"Aaaagh!" -The Headhunters. #605(CatH)

"Abstract expressionism -- it's what's hot!" -Tom Servo. #419(tRS)

"Accept the pain, Frank." -Dr. Forrester. #320(The Unearthly)

"Accident?" "No thanks." -Tom Servo/Joel. #402(tGGM)

"A Centron production -- although we got the idea from another company, because we're cheating! Thank you!" -Crow. #515(WWWoBW)

"Actual film from the Highway Department." -Mike. #815(AFH)

"Actually, the Atlanteans are very supportive of referendum bond issues so the highways will be --" "SHUT UP!!" -Crow/Tom Servo. #516(AfLA)

"A fellow can get used to anything, I suppose." "Yeah. I once ate a woodchuck!" -Tex/Crow. #201(RXM)

"A fishfinder -- in a hospital??" -Tom Servo. #405(BfAP)

"A friend who can't catch? I don't think so!" -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)

"After years of waiting...you're gonna see the remaining 10% of my butt!" -Mike (as Magda). #818(DD)

"A gut-shot model will often hide in the woods for up to three hours..."-Crow. #603(tDTB)

"Ah, beautiful downtown Hugo." -Tom. #706(Laserblast)

"Ah, he's dyin' out there. I'll go and flash a cheek." -Crow (as Magda). #818(DD)

"Ahhh, 'two scoops of raisins' my ass..." -Joel (as Ken Melrose). #405(BfAP)

"Ah, it's just some kids down there." -Joel (as Ape Sentry). #306(TotA)

"A horticulturalist told me you're the original hybridizer." "Nobody calls me that and lives!"- Pat/Tom Servo (as Dr. Lorenz). #105(tCV)

"Ah, so it's marshall law in Rat's Ass, Missouri." -Crow. #619(RZC)

"Ah, the classic battle between Evil and -- the narrator." -Crow. #521(SC)

"Ah, the clean smell of kids who know they rule the world..." -Crow. #204(CC)

"Ah, the fertile breeding grounds of Calumet Chicken Farms." -Crow. #616(RG)

"Ah, the gripping 'luggage sequence'." "I'm not gonna tell you what happens. I'm just gonna say, someone's luggage gets lost." -TomServo/Crow. #608(CN:DH)

"Ah, the Nebraska state forest." -Crow. #609(tSD)

"ah, yes, England, the land of jughead, chinless stomach eaters." "Still, they're not French. They have *that* going for them." -Tom Servo/Crow. #818(DD)

"Alf, NO!!" -Joel. #407(tKS)

"All I know is that in this outfit I feel like a total femme. And you know what? I don't have a problem with it!" -Tom Servo. #508(OD007)

"All of the adults in this movie have their own sticks!" -**. #K07(GvG)

"Allow me to knee you right in the groin." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Blair). #416(FMoOS)

"All riiight! Beautiful maidens in the hands of hideous beasts. This is my kind of movie!" -Joel. #107(RM)

"All the fats are numbing my emotions." -Tom Servo (as Judy). #610(tVY)

"All the names are Russian for Alan Smithee." -Crow. #813(JF)

"All these monster fights are rigged." -Crow. #213(GvtSM)

"Almost all of the monsters had their haircuts done that way back then." -Joel. #312(GvG)

"A lot of villains aren't bold enough to wear clamdiggers." -Mike. #515(tWWWoBW)

"Alright, we need volunteers to get killed at this campsite." -**. #503(SD)

"Alternate vibrators inserted..." "Hey!! You can't say that!" -Technician/Crow. #508(OD007)

"*Always* get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power." -**.#110(RH)

"A marine who says 'Gee whiz'??..." -Joel. #108(SP)

"America is leaning on cheese!" -Crow. #421(MaGG)

"America not available in some areas." -Mike. #811(p:TCH)

"Am I *out of* 'Reba'? Do I *need* more 'Reba'?" "Or *any* 'Wynona'?" -Tom Servo/Crow. #610(tVY)

"An American Werewolf in *traffic*." Mike. #904(AW)

"'Anchovies'... He said 'anchovies'." -**. #101(tCE)

"--and a good friend..." -Head of NASA. #201(RXM)

"And as for these phantom 'breasts'..." -Tom Servo. #319(WotCB)

"--and Brinkman..." "--screamed like a baby when we flew off and left him." -Herringway/J (as Herringway). #211(FSoV)

"And don't let your mom dress the band." -Crow. #905(tDB)

"And he forced Gramps to drive here? He *is* insane!" -Joel (as Joe). #404(TfOS)

"And here come the freaks now, look at 'em..." -Crow. #422(tDtEF)

"And his hair was *perfect*!" -All. #105(tCV) et al.

"And I don't want *anyone* strapping *anyone's* hands across *anyone's* engines!!" -Joel. #322(MN1)

"And I get to lick the axe!" -Crow (as Imp). #806(tU)

"And in case you're interested, mucilage tastes just like sweet honey! Mmmm..." -Crow. #308(GvG)

"And I shall be there... bringing you my golden fish." "Oh, wowwww..." -Morgiana/Joel. #505(tMVoS)

"And Madonna thinks *she's* innovative!" -Crow. #422(tDtEF)

"And make sure that Dr. Takebana doesn't commit suicide." "Phht. Yeah, he's always pulling that." -**. #314(MJ)

"And no one on Earth will ever know that Santa was kidnapped by Martians!" "Do you realize what you just said?" -Voldar/Joel. #321(SCCtM)

"And now, for your enjoyment, some suggestive scenes of jets refueling. Oh-h-h-h..." -Tom Servo. #321(SCCtM)

"--and she's a space-woman!" "I *knowww*..." -**/All. #316(GvZ)

"...And starring Technicolor as himself." -Crow. #504(SASD)

"And the answer is -- dull surprise!" -Crow. #516(AfLA)

"...And the Lord said DIE CHILDREN DIE!!" -Joel (as the Giant Gila Monster). #402(tGGM)

"And then what happened?" -Colossus. #605(CatH)

"And there, on the handle, was a HOOK!" -Joel (as Hugh O'Brien). #201(RXM)

"And thus did mighty Samson overcome the Phillistine." "By hitting him over the head with a sitting stick while wearing a priestcostume??" -Tucker/ Crow. #419(tRS)

"And when you pledge to the Soviet Union, you get this nifty tote bag!" -Tom Servo. #602(IUSA)

"And, with that cryptic comment, I'm going to bed." -Mike (as Dr. Courtner). #513(tBtWD)

"And you want to *study* this??" -Tom Servo (as Judy). #610(tVY)

"...An entire day spent grooming." -Joel (as Narrator). #510(L:tPH)

"Another Buddhist protesting the helmet laws..." -Joel. #501(WotLW)

"Antigravity! It's not just for breakfast anymore!" -Joel. #111(M02)

"Any fruit to declare?... ANY *FRUIT* TO DECLARE?!?!" -** (as Omega Guards). #501(WotLW)

"Any moment now, unspeakable horror! Trust me!" -Tom Servo (as Narrator). #421(MaGG)

"Any movie with 'wok-a-chicka wok-a-chicka' in it is okay by me!" -Tom Servo. #512(Mitchell)

"Any similarity to actual persons would be really sad." -Tom Servo. #814(RwD)

"A pentagram, and reindeer laughing. You figure it out." -Tom Servo. #521(SC)

"Apes of the oooold west... That's John Wesley Ape, once flung crap at a man just for snorin' too loud." -Joel. #306(TotA)

"A pop star afraid of a needle?" -Tom Servo. #905(tDB)

"Appeal to your audience. Kill the cute dog."  Mike #905(DB)

"Apply panties to *me*, Mike." -Crow. #819(IotNM)

"A rare Godzilla-free day..." -**. #817(PoS)

"Are the dogs and the shrews friends? Is that what's going on?" -Tom Servo. #407(tKS)

"Are you coming, or am I going to have to swim alone?"  "YES and YES." -Mara/Crow (as Adam). #816 (AFH)

"Are you mad, Varnoff?!" "What the hell do you think?!" -Prof. Strowsky/Joel (as Bela). #423(BotM)

"Are you with the bride or the failure?" -Crow (as a Swede). #422(tDtEF)

"Arf-keeba!... Gym-collie!..." -Joel (as Lassie). #510(L:tPH)

"As a scientist, I'm constantly working with materials that threaten life on a global scale, and, sometimes, they spill..." -Dr. Forrester.#411(tMS)

"As disgusting pigs, they just weren't that convincing." -Tom Servo. #416(FMoOS)

"As dull as a beige room." -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)

"A showered person, thank god..." -Tom Servo. #810(GSI)

"Ask me about my extra chromosome!" -Joel (as the goofy Dancing Fool). #112(UY)

"A stranger comes to town, touches nobody's life, then leaves." -Crow. #609(tSD)

"At least we killed 'em before we stuffed 'em in there." -Crow. #415(The Beatniks)

"At this point it's more of a Teenage Crime *Ripple*." -Crow. #522(TCW)

"At this point, what's inappropriate?" -Crow. #523(VotG) "A whole new day of rock climbing!" -Crow. #208(LC)

"Avalanche footage! Run!" - Mike. #803(tMP)

"A whole new way to love the same old crap!" -Joel. #319(WotCB)
 

B

"Bacchus, King of Wine!" "Bud, King of Beer!" -The annoying guy/Crow. #206(RoT)

"Bad movie? You're soaking in it!" -Crow. #402(tGGM)

"BA-DUM-BA-DUMMMM!!"(James Bond theme) -All. #815(AFH)

"Barkeep, could you freshen my date?" -Joel (as Dr. Manning). #421(MaGG)

"Bat Guano!" -Crow. #513-624. (Robot Roll Call.)

"Because I kill indiscriminately?" -** (as Bob). #203(JG)

"Because in space, no one can smell your breath." -Crow. #K10(HW)

"Been hittin' the Thighmaster, Torgo?" -**. #424(M:tHoF)

"BEEP plot point BEEP plot point BEEP plot point..." -All. #414(Tormented)

"Beseech this!" -Tom Servo. #411(tMS)

"Better keep digging graves. This isn't going too well." -Joel (as George). #107(RM)

"Big, should I have not put my head in the driver's lap? Was that wrong?" -Crow (as Danny). #509(tGiLL)

"Blindsided by another short." -Joel. #406(AotGL)

"Bobby's hopelessly inbred synapses slowly begin to fire..." -Mike (as the Narrator). #606(tCT)

"Bobby, you're a bad person and nobody likes you." -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones). #417(CotM)

"Book of Me, Chapter 4, Verse 12..." -Joel (as Pile-On Pete). #510(L:tPH)

"Booze and I are buying a house together, we're going to move in." -Joel (as Mitchell). #512(Mitchell)

"Booze really heals!" -Dr. Forrester. #414(Tormented)

"Boy! God sure has a crummy office!" -Tom Servo. #210(KD)

"Boy! He sure is smooth, boss!" -Crow (as a Henchman). #504(SASD)

"Boy, I bet that'd be scary if we could make out what it was." -Crow. #108(SP)

"Boy, it's really *blue* out today..." -Crow. #511(Gunslinger)

"Boy, it's *blue* in Egypt. Bluer than I remember." -Tom Servo (as Dr. Saknussem). #516(AfLA)

"Boy, the sun's strong tonight." -Crow. #906(SC)

"Boy! Walking on the walls must be a big problem!" -Joel. #109(PMB)

"Boy, you know, a retarded jellyfish could make a better movie than this!" -Tom Servo. #820(SM)

"Brain the size of a walnut..." "The dinosaur?" "No -- the director!" -Crow/ Joel/Crow. #208(LC)

"Brass monkeys, Frank, brass monkeys..." -Dr. Forrester. #521(SC)

"Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day." -Crow. #416(FMoOS)

"But I kid the potatoes..." -Joel (as Godo). #306(TotA)

"But, keep in mind, I'm intensely stupid." -Crow (as Evans). #406(AotGL)

"But Paris was destroyed in the apocalypse, Winky..." -Tom Servo (as Rocky Jones). #413(MiS)

"But, Resusci', you *is* a chick!" -Dr. Forrester. #404(TfOS)

"But, Santa, why, *why* are you taking my gun?" -**. #503(SD)

"But there was no monster..." -Narrator. #421(MaGG)

"But -- wait a minute; my head *is* a mass of muscle..." -Joel (as Hercules). #502(Hercules)

"But, we *are* barbarians!" -Crow (as Ator). #301(CD)

"But you don't understand! I'm a PRINCE!!" -Semya. #317(VWatSS)

"Buzz... this time, try not to make so much noise when you read." -Crow (as Buzz's Mom). #319(WotCB)

"'By special arrangement'?? What, did they have to get her out of the fourth grade?" -Joel. #504(SASD)

"By the time this decade is out, we will put a man in a pickup truck, and bring him safely to Mandaseno County." -Crow (as JFK). #701(NotBB)

"By this time my lungs were aching for air." -Crow. #109(PMB) et al.

"By this time my son's lungs were aching for air." -Crow (as Lloyd Bridges). #523(VotG)
 

C

"Can I eat you when you die?" -Crow (as the Moon Puppy). #524(12ttM)

"Can I show you something in a size *me*?" -Crow (as Jimmy). #507(IAmP)

"Can I take your helmet? --Oh! That's your hair." -Crow (as Phil). #417(CotM)

"Can we smoke?" "I don't care if you burst into flames." -Sergeant/Joel (as Glen). #309(tACM)

"Can we stop for a snack? Dave would have wanted us to." -Joel (as some guy in the search party). #406(AotGL)

"Can you have a platonic relationship before Plato?" -Tom Servo. #410(HatMM)

"Caution: Filling is hot -- and *alive*!" -Tom Servo. #304(GvB)

"Cavorting really makes you lose your electrolytes." -Joel. #505(tMVoS)

"--celestial body number 105!" "I *knowww*..." -Evil Spacewoman/All. #316(GvZ)

"Cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good." -Gypsy. #515(WWWoBW). Also attributed to Crow, same ep.

"Chicks love big ducks, let's face it." -Crow. #523(VotG)

"Chili peppers burn my gut." -Rommel. #202(Sidehackers)

"Cigar?" "Why, yes, it is." -Capt. Joe/Tom Servo (as Ken). #310(FA)

"Cinematography by Zapruder." -Tom Servo. #812(TISC...)

"Citrusville, City of Progress! Where everyone is juiced!" -Crow. #207(WR)

"...Clara Barton's getaway car." -Crow. #822(OatMB)

"C'mon, I'm huge, humor me." -Crow (as Richard Kiel). #420(tHD)

"Come in -- er, out...???" -Joel (as Kane Merow). #511(Gunslinger)

"Come in, 'Same-Guy'..." -Joel (as Ro-Man). #107(RM)

"Come on, the sheltering *sky* moves faster than this movie!" -Crow. #904(AW)

"Come on, *this* is your mother now. Try her out!" -Tom Servo (as Capt. Joe). #318(SF:FA2)

"Come on, you guys. It's not a real wedding. Don't cry." "We know. It's the *script* that's upsetting us!" -Joel/Crow. #105(tCV)

"Commander! The plant is completely destroyed!" "I told you to *water* the plant!!" -Japanese Solder/Crow (as Japanese Commander). #302(Gamera)

"Conform... conform..." -All. #319(WotCB)

"Congratulations. You are now officially white trash." -Crow. #209(HC)

"Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger." -**. #524(12ttM)

"'Cornjob'??" -Joel. #312(GvG)

"Correction: You have an hour and 37 minutes to disarm. And, yes, you *are* up a creek." -The Isaac Asimov Death Satellite. #104(WotPP)

"Could something please just happen!!" -Crow. #504(SASD)

"Could you be a little more vague?" -Tom Servo. #208(KD)

"Could you beat on my chest, please?" -Tom Servo (as Alan). #K09(CP)

"Could you explain again why I do all the work?" -Crow (as Baby Face). #504(SASD)

"Could you hold that one card up? What's it say? Oh, yeah -- 'Arf!'" -** (as the Evil Hellbeast). #424(M:tHoF)

"Could you imagine if you were the kind of person who enjoyed this?" -Tom Servo. #421(MaGG)

"Could you please state that in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death?" -Joel. #205(RAUSA)

"Could you say that a little more woodenly?" -**. #205(RAUSA)

"'Course, we are dumb cheeseheads..." -Crow. #810(GSI)

"Crooks are always dropping obvious clues like that. It's really a desperate cry for help." -Joel. #108(SP)

"CUT!! Hey, Bela, don't even *think* about it!" -Crow. #423(BotM)

"Cyanide goes to my hips." -Mike. #606(tCT)