Hello, folks...back to the Thundercat MSTings. Despite what it may seem, this
is my favourite show!! Oh, well. This ep is pretty silly. Again, special thanks
to my partner Tracy Butler for doing the transcript!!
On with the show!

[Roll Season 9 Theme]
[Unnamed Planet]
[PEARL is rummaging through the new, refreshed pile of bad fanfics, when she
finds a wrapped videocassette. After studying the label, PEARL jumps with joy.]
PEARL: YES!! Oh, baby!! Another silly Thundercats episode!! Brain Guy!! Bobo!
Fire up the movie link..we're going to get Mike and his little pals *this* time!
BOBO: [rushes onscreen] Hoo hoo, right, Lawgiver!! [grabs the tape and dumps it
into the movie link machine.]
PEARL: Eat hot Overgard, cretins!! [hits the "send movie" button]

[Satellite of Love]
[lights and klaxon go off]
MIKE: Oh, no...
CROW & TOM: WE'VE GOT THUNDERCATS SIGN!!!

[all rush offscreen]

[Dog Bone, 6,5,4,3,2,*]

Side Swipe
written by William Overgard
MIKE: Oh, it's William "Physics laws? What physics laws?" Overgard!
TOM: This is gonna hurt, isn't it?

transcripted by Tracy Butler

Lynx-O and Snarf were sitting in the Tower of Omens and Lion-O walked in.
"Where's Snarfer?" he asked them.
CROW: [Lynx-O] He's having his voice-box removed. Now I won't have to hear
his voice...yes!
TOM: Off to an awfully dark start today, Crow?

"We decided not to cook today, so he went to order Mexican takeout from Robear
Roberto's taco stand at the Berbil Village." Snarf replied.
ALL: WHAT?!!
MIKE: But if all of human civilization has pretty much disappeared from Third
Earth...how can there still be Mexico?
CROW: Yes, Mexican food will endure, and will be the sole remaining element of
modern society. I got it...
 

"Chile con carne." Lynx-O said hungrily.
TOM: [Lynx-O] Oh, I'd better not...we're having a candlelight dinner...don't want
to cause an explosion.

"Refried beans." Snarf added.
MIKE: Indigestion!

"Beef enchiladas." Lynx-O continued.

"Guacamole!" Snarf exclaimed.
TOM: Then Snarf pukes on the floor. "That good enough for you?"
MIKE: Tom...
CROW: Ick.

Lion-O laughed. "Enough! You're making my mouth water."
CROW: [Lion-O, huskily] Makes me wanna go press some weights, man!

"Well Snarfer should be back soon." Snarf said, and picked up a communicator.
"Snarf calling Snarfer! Where are you?"
TOM: Oh, no...here it comes!

Snarfer received the call in his yellow ship flying in space above Third Earth.
"Snarfer here. I'm taking the long way around Dark Side, Unc. This baby's
been overheating, yep."
MIKE: [Snarfer] That's what I get for using imported parts...teehee!

"You were supposed to be here an eon ago! We're starving!" Snarf complained.
CROW: [Snarf] I'm wasting away to slightly rotun!!

"Well you won't have to worry about it being cold." Snarfer joked.
TOM: Ha ha.
MIKE: Snarfer must write for "Full House".

Chilla was in the Ice Runner behind Snarfer, getting very impatient. "I
don't know why they allow these primitive slow-loading junkers to clog up the
space ways.
CROW: Yes, in deep space, there are still roads?
MIKE: Here's an idea, Chilla...just go around him!!

 I'm going to frost the furball." she grumbled. She stepped on the gas, sped
past Snarfer's ship, sideswiping it, and spat ice all over the ship.
TOM: Hence the title of the show comes to pass.

Ice crystals filled the interior and Snarfer began to shiver. "Brrr.... who
turned up the air conditioning?"
MIKE: [Snarfer] Oh, wait...I bought the no-frills model.

 The ship's engine then sputtered and the
ship began to fall.  "Oh no, my engine cut out!"
CROW: Ya don't say!

Fortunately for Snarfer, Mandora sped over in the Electrocharger, calling
the station from her bike's radio.
TOM: More...breathing in space...
MIKE: Tom, don't think about it. That way lies madness.

     "This is Mandora, Evil Chaser First Class,
in close pursuit of a hit and run."
CROW: So there are traffic laws in space.
MIKE: Crow, don't think about it...I don't want to lose you two!

Chilla saw Mandora coming. "What? A space cop? Try this one, flatfoot!"
She stepped on the gas and led Mandora on a chase.
TOM: [imitates 70's style chase scene music]

Mandora cut her off and slammed into her from behind, and pushed her downward.
"This is the Interplanetary Police. Land your vehicle at once!"
CROW: [Chilla] Would you like it better if I crash?

They pulled over and landed below on Third Earth. "All right, all right, I'm
landing." Chilla muttered.
MIKE: [Chilla] I hope it's not too late to remove my "Cops are Wusses" bumper
sticker.

Snarfer's ship, meanwhile, crash-landed on the planet's surface. He was not
hurt, and hopped out of the wreck. "She froze that engine up solid! How am I
goona deliver that Mexican takeout now, rowr?" His ears twitched and he saw
Mandora and Chilla landing.
TOM: [Snarfer] Oooh...I'd better hide my stash!!!

Mandora walked over to the Ice Runner. Chilla smiled at her innocently. "Gosh
officer, was I going too fast?"
MIKE: Since when does Chilla say "gosh"?
CROW: Since now.

"Too fast, too low, and too bad." Mandora replied. "I'm writing you up for
reckless rocketing and leaving the scene of a side swipe.
TOM: Wasn't it a "hit and run"?
MIKE: Details, details...

         Now let me see your
license and registration!"
CROW: [Mandora] I'm also missing the tone in my voice. Can you look for it?

Chilla began digging through her purse. "Well it's gotta be in here somewhere." She
pulled out a small spray bottle and quickly squirted it on Mandora's throat, icing
it up solid so she couldn't breathe.
TOM: *Attack of the Killer Inhalers*!!
MIKE: This ought to get Chilla written off later.

      Mandora clutched at her throat desperately, and
Chilla restarted the ice runner. "Hasta manana, Mandora!" she said, and took off.
CROW: Looks like Don Francisco is writing this ep.

Snarfer looked up and ran over to Mandora. "Holy hot sauce! Chilla's iced officer
Mandora! Hey, that gives me an idea! Hang tough Mandora, I'll fix you up! I've got
just the thing, yup!"
TOM: [Snarfer] 1-800 EXPOSITION!

Soon, Mandora sat up, fully recovered. "What *cough* woah, what was that you gave
me? Some new super-secret space medicine?"
MIKE: What? Lame-away?

"No, it was the hot sauce from the Mexican takeout dinner, rowr, I was supposed
to be delivering it to the Thundercats when that Chilla iced my ship!"
CROW: [Snarfer] Damn!! And I had 5 million miles on it already!

"Come on, we'll deliver it together. I've got some business with the Thundercats too."
CROW: [Mandora] IfyaknowwhatImean!!

Mandora told him. They hopped on the Electrocharger together and took off. "Oh
boy!" Snarfer exclaimed.
TOM: [Snarfer] I get to hold on to you!! Cool!

Meanwhile, Chilla arrived back at Skytomb, and was complaining about her run-in
with the law to Luna and Amok. "That lady cop had the nerve to try and give
me a ticket!"
MIKE: [Chilla] Just because I caused an accident and then disabled an officer
of the law. Why don't these cops get the *real* criminals?

"I hope she does." Luna said.

"What?!" an infuriated Chilla replied.
CROW: [Chilla, British] Are you mad?

"With Lynx-O's braille board, the Thundercats can get to us. If we could capture
that braille board, we could design a defense against it." Luna told her.
TOM: [Luna] Until the end of the show, that is.

"But I don't see--"
MIKE: [Chilla] I paid too much for my contacts!!

"The only way Mandora can get to you is to come through to Dark Side, and she'll
need Lynx-O and the Braille Board to do it." Luna explained.
CROW: [Luna] Or, she could just fly around and come in the other way.

"And when she does, we'll capture both of them and the braille board." Chilla
finished.
TOM: Chilla finishes Luna!! The new dim sung champion...Chilla!!

"Exactly." Luna said.

Back at the Tower of Omens, Mandora and Snarfer landed outside. "This is
Mandora Evil Chaser First Class. Permission to come aboard?" she called.
MIKE: What is this? Star Trek?
CROW: No, it's Lame Trek.
TOM: Exactly what is happening now?

"Permission granted." Lion-O replied.

Once inside, Snarfer began telling everyone excitedly what happened.
"Guess what Uncle Snarf? I got sideswiped by Chilla, ooh, she frosted
Mandora and--"
CROW: [Snarfer] You're not buying my excuse, are you?

"Where's our Mexican takeout food?!" Snarf demanded.
TOM: [Snarf] I want my food NOW NOW NOW!!! Snarf, snarf!

"We brought it back on Mandora's bike. Except by now it's 'chili' rowr,
hehehe. It's a little joke, 'chili', hehehehe." Snarfer said, giggling.
MIKE: Guest starring Jerry Lewis as Snarfer...

"Well Mandora, it's been awhile since--" Lion-O started, extending his hand
for a friendly greeting.
CROW: [Lion-O] I come in peace...wait a minute...

"Sorry Lion-O, no time for pleasantries. I have a warrant here for Chilla's
arrest. I mean to track her down and serve it." Mandora said, holding up a
paper with Chilla's picture on it.
TOM: [Lion-O] Cool!! Can we use the nightstick? I like the nightstick!
MIKE: Tom...

Snarf looked concerned. "If Chilla's crossed over to Dark Side, you're
going to have a tough time doing it."
MIKE: [Snarf] That means we have to search *extra* hard for a plot convenience!

"I was made to understand that you people have a way to get through."
Mandora said.
TOM: No, silly...you were made to include the masculine women in the show's
target market!
MIKE: Uhhh...?

Lynx-O stepped over to them as Lion-O spoke. "Mandora, this is Lynx-O. It
is his braille board that guides us through the forest of mists to Dark Side."
CROW: [Lynx-O] This here is some fancy electronics, boy!

"All right, Lynx-O, let's go." Mandora said impatiently.
TOM: [Mandora] I'm having a bad day and it's *your* fault!

"Forgive me, Mandora, but making that trip is dangerous in the extreme."
Lion-O warned her.
MIKE: *EXTREME* *WARNING* *ACTION!!!*

"Right. Wait until Chilla comes out, and then nab her." Snarf suggested.
CROW: [Mandora] Oh, you bet I will!!

"Oh no." Mandora said. "She broke the interplanetary law and she must be
made to pay."
TOM: [Mandora] Into the spanking machine with her!!

Lynx-O nodded in agreement. "The law is the law, and the degree to which
it is broken is not the point. I will accompany Mandora and use my portable
braille board."
MIKE: [Lynx-O] So...if any of you want to come along, that's fine too.
You're not going to leave me alone with Mandora, are you?
CROW: [Lion-O] Relax! She doesn't go *that* way!
MIKE: Crow...

Over at Skytomb, Luna and Chilla were in the landing bay going over their plan.
"Chilla, you wait at the exit of the canyons of Dark Side. When the Thundercats
and Mandora appear, draw them into the trap." Luna told her.
TOM: [Chilla] But I suck at sketching...oh...THAT kind of draw!

"Will do." Chilla agreed.
CROW: [Chilla] (grumble, gripe)

Now Lynx-O and Mandora were on their way over, flying towards the cliff that
marked the entrance of the forest of mists. "It's a solid wall... of mist."
Mandora said. "Are you sure there's an opening there?"
CROW: Question: What did Lion-O say to Snarf that one night?
MIKE & TOM: CROW, NO!!!

"Oh yes, rest assured, the canyon opening is there." Lynx-O replied as they
flew closer.

"We'll never make it through! It's too narrow!"
CROW: ...
TOM: Don't even *THINK* about it, Crow!

"Oh no, the Thunderstrike fit through with a bit to spare." Lynx-O assured her.
They entered the tunnel, barely dodging spikes and electric beams.
MIKE: Why does the *Forest* of Mists look like a cave?
CROW: Lack of imagination?

          "The howling
twist-- the only way to get through is to go with the flow."
TOM: [Lynx-O] Stuff happens!

         he told her.
"Spin!" The Electrocharger spun through the canyon and exited on Dark
Side. "Navigation complete, Mandora. I'm switching you from braille board
to manual."
MIKE: [Mandora] Manual?! I can't read!

"Thank heavens that's over." Mandora said. They descended a bit, not yet
noticing that Chilla was behind them.
CROW: Hey, Lynx-O...now it's time to use your talents and detect the bad guy
sneaking up on you!!
TOM: Can't...it's before the commercial break.

"Chilla calling Luna!" she said into the communicator. "They've just broken
through the canyon. Are you ready?"
MIKE: [ala Klondike Kat] No!!

"All right Chilla lead them into the trap." Luna replied from Skytomb. "It's
all prepared."
CROW: [Luna] I hope they like my pierogies!

Mandora was riding casually, looking around for Chilla. "Chilla is no doubt
hiding in some inaccessible spot.
TOM: Oh, *really*?
MIKE: Mandora must be related to Deanna "State the Obvious" Troi.

      We'll have to be--" Mandora was cut off
CROW: And became a soprano.
TOM: [looks at CROW and shakes head]

 when Chilla buzzed past, missing a collision with them by mere inches. "Hey!
That nervy lawbreaker is asking for it! If she wants pursuit, she'll get it!"
Mandora stepped on the gas and followed Chilla.
MIKE: When did this become _McQ_?

"Mandora is falling right into our trap." Chilla informed Luna.

Mandora was pursing her close behind. "Ahead you should see the jagged peaks of
three volcanoes." Lynx-O informed her.
CROW: [Lynx-O] So look for the little guy with the really big horn,
yelling RI-COLA!

"You're wrong, Lynx-O, there are four." Mandora told him. One of the peaks
was not oozing lava like the others.
MIKE: [Mandora] Hmmm...nothing wrong with an extra peak on a set of volcanoes!
Nope!! I'd better press on!

"That can't be!" Lynx-O argued. "There were only three on our last trip."
TOM: [Lynx-O] What the hell are you on?

"Chilla is heading right into the closest volcano. She'll pull up at the last
minute hoping I'll follow and crash. Huh! She must think I'm wet behind the
ears." Mandora said to Lynx-O.
CROW: [Mandora] Now, when I think of Chilla, I get wet betw--*SOCK*!
MIKE: Stop that!!

"I'm ready." Chilla told Luna from the Ice Runner. "Are you ready?"

"Now!" Luna exclaimed.
TOM: [Luna]Or I'll sing Christmas carols!

Mandora watched Chilla head right for the volcano. "She's going to pull straight
up... now!" Chilla instead vanished right into the volcano.
CROW: [Mandora] Daaahhh...that looks like a fake. I'd better speed up so I can
get tricked!

         "Why, she's disappeared
right into the side of the volcano! If she can do it, so can we!" Mandora said
determinedly and followed.
MIKE: [Lynx-O] You haven't been taking Wilykat's stupid pills, have you?

Inside the "volcano" was Skytomb, covered with a large disguise to make it appear as
a volcano. Mandora and Lynx-O flew in on the Electrocharger and were immediately
captured in a large net. "Gotcha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Luna exclaimed happily.
CROW: [Luna] I can't believe you were that stupid!! Oh, great...this must be the
commercial break!
MIKE: Speaking of that, let's go.

[All exit Theater]

[commercials]

[SoL-Bridge]
[CROW and TOM are tinkering with a small device which projects holograms
great distances]
CROW: There! That should do it!!
[MIKE walks in] What's going on, guys?
TOM: Oh, this is our new hologram projector!! It puts a disguising hologram
wherever we want!! All we need is an existing image!
MIKE: Where did you get the parts for this?
CROW: Oh, we just found some junk lying around...some old radio parts, your stereo, the
TV...
MIKE: Crow!! You didn't even ask!!
CROW: Sorry...well, anyway...I am going to demonstrate for you. Observe.
[CROW points the device at the Unnamed Planet which is base of operations for
PEARL.]

[Unnamed Planet]
[CROW has placed an image of a convenience store over a deep quarry pit.]
PEARL [inside WMoD]: BOBO!! OBSERVER! Go get me some more Chikn' in a Biscuit! I need
a snack!!
BOBO: Oke dokee, Lawgiver!! [runs outside, and sees the image of the convenience store.]
OBSERVER: That must be the store where we can get this...er...Chik'n in a Biscuit.
[BOBO and OBSERVER step through the "door", and emerge over the lip of the pit.
OBSERVER: Oh, poopie.
[BOBO and OBSERVER fall into the pit quite a way, with a loud *THUD* being heard.]

[SoL]
ALL: Ooooooh...
MIKE: You and your bright ideas...[lights and klaxon go off]
We've got THUNDERCATS SIGN!!

[Dog Bone,6,5,4,3,2,*]
 

In Skytomb, now no longer hidden, Luna held up the stolen braille board proudly
while she sat on Amok's back, as usual, after Chilla handed it to her.
CROW: [Luna] I's so proud!! My mama learned me to steal reel guud!!

          "Well
I've got what you wanted, Luna-- the braille board." Chilla informed her.
TOM: [Chilla] So...can you stay quiet for a sec so that we can have a break
from your voice?

"At last!" Luna said excitedly. "If we can design a defense against this, the
Thundercats will never get through the forest of mists again! We'll be safe in
Dark Side forever." she looked over the braille board.
MIKE: [Luna] Braille Board...you and me could start a beautiful relationship!

        "I wonder what would happen
if I touched this big button at the end of the line."
CROW: Oh, no!! She's possessed by the spirit of Wilykat!!

        Luna pressed it, the
buttons all glowed, then all but one vanished. "What's happening?!" she cried.
"They've all gone but one!"
TOM: Luna must have gone to the Acting School of Blatantly Obvious Exposition.
 

"Maybe you'd better not touch anything else until we get an expert."
Chilla suggested.
MIKE: [Chilla] After all, it's only common sense!

"I'm the expert!!" Luna shrieked. "I'll push this button if I want to!"
CROW: Nyah nyah!!

 She pressed it, and the entire braille board vanished. "Where did it go?!?!"
she demanded. "BRING IN LYNX-O!"
TOM: [Luna] Bring in the WRITER, too!!

 Alluro led Lynx-O in. "Lynx-O, the braille board disappeared into thin air.
Where did it go?" Luna asked him.
MIKE: [Lynx-O] Bend over and I'll show you...hah, hah...I kill me!

"Right back where it came from. In here." Lynx-O replied, pointing to his head.
CROW: That's good, Lynx-O...encourage them.

"Are you telling me that what I had in my hands was an idea?" Luna asked.
TOM: [Alluro] That's a first.
CROW: [Luna] What was that, Alluro?
TOM: [Alluro] Oh, I was just saying that it was the first time that we have
taken this Braille board.

Lynx-O nodded. "Correct."

"All right, let me see it. Make it appear right now." Luna demanded.
MIKE: [little girl tantrum] NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!!
CROW: You need to cut down on the caffeine, Mike.

"I'm sorry, but my ideas don't work in evil company." Lynx-O told her.
TOM: [Lynx-O] Now, slightly *naughty* company...well we have something there.

"Oh yes they will!" she threatened. Amok smashed his hands against the
ground and grunted. "Or Amok will pull them out of your head with his bare
hands!" Luna screeched.
MIKE: [Lynx-O] Really? I thought ideas were intangible bursts of electricity
which can only be expressed by verbal or physical means.
CROW and TOM: [look at MIKE]

"Ah, Luna, why not attach the skull scope to his head and look in?" Alluro
suggested.
TOM: Geez!! For that matter, why don't you use a CAT scan?

"That's not a bad idea. Set it up, Alluro." Luna ordered.

A short while later, Lynx-O was strapped into a metal chair with mechanical
devices all around it.
CROW: So *that*'s why Luna carries around that little whip. I had no doubt.

    Luna and Amok watched while Alluro put a metal spiked
helmet on Lynx-O's head.
MIKE: Not Frankenstein, but an incredible simulation.

    "If we tell the skull scope what we want, it will reach
into Lynx-O's brain and find it. Then it will be projected on this screen."
TOM: Yeah, right.
CROW: This is from the _Independence Day_ school of plot devices.

 he said, gesturing to the monitor. He then walked over to the control panel
and pressed a button. "I'll feed in the image word 'braille board'." The machine
zapped Lynx-O, and the eye holes of the helmet projected a beam onto the screen.
No images appeared.
CROW: [Luna] Damn crappy cable reception!!

"It's blank. There's nothing there." Luna stated.
MIKE: [Alluro] Oh, my mistake...we plugged it into Amok instead.
TOM: [Amok] Amok not like wiseass.

"I'll put it on a higher setting. But if we're not careful, we'll fry his
brains." Alluro warned, not sounding terribly concerned about Lynx-O's well being.
CROW: What else is new?

"Do it!" Luna ordered.
MIKE: Nike.

"I'm going to maximum." Alluro told her. Sparks and energy started coming out of
Lynx-O's helmet and around the chair.
TOM: [Lynx-O] Okay, but you guys are cleaning this up later!!

Meanwhile, Mandora was caged elsewhere in Skytomb while Vultureman, who was
supposed to be guarding her, was reading a newspaper nearby.
CROW: And it has Luna's picture on it!!
MIKE: [newsboy] Extra! Extra! Angry Midget terrorizes small planet!! White Sox lose
again!

         "You are in serious
trouble Vultureman." Mandora warned. "Do you know the penalty for holding an officer
against her will? 20 years to life on the penal planet!"
CROW: [Mandora] The biggest Freudian prison system out there!

Vultureman looked over. "Heheawww, no kidding. Well, it looks to me like you're the
one doing time, eh. They're letting Lynx-O have it right now. Your turn will be next."
TOM: [Mandora] Well, as long as I go with Chilla.
MIKE: Tom...

 RedEye came into the room. "What do you want, RedEye?" he asked.
CROW: [RedEye] You, honey!
TOM: Ick...

"Just thought I'd have a little fun with my pacifier on the evil chaser here, heh heh."
RedEye replied, holding up a rod with a ball on the end of it.
CROW: What is *that* for?
MIKE: Freud would have a field day with this episode.
 

         "Luna thinks she may
know how to get the braille board back, too."
TOM: [RedEye] Asking?

Vultureman laughed. "Cawww, good idea. Give her a couple shots for me, awwww."

"Nothing would make me happier, Vultureman." RedEye said.
CROW: [RedEye] Oh, say, old chum...did you happen to catch the tennis match
yesterday?

Mandora saw her chance as RedEye stood near her cage and talked to Vultureman.
She reached through the bars and snatched the pacifier from his hands.  She
twirled it, then pointed it at them. Vultureman screamed. "Awwwwah, look out,
she's got the pacifier!"
MIKE: [Vultureman] She stole my diddy!! WAAAAHHHH!!

RedEye lunged at the cage, but crashed into the bars, and gripped his chest
in pain.
TOM: [RedEye] Medic Alert...don't fail me now!!

  Vultureman flailed and ran for the desk. "I'll sound the alarm!"
Mandora zapped him with the pacifier and the cage blew open.
CROW: How does *that* happen?

"You people are under arrest!" Mandora shouted. RedEye recovered and fired
at Mandora from the disc on his chest plate, but Mandora used the pacifier
to turn the missles around so they hit him instead,
MIKE: Someone's been watching too many Wile E. Coyote cartoons.

        shorting it out and
shocking him senseless. "Look out!" Vultureman warned too late.
TOM: Vultureman is suffering from Delayed Reaction Syndrome.

          "All right
perpetrator, you were warned. Now accept your punishment!" she said to
Vultureman. He rushed at her, and she zapped him with the pacifier.
ALL: TORO!!
CROW: SPOOOON!!

He was knocked into a cage with the beam, and Mandora hit some buttons
on the control panel to lock him in. "The result of crime is incarceration."
she informed him with a victorious smile.
CROW: [Vultureman] Hey!! Don't use vocabulary words!

Back in the lab, Luna and Alluro were still probing Lynx-O's brain with no
luck. The equipment was shorting out from being set on the high setting for
so long. "The screen is still blank." Luna complained. "Doesn't this man
have a thought in his head?"
TOM: I've got it! He's Wilykat's father!!

Alluro looked around, then at the controls, then up at the screen. "Luna!
Look! Something's coming up on the screen!"
MIKE: [announcer] Vultureman and Red Eye defeated with Freudian baton...Film
at 11.

"At last! What is it?"

"It's hard to tell." Alluro said. The vague outline of a female figure with
a ponytail was appearing.
CROW: Let me guess...Mandora?

"The shape looks familiar. Who is Lynx-O thinking of?" Luna wondered. "If I
didn't know better, I'd think it was Mandora."
TOM: [Chilla] Yessss!!...er...I mean...Let's get her!!

Suddenly the form of Mandora appeared on the screen, came to life, and
jumped out swinging the pacifier. She smashed the skull-scope, the restraints
holding Lynx-O to the chair, and cracked the helmet in half so it fell off.
MIKE: AHHH!! It's Daughter of the Projected Man!!

 Alluro let out a frustrated yell and ran for the door. Mandora zapped him
with the pacifier and levitated him.
CROW: [TugMug] Hey!! Stop stealing my job!!

      "No! I give up!" he yelled. With the
pacifier, Mandora slammed him hard against a gargoyle-like carving near the
ceiling and left him hanging on it.
TOM: Ouch!!

"Smash that miserable person!" Luna ordered Amok.

"I warn you madam, I suggest you give yourself up to the law." Mandora
said to her.
CROW: [Mandora] And other things...
MIKE: CROW!

"Law? I'm the law here!" Luna argued.
TOM: See, because laws are on paper, and paper is flat!!
MIKE & CROW: Ooooh.

"Oh no. There is one universal law. Good against evil. I enforce that law.
I am here to take Chilla back for trial." Mandora informed her.
CROW: [Mandora] After a quick stop at my place...
MIKE: I'd scold you for that, but you're probably right.

"We'll stomp you into the floor, ahhhhh! Amok!" Luna screeched. Amok stomped
towards Mandora and stood upright. Mandora used the pacifier and zapped his foot.
TOM: [Amok] Amok ouchie!! Amok ouchie!
 
He grabbed his sore foot and hopped up and down, whimpering. As a result Luna
was bounced around and wound up holding onto his horns just to stay on.
CROW: [rodeo announcer] And looks like Luna's gonna get 75 for that ride...

Mandora turned to Lynx-O. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yes." he answered.

Luna climbed off the injured Amok, who was still whimpering in pain. She was
standing on the floor stroking his arm in an effort to console him.  Mandora
walked over. "I want that criminal sideswiping cop freezer, and I want her
now!" she exclaimed.
CROW: Well, *that* leaves no doubt!
TOM: Careful, your tongue might freeze!!
MIKE: TOM!!!
CROW: You go, Servo!!

"Take her. She's worthless to me. She's hiding behind that hatch." Luna
told Mandora.
MIKE: [Luna] Can we watch?

Mandora motioned for Lynx-O to join her. "Let's wrap this up and get on
home." She and Lynx-O then opened the hatch and climbed in.
TOM: [Mandora] This looks like another trap. I'd better join in.

Once Mandora and Lynx-O were inside, Luna and Amok ran over and slammed the
hatch shut and locked it. Luna jumped up and down in excitement. "We did it!
We did it! We got the dumb flatfoot!"
CROW: [Luna] *Without* a plothole!! God, we're so good it scares me!

 They then blasted the pod Mandora and Lynx-O were trapped in out of Skytomb
and watched it head for space on the monitor. "They'll be battered to pieces,
spin dried, and orbiting Third Earth forever!"
MIKE: [Luna] Or until the Thundercats find out and pick them up.

 Inside the pod, Lynx-O and
Mandora were spinning around, while down in Skytomb Luna was laughing evilly.
MIKE: Man. This show goes out of its way to establish a situation.
TOM: Well, that's good...only the use of science here can confuse us.

Back at the Tower of Omens, the Sword of Omens growled in warning of danger.
"Rowr, oh, trouble, snarf, snarf!" Snarf said.
CROW: [Snarf] Wait...we should expect this!

Lion-O held up the sword. "Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight!" A vision
of Mandora and Lynx-O spinning in the pod came to him. "Lynx-O and Mandora!
They'll be smashed to pieces in that thing, Snarf! And I don't have time to
summon the other Thundercats!"
MIKE: So get off your ass and go get them!!
BOTS: MIKE!!
MIKE: Sorry.

"Rowr, you have to do something Lion-O!" Snarf cried.
TOM: No duh!!
CROW: Whoever is distributing these stupid pills has been writing extra
prescriptions.

Lion-O held up the sword and swung it. "Thunder, Thunder, Thundercats,
HOOOOO!" he shouted. The sword extended and the Cat Signal projected
through the tower's equipment, out the eye on top, and captured the pod
in its beam, and brought it down to Third Earth safely.
MIKE: Man!! Why don't they just let the Eye of Thundera do everything? It's
all powerful!

Inside the pod, Mandora and Lynx-O were finally able to regain their balance.
"What? What's happening?" Mandora asked.
CROW: The show!! It's ending!

"I think we're within the Sword of Omens' force field. We're being pulled
down to earth." Lynx-O said.
TOM: [Lynx-O] This is one *hell* of a contrivance!!

Once they were safely on the ground, the hatch opened, and Mandora and Lynx-O
came out. Snarf and Lion-O greeted them. "Brrr, are you ok? That was some kind
of--" Snarf began.
MIKE: [Snarf] Crappy plot!!

"I don't have time to stand around and jaw, Snarf! I came for Chilla, and it's
Chilla I'm going to get!" Mandora said angrily.
CROW: [Mandora] I'd better put antifreeze in my underwear.
MIKE & TOM: CROW!!

"Gee Mandora, you must be the most obstinate cop I ever met." Lion-O said
with amusement.
TOM: Try *cloying*, champ.

"You betcha, Thundercat! Now, are you going to give me a ride to Skytomb,
or do I have to requisition you?" she asked with a sly smile.
CROW: [Lion-O] Oooh, kinky!!
TOM: Hope he uses protection!

Lion-O returned her smile. "Fire up the Thunderstrike, Snarf, and let's
show how we cooperate with the law around here!"
MIKE: Even after the Sword does all the work for him, Lion-O still
manages to drop a line of smarm.

Minutes later the Thunderstrike blasted off bound for Dark Side. Once they
arrived, Mandora pointed out the window. "There it is! Put me down behind
the cliff, Lion-O. I'll approach from the blind side."  The Thunderstrike
landed.
CROW: [Lion-O] HOOOOO...oops...not supposed to do that...

Chilla was standing by the Ice Runner in the landing bay when Lynx-O and
Mandora walked over. "Chilla, you are hereby under arrest!" Mandora told her.
TOM: More stupidity, eh?
MIKE: Klondike Kat always gets his man!!

"What? Are you out of your mind? I'll freeze you both into a block of ice!"
She spat ice at Mandora, who returned fire with the pacifier. The ice and
pacifier beam met midair and cancelled each other out, but the pacifier
beam eventually won out as Chilla lost her energy and couldn't spit any
more ice.
CROW: Because it was the end of the show.

 "I-- I can't go on. I've got no more ice..." Chilla panted, holding her
throat and slouching over to regain her strength.
MIKE: Now it's Mandora's turn to kill Chilla. She always gets killed!

Mandora approached her and slapped cuffs on her wrists. "Before we get
underway, I want you to drink this, Chilla." she told her, handing her
a flask.
TOM: Some lube?
MIKE: NO, Tom!

"What is it?" Chilla asked.

"Antifreeze. Heh heh." Mandora informed her and chuckled a little.
CROW: [Mandora] That way, you won't frost my naughty bits!
MIKE: Oh, brother.
TOM: Mandora laughed!! What's the world coming to?

Mandora and Lynx-O attached the Ice Runner, with Chilla captive in it, and
returned to the Tower of Omens. "Officer Mandora calling Tower of Omens.
Permission to come aboard?" she said into her radio.
MIKE: [Mandora] IfyaknowwhatImean!!
CROW: Don't steal my line!!

"Snarf to Officer Mandora. Permission granted." Snarf told her.
TOM: [Mandora] Who asked *you*, furball?!

Outside, Mandora pulled something out of the back of the Ice Runner. She
looked at Chilla. "Don't go anywhere, perpetrator." Chilla only glared at
her in return.
CROW: [Chilla] I can't believe she forgot the lube!!
MIKE: Crow...ah, forget it.

 Mandora and Lynx-O walked into the Tower of Omens.

"Gee Lynx-O, it sure is good to have you back." Snarfer told him.
TOM: [Snarfer] It was getting boring without you here to play
cruel pranks on!!

"Don't you worry about me. I've been taking care of myself for a long time."
 Lynx-O replied and gave Snarfer a pat on the head.
CROW: [Lynx-O] IfyaknowwhatImean!!

"I feel we should have given you more help, Mandora." Lion-O told her. "Was
it a difficult arrest?"
TOM: [Mandora] No, it was fun...er...I mean...yeah, it was difficult!

"Piece of cake. Chilla's in custody as we speak." Mandora replied.
MIKE: [Mandora] Or *so* to speak...

Snarf turned to Lynx-O. "That Mandora's one tough cop. She always gets her
man no matter what the crime, large or small."
CROW: And gets her *woman*, large or small!!

"Thundering traffic ticket!!" Snarfer exclaimed.

"What's the matter with you, Snarfer?" Snarf asked.
TOM: [Snarf] You been sniffing the baking soda again?

"I left my ship double-parked on the hangar ramp, rowr!" he said, and ran
out. Lynx-O and Snarf laughed heartily as he rushed to move it in time.
MIKE: [Lynx-O, Snarf] Traffic violations are fun!! Ha ha!!

The End
MIKE: Let's go, guys!

[*,2,3,4,5,6,Dog Bone]

[SoL-Bridge]
[The red MADs light is blinking]

MIKE: Oh, let's see what Madame Pearl wants.

[Unnamed Planet]
[PEARL is trying to pull BOBO and the OBSERVER out of the pit]
PEARL: After I get these little creeps out, it's your turn, Nelson!
You're going [slips and falls in] DOOOOOOOOOOOWWWNNNN!! *THUD*!

[fade to credits]

mst3k created by
JOEL HODGSON

mst3k produced by
BEST BRAINS, INC.

riffs written by
SETH C. TRIGGS

transcript and extra help by
TRACY BUTLER

original TV show written by
WILLIAM OVERGARD

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is ©1998 Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
This MSTing is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction. No infringement
is implied or intended, and certainly no offense, for this is a harmless satire.
Thundercats are ©1985-1989 Rankin-Bass Productions and Telepictures Inc. All rights
reserved. Again, no infringement is intended.

Keep circulating the fics
8 April 1998
 

"I don't have time to stand around and jaw, Snarf! I came for Chilla, and it's Chilla I'm going to get!" Mandora said angrily.