Mike: For 5 seconds. If you help me I will made you my queen and nobody will ever insult you again. Tom: (Head starts spinning) Tense problems too great! Must escape! With some doubts Amy accepted. Crow(Amy): I will marry you Dr. Doom! -I ll get the crystal for you. Meet me in the park tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. Mike: BORING! -So be it. The next day when the girls where going back home from school they noticed that Amy was unusually silent. ALL: WOOHOO! -Are you O.K. Amy? Asked Serena -I m O.K., could you come to my house for a minute Serena? Crow: And bring some "toys" Mike: One more like that and I'll zap your mouth shut! -Of course what s up? -I ll tell you when we get there. Tom: She has been seduced by the dark side! Moments later Serena and Amy where alone in the living room of Amy s home. Crow: Having a little fu... MMMPH MMMPH! Mike: That'll teach you. Crow: MMPH MMMMMPH! -Serena could you please show me the Silver Crystal? -What for? Tom(Amy): None of your damn buisness! -I just want to see it. -O.K. Here. Mike: Dumb move ditz! Having the Crystal in her hands Amy transformed. Tom: I suppose her wand came from thin air. -Mercury Power! Make Up! Serena was supprised -Wha..what is going on here? Mike: Oh nothing I've just been possessed by evil. Ciao! -Mercury bubbles! Blast! -I can t see a thing, why are you doing this! Tom: Because you suck so Bite Me! At the same time the rest of the girls where about to knock on the door to gave Serena a book she dropped minutes before but they were shocked when they saw Amy coming out of the house transformed into Sailor Mercury with the Silver Crystal in her hands. Mike(Amy): It's mine it's all mine! Now what do I do? -Rye you and the others who inside and find out what is going on here I ll go after Amy. Ordered Lita Tom: This guy must have turned his spell checker off... She followed Amy to the park, and she was horrified when she saw her giving the Crystal to Doom. Mike: British Airways flight 649 from Crystal to Doom is now boarding. -What are you doing!! Did you lost your mind? Tom: She never had it to begin with. -I don t want to see any of you ever again!! And tell Serena that the bookworm is smarter than she is!! Mike: I still say Serena could take her in a fight. -What are you talking about? Tom: You, B*tch! Mike: Tom... But before she could answer both were lifted by a light beam emanated from the Death Messenger. Tom: I see the light! Meanwhile at Amy s house. -Serena, what happened here? Asked Rye Mike: I don't know bread lady. -I don t know Amy asked me for the Silver Crystal and then when I gave it to her she transformed and used her powers against me. Tom: Oh I'd say she's turned evil alright. -Why would she do something like that? Mike: Let's see, she was neglected, called not fun and not cared about how's that for a start? -I think I know Mina. Tom: Yeah we know her too. -Lita! Where is Amy? Mike: Hopefully out of this fanfic. -She gave the Crystal to a men in a silver armor and then both where transported to a ship that was above them. Tom: Scotty beam me up! - I don t know how she found out about what we said before we got back here. -What? Mike and Tom: She said, I DONT KNOW HOW SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT WE SAID BEFORE WE GOT BACK HERE! Mike: I think Crow's had enough time out for now. (Zaps crow's mouth unshut) Crow: About time! You missed a lot of one-liners... You don t mean all that stuff about her being a bookworm or a boring person, do you? Crow: Yes, she does. -I m afraid so Serena, now we must find her and get these things clear. Luna and Artemis arrived moments later. Tom(Serena): And you complain of ME being late... -What is this all about, we were waiting for you at the temple, uh..where is Amy? Asked Luna Mike: Check Latveria. -She betrayed us, she gave the Silver Crystal to a men in a silver armor, an hour ago. Crow(Luna): I knew I taught her well. Heh heh. -WHAT!! All: SHE BETRAYED US SHE GAVE THE SILVER CRYSTAL TO A MEN IN A SILVER ARMOR, AN HOUR AGO! Mike: Sheesh listen for once. Why did she do that? Tom: Maybe she's evil? -Wait a minute Luna, Lita please describe this man in the armor. -Well He was about 6 7 and was wearing a metal mask and a green cape. Crow: He also had 10 steven ratliff stories Tom: Huh? Crow: Never mind. -Did he look like this? Artemis showed her a picture of Dr. Doom Mike(Lita): Boy he's cute... -Yes that s the man, that lefted with Amy. -God almighty Crow: Uh oh he's starting to sound like John Winston. were in serious trouble that s Dr. Doom ruler of Latveria, the legend is true, he indeed exists. Tom:Sounds like a commercial. -Ruler of where? Asked Serena ALL:LATVERIA!!!!!! -Latveria is a country located in central Asia, closer to the Tibet.- I thought it was a legend but now I know that it is not. Artemis continued. Mike: So it sucks if it's not a legend? -Dr. Doom possesses a jewel with a power similar to the Silver Crystal, this jewel is an emerald known as the "Dragon s egg" All: HA HA! Tom: Dragon's egg? Crow: Yeah what a riot! but if he combines the power of the Silver Crystal and the Dragon s egg there will be nothing that can stop him. Mike: Except for the Power Rangers! Luna couldn t hold her anger. Tom(Luna): I wanted in on that plot! -Now all of you tell me why did Amy give the Crystal to him! Tom: She was a retard. -Were not sure, but I think that somehow she found out about something we said after she left, but we were jocking ALL:HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Crow: Jocking? Tom: What a riot! , we never meant anything. -Next time think before you talk, now look what you did, the World is in terrible danger thanks to all of you. Tom:This guy needs editing BIG time. Meanwhile in Doomstadt. Mike: We need Dr. Nelson to ER stat! -Well Amy, you have been a good girl by given me the Crystal.- Now I must prepare my troops to attack Tokyo and start my quest for the Earth.- Now as for you !Guards take her to the torture room! !I want to know all about her and her friends! Crow: What a perv. -It was a lie! You made me betray my friends! !You re a monster! !Mercury bubbles blast! Tom: Yeah like a couple of bubbles will make him cringe in fear. Amy created a huge cloud that blocked the view of the guards but not the view of Doom Mike: Doom is all seeing. -I m sorry Amy but I don t need to see you to stop you!! Using the enhanced view system of his armor Tom: He can see through his armor? Dr. Doom saw Amy s location and firing a laser blast she made Amy fall to her knees leaving her defenseless. Crow: She was helpless before, now she's defenseless. -"Oh, how tedious. I fear your nuisance forces me to retract my magnanimous offer to let you live." Mike: Spoken like a true scumbag. Then the guards take her to the torture room and used electric shocks to make her talk.- After an hour of sufferment her body was bleeding and she was hanging from two chains, Crow: Insert witty bondage joke here. she felt the pain of the chains in her shoulders and arms. Crow: and her brea... Mike: Crow! Meanwhile the Sailor Scouts were in the Cherry Hill Temple when a voice came from a television receiver located in the other room. Tom: They have a T.V.? (a) "I have granted you Sailor Moon one week to surrender to the rule of Doom or your friend will die!!!" Mike: (b) Let her die and consider it a favor. The girls watched Amy in sufferment in Doom s torture room. -No Amy!! Tom: WooHoo! -Don t worry about me, I deserve this. Ahhhhh!!.. pu..nish..ment.. for what I ahhhhh did. Crow: Yes you do!! Then she fainted Mike: and never woke up. To be continued . All:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mike: Let's go... (Door scene) (Later on, we see Mike with Gypsy) Mike: They don't care about you they just use you. Gypsy: Tom and Crow nah... Mike: Take a look... (Shows heavily edited footage) Gypsy: No, No, it can't be! Mike: Now go and steal the Silver Ram Chip! Gypsy: O.K.! (We see Crow say hi to Gypsy, then she goes beserk) Crow: AAAAAAAH!!!! Mike: What do you think sirs? To be continued. You have read Part 1 of 7 -Chris "Sailor Lead Crow" Henderson MST3K is property of Best Brains Inc. This bad fic is property of Undertaker and is not meant as a personal attack against him.